SNL Transcripts: Jim Carrey: 05/18/96: The Roxbury Guys

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 21: Episode 20

95t: Jim Carrey / Soundgarden

The Roxbury Guys

Steve Butabi…..Will Ferrell
Doug Butabi…..Chris Kattan
Fellow Roxbury Guy…..Jim Carrey

Music: “What is Love”, Haddaway.

[ open on a busy New York York Street, 10:00 PM ] [ cut to interior, Roxbury-mobile. Steve and Doug Butabi and Fellow RoxburyGuy cruise to their favorite club as they bop their heads back and forth. ] [ cut to exterior, China Club, 10:20 PM ] [ interior, China Club. The crowd parts down the middle to reveal the three Roxbury Guys bopping their heads at the bar. They turn around to check out the ladies who might be checking them out. ]

Doug Butabi: [ jumps to the front of the crowd ] Heeeey! Wanna dance? No? Okay, don’t worry about it! [ returns to the bar ]

Steve Butabi: [ jumps to the front of the crowd ] Hey, you wannadance? No? Alright.[ returns to the bar ]

Fellow Roxbury Guy: [ jumps to the front of the crowd, bopping his head back and forth ] Who’s gonna dance? You, me? You, me? [ woman steps forward to dance with him. He struts a few moves, then he and the Butabis bounce her across each others’ chest until a bouncer throws them out of the club. ] [ cut to interior, Roxbury-mobile, 10:45 PM. The Roxbury Guys smoke cigarettes to the beat of their favorite song. One at a time, they toss their cigarettes out the window – except for the Fellow Roxbury Guy, who drops his cigarette in the car, as the three of them panic to put it out. ]

Fellow Roxbury Guy: It’s okay! It’s out!

Steve Butabi: [ relieved ] Alright!

[ cut to exterior, Kennedy High School Prom, 11:00 PM. ] [ interior, Kennedy High School. The prom students part down the middle to reveal the three Roxbury Guys bopping their heads at the punch bowl. They turn around to check out the teenaged girls. ]

Doug Butabi: Hey, you wanna dance, huh? Me? Him?

All Three Roxbury Guys: [ simultaneously ] Me? Him? Him? Me?Me? Me? Him? Him? Me? Him? Him!

Doug Butabi: [ to Steve ] It’s you!

[ Steve steps up to a young couple, pushes the guy aside and hogs the co-ed all to himself ]

Co-ed: [ annoyed ] Hey! What are you doing?

[ Doug and the Fellow Roxbury Guy cut in to bounce the co-ed across their chests. She runs off, leaving the three Roxbury Guys to bounce each other across their chests. A chaperone barges in and shoves them away from the prom. ] [ cut to interior, Roxbury-mobile, 11:20 PM. The Roxbury Guys talk to each other on cellphones ]

Doug Butabi: What’s up?

Steve Butabi: Nothing. It’s Steve! What’s up?

Fellow Roxbury Guy: I’m in the back, just working it! What’s upwith you?

Steve Butabi: Nothing. Later!

[ they hang up their phones and toss them out of the windows ] [ cut to exterior, Glendale Catering Hall, 11:30 PM. ] [ interior, Glendale Catering Hall. A newlywed couple are dancing at their reception. The camera slowly zooms out to reveal the three Roxbury Guys bopping their heads next to the wedding cake. They move forward to grab a piece of the bride for themselves, bouncing her across their chests. ]

Groom: [ angry ] Hey, come on!

Steve Butabi: [ confused ] What?!

Groom: Get off! [ pushes the Roxbury Guys out of the reception hall ] [ cut to interior, Roxbury-mobile, 11:45 PM. The Roxbury Guys are enjoying their song when the CD player stops ]

Doug Butabi: [ panicking ] Something’s wrong with the CD! [ pulls it out and holds it up ]

Fellow Roxbury Guy: [ frightened ] What the hell is going on?![glances at CD ] Dust! [ blows on the CD, as Doug puts it back in the CD. The song plays. The catastrophe averted, they continue to bop their heads to the music and drive through the night. ] [ cut to exterior, Golden Age Retirement Home, 11:50 PM. ] [ interior, Golden Age Retirement Home. The Roxbury Guys are feeding and hitting upon elderly women. ] [ cut to interior, Roxbury-mobile, Midnight. The Roxbury Guys hold theelderly women in their laps and make out as they cruise through the night. Fellow Roxbury Guy opens his mouth and pulls out his date’s dentures, holding them proudly in the air. ]

Fellow Roxbury Guy: Souvenir!

