Melania Trump… Cecily Strong
Ivanka Trump… Emily Blunt
Kellyanne Conway… Kate McKinnon
Omarosa… Sasheer Zamata
Tiffany Trump… Vanessa Bayer
Mike Pence… Beck Bennett
Donald Trump… Alec Baldwin
[Starts with video clips of female friends and family members of Donald Trump thinking deep]
Melania: Here lies my last nerve, Donald. I’ve stood by your side this whole campaign, your beautiful, dutiful Melania. I can’t take it anymore. I am your wife.
Ivanka: Your daughter.
Kellyanne: Your mouth piece.
Omarosa: Your one black friend.
Tiffany: Your other daughter.
All: And you’re breaking us. Taking us for granted that we’ll always be there.
Melania: But one day soon, Donald, you may wake up and this bomb pussy bow blouse will be gone.
[music playing]
[Music video starts]
Melania: I’m not sorry
I’m not sorry
I’m not sorry
Donald, na!
‘m not sorry
I’m not sorry
I’m not sorry
Kellyanne: Always screwing up (I’m not sorry)
expect me to clean it up (I’m not sorry)
said I’d stick with you unless (I’m not sorry)
I think we’ve gotten to unless (I’m not sorry)
Melania: Me and my ladies pack our Gucci up
we spilling tea with our pinkies up
fix your bald spot, I’ve had enough
tryna’ thinking about you
I’m done thinking about
All: Four fingers up, make them bend right
poke him in the face, tell him, “Boy, bye”
tell him, “Boy, bye” (you’re fired)
four fingers up, tired of thinking about you
Ivanka: Daddy once tweeted “Sorry”
I’m not even making music
I’m supposed to be the brain tear
what the hell have happen thinking?
Now he’s bringing Paula Jones in
there goes my friendship with Chelsea Clinton
I miss you Chelsea Clinton
Call me Chelsea
All: Tired of thinking about you
I’m done thinking about you
four fingers up
tired of thinking about you.
Tiffany: Hell na! I killed on that convention speech, no lie
but I’ll never be Ivanka in your eyes
I don’t give a damn, tonight I’m turning tables
don’t call me Tiffany Trump, I’m Tiff Maples
Omarosa: Leaving the resignation in the hall way
signed as Omarosa, there’s no last name
No last name
I ain’t f***n with no last name
Melania: Don’t take me wrong, I have a good life
but Donald don’t underestimate your wife
I got Eastern Europe mindset
I might forgive but I won’t forget
Donald baby, watch out (watch out)
me and my women’s about to walk out
I see Mike Pence in the corner
looking for the back door
Mike Pence: You only want me when I’m not there
All: Without us you wouldn’t be standing there
Melania: You just be that guy with that weed hair
you just be that guy with that weed hair
I wrote that all by myself.
Donald Trump: Come on Melania, ready? It’s the wedding. Let’s go. You look very nice. But let’s go.
Women: Yes. Okay.
[All the women start walking]
Donald Trump: Tiffany, you wait here.
Tiffany: Oh! Cool.