Indian… Kyle Mooney
Paul Revere… Alex Moffat
Benjamin Franklyn… Beck Bennett
Sacagawea… Melissa Villaseñor
Viking… Bobby Moynihan
Columbus… Kenan Thompson
Napoleon… Kate McKinnon[Starts with SNL monologue intro] [Cut to SNL stage] [Band is playing music]
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Kristen Wiig.[Kristen Wiig walks in and to the stage] [cheers and applause]
Kristen Wiig: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Wow, thank you. Thank you very much. It is so wonderful to be back here hosting SNL for the econd time. But I specially love being here right before Thanksgiving. Yuu might not know this about me, some of you might know, but I am what they call a ‘Thanksgiving freak.’ I am a real turkey head. So tongiht I wanted to sing for you a song my family always sings every year. Can I have my ukulele and a stool please? [She gets a ukulele and a stool] Oh, great. Here we go. Yeah. And I think we can all agree thanksgiving is the most magical Thursday of the year. And– yYou know, I’m actually going to go with my personal guitar, is that here?[Kristen Wiig gives the ukulele away and gets a rock double neck electric guitar]
My family told me facts about thanksgiving I bet you didn’t even know. By the way, I should mention I was raised by wolves. Um, near wolves. You know, maybe I’ll go back to the first one. Go back? Yeah.[Kristen Wiig gives the guitar away and gets the ukulele again]
And can I lose the stool? Can you take that? Okay. I’d like to take us back to the first thanksgiving where it all began. In ancient Egypt. You konw what? I was wrong about the ukulele. I’m sorry. Can someone take this? [Kristen Wiig gives away the ukulele] Thank you very much.[band playing guitar] [singing] The first thanksgiving was in pyramid rock
The Indians and pilgrims said, “Let’s eat on this rock [an Indian walks in]
Paul Revere said “Dinner’s served, let’s all say grace.” [Paul Revere walks in]
Ben Franklyn brought salad, Paul slapped him in the face [Ben Franklyn walks in with salad, and Paul Revere slaps him]
The pilgrims charged everyone a thanksgiving fee [Sacagawea walks in] but Sacagawea used her coins and said, “This one’s on me.”
Kristen Wiig:Then vikings showed up on a double decker bus [A Viking walks in]
Viking: If we don’t eat those turkeys, they’re going to eat us.[awkward silence]
Kristen Wiig: And that’s why we eat turkey.
The first thanksgiving
they were unforgiving
in their love of stuffing
Kristen Wiig: The second thanksgiving was in 1492
there were 10 kinds of meat, like they had murdered a zoo
Columbus was there, he had sailed from Korea [Columbus walks in with Korean flag bandana on]
with Mina, Pinta, Santa and Maria [They all walk in]
This I know for sure, I told this to Lorne
The second thanksgiving , aliens beamed down the corn. [two aliens walk in with corns in their hands]
The Napoleon showed up, so he brought the ice cream [Napoleon walks in with ice cream in his hand]
strawberry, vanilla and chocolate in between
You see why? Coz pink, white and brown, those are the colors of the French Flag.
All: And that’s thanksgiving
the real thanksgiving
it ain’t city living
unless you live in the city
Kristen Wiig: The third thanks giving was in 1953
and people gathered
Steve Martin: [interrupting] Oh, Kristen. Kristen. I am so sorry.[cheers and applause]
It’s not necessary. But thank you. I just– I really– I just needed to stop you for a second because you have not gotten one fact correct in this song. Not one. You know, and if you don’t get your facts correct, you’re just going to end up like one of those sites on the internet, what is that?
Kristen Wiig: Like, fake news?
Steve Martin: No, I like that. But I- I just worry about your song. You’ve got to get the facts correct, so I’m a little bit worried about.[Will Forte walks in]
Will Forte: Yeah, you know, I’m worried too. Less applause than Steve Martin. Gonna remember that. Kristen, I was just listening with Steve… Martin, that I just say Steve, we’re friends. And I agree, Kristen. At least two of your facts were wrong.
Kristen Wiig: Guys, I know I adjusted a few facts so they would rhyme, like any true historian. But won’t you both please sing with me? Please?
Will Forte: Ah! I’d be happy to sing with my friend Steve here. Hit it![singing] The fourth thanks giving was in 1969
Steve Martin: The turkey was high and I was high too
Kristen Wiig: FDR was upset he spilled cranberry sauce
Steve Martin: But he had the first napkin, thanks to Betsy Ross.
Kristen Wiig: The three wisemen brought frankincense and pie
Steve Martin: Hey, don’t say the word pie to someone who’s high
Kristen Wiig: Wait, there’s something I just realized while singing this song
thanksgiving never really happened, it was in our hearts all along
All: And that’s, thanksgiving
the real thanksgiving
the perfect history of thanks giving
so have a hippy happy hoppy thanksgiving
We have a great show for you tonight. The XX is here. Stick around, we’ll be right back.