Steve Harvey… Kenan Thompson
Janelle… Leslie Jones
Mike… Chris Redd
Andre… Michael Che
Ricky Harvey
Carol… Aidy Bryant
Peter… Beck Bennett
Justin… Mikey Day
Cecil… Chance the Rapper
[Starts with Family Feud intro]
Male voice: It’s time to play Family Feud, thanks giving edition. Here’s your host, Steve Harvey.
[Cut to Steve Harvey walking in]
Steve Harvey: Okay. Okay. Okay, now, welcome to a special thanksgiving edition of Family Feud. Now, some folks like white meat. Some folks like dark meat. Let me tell you a secret. Everybody like dark meat. Now, thanksgiving is all about family. So, I got two special ones here today. First, it’s my own. It’s the Harvey family.
[Cut to the Harvey family]
[cheers and applause]
[Cut to Steve Harvey]
Steve Harvey: Yeah. These people are not only related to me, but they also work in Steve Harvey organization. First, we got my wife, Janelle who handles all my appearances. What else I got to do today, darling?
[Cut to Janelle]
Janelle: Well, after this, you got your daytime show. Then you got your radio show. Then you got your book signing at Red Lobster.
[Cut to Steve Harvey]
Steve Harvey: Wow! Yeah. You like it when I’m busy. Big daddy getting that money. Ha-ha. Next, we’ve got my brother, Mike, who designs all my suits.
[Cut to Mike]
Mike: What’s up, Steve? I came up with a new suit color yesterday. It is palorange.
[Cut to Steve Harvey]
Steve Harvey: That’s gonna be a number one best seller. Plorange. Ha-ha-ha. I like that. Plorange. Next, we got my nephew Andre who writes jokes for me.
[Cut to Andre]
Andre: That’s right. I came up with the bit on ‘Little Big Shots’ where when a child says something you stare at him for 20 seconds like he’s a ghost.
[Cut to Steve Harvey]
Steve Harvey: Oh, you mean like this? [Steve Harvey looks at camera] Yeah, I love that bit, man. And finally, we got my cousin Ricky who runs my personal line of mustache conditioning products.
[Cut to Ricky Harvey]
Ricky Harvey: That’s right. It’s called the Greasy Caterpillar.
[Cut to Steve Harvey]
Steve Harvey: Huge seller, man. Make you mustache dark and shiny like a slippery little penguin. And on the other side, we have got the Diedrichson family. [Cut to Diedrichson family. They are white] Now, we not blood related but these folks are like family to me. Carol Diedrichson has been on of my closest friends for over 30 years.
[Cut to Carol]
Carol: Yeah, that’s true. And I brought my wonderful family. You remember my husband Peter?
[cut to Peter]
Peter: Hey, Steve.
[Cut to Steve Harvey]
Steve Harvey: Hey, good to see you, Peter.
Carol: My son, Justin.
[Cut to Justin]
Justin: Hey, Steve.
[cut to Carol]
Carol: And my other son, Cecil.
[Cut to Cecil. He is black. he has mustache like Steve Harvey, he looks like Steve Harvey and he speaks like Steve Harvey.]
Cecil: How you doing, player? [he speaks like Steve Harvey]
[Cut to Steve Harvey]
Steve Harvey: Well, hey there, Cecil. Wow. You sure have grown up since I last saw you.
[Cut to Cecil]
Cecil: Yeah, it has been a minute.
[Cut to Carol looking at Steve Harvey and Cecil]
[Cut to Steve Harvey]
Steve Harvey: Hm, there’s something about you.
[Cut to Janelle looking furious at Steve Harvey]
Janelle: Yeah, I say so.
[Cut to Steve Harvey]
Steve Harvey: You know what? Why don’t we just start the game? Give me two players up here. Let’s play the feud.
[Janelle and Carol walk to the stage. Carol tries to shake her hand with Janelle but Janelle rejects.]
Janelle: No, thank you.
Steve Harvey: What? I thought you all was friends. Women are strange. Okay, 100 people surveyed. Top four answers on the board. Name something that you’re thankful for.
[Carol presses the button]
Carol: My home.
Steve Harvey: Oh, good answer. Good answer. You like your home, huh?
Carol: Oh, yes. We love it in Tempe.
Steve Harvey: Tempe, Arizona? Oh, I love Tempe. I spent some time on tour there about 17, 18 years ago.
Carol: Oh, I remember. It was raining.
Steve Harvey: Huh! Anyway, show me a place to do the nasty!
[right answer bell]
Ay! Number one answer. Alright, do y’all want to pass or play?
Carol: Well, I’m glad to play with you, Steve.
Steve Harvey: Ha-ha-ha. Yeah, you were always like that.
Carol: Yeah.
[Steve Harvey peeks at Janelle. She is looking at him furiously.]
Alright, come on Diedrichson family. Something that you are thankful for. Peter? [Steve Harvey walks to Dierdrichson family]
Peter: Well, I hope this isn’t selfish, Steve, but I’m thankful for money. Not for me, but to provide for my family. Like, equipment for Justin’s street hockey team. Or buying pocket squares and super shiny shoes for Cecil.
Steve Harvey: Oh, you like shiny shoes, huh?
Cecil: Yeah. The shinier the better.
Steve Harvey: I hear you, man. I love me some gators. Show me, getting that money. [right answer bell] Alright, it’s up there. Okay, we got two left. Justin, something that you’re thankful for.
Justin: Oh, um, I gotta say my health. I’m the fastest one on my cross country team. But I’m not strong like Cecil.
Steve Harvey: Yeah, he is strong, ain’t he? He must have good genes.
Justin: Oh, yeah. Cecil’s always been big.He’s had a full mustache since age 11.
Cecil: And, I was the sexiest boy in the 6th grade.
Steve Harvey: Well, you and I are very similar. Show me, big and manly at an early age. [right answer bell] Oh, yes.
[Justin and Cecil do high-five]
Cecil: Half brother. All in.
Steve Harvey: Wait, wait. Hold up? Half brother? I thought you wasadopted.
Cecil: Oh, no, Steve. Mama had me before she got married 17 years ago.
Steve Harvey: 17 years? Okay. Now, I’m doing a math. That’s–
Steve Harvey and Cecil: Kind of freaky.
[Steve Harvey and Cecil look at each other awkwardly]
Steve Harvey: Oh my lord, help me. [sad music playing] [Steve Harvey walks to Carol] I did a bad thing. I did bad. I thought I was out. I thought I was all the way out.
Carol: No, Steve, there’s nothing you need to do, okay?
Peter: And what are we talking about?
Carol: Steve, Steve, look at me. You didn’t do anything wrong.
Steve Harvey: But, is he smart os is he like– [pointing at himself]
Carol: He’s so smart, Steve. So, smart. Go over. Say hi.
[Steve Harvey walks to Cecil]
Steve Harvey: Hey, there, little fellow. Do you mind if I play the feud with you? Tell me what you’r thankful for.
Cecil: Well, player, I’m thankful for family in whatever form it takes.
Steve Harvey: You damn right. Show me family. [right answer bell] Ay! There it is. The Diedrichson family win. Next up, we going to play the lightning round but I feel like I should just give them the money. We’ll be right back.
Janelle: Hold up. This ain’t no happy ending.
Steve Harvey: Yeah, we got a lot of stuff to talk about. We do.