Saturday Night Live: 2010-2011


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 36: 2010-2011

















Starring:

  • Fred Armisen
  • Abby Elliott
  • Bill Hader
  • Seth Meyers
  • Bobby Moynihan
  • Andy Samberg
  • Jason Sudeikis
  • Kenan Thompson
  • Kristen Wiig

    Featuring:
  • Vanessa Bayer
  • Paul Brittain
  • Taran Killam
  • Nasim Pedrad
  • Jay Pharoah
  • Writers:

  • Doug Abeles
  • James Anderson
  • Alex Baze
  • Heather Anne Campbell
  • Jessica Conrad
  • Jim Downey
  • Tom Flanigan
  • Shelly Gossman
  • Steve Higgins
  • Colin Jost
  • Erik Kenward
  • Rob Klein
  • Jonathan Krisel
  • Seth Meyers
  • Lorne Michaels
  • John Mulaney
  • Christine Nangle
  • Michael Patrick O’Brien
  • Paula Pell
  • Simon Rich
  • Marika Sawyer
  • Akiva Schaffer
  • John Solomon
  • Kent Sublette
  • Bryan Tucker
  • Episodes

  • 09/25/10: Amy Poehler / Katy Perry
  • 10/02/10: Bryan Cranston / Kanye West
  • 10/09/10: Jane Lynch / Bruno Mars
  • 10/23/10: Emma Stone / Kings of Leon
  • 10/30/10: Jon Hamm / Rihanna
  • 11/13/10: Scarlett Johansson / Arcade Fire
  • 11/20/10: Anne Hathaway / Florence and the Machine
  • 12/04/10: Robert DeNiro / Diddy Dirty Money
  • 12/11/10: Paul Rudd / Paul McCartney
  • 12/18/10: Jeff Bridges / Eminem & Lil Wayne
  • 01/08/11: Jim Carrey / The Black Keys
  • 01/15/11: Gwyneth Paltrow / Cee Lo Green
  • 01/29/11: Jesse Eisenberg / Nicki Minaj
  • 02/05/11: Dana Carvey / Linkin Park
  • 02/12/11: Russell Brand / Chris Brown
  • 03/05/11: Miley Cyrus / The Strokes
  • 03/12/11: Zach Galifianakis / Jessie J
  • 04/02/11: Elton John
  • 04/09/11: Helen Mirren / Foo Fighters
  • 05/07/11: Tina Fey / Ellie Goulding
  • 05/14/11: Ed Helms / Paul Simon
  • 05/21/11: Justin Timberlake / Lady Gaga
  • SummaryIt would be a reasonable argument to suggest that “SNL” became too comfortable generating high ratings through obvious gimmick tactics (the additional mid-week mini-shows which siphoned the quality of the regularly-scheduled shows, or the shameless Facebook campaign on Betty White’s behalf which ultimately revolved more on SNL’s past female cast members than the longtime TV veteran herself). Thankfully, other missteps seemed to have been addressed: Kristen Wiig, who was being overexposed as though the lone female performer in a cast of men, was used more sparingily; Jenny Slate, who immediately alienated viewers by dropping the F-bomb on her first show and made no impact aside from a single recurring character with little growth potential, was let go. However, the most prominent change, which arguably gave the new season a slight edge over the previous one, was the hiring of four new featured performers, the largest group of newcomers on SNL since Bill Hader, Andy Samberg, Jason Sudeikis and Wiig burst on the scene five years earlier. Which is not to say that these new kids — Vanessa Bayer, Taran Killam, Jay Pharoah and Paul Brittain — made quite the same splash as the now-seasoned veterans, but there were moments throughout the season where it felt like they were really trying to make the show their own, providing some of the freshest sketches seen on the show over the last couple of years.

    SNL Transcripts

    SNL Transcripts: Ed Helms: 05/14/11: The Buchanan Brothers



     Saturday Night Live Transcripts


      Season 36: Episode 21










    10u: Ed Helms / Paul Simon

    The Buchanan Brothers

    Platinum Buchanan…..Ed Helms
    Sandy-Haired Buchanan…..Taran Killam
    Dan Fouts…..Bill Hader
    Mrs. Fouts…..Kristen Wiig
    Daughter…..Vanessa Bayer
    Boyfriend…..Paul Brittain

    INT. FOUTS HOME – NIGHT

    [ DAN FOUTS & HIS WIFE observe their daughter and her date before they step out for the evening. ]

    Boyfriend: Don’t worry, Mr. & Mrs. Fouts — your daughter’s in good hands.

    Daughter: Bye Mom! Bye Dad! Don’t wait up for me…

    Mrs. Fouts: What time will you be home?

    Daughter: Who knows? It’s prom night!

    [ The youngsters depart. ]

    Mrs. Fouts: I’m worried, Dan.

    Dan Fouts: About what?

    Mrs. Fouts: They’re not going to… do it? Are they?

    Dan Fouts: I did IT all to YOU on our Prom Night.

    Mrs. Fouts: But we grew up in a nastier time.

    Dan Fouts: Don’t worry. I put this in their car —

    [ He holds up a CD. ]

    [ COVER ART OF “THE BUCHANAN BROTHERS – KEEPING IT SOFT: ULTIMATE TURN-OFFS” ]

    Mrs. Fouts (V/O): “The Buchanan Brothers – Keeping it Soft: Ulitmate Turn-Offs” Collection.

    Dan Fouts: There’s a lot of songs out there to put you in the mood. But listen as Buchanan Brothers take you OUT of the mood… WAY OUT!

    [ CUT TO PERFORMING STAGE ]

    [ THE BUCHANAN BROTHERS, one PLATINUM BLONDE, moustached and the other SANDY-HAIRED, clean shaven, wear matching retro 70’s wardrobes and sway to an opening melody. ]

    [ SUPER: “REMEMBER THAT” ]

    Sandy-Haired Buchanan: [ singing ] “You’re both getting closer.
    The night’s feeling so right.”

    Platinum Buchanan: [ singing ] “Let me ask you a question,
    before your love takes flight.”

    Sandy-Haired Buchanan: [ singing ] “Remember when you saw your
    grandmother’s naked boobie?”

    Both: [ singing ] “Remember that time you saw?
    Remember that time you saw?
    A single, flapping naked boob!”

    [ BACK TO FOUTS HOME ]

    [ The couple is discomforted after hearing the previous track. ]

    Dan Fouts: That’s no fun to think about!

    Mrs. Fouts: Makes me feel weird.

    Dan Fouts: No one’s getting laid after that — or this…

    [ BACK TO STAGE ]

    [ SUPER: “DEEP DOWN” ]

    Sandy-Haired Buchanan: [ singing ] “Soft hug.”

    Platinum Buchanan: [ singing ] “Soft kiss.”

    Sandy-Haired Buchanan: [ singing ] “Now think about a carpeted bathroom.”

    Platinum Buchanan: [ singing ] “There’s never a time that carpet dries out.”

    Both: [ singing ] “If you pulled it up, you’d see
    thousands of silver fish.”

    [ BACK TO FOUTS HOME ]

    Dan Fouts: Ugh! That was fairly gross.

    Mrs. Fouts: I’ll say. And the Buchanan Brothers really bring the unsexy back with this next hit…

    [ BACK TO STAGE ]

    [ SUPER: “SO RIGHT” ]

    Sandy-Haired Buchanan: [ singing ] “Think about the Native Americans.”

    Platinum Buchanan: [ singing ] “Think about what we did to them.”

    Both: [ singing ] “We’ll never make that right!”

    [ BACK TO FOUTS HOME ]

    Dan Fouts: How could anyone make love with exploited, Native Americans on their mind?

    Mrs. Fouts: That’s the point. And there’s more… with songs like – –

    [ SUPER: “Hickory-Smoked Cheddar Cheese Breath” ]

    Dan Fouts: “Hickory-Smoked Cheddar Cheese Breath”

    [ SUPER: “Your Cousin Dreamt About You” ]

    Mrs. Fouts: “Your Cousin Dreamt About You”

    [ SUPER: “Clumped Warm Mayonnaise” ]

    Dan Fouts: “Clumped Warm Mayonnaise.” And…

    [ SUPER: “Adult Baptisms” ]

    Mrs. Fouts: “Adult Baptisms”

    Dan Fouts: Plus, this “keep-it-in-your pants” single…

    [ BACK TO STAGE ]

    [ SUPER: “IRRE’CYST’ABLE” ]

    Both: [ singing ] “Some cysts can
    grow teeth and hair.
    What if one’s
    inside you now?
    Growing teeth and hair!”

    [ BACK TO FOUTS HOME ]

    [ The couple’s daughter comes storming in. ]

    Daughter: Hi Mom! Hi Dad! I don’t want to talk about it! Good night!

    [ She runs upstairs quick. ]

    Mrs. Fouts: Sounds like somebody had a horrible night.

    [ Dan chuckles. ]

    Dan Fouts: Let’s hope it the first of many more to come.

    Mrs. Fouts: Thanks, Buchanan Brothers!

    Dan Fouts: We’re great parents!

    Mrs. Fouts: We sure are! [ a beat ] Hey, I’m in the mood. Let’s say we go upstairs and finish what they couldn’t get started.

    Dan Fouts: Hang on — let’s listen to this bonus track first…

    [ BACK TO STAGE ]

    [ SUPER: “DUST = 90% SKIN” ]

    Sandy-Haired Buchanan: [ singing ] “I love you!”

    Platinum Buchanan: [ singing ] “And I want you!”

    Both: [ singing ] “Did you know that
    90% of dust is skin!”

    Sandy-Haired Buchanan: [ singing ] “You breathe in other people’s skin!”

    [ BACK TO FOUTS HOME ]

    Mrs. Fouts: Never mind about going upstairs now.

    Dan Fouts: Good. Thanks, Buchanan Brothers!

    [ CD COVER ART ]

    [ SUPER: AVAILABLE WHEREVER CD’S ARE STILL SOLD. ]

    Announcer: Available wherever CD’s are still sold.

    [ END ]

    Submitted by: Cody Downs

    SNL Transcripts