SNL Transcripts: Saturday Night Live in the ’90s: Pop Culture Nation: 05/06/07



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Special: Saturday Night Live in the ’90s: Pop Culture Nation

















Paula Pell: It’s always ben such a saving grace for the show when there’s… interesting, screwed-up things going on in our world, and we can reflect on it.
Gin Blossoms perform “Follow You Down”: 03/23/96

Gin Blossoms: [ singing ]“Anywhere you go, I’ll follow you down
I’ll follow you down, but not that far.”

??: The stuff in the 90’s was, like, intersecting with politics.. it was intersecting with crime.. it was intersecting with sports. So it felt like we could really do a rich show that kind of covered American life.

Will Ferrell: When we were doing it right — when we weren’t just making the obvious choice, we were actually throwing these kind of dubious characters into situations that made it really funny.
Unabomber Class Reunion: 04/13/96

FBI Agent #1: You have ten minutes, Ted!

Ted Kaczynski: Fellas, thanks again for letting me come to this — a class reunion doesn’t happen very often! And, I tell ya, it feels like I never left!

James: [ approaching ] Oh, my God! Don’t tell me.. don’t tell me.. uh.. uh..

Ted Kaczynski: [ covers his nametag ] No peeking!

James: [ laughs ] Ted Kaczynski! Where did they find you?!

[ they hug ]

Ted Kaczynski: Jimmy Mallory, you old pool shark! How the hell are you?

James: Not bad.. So, what have you been up to?

Ted Kaczynski: I’ve been doing a lot of writing..

James: Yeah, really? You, uh, get anything published?

Ted Kaczynski: Yeah. One thing.

Adam McKay: To play the bogeyman — to play the Devil as a goofball — is just a fun game to do, you know? and then you get the right performer doing it, and, all of a sudden, you can start having a run with these characters.

Steve Higgins: Everything about Ted Kaczynski was just so… insane. Because he was more like a character we’d create, than a real human.


Unabomber Defense Plan: 01/17/98

Ted Kaczynski: [ stands ] Terrific! Great! I think that went well!

Steve Higgins: Who else to play that, but Will?

Norm MacDonald: As soon as I saw him, I thought, “This guy is like Chevy.” Because he’s an all-American guy, but he has this, like, incredible subversive streak in him.
The Terry Gantner Family Workout: 12/07/96

Terry Gantner: [ punches board, breaking Terry’s hand instead of the board ] Oh, God! Oh.. God! Oh, sweet God! Sweet bastard! Oh, my God! What kind of wood was that!!

Julian Gantner: Dad, are you all right?

Terry Gantner: What kind of wood was that! What kind of wood was that!! Sweet God!


Molly Shannon: Will’s a great writer, too. I loved writing stuff with him, because he’s so supportive, and if you say any crazy things like, “That’s great!” he’ll say, “We’ll be crazy together.” Um — I think we share a similar dark sensibility.
Dog Show: 12/05/98

David Larry: Hello, and welcome to “Dog Show” —

Miss Colleen: A show for people —

David Larry: About dogs —

Miss Colleen: Starring one dog —

David Larry: And one dirty dog.

Miss Colleen: That’s right — that’s me.I’m Miss Colleen, and I! Like! Huh-dogs! [ she dives forward ]

David Larry: And I’m David Larry. And I like dogs. As usual, I’m sitting next to my special dog friend — [ the dog dives into David’s drums ] Mr. Bojangles – -who is actually a girl. But I gave her a boy’s name. Because I’m playing a TRICK on her!

Will Ferrell: “Dog Show”? It was really funny-strange.. but we somehow tricked Lorne into thinking it was funny-ha-ha. Adn he would put it on in the heart of the show. Or, sometimes, it would be the second sketch up. [ he laughs ]We’d just look at each other, like… “How did we fool him?” ‘Cause we’re holding these little tiny dogs, but —

Adam McKay: And that was sort of the power of Will Ferrell, and that’s why all the writers, like, loved him and wrote for him endlessly. Because he broke that barrier between funny-strange and funny-ha-ha.

Mark McKinney: He is the kind of spirit of crazy that you want, and, at the same time, you know, none of the, you know, sort of darker personal issues that usually haunt that type of person. He was always friendly, always accessible. You always felt like Will was your bud.

Ana Gasteyer: Probably the most popular people in the workplace are like, you know — Will Ferrell has this, just impossible-to-replicate calm and confidence about whathe’s doing. And it’s contagious.

Adam McKay: The game was mot: “Look how funny I am.” The game was: “We like to play with each other.”

Marci Klein: Every night, they were doing improv… and improv games and theater games. It was just completely different.

Steve Higgins: The more you know somebody, the more you know how they’re funny in a way that people haven’t seen before. Norm and I were hanging out in his office one day, playing a game where he had words and you had to do an impression of somebody saying the same sentence, and he did Burt Reynolds doing it, and we’d go, “Well, there you go! So how can we get Burt Reynolds on TV?”


Norm MacDonald: And they wanted me to do Burt Reynolds now, with a grey beard, and I said, “No, let’s do it in the 70’s, ’cause that’s when I loved him the most.”
Celebrity Jeopardy: 10/23/99

Alex Trebek: [ as Burt Reynolds walks up wearing a large hat ] Mr. Reynolds, what are you doing?

Burt Reynolds: Ha-ha! Yeah, I found this backstage, an over-sized hat. It’s funny.

Alex Trebek: No, it’s not!

Burt Reynolds: Sure it is. It’s funny. It’s funny because it’s ah, bigger than, ah.. [ clears throat ] ..you know, a normal hat.

Alex Trebek: Uh, I see that. Get back to your podium.

Will Ferrell: The “Jeopardy” sketch, to me, is the spirit of “Saturday Night Live.” It’s, like, you know, the whole cast is working at one time, and there’s really some clever writing going on…
Celebrity Jeopardy: 03/20/99

Alex Trebek: Mr. Connery, why don’t you pick a category?

Sean Connery: I’ve got to ask you about the Penis Mightier.

Alex Trebek: What? No. No, no, that is The Pen is Mightier.

Sean Connery: Gussy it up however you want, Trebek. What matters is does it work?

Darrell Hammond: And none of it really ever made any sense. It made no sense that Connery didn’t know the answers… and it made no sense that he had such an intense dislike for Alex Trebek…
Celebrity Jeopardy: 10/23/99

Alex Trebek: “This is the sound a doggy makes.” [ Connery buzzes in ] Mr. Connery.

Sean Connery: Moo. [ buzzer sounds ]

Alex Trebek: No.

Sean Connery: Well, that’s the sound your mother made last night! [ laughs ]

Darrell Hammond: It’s the most popular thing I’ve ever done. It’s the thing people know most about me when they come to my shows.

Norm MacDonald: And then one time, I was talking to Burt Reynolds, and he said he wanted to come on the show while I was doing “Celebrity Jeopardy”, and then, uh, punch me in the face and take over… and then, he’d be even stupider — but then I got fired, and so he couldn’t do it!
Coming up next… Norm Vs. The Network

SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: Saturday Night Live in the ’90s: Pop Culture Nation: 05/06/07

Saturday Night Live Transcripts

Special: Saturday Night Live in the ’90s: Pop Culture Nation




Gangsta Rap Dance Smashes!: 12/04/93

Richie: Hey, everybody! I know what will REALLY get this party going! [ holds up album ] It’s Jukebox’s collection of Gangsta Rap dance tunes!

Adam McKay: Let’s face it — “SNL” comes from a tradition of, like.. white, snarky, smart-ass comedy. It doesn’t come from that tradition of, like, “Def Comedy Jam.”

[ image: The NFL on Fox: 01/08/94 ]

Jim Downey: You’re never gonna be the voice of Black America, probably.
Black History Month: 02/25/95

[ Ellen Cleghorne and Tim Meadows sit at a desk ]

Ellen Cleghorne: But — on an up note — this marks the first time in the history of “Saturday Night Live” that two African-American cast members have opened the show by saying, in unison…

Both: [enthusiastically put their heads together and shout] Live from New York–!

Chris Farley: [abruptly enters and puts his arms around Ellen and Tim, interrupting] Hey, guys! What’s up?! [audience cheers and applauds for a grinning Farley as Ellen and Tim look glum and upset]

Chris Rock: Their guys would probably rather do a sketch with, you know — about John McLaughlin than Flavor Flav. That’s just — [ laughs ] that’s just — [ laughs ] that’s just, you know, there’s a lot of white guys on this show!


En Vogue performs “Free Your Mind”: 03/21/92

En Vogue: [ singing ] “Before you can read me, you got to learn how to see me
I said free your mind and the rest will follow
Be color blind, don’t be so shallow.
I said free your mind and the rest will follow
Be color blind, don’t be so shallow.”

The Dark Side with Nat X: 11/10/90

Nat X: Peace, brothers and sisters, and welcome to the show! I’m your host, Nat X! In the next 15 minutes – that’s right, this is the only 15-minute show on TV. Why? Because the man would never give a brother like me a whole half-hour!

Tina Fey: I think black culture has yet to really — really, really — break out on “SNL.”

[ image: World Series: 10/23/93 ]

Tim Meadows: If you don’t have any other.. African-American writers on the staff, then.. you don’t have anybody who really thinks like you.


Weekend Update with Norm MacDonald: 10/01/94

Tim Meadows: I swear to God, there are only a few things that really get to Tim Meadows: racism, sexism and no hockey!

Tim Meadows: I wouldn’t say it’s tougher, but I would say it’s a little tougher. [ laughs ] [ image: Tim Meadows as Darius Rucker in ABC News Special: 10/21/95 ]
The Ladies Man: 10/04/97

Caller #2: Uh, hello, Ladies Man? Yeah, uh, I’ve been with my girlfriend for a few years now, and we like to have sex and all, but —

Leon Phelps: Hey, that sounds good to me!

Caller #2: It gets kind of boring, so is there any way we can, uh, spice up our love life?

Leon Phelps: Well, yes, uh — there are a number of possibilities that you can pursue. Uh — may I suggest you consider the butt?

Caller #2: [ quickly hangs up the phone, eager to take suggestion ]

Rob Smigel: They’ll hire the one black writer for Chris Rock. You know — “He’ll help Chris!”
2 Live Crew Party: 09/29/90

[ Luther Campbell’s agent pours a drink ]

Agent: A lot of these people don’t know how hard it is to write what you write.

Luther Campbell: [ sighs ] Now, people think you can just throw a “lick-lick” here, and a “bitch-bitch” there — “lick there, bitch, bith, bitch, lick it, bitch!” and get a song!

Fred Wolf: It, maybe, didn’t exploit him, but, really, I feel like it brought him out to an audience that came to understand how funny he was.

[ image: Nikey Turkey: 11/17/90 ] [ image: Russell Simmons’ Def Magic Show Jam: 03/20/93 ]

Chris Rock: I remember talking to Eddie Murphy when I first got hired, and I wasn’t getting on, and he just kept saying, “You’ve gotta write Update pieces — man, you gotta do that straight-to-camera, man.”


Weekend Update with Kevin Nealon: 09/26/92

Chris Rock: You know, I hated school. You know why I hated school? Because I was the only black kid in my grade — the whole grade! I felt like Franklin from the Charlie Brown Show. You ever see Franklin? 25 years, not one line! Nothing! 25 years, man. I mean, everybody on Charlie Brown’s got their own little character that’s all thought out. You know, Linus got the blanket.. Lucy’s a bitch.. Schmoly plays the piano.. Peppermint Patty’s a lesbian. You know? Everybody’s