Category: 1975

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 7


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Season 1: Order Now!

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December 13th, 1975

Richard Pryor

Gil Scott-Heron

Annazette Chase

The Muppets

Thalmus Rasalula

Shelley Pryor

Albert Brooks

None

Neil Levy

Tom Davis

Al Franken

Kathy McKee

Tom Schiller

Rosie Shuster

Paul Mooney
Garrett Takes The FallSummary: Due to a special request by Richard Pryor, Garrett Morris does the fall in a restaurant scene instead of Chevy Chase.

Transcript

Montage

Richard Pryor’s MonologueSummary: Richard Pryor performs a stand-up routine about being drunk in a bar.

Bio: Known for his profanity-laced comedy routines, Richard Pryor (1940-2005) also wrote material for TV series like “The Flip Wilson Show” and “Sanford and Son” and films like “Blazing Saddles.” In 1977, NBC gave him his own short-lived variety series, “The Richard Pryor Show.”

Note: Because of Pryor’s use of obscenities in his performances, censors put the show on a 7-second delay.

Note: In order to get Pryor to host SNL, Lorne Michaels had to agree to let Gil-Scott Heron, Thalmus Rasulala and Pryor’s ex-wife Shelley also perform on the show. Said Michaels later about these stipulations, “He better be funny.”

Transcript

Samurai HotelSummary: All a traveler(Chevy Chase) wants is a room for the night, so desk clerk Futaba (John Belushi) engages in a swordfight with his bellboy (Richard Pryor) to get the job done.

Recurring Characters: Futaba.

Note: At the end of the sketch, Futaba speaks the only line of English he’ll ever utter throughout the Samurai’s run.

Transcript

Gil Scott-Heron performs “Johannesburg”Bio: The jazz-based R&B stylings of Gil Scott-Heron (1949-) helped to influence rap music.

Looks At BooksSummary: Junior Griffin (Richard Pryor) tells Jane Curtin all about his experience disguised as a white man.

Transcript

New DadSummary: The typical family home is made up of Mom (Jacqueline Carlin), Dad (Dan Aykroyd) and the children. But if Dad suddenly dies, the family’s emotional loss is covered by New Dad (Chevy Chase).

Note: Repeat from 10/11/75.

Police Line Up ISummary: A rigged police line-up points to a handcuffed black man (Richard Pryor) as the definite offender.

Transcript

Racist Word Association InterviewSummary: A black man (Richard Pryor) being interviewed for a janitor’s position endures a word association quiz with the Human Resources officer (Chevy Chase), and it quickly turns ugly.

Transcript

PongSummary: Al Franken talks about a rough hockey outing during a game of Pong with Tom Davis.

Transcript

Black TakeoverSummary: Paranoid that the blacks are taking over, a suburban dad (Dan Aykroyd) fails to realize his family’s transformation at the dinner table.

Transcript

Weekend Update with Chevy ChaseSummary: Emily Litella (Gilda Radner) gives an editorial response against “busting” schoolchildren. Garrett Morris again repeats the top story for the hard-of-hearing.

Transcript

Spud BeerSummary: The perfect brew following your electroshock therapy.

Note: Repeat from 11/22/75.

Police Line Up IISummary: A rigged police line-up that includes a nun (Jane Curtin), a duck, and an icebox points to a black man (Richard Pryor) as the definite offender.

Transcript

Suicide PillSummary: While being told about its destructive power, a Major (Richard Pryor) accidentally swallows the suicide pill.

Transcript

The MuppetsSummary: Ploobis & Scred visit The Mighty Favog while drunk.

Transcript

Police Line Up IIISummary: A rigged police line-up that includes a line of policemen points to a black man (Richard Pryor) as the definite offender.

Transcript

Exorcist IISummary: Father Merrin (Thalmus Rasulala) and Father Karras (Richard Pryor) don’t react favorably when possessed Regan (Laraine Newman) badmouths their mamas.

Bio: Thalmus Rasulala (1939-91) appeared in various blaxplotation films of the 70’s. Richard Pryor requested his appearance on SNL, as one of the conditions for getting him to host.

Transcript

Albert Brooks FilmSummary: Albert Brooks lays out his agenda from his sickbed.

Transcript

Kennedy AssassinationSummary: An audience member (Tom Schiller) is shot when he alleges his own Kennedy assassination conspiracy.

Transcript

Richard Pryor Stand-UpSummary: Richard Pryor performs stand-up about a heroin addict being mentored by a wino.

Transcript

Shelley PryorSummary: Shelly Pryor tells a story about carousel horses.

Bio: Shelley Pryor was married to Richard Pryor between 1967-69.

Transcript

Gil Scott-Heron performs “A Lovely Day”Lyrics

GoodnightsTranscript

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 7

75g: Richard Pryor / Gil Scott-Heron

Albert Brooks Film

…..Albert Brooks

[Albert Brooks’ bedroom. An unshaven Brooks, wearing ablue bathrobe, turns on the camera, backs away fromthe lens and crawls into bed, under the covers. On thewall behind him are a calendar, a novelty newspaperwith the headline LIZ AND DICK DINE WITH AL BROOKS,career memorabilia, etc. He lies there and addressesthe camera.]

Albert Brooks: Hello. I’m sick this week. And, uh, Iapologize because I know that most people like actionmovies but, uh, I – I can give you some action. [holdsup remote control and pushes buttons that causes thecamera to slowly zoom in and out] I have this remotecontrol zoom device that can bring the lens back andforth. I can’t move the camera, this time, from sideto side because I don’t have a crew here. I wouldn’tinfect twelve people for any movie. [zooms all the wayinto his forehead] Yeah, but the zoom is effective’cuz a lot of times, uh, without raising your voiceyou can make your voice seem to grow louder when youwant to make a point – when you bring it in tight.[zooms out to a wide shot of the room] And then, onceyou’re in, after you’ve made your point, you can comeback out. So, I’ll use this at my discretion. [picksup a speaker phone] I also have, uh, on the speakerphone a guest with me this evening. This is DoctorJoseph Shuster. Dr. Shuster, can you hear me?

Doctor: Yes.

Albert Brooks: All right. This is my physician. Wouldyou tell them now what you told me two days ago?

Doctor: All right, I’ll – I’ll try to put it inlayman’s language as much as I can, Mr. Brooks.

Albert Brooks: [holds up a black and white photo of adistinguished man in a suit and tie] Dr. Shuster.[zooms in on the photo as the doctor speaks]

Doctor: Basically, you’re overworked. Uh, I don’t knowmuch about the motion picture business but it seems tome that, er, you’re doing the work of about thirtypeople. Frankly, I’m surprised you’ve been able to dowhat you’ve done so far.

Albert Brooks: [turns the photo and speaks to it] Uh,thirty people?

Doctor: Yes.

Albert Brooks: [puts photo down, zooms out] All right,uh, have you been able to see any of my other films?

Doctor: Yes, I have and, uh, it’s a miracle you’restill alive.

Albert Brooks: [smiles] That’s very nice. Thank you,Dr. Shuster. Let me ask you one more question.

Doctor: Mm hmm.

Albert Brooks: Uh, I have one film left in thispresent contract. When do you think that–?

Doctor: I wouldn’t do it.

Albert Brooks: You what?

Doctor: I wouldn’t do it.

Albert Brooks: Well, it’s not a matter of would orwouldn’t. I have to do it because it’s a contract.

Doctor: I wouldn’t do it.

Albert Brooks: Well, all right, now. That’s Dr.Shuster saying that. [holds up photo again] Youwouldn’t do it under any circumstances?

Doctor: No, sir, I would not.

Albert Brooks: All right, well, apparently, uh –[doorbell buzzes, calls out] Yes?! [to the speakerphone] Wait. [calls out] What?!

Delivery Boy: [off screen] Broasted chicken!

Doctor: Hello?

Albert Brooks: [to the speaker phone] No, it’s thedoor. [calls out] What?!

Delivery Boy: [off screen] Broasted chicken!

Albert Brooks: [puts photo down] Can you let yourselfin?! I’m sick! [to the speaker phone] It’s broastedchicken, Dr. Shuster.

Doctor: Oh, fine.

Albert Brooks: Uh, I thank you very much for joiningme this evening.

Doctor: All right, you’re welcome.

Albert Brooks: And, uh, I’ll be in … [Shuster hangsup abruptly, dial tone] … a little bit later.[disconnects phone]

Delivery Boy: [off screen, hands package to Brooks]Here’s your chicken.

Albert Brooks: Thanks. [turns to put package on nearby table]

Delivery Boy: [leans into view, peers into camera]Whatcha makin’?

Albert Brooks: Makin’ a movie.

Delivery Boy: Oh, yeah? Where’s the girl?

Albert Brooks: [upset] Get away from there, would ya?Get away. [pushes boy out of view, covers lens withhand] It’s all right, the girl’ll be here later. Juststay out of the camera, okay? [backs away from lens,crawls back into bed] ‘Cause, I have to pay you a lotof money if not. How much do I owe you for thechicken?

Delivery Boy: [off screen] Three ninety-nine.

Albert Brooks: Okay. [coughs, pulls crumpled billsfrom a coffee mug, hands it to boy] Here’s fourdollars. Let’s see, this’ll be “props” — broastedchicken. [holds package up to the camera] Let me havethe receipt. Okay. [puts receipt and package away] Whydo they call this stuff “broasted,” do you know?

Delivery Boy: [off screen] I don’t know.

Albert Brooks: A lady at the place told me they’resupposed to use less fat when they fry broasted thanregular. [holds up a piece of chicken] But here’sbroasted I got this morning and here’s regular I hadlast night. [holds up another piece of chicken] Itlooks like the same amount of fat, doesn’t it?

Delivery Boy: [off screen] I don’t know.

Albert Brooks: I mean, why do – why should I even eatthis? If I put it right over my heart, it’ll get therefaster, won’t it? [puts this morning’s chicken on hishairy chest]

Delivery Boy: [off screen] You’re Albert Brooks,aren’tcha?!

Albert Brooks: [looks at boy, pleased to berecognized] Yes. Yes, I am. [puts the chicken away]

Delivery Boy: [off screen] Man, I really like your newrecord — it’s great.

Albert Brooks: Ohh, well, that’s very, very nice.[zooms out wide] Uh, what record are you talkin’about?

[The boy’s arm comes into view – in his hand is a copyof Brooks’ Grammy-nominated comedy album “A Star isBought” – the boy mentions the title and the recordcompany but the names are bleeped out:]

Delivery Boy: A [bleep] on [bleep] Records and Tapes.[withdraws the album]

Albert Brooks: Oh, yes. Thank you, that’s very, verynice. [zoom in a little]

Delivery Boy: [off screen] Why don’t more people knowabout it?

Albert Brooks: I don’t know. I just don’t know.

Delivery Boy: [off screen] Why doesn’t your recordcompany take out ads?

Albert Brooks: I don’t know. I don’t know.

Delivery Boy: [off screen] I mean, what do they do,spend all their money promotin’ the Eagles?

Albert Brooks: I don’t know.

Delivery Boy: [off screen] Well, that’s too bad.[sneezes] It’s sure a great album.

Albert Brooks: That’s all right. Thank you. That’svery, very nice. That makes me feel better. Say – sayhello, will ya? [zooms out] You can say hello, goahead.

Delivery Boy: [sticks his head in and smiles intocamera] Hello!

Albert Brooks: Okay. [points] Let yourself out. [boyleaves] Thank you. [zooms in]

Delivery Boy: [off screen] Sure.

Albert Brooks: [to the camera] Well, that makes mefeel a little better. I have a minute left and, uh–

Delivery Boy: [off screen] Oh, a friend of mine wantedme to ask …!

Albert Brooks: Yeah?! [leans over and out of view asthe camera zooms in tight on the wall behind the bed]

Delivery Boy: [off screen] What’s the catalogue numberon that?

Albert Brooks: [off screen] Oh, tell your friend hedoesn’t need the catalogue number. Just ask for[bleep] on [bleep] Records. Tell him it makes a greatHanukkah gift.

Delivery Boy: [off screen] Right on!

Albert Brooks: [off screen] Okay! [leans back intoview, zooms out, addresses the camera] I’m just aboutthrough here tonight. Before I go, I’d like to say onething. You know, making film is a cooperative effort.It takes a lot of people who are willing to put outgood work. There’s been one gentleman who works at avery large film processing house here in Los Angeles.I asked him to watch tonight. He’s never put out goodwork. I’m not gonna mention his name. Oh, yes, I will.Jack Stanton is his name. Now, from the very beginningof these films, he’s the man who says, “They’ll neversee it. They’ll never see it.” You say to him, “Jack,it’s too red.” “They’ll never see it.” “It’s toogreen.” “They’ll never see it.” [zooms out wide] Well,you know something? Maybe you’re right, Jack. Maybethey’ll never see it. But if they’ll never see it, I’msure they’ll never see this either, Jack. [holds up alarge white posterboard with barely visible textwritten in red magic marker that reads: “YOU ARE THEUGLIEST MAN THAT EVER LIVED YOU STUPID JERK” – after apause, he puts the poster down] I’ll see you again inthree weeks. [zooms in slightly] I hope to be betterby that time. I for– [coughs] I– [coughs harder] Ican’t talk. [crawls out of bed toward camera, coughinghorrifically] Oh, no! [coughing into the lens, hisface fills the screen as he shuts off the camera, thusending the film]

Submitted Anonymously

SNL Transcripts

Saturday Night Live Transcripts


Season 1: Episode 7

75g: Richard Pryor / Gil Scott-Heron

Exorcist II

Written by: Michael O’Donoghue

Father Merrin…..Thalmus Rusalala
Father Karras…..Richard Pryor
Regan…..Laraine Newman

[ Father Merrin and Father Karras enter Regan’s room and find her lying on her bed, possessed with evil spirits ]

Father Merrin: We have nothing to worry about.

Father Karras: [ trying to convince himself ] Nothing to worry about.

Father Merrin: Let’s talk to the child.

Father Karras: Yes, let’s talk to the child.

[ Father Merrin leans against Regan, who breathes heavily onto him, sending both priests reeling back ]

Father Merrin: You mustn’t listen to anything she has to say.

Father Karras: [ scared ] I’m not listening!

Regan: [ menacing ] You’re a liar, and a cheater, and a child molester! You french-kiss your dog in the mouth![ the bed starts to rise ]

Father Merrin: Stop the bed!

Father Karras: [ repeating ] Stop the bed!

Father Merrin: The bed.. must be.. on the floor!

Father Karras: The bed.. must be.. on the floor!

Father Merrin: The bed.. must be.. on the floor!

Father Karras: The bed.. must be.. on the floor!

Father Merrin: The bed.. must be.. on the floor!

[ bed lands on top of Father Karras’ foor ]

Father Karras: [ screaming in agony ] The bed.. is on.. my foot! The bed.. is on.. my foot! The bed.. is on.. my foot..! Oh, Father, the bed.. is on.. my foot!

Father Merrin: [ getting weak, stops exorcising ] You must continue, Father. I must rest.. [ exits bedroom ]

Father Karras: [ on floor in pain ] You must rest?! The bed.. is on.. my foot!

Regan: [ parting from trance ] Oh, Father Karras, I’m ever so hungry. Couldn’t you give me some pea soup? It’s right over there.

Father Karras: [ still in pain ] The bed.. is on.. my foot!

Regan: Oh, jeepers, I’m sorry.. [ makes bed lift off of Father Karras’ foot ]

Father Karras: Oh, thank you, little girl.. [ relieved ] You’re such a nice little girl, I knew it all the time. Here’s your pea soup. [ hands her the soup ] Maybe now we can be friends? What do you say? [ Regan tosses the soup in his face ]

Regan: [ menacing ] Suck-er!

Father Karras: [ stunned ]

Regan: Oh, Father Karras, I’m ever so sorry. Let’s make up. [ reaches for vase on the nightstand ] Here, have a flower. [ holds flower to him ]

Father Karras: Oh, what a sweet gesture. You’re a sweet little girl. [ Regan smashes the vase over his head ]

Regan: [ meanacing ] Jive tur-key!

Father Karras: [ to himself ] I have faith. I have faith. [ turns to Regan ] You’re such a little girl..

Regan: [ menacing ] Your mother eats kitty litter!

Father Karras: [ not sure he heard what he heard ] Say what?

Regan: [ menacing ] Your mama eats kitty litter!