[ fade to black ]

SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: Teri Hatcher: 04/20/96: Mood Music

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 21: Episode 18

95r: Teri Hatcher / Dave Matthews Band

Mood Music

Man…..Chris Kattan
Date…..Teri Hatcher

[ open on Man and his Date sitting on the couch in front of a bay window, sipping wine; generic music plays on the sound system ]

Date: I love this wine.

Man: Isn’t it great?

Date: Yeahhh.

Man: It’s from.. So-no-ma!

Date: Well, I really like it!

Man: [ seductively ] How about.. a little nighttime music?

Date: Why don’t you put on something.. romantic..

[ their lips move incredibly close together ]

Man: I know just the song. [ struts over to his sound system along the opposite wall, taking a seductive look back at his date ] You’re gonna love this.

[ Man puts on a Latin rhythm, as he motions back to his date. He sort of tiptoes toward the coach, gyrating his body against the couch as he leans in close for a kiss.. then suddenly jerks upward ]

Man: Wait..! [ runs back to the sound system, turns the music off ]

Date: [ really into the music and seduction ] Wha-what is it?

Man: Nothing. I’ve just got something much better!

Date: Well, I-I kinda liked that..

Man: You liked that, you’re gonna love this – it’s per-FECT! [ looks at his date with a sexual longing ] [ Man puts on a new song, with an electronic drumbeat and records scratching. He moves closer to his date, reaching out and peeking from behind the arm of the couch like a cat, pawing at her playfully ]

Man: Wait..! [ runs back to the sound system and turns the music off again ]

Date: What was wrong with that song..?

Man: I’ve just got something much better!

Date: Ohh.. [ slighty sarcastic ] Well, gee.. I can’t wait..

Man: [ overexcited ] I can’t, either! I can’t WAIT!! [ looks back at her again with that sexual longing ] [ Man turns on a soothing female vocal performance, then makes his way toward the couch twisting one leg around the other, then breaks into a series of pre-Mango dance moves. His Date seems slightly interested, until he begins to push the couch to the side with his thrusting pelvis; now she’s perturbed, and he senses it and runs to turn off the sound system again. ]

Man: [ upset ] Well, you obviously didn’t like that song!

Date: Well, i-it wasn’t the song.. Why don’t we just try it without the music? You know.. come on over here! Come on! [ he’s relunctant to come back ] Come on!

Man: [ shaking his head ] I-i can’t! I look like an idiot! [ motions the vast emptiness of the room, especially now that he’s pushed the couch practically out of frame ] Look all the space here! I need something to carry me over! You know, some kind of a.. rhythm.. you know? Some kind of, uh.. [ snaps his fingers ] I know just the song! [ looks at her with that sexual longing ] [ Man puts on an African beat, moving towards the couch with a dance than looks more fruity than sensual ]

Date: [ sighs ] Sit down!

Man: But I was just-

Date: [ pushes him onto the couch ] Just sit down.. Shaka Zulu! Let me show you how it’s done.

[ his Date puts on a lite jazz tune, moving toward the couch with a slow, sexy rhythm, stretching her body out and rubbing up and down her legs. She reaches the couch, rubs her hands on Man’s legs, then falls backward over the arm to kiss the Man in an upward position. ]

Man: [ suddenly busts out laughing ]

Date: [ upset ] What are you laughing at?!

Man: What.. nothing.. What are you doing with your body there! Hey, come on! It’s kind of cra-zy! What’s this? [ mimics her dance moves ]

Date: That’s it! I’m going home!

Man: Oh, no, no! I-I-I’m sorry! Wa-wait a second.. I’m sorry, okay? [ a beat ] You sure you don’t want to dance home!

Date: Oh!

Man: Come on! Let’s do that again, whatever that was! What was that?!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts