Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 33: Episode 8

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

March 15th, 2008

Jonah Hill

Mariah Carey


Tracy Morgan


Jim Downey

Spitzer & Associates
Summary: Following his resignation for being caught with call girls, New York governor Eliot Spitzer (Bill Hader) announces that he will open a law firm and tackle similarly embarrassing cases.


Note: Jonah Hill was originally scheduled to host just prior to the Writer's Guild Strike.

Note: Janet Jackson was originally scheduled to be tonight's musical guest, but had to cancel early in the week when she came down with the flu.

Jonah Hill's Monologue
Summary: Jonah Hill employs raunchy lyrics to sing about how fancy he is.

Bio: Jonah Hill (1983-). Actor/writer; freqient collaborator with Seth Rogan; appeared in the films "Knocked Up" (2007) and "Superbad" (2007).

Summary: MacGruber (Will Forte) refuses to detonate a bomb until Vicky (Kristien Wiig) and Isaac (Jonah Hill) own up to their dissatisfaction with his job performance.

Recurring Characters: MacGruber, Vicky.


What's Your Situation?
Summary: Slimy, obnoxious Lou Delholm (Jonah Hill) uses his game show solely as an excuse to find a woman who will date him.


Six Year Old
Summary: A six-year old (Jonah Hill) embarrasses his newly-divorced dad (Bill Hader) by obnoxiously performing Borscht Belt humor in front of the hibachi crowd at Benihana's.


MacGruber II
Summary: Refusing to detonate a bomb, MacGruber (Will Forte) switches places with Isaac (Jonah Hill) and watches him squirm.

Recurring Characters: MacGruber, Vicky.


The Suze Orman Show
Summary: Suze Orman (Kristen Wiig) advices her viewers to live like a cheapskate in order to keep themselves financially stable.


An SNL Digital Short
Summary: Andy Samberg is shocked when he discovers that Jonah Hill has entered into a gay relationship with his dad (Jim Downey).


Mariah Carey performs "Touch My Body"
First Performed: 90d.

Weekend Update with Amy Poehler & Seth Meyers
Summary: Seth Meyers and Amy Poehler ask "Really!?!" after Eliot Spitzer is busted in the prostitution ring. Tracy Morgan responds to the issue of race i the Presidential election.


Target Greatland
Summary: The Target clerk (Kristen Wiig) offers relationship advice to co-worker Jeremy (Jonah Hill) as he frets over asking out another employee.

Recurring Characters: Target Lady.

NBC Special Report
Summary: Brian Williams (Will Forte) reveals startling evidence which suggests Sen. John McCain (Darrell Hammond) is old.

Recurring Characters: Brian Williams, John McCain.


Clancy T. Bachleratt and Jackie Snad Sing Songs about Spaceships, Toddlers, Model T. Cars & Jars of Beer
Summary: Spokesman (Jonah Hill) touts the joint collaboration of patriotic country musicians Clancy T. Bachleratt (Will Forte) and Jackie Snad (Kristen Wiig).

Mariah Carey featuring T-Pain performs "Migrate"
Bio: T-Pain (1985-). Hip hop artist/producer.

Internet Blind Date
Summary: Schlumpy Dean's (Jonah Hill) hot date (Casey Wilson) discovers he lied about himself over the Internet.



Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Tyler Perry's New Movie
Summary: Tyler Perry (Kenan Thompson) promotes his new movie which features actual white actors.

MacGruber III
Summary: After refusing to detonate a bomb, MacGruber (Will Forte) employs the aid of a Life Coach (Bill Hader) to provide positive re-enforcement.

Recurring Characters: MacGruber, Vicky.


Summary: A juggler (Jason Sudeikis) begs people to come to him for juggling lessons after his flyer produces no results.

SNL Transcripts