Father Karras: [ lunges for Regan’s throat ] Hey, nobody talks about my Mama! [ chokes Regan ]

Father Merrin: [ rushing in ] Father! What are you doing? She’s just an innocent little girl!

Father Karras: She’s talking about my Mama!

Regan: [ waking up ] Oh, Father! Thank goodness you’re here! He was hurting me!

Father Merrin: [ comforting ] Yes.

Father Karras: [ upset ] I’m gonna kill you, if you say anything about my Mama!

Father Merrin: She’s just an innocent child.

Regan: [ menacing ] Your mama sews socks that smell!

Father Merrin: Uh, what did you say, little girl?

Regan: [ menacing ] Your mama sews socks.. that smell!

[ Father Merrin immediate chokes Regan’s throat ]

Father Karras: [ grabbing Father Merrin’s shoulders ] Father, Father, Father, please! Let me help you!

[ Father Merrin and Father Karras both choke Regan as the scene ends ]

[ pull back to studio wide shot, with SUPER: “Coming Up Next… Loungewear For The Dead” ]

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 7

75g: Richard Pryor / Gil Scott-Heron

Garrett Takes the Fall

…..Dan Aykroyd
…..Jane Curtin
…..Chevy Chase
…..Garrett Morris

[FADE IN on Dan Aykroyd and Jane Curtin sitting at a restaurant table onstage. Dan wears sunglasses while Jane smiles sweetly at him.]

Dan Aykroyd: [in heavy European accent] And so that is why I feel so STRONGLY about you. [raises a long matchstick toward stage right] Waiter?

[ENTER Garrett Morris from the left and Chevy Chase from the right. Both are carrying trays of plastic food and dressed as waiters with white shirts and black bow ties.]

Chevy Chase: Hold it. Garrett, what are you doing?

Garrett Morris: Look, man, look. Richard Pryor said–

Chevy Chase: Garrett, we’re on the air now.

Garrett Morris: Yeah, I know, man, but listen–

Chevy Chase: It’s the opening.

Garrett Morris: I know. Richard Pryor’s here tonight, and I thought that I would open the show, I mean, do the fall.

Chevy Chase: [stares at Garrett] I ALWAYS open the show. Is it understood?

Garrett Morris: Hey, hey, hey, look–

Chevy Chase: I do the fall, and I say, “Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night.” It’s my trademark.

Garrett Morris: Look, Chevy, Richard TOLD me to open the SHOW–

Chevy Chase: It’s not Richard’s show. Richard’s just the guest host.

Garrett Morris: Wait.

[Garrett leans toward Chevy’s ear and says something unintelligible. Chevy puts a hand on his hip and chuckles.]

Chevy Chase: Richard and what army, fella?

Garrett Morris: Hey, man…

[Garrett leans toward Chevy’s again and speaks softly]

Chevy Chase: THAT army. All right, all right, do the fall, you do the fall, all right?

Garrett Morris: Dig, dig the fall, man.

[Garrett neatly drops his tray on the floor and stretches out gracefully behind it.]

Garrett Morris: Something like that, you know… LIVE!!

Chevy Chase: Garrett–

Garrett Morris: From New–

Chevy Chase: Garrett! Stand up a minute. Stand up.

[Garrett gets back to his feet.]

Chevy Chase: The whole point of the fall is to look like you hurt yourself, so when you say, “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night,” it looks like you just killed yourself, and they say, “Geez, what a great fall, the guy’s really hurt, and then he’s all right!” That’s the point, okay?

Garrett Morris: Okay, okay.

[Garrett picks his tray back up while Chevy steps aside.]

Chevy Chase: I’ll do one for you, all right?

Garrett Morris: All right, you do one, you do one.

Chevy Chase: I’ll do the line.

Garrett Morris: We don’t have much time, man. Hurry up.

Chevy Chase: Once, all right?

Garrett Morris: Hurry up, man.

[Chevy walks off to the right while Garrett stands behind the table.]

Chevy Chase: I want you to understand how this is done. Uh, Danny, you wanna start it?

Dan Aykroyd: [in heavy European accent] And that is why I feel so STRONGLY about you. [raises matchstick] Waiter?

