Tag: OJ

Weekend Update OJ Simpson on Will Smiths Oscars Slap

Michael Che

OJ Simpson… Kenan Thompson

[Starts with Michael Che in his set]

Michael Che: Last week’s altercation between Will Smith and Chris Rock at the Oscars seem to have divided Hollywood with many celebrities publicly taking sides. Here the comment is, and he wrote his own intro, Heisman Trophy winner and star of Naked Gun, OJ Simpson.

[OJ Simpson slides in]

OJ Simpson: Hey. SNL, wow. Always good to hear applause for OJ.

Michael Che: Alright, OJ, so who’s side are you on? Chris Rock or Will Smith?

OJ Simpson: Oh, now Michael, you know me. I hate conflict.

Michael Che: No.

OJ Simpson: They both seem like the guys, but honestly, I don’t even understand Chris Rock’s joke. I mean, what the hell is GI Jane?

Michael Che: Oh, it’s just a movie from the 90s.

OJ Simpson: The 90s? Oh, I don’t remember nothing from the 90s. Yeah, that whole decade is my N word. Anywho! In my humble opinion, Will Smith maybe overreacted by slapping Chris Rock? I mean, Will, I don’t want to say that you got rage issues, but hey, if the glove fits. I’m just saying.

Michael Che: Okay, so you’re Chris Rock’s side?

OJ Simpson: No, I ain’t say all that, Michael. I mean, Chris ain’t exactly innocent neither. Nobody likes to be made fun of. I mean, you might be too young to remember. But people used to make a lot of mean jokes about me.

Michael Che: Really? About what?

OJ Simpson: All kinds of stuff. The point is, sometimes jokes go too far. Especially when it’s about a man’s family. Because like Will Smith said in his speech, love will make you do crazy things… allegedly.

Michael Che: Great, so you’re on Will Smith’s side.

OJ Simpson: I already said, I’m not on anybody’s side, Michael! [yelling] Don’t you be accusing me again!

Michael Che: Alright! I ain’t accusing you, man.

OJ Simpson: [looks at the camera and smiles.] So, my love is a little bit there. Just you know, whenever people accuse me and stuff, it makes me just want to– Anywho! I just want to give them brother some advice. You know, whenever you feel anger bubbling up inside, instead of reacting, just do what I do. Take a nice long drive or maybe let a friend drive you around so you can lay down in the back and call the news stations.

Michael Che: You know, OJ, some people are saying the academy should take away Will Smith’s trophy.

OJ Simpson: [yelling] You ain’t taking my trophies, alright?

Michael Che: Relax, man. Calm down.

OJ Simpson: [looks at the camera and smiles.] Sorry about that, Michael. Hey, can I make a big confession that’s been a long time coming?

Michael Che: Yes, please.

OJ Simpson: I ain’t watch them Oscars.

Michael Che: OJ Simpson, every body.

OJ Simpson: I’m just saying, man.

Michael Che: For Weekend Update, I’m Michael Che.

Colin Jost: I’m Colin Jost. Goodnight.

OJ Address

OJ Simpson… Kenan Thompson

[Starts with a screen capture of someone using Twitter. There he sees OJ Simpson’s video and plays it.]

[Cut to OJ Simpson’s video. He is holding a golf stick in his hand. He is outside the door of a house.]

OJ Simpson: Hey, Twitter. It’s me, America’s dad, OJ Simpson. I just want to send a big shoutout to my man Lauren Michaels and the whole gang over at SNL for doing another SNL at home. I know y’all thought y’all only gonna do one, and then you realized you had to do another one. Trust me, I can relate. But I’m glad that y’all are doing it because everybody could use a good laugh these days. People are just too uptight and paranoid. You know, just the other day, I took my mask off in a grocery store for two seconds. And you would have thought that I had killed somebody. Some lady screamed at me. “Nobody wants you here. You shouldn’t be out.” Which I understand the point. I mean, at my age I am at risk for the virus. But she had to throw a damn coffee at my face. Boy, people make me so mad sometimes. I just– [breathes out and throws his golf stick away]

Anyway, so, now I’m following all the rules. You ain’t got to worry about the juice. I got my gloves, [showing golf gloves] that’s right. And I got my mask. [showing hockey mask] So, there’s no reason to hate me. Okay?

[horn honking]

Stranger: You’re a monster, OJ.

OJ Simpson: Hey, you know it, my friend. He must have saw my drive over on 14. As I was saying, don’t worry about the juice, alright? I’m gonna be fine. I mean, even if I did get corona, you know I’ll beat it. I can beat anything. Well, I might not want to go that far. I mean, just my luck. I get the corona and beat it, and then I get taken out later on down the line by a lesser more harmless disease that was mine in the first place and I was just taking it back! Boy, just thinking about getting stick makes me so mad I could just–

But anyway, remember to follow me on tiktok. Yeah, there’s fun little alibies of me goofing around.  Ha-ha-ha. Alright, the juice is loose. And hey, Lauren, ease up on my boy Trump, man. He’s a good guy. Am I right?