Brad… Beck Bennett
Beth… Kate McKinnon
Barbara… Julia Louis-Drefus
Trevor… Taran Killam
Max… Kyle Mooney
Jon Rusnitsky[Starts with people enjoying in Meet N’ Match pub]
Brad: Okay singles, looks like we got a lot of love connections tonight. Which is what match.com, Meet N’ Match is all about. We’re winding down soon so if you need any last drink tickets, come see me, your man Brad at the host table. Now, let me hear you make some noise.[Everybody cheering for Brad] [space ship landing sound] [Beth and Barbara enter the pub. They’re wearing long dresses, have long hair and both their eyes are completely black. And their voices are of male.]
Beth: Hello, we are two females from this planet.
Barbara: We must find men for dating.
Beth: I am concerned. We do not look like the human women here.
Barbara: Yes, but we must succeed in dating males. That must be your focus.
Brad: I see we’ve got some singles joining us. Get up here ladies and introduce yourselves. Sorry, them’s the rules. Oh, my god! Your eyes! Dude!
Beth: Hello, I am one Beth.
Barbara: And I am the Barbara.
Brad: Um, what are you two looking for tonight?
Barbara: Adult males for dating to produce a child.
Beth: Our kind is dying. A child can restart the world engine.
Barbara: Our twin stars are dimming. Our kind is dying. We need to produce a child now.
Beth: If a child cannot undim the bistars, our world will invert into it’s mantle.
Brad: Ay…. super weird. But we need all the girls we can get. So ladies, have fun tonight.[Beth and Barbara walk towards Trevor and Max]
Beth: Hello, we are flirting. Now we must date.
Trevor: Woah, you move fast. Ha-ha. I’m Trevor.
Max: I’m Max and your eyes are crazy, but that’s kind of hot.
Barbara: We must date now. Our kind is dying.[Cecily and Vanessa comes in to approach Trevor and Max
Cecily: Hey guys, um, this thing’s almost done. You guys down for an after party?
Beth: No, go! These men belong to us.
Vanessa: Um, you can’t call dibs on guys.[Beth and Barbara start making noise and Vanessa is possessed by them and her nose is bleeding.]
Cecily: Oh my god, Paige, your nose is bleeding. Paige!
Vanessa: Who is Paige? Where am I?[pulling her friend away]
Cecily: We’re gonna sue you!
Trevor: Whoa, damn! You girls are intense.
Max: Ay, you wanna get a drink or what?
Barbara: No, there is not time. Come with us.[Beth and Barbara pull Trevor and Max with them]
Beth: We will date in here. Our kind is dying.[They go through the door]
Brad: Alright, FYI, there’s a large glowing crater out front so if you go outside to smoke, watch your stepperini! Ha-ha.[Beth and Barbara come out of the door. Trevor and Max are turned into skeletons that are behind the door.]
Beth: That did not go well. They were too weak for the act.
Barbara: The act of dating turned them into bones.
Beth: Next time, we must not destroy the male.
Barbara: Yes, we learned our lesson[two guys approach Beth and Barbara]
Jay: Ay, so we’ve been watching you two and y’all are freak.
Jon: We like that. Can we please buy you a drink?
Beth: Yes. And then give us the child.
Jay: Yeah, we can do that.
Brad: Alright, hey Matchers, if anyone knows about the two warm skeletons in the men’s restroom, please tolerate management. In the meantime, don’t be single. Mingle! Ha-ha-ha.[The End]