Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 14: Episode 3

This free script provided by

Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

October 22nd, 1988

John Larroquette

Randy Newman


Mark Knopfler

Tom Davis

Andy Murphy

Alien Dukakis
Recurring Characters: Michael Dukakis.



John Larroquette's Monologue
Summary: An egotistical John Larroquette declares himself "King of the Studio", and dares anyone to try and dethrone him.

First Hosted: 86q.


Come Back to Carbon Paper

Dan Quayle: President
Recurring Characters: Dan Quayle.

Portrait of the Artist
Summary: A look back at the life of Pablo Picasso (Jon Lovitz), an artist perfectly willing to make an ass of himself in the same of his own greatness.

The Crests And Troughs Of Vernon Hawley Jr.
Summary: Ex-drinking country singer Vernon Hawley Jr. (John Larroquette) belts out a few classics he can barely remember.


Vote Bush I
Summary: Unlike Michael Dukakis, George Bush is tall.


Pete's Fountain
Summary: A big-butt waitress (Nora Dunn) endures jokes about her posterior.

Vote Bush II
Summary: Unlike Michael Dukakis, George Bush comes from an American-born family.


Randy Newman with Mark Knopfler performs "It's Money That Matters"
First Performed: 75b.

Bio: Mark Knopfler (1949-). Musician; lead guitarist-vocalist for Dire Straights.

Weekend Update with Dennis Miller
Recurring Characters: Dennis Miller.

Restaurant Sex Talk
Summary: Bill (Phil Hartman) and Cheryl (Nora Dunn) are discomforted by the relentless sex talk between Bob (John Larroquette) and Jackie (Victoria Jackson).


Randy Newman & Mark Knopfler perform "Dixie Flyer"

This Old House
Summary: Handyman Bob Vila (John Larroquette) helps an expectant couple (Victoria Jackson, Kevin Nealon) fix up an old haunted house.


Vote Bush III
Summary: Unlike Michael Dukakis, George Bush comes from a whiter background.


Gay Communist Gun Club
Summary: Gay hunting buddies (John Larroquette, Phil Hartman) love to talk guns, Communism, and homosexuality with their callers.



SNL Transcripts