[Chevy comes in, pretends to trip, and falls straight over the table. He knocks it down, tossing everything onto the floor, and sprawls flat on his back. Garrett runs to Chevy, bends over him, and shakes him gently as if trying to revive him. Chevy lies motionless as Garrett looks up into the camera and grins.]

Garrett Morris: Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!!!

Submitted by: Joe Cornfield

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 7

75g: Richard Pryor / Gil Scott-Heron

Goodnights

…..Richard Pryor

[FADE IN on Richard Pryor standing in the middle of the cast and guests with laughter in the background. The daughter from the “Black Takeover” sketch is hugging Richard from behind, and Jane Curtin is staring intensely at his face. Gilda Radner is seen over his shoulder. To his right, Laraine Newman is holding a donut in one hand and a pickle in the other.]

Richard Pryor: If you didn’t watch the show, we hope you made love!

[Behind him, Chevy Chase opens his eyes wide and shouts in mock-horror.]

Richard Pryor: Thank you and good night!

[Howard Shore’s All-Nurse Band strikes up the closing theme. Farther to the right, the mother in the “Black Takeover” sketch reaches across and waves a bottle of ketchup. John Belushi takes it from her and smirks mischeviously. ROLL credits as Pryor reaches over to shake Gilda Radner’s hand, then Laraine’s, and then the mother’s. Belushi claps and the cast members to Pryor’s right lock arms and sway back and forth while the camera zooms out. Credits roll up to “this has been an NBC television network production,” then FADE to black.]

Submitted by: Joe Cornfield

SNL Transcripts

75g: Richard Pryor / Gil Scott-Heron

Racist Word Association Interview

Written by: Paul Mooney

Interviewer…..Chevy Chase
Mr. Wilson…..Richard Pryor

Interviewer: Alright, Mr. Wilson, you’ve done just fine on the Rorshact.. your papers are in good order.. your file’s fine.. no difficulties with your motor skills.. And I think you’re probably ready for this job. We’ve got one more psychological test we always do here. It’s just a Word Association. I’ll throw you out a few words – anything that comes to your mind, just throw back at me, okay? It’s kind of an arbitrary thing. Like, if I say “dog”, you’d say..?

Mr. Wilson: “Tree”.

Interviewer: “Tree”. [ nods head, prepares the test papers ] “Dog”.

Mr. Wilson: “Tree”.

Interviewer: “Fast”.

Mr. Wilson: “Slow”.

Interviewer: “Rain”.

Mr. Wilson: “Snow”.

Interviewer: “White”.

Mr. Wilson: “Black”.

Interviewer: “Bean”.

Mr. Wilson: “Pod”.

Interviewer: [ casually ] “Negro”.

Mr. Wilson: “Whitey”.

Interviewer: “Tarbaby”.

Mr. Wilson: [ silent, sure he didn’t hear what he thinks he heard ] What’d you say?

Interviewer: [ repeating ] “Tarbaby”.

Mr. Wilson: “Ofay”.

Interviewer: “Colored”.

Mr. Wilson: “Redneck”.

Interviewer: “Junglebunny”.

Mr. Wilson: [ starting to get angry ] “Peckerwood!”

Interviewer: “Burrhead”.

Mr. Wilson: [ defensive ] “Cracker!”

Interviewer: [ aggressive ] “Spearchucker”.

Mr. Wilson: “White trash!”

Interviewer: “Jungle Bunny!”

Mr. Wilson: [ upset ] “Honky!”

Interviewer: “Spade!

Mr. Wilson: [ really upset ] “Honky Honky!”

Interviewer: [ relentless ] “Nigger!”

Mr. Wilson: [ immediate ] “Dead honky!” [ face starts to flinch ]

Interviewer: [ quickly wraps the interview up ] Okay, Mr. Wilson, I think you’re qualified for this job. How about a starting salary of $5,000?

Mr. Wilson: Your momma!

Interviewer: [ fumbling ] Uh.. $7,500 a year?

Mr. Wilson: Your grandmomma!

Interviewer: [ desperate ] $15,000, Mr. Wilson. You’ll be the highest paid janitor in America. Just, don’t.. don’t hurt me, please..

Mr. Wilson: Okay.

Interviewer: [ relieved ] Okay.

Mr. Wilson: You want me to start now?

Interviewer: Oh, no, no.. that’s alright. I’ll clean all this up. Take a couple of weeks off, you look tired.

[ fade ]

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 7

75g: Richard Pryor / Gil Scott-Heron

Kennedy Assassination

…..Richard Pryor
Audience Member…..Tom Schiller

[FADE IN on Pryor standing onstage and applauding the Albert Brooks film.]

Richard Pryor: Thank you. We’d like to say that we–

[Audience Member is heard shouting from the audience.]

Audience Member: Richard, Richard! Tell the truth! Tell the truth!

Richard Pryor: What?

Audience Member: I have proof! Tell the truth!

[CUT to Audience Member in a cordoroy blazer as he walks toward the stage from the seats.]

Richard Pryor: What are you talking about?

Audience Member: [breathlessly] There were two assassins in Dallas! There were two! I have proof! I have truth, proof! Oswald collaborated with the CIA one month–CIA one month before the assassination! There were shots fired from the Grassy Knoll area!

[Faint voices can be heard in the distance.]

Audience Member: Th–

[A shot rings out, and Schiller sprawls on the stage and lies motionless right at Pryor’s feet. He stares down at him and then looks up nervously.]

Richard Pryor: Uh, I had nothing to do with this. Uh, Dick Gregory started this. I didn’t do nothin’ about that.

[Audience laughs]

Richard Pryor: I don’t care who killed who!

[HOLD on Pryor’s trying to look clueless, then FADE to black.]

Submitted by: Joe Cornfield

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 7

75g: Richard Pryor / Gil Scott-Heron

Police Lineup #1

Policeman…..Dan Aykroyd
Woman…..Gilda Radner
Boy Scout…..Tom Schiller
Black Man…..Richard Pryor
Doctor…..John Belushi
Businessman…..Chevy Chase

[FADE IN on a police lineup room. Four people file in from the left and stand in front of the height lines. From right to left, they are: Tom Schiller dressed as a Boy Scout; Richard Pryor in a black bathrobe, with his wrists in handcuffs and a large bandage on his forehead; John Belushi dressed as a doctor; and Chevy Chase dressed as a businessman in a gray suit. Richard grimaces and tries furtively to cover his face.]

Policeman: [off camera] All right now, ma’am, please do not be frightened, the suspects cannot see you. Can you identify the man who assaulted you?

Woman: [off camera] Well, I, I couldn’t see him too clearly, but, uh, I’m sure it’s the one in the handcuffs.

[The three white guys all look down at their hands and smile in relief. John and Chevy shake hands.]

Policeman: Okay, we’ll take care of him.

[FADE to black.]

Submitted by: Joe Cornfield

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 7

75g: Richard Pryor / Gil Scott-Heron

Police Line Up II

…..Richard Pryor

[FADE IN on Richard Pryor in a police lineup and wearing his black robe, but he now has bandages on his face as well as his forehead. ZOOM out to show the entire lineup from left to right: a refrigerator, Pryor, a goose, and Jane Curtin dressed as a nun and staring icily at him.]

Policeman: All right, ma’am, now, is this the man who took your purse?

Woman: Uh, I’m not quite sure if it’s him. Uh, could you open the icebox?

[FADE to black.]

Submitted by: Joe Cornfield

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 7

75g: Richard Pryor / Gil Scott-Heron

Police Lineup #3

Policeman…..Dan Aykroyd
Woman…..Gilda Radner
Black Man…..Richard Pryor
Policemen…..John Belushi, Tom Schiller, Chevy Chase

[FADE IN on John Belushi, Tom Schiller, and Chevy Chase all dressed as policemen and leading Richard Pryor into the lineup in his black robe. He has a huge bandage on his forehead, and he looks like he’s been beaten up. The policemen all point at him while Pryor cups his hands in a pleading manner.]

Policeman: Okay, now, ma’am, which man is the one who allegedly robbed your liquor store?

Woman: Uh, that’s him, the one with the mustache.

[The three policemen all touch their upper lips to make sure they don’t have mustaches, then nod and point to Pryor again.]

Policeman: Okay, we’ll take care of him, then.

[FADE to black.]

Submitted by: Joe Cornfield

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