Tag: Seth Rogan

James Franco Audience Questions Monologue

James Franco

Seth Rogan

Jonah Hill

Steve Martin

[Starts with SNL monologue intro]

[Cut to SNL stage]

[Band is playing music]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, James Franco.

[James Franco walks in and to the stage]

[cheers and applause]

James Franco: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Great to be back here hosting SNL. This is my 4th time hosting. [cheers and applause] Which is the most you can do without it being special. When you host it five times, you get a jacket. But the 4th time here, they don’t even write you a monologue. They just throw you out here and make you take questions from the audience. So, here we go. yes, you sir.

[Cut to a man in audience]

Man: Yeah, I got a question. What time is it? They made me turn my phone off.

[Cut to James Franco]

James Franco: What time is it? That’s really your question?

[Cut to the man]

Man: Yeah. My hand wasn’t up. You just pointed at me and I panicked.

[Cut to James Franco]

James Franco: Okay. Does anyone have any real questions?

[Cut to a girl in the audience]

Girl: My question is, [Seth Rogan is behind the girl. He is trying to hide from James Franco] do you feel like your career has an over arching theme? Or do you just move from project to project and only look for a theme in retrospect?

[Cut to James Franco]

James Franco: I’m sorry. That’s really great question. Uh, is that Seth Rogan sitting behind you? [cheers and applause] Seth, what’s going on, man? You’re just here in the audience to watch me host the show? Or what?

[Cut to Seth Rogan]

Seth Rogan: Um, no. Honestly, I’m just here to see the show in general. I didn’t realize you were hosting it.

[Cut to James Franco]

James Franco: So, you’re just– you’re just here?

[Cut to Seth Rogan]

Seth Rogan: Yeah. I put my name in the lottery for SNL tickets and this is the week I got. It was just totally random. Luckily, I’m a huge SZA fan. So, it worked out.

[Cut to James Franco]

James Franco: Yeah. That’s really interesting coz I asked early in the week if you’d come by and do a sketch with me and you told me, [mocking] “Sorry, I have something.”

[Cut to Seth Rogan]

Seth Rogan: Yeah. I did have something. I had SNL tickets. They’re really hard to get. People line up outside all night trying to get them and I got them.

[Cut to James Franco]

James Franco: Okay. Well, that’s great. Thanks so much. Ma’am, for you question, thank you.

[Cut to the girl]

Girl: You never answered my question.

[Cut to James Franco]

James Franco: Okay, next question.

[Cut to Seth Rogan. He is holding a woman’s hand up who is sitting beside him]

Seth Rogan: Um, yeah. This woman here has a question. Yeah. She wants to know how come you’ve hosted four times and Seth Rogan has only hosted twice?

[Cut to James Franco]

James Franco: Okay. Um, well, why don’t you ask Seth, ma’am, why the movies I do on my own like ‘127 Hours’ get nominated for Oscars and the movies I do with Seth gets nominated for ‘Stoner Awards?’

[Cut to Seth Rogan]

Seth Rogan: Okay. Well, why don’t you tell James that they’re called ‘Stonies,’ which is a hilarious play on the word “Tony’s.” And that they are as prestigious as an Oscar. Plus, when you win, you get  bag of weed.

[Cut to James Franco]

James Franco: Alright, Seth, I’m sorry. There’s a rule that only one stoner can host in a season. And that’s me. And that’s who everyone’s here to see. Okay?

[Cut to Seth Rogan and the woman. Jonah Hill walks in.]

Jonah Hill: Sorry, you’re in my seat.

Seth Rogan: Yeah. Excuse me, my friend’s here now. Sorry about that.

[The woman walks away and Jonah Hill takes the seat]

Hey, man.

[cheers and applause]

Jonah Hill: Sorry, I’m late. Did I miss SZA?

Seth Rogan: No, no. Thank god. yeah.

Jonah Hill: Oh, okay. Cool. Who’s hosting?

Seth Rogan: Franco.

Jonah Hill: David Franco?

[Cut to James Franco]

James Franco: No, Johan. It’s me. Me. I’m hosting. Me.

[Cut to Seth Rogan and Jonah Hill]

Jonah Hill: Ah! Okay. People… wanna see that? Cool. Hey, Seth, you’ve only hosted twice, right?

Seth Rogan: Yeah. I know. Thank you.

[Cut to James Franco]

James Franco: Alright, guys. I don’t know what to tell you, alright? Um– [James Franco looks at the audience above] Why is Steve Martin here?

[Cut to Steve Martin in the audience]

[cheers and applause]

Steve Martin: James, James, I want you to know, I used to stand on that very spot right where you’re standing. I used to host Saturday Night Live. I used to be the center of attention. And I gotta say, I resent it. Just a little bit. I resent it this much.

[Cut to James Franco]

James Franco: Okay. Steve, what are you talking about? You’re a big star. You’re still hot. You’re still hot.

[Cut to Steve Martin]

Steve Martin: [yelling] Do I look hot?

[Cut to James Franco]

James Franco: Alright. We have a great show tonight. [Seth Rogan and Jonah Hill join him] SZA is here.

Seth Rogan: Yeah, SZA! SZA! SZA!

James Franco: Stick around. We’ll be right back.

James Franco Monologue

James Franco

Seth Rogan.

[Starts with SNL monologue intro]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, James Franco

[cheers and applause]

[James Franco walks in and to the stage]

[cheers and applause]

James Franco: Thank you. Thank you very much. I’m James Franco. Actor, poet, artist, dude. So, something pretty crazy happened this week. I have this movie called ‘Interview’ coming out with Seth Rogan at Sony, and this week Sony Studios got all their computers hacked. This is true. These hackers have leaked real personal information about everybody that works with Sony. Social security numbers, emails, and I know eventually they’re gonna start leaking out stuff about me. So, before you hear it somewhere else, I thought it’d be better for you to hear it from me. Soon you’ll know that my email is cuterthandavefranco@aol.com. My password is littlejameseycutiepie. And this is all just a real violation of my personal life.

Seth Rogan: Yo, James!

[Seth Rogan walks n]

[cheers and applause]

James Franco: Seth?

Seth Rogan: Yes. It’s actually much worse than we thought it was gonna be, man!

James Franco: What?

Seth Rogan: You’re not gonna believe this. But, an hour ago, they released some of our private photos from our phones.

James Franco: What? Oh, my god! What, which photos?

Seth Rogan: All of them.

James Franco: You mean, the one I took of you in your dressing room?

Seth Rogan: Yeah, yeah, yeah! With the control top pantyhose.

[Cut to a picture of James Franco and Seth Rogan. Seth Rogan is wearing a pantyhose.]

[Cut to James Franco and Seth Rogan]

I was trying to look a little slimmer.

James Franco: I thought you looked great.

Seth Rogan: Thank you. Thank you, but they also leaked this one of me teaching you how to read.

[Cut to a picture of Seth Rogan showing James Franco a book.]

[Cut to James Franco and Seth Rogan]

James Franco: Oh, no!

Seth Rogan: You were making such good progress, man! Look, they also put out that one where we tried to be John and Yoko.

[Cut to a picture of Seth Rogan and James Franco cuddling.]

[Cut to James Franco and Seth Rogan]

James Franco: I actually like that one.

Seth Rogan: Well, you are not gonna like this. It’s that picture I took of you while you were sleeping.

[Cut to a picture of James Franco sleeping on a toilet commode while he’s pooping.]

[Cut to James Franco and Seth Rogan]

James Franco: What? Why would you take that?

Seth Rogan: I don’t know, man! Worst of all, they leaked our Christmas card.

[Cut to a picture of James Franco and Seth Rogan with Santa Claus. They are naked and are covering their personal parts with red socks.]

[Cut to James Franco and Seth Rogan]

James Franco: Well, I mean we should still send that out, right?

Seth Rogan: Absolutely.

James Franco: Okay. Alright.

[Seth Rogan leaves]

We’ve got a great– Oh! Oh! Oh! Also, all the girls who got any Instagram messages from me this year, last year, the hackers did it. It was that hacker!

Alright, we got a great show for you. Nicki Minaj is here. Stick around, we’ll be right back.

Porn Stars with Seth Rogen and James Franco – Sunseeker Yachts

Brecky….Vanessa Bayer

Friend….Cecily Strong

Captain Jack Swallow….James Franco

James Franco….Seth Rogen

Brecky: Luxurence
Friend: Frills
Brecky: Lavishable
Friend: Disrabable
Both: The amazement. Sun Sinker Yachts. (They wildly mispronounce ‘yachts’ everytime)
Friend: All the glycerince of a floating sea castle
Brecky: You’ll feel like a real housewife of Atlantis
Both: With Sunsinker Yachts.
Brookie: Hi, we aren’t porn stars anymore. I’m Brecky.
Friend: No, that’s your name.
Brecky: And we aren’t porn stars anymore. But that doesn’t mean we don’t enjoy the freedom of standing at the front of a ship and getting blasted in the face.
Friend: And they’re perfect. For occasions like:
Brecky: Whale Washing
Friend: Jail release party
Brecky: Hey, you just knocked over a lighthouse you idiot
Friend: and Bermuda four-way. I guarantee it. You’ll feel like you’re getting it in all the portholes in once.
Brecky: You’ll feel like you’re on the maiden voyage of the Tightanus
(the guys are wheeled on stage in boats, dressed as captains)
Seth: Did someone say
James: That sounds fishy?
Both girls: No, not yet, no… (the guys are wheeled offstage) With Sunsinker Yachts.
Friend: One time I thought I banged a merman, but it was just a guy with long hair and eczema. I was like, “We’re gonna need a bigger throat. Thanks Yachts.”
Brecky: I lost my foot, in my butt. It used to be on my leg, until I tried to kick a squirrell and missed really bad. Now when someone’s like, “Sit on it,” I’m like, “You mean stand on it?” And either way, they’re like, “Get out of here.”
Friend: One time, I thought I got banged into another dimension like Innersmaller, but I was just stuck in a pull-out couch. I was like, “What does pull out mean?”
Brecky: Hey remember getting water in your ear? It’s like…
(they both ‘practice’ getting water out of their ear and ad lib ‘get out of there,’ ‘that’s my ear,’ etc.)
(the guys are wheeled on stage in boats, dressed as captains)
Seth: Did someone say
James: That sounds fishy?
Girls: Okay, go now, go…
(the guys stand up out of the boats)
James: Hi, I’m captain Jack Swallow of the Black Pearl Necklace
Seth: And I’m James Franco
James: We’re the captains of Nautical-themed pornography. You might remember me as Tom Yanks in the move Blastaway.
Seth: And I was the star of the TV series Freaks and Queefs
James: But you don’t need a PhDong in Ocean Porn to appreciate Seersucker Yachts. Seersucker Yachts, They’re Yachts in Seersucker suits! Cause, why not? Yachts can be fancy too sometimes.
Brecky: Hey, what are you saying? We’re trying to do this AD and get free boats from
Both Girls: Sunsinker Yachts.
Both Guys ad lib: Oh right, The crime, Wink wink, etc…
Seth: So, dress your yacht up in a seersucker suit like he’s at the Kentucky Furby
James: And to our high school film teacher who said, “You’ll never star in 300 underwater pornos,” Why would you say that, dude?
Seth: So get sunsinker Yachts today. The only thing you need to bring is…
(simultaneously)
Brecky: A sense of adventure
Friend: Butt beads
Guys: With Sunsinker Yachts!