David Aldridge… Chris Redd
Steve Kerr… Mikey Day
Kim Jong-Un… Bowen Yang
Andrea Kremer… Chloe Fineman
[Starts with short clips from Michael Jordan documentary The Last Dance’]Steve Kerr: Things were getting tensed.
David Aldridge: This wasn’t basketball. This was war.
Andrea Kremer: The fairytale was coming to an end.
David Aldridge: Everything Michael Jordan did turned to a story.
[Cut to a video with a message ‘Now everyone has something to say’.] [Cut to Kim Jong-Un]Kim Jong-Un: [looking at his mic] This thing on?
Andrea Kremer: At this point, the Bulls had won five championships in seven years.
Steve Kerr: In 95 and 96, we won 72 games. The next year, we won 69 games. We were unstoppable.
David Aldridge: There’s absolutely no way you could talk about the greatest teams of all time and not mention the Chicago Bulls.
Kim Jong-Un: Nobody likes 90s Bulls more than me. I freaking love that team.
Steve Kerr: Really, there was just one person standing in our way. Jerry Krause.
Andrea Kremer: So, Bulls general manager Jerry Krause announced that this would be the last season for coach Phil Jackson, effectively breaking up the greatest team of all time.
David Aldridge: Jerry had a little man problem. He grew up a little fat kid. He didn’t have a lot of money. He was always the underdog.
Kim Jong-Un: He’s like I always say, never trust a fat little weirdos who make it all about themselves.
David Aldridge: Krause was quoted saying, “Players don’t win championships. Organizations do.”
Kim Jong-Un: What? That’s like saying democracy is better than dictatorship. That’s the kind of talk that get you poisoned, bro.
Steve Kerr: We were a family. And like all families, we had our problems.
Andrea Kremer: In the middle of the season, Dennis Rodman goes to Phil Jackson and says he needs a vacation.
Steve Kerr: Boom. We don’t hear or see Dennis for 48 hours.
Kim Jong-Un: Nobody knows where this guy is. Is he in Vegas? Is he having heart surgery? Is he gravely ill? Is he already dead?
Steve Kerr: Dennis was a great team mate, but frankly his behavior was bizarre.
Andrea Kremer: The hair, the tattoos, the eccentric clothes.
Kim Jong-Un: I told him don’t over think it, if you want to look cool, just wear exact same clothes as your dad everyday for the rest of your life.
Steve Kerr: Game five of the 97 finals.
Andrea Kremer: And Michael Jordan has the flu.
Kim Jong-Un: A flu? Boo! That’s not a thing. You want to know what I have? Hypertension, diabetes, a lymph, obesity, smoker’s cough, heart problems and coronavirus. I’m feeling just fine. Da’ Bulls. Am I saying that right? Okay. Da’ Bulls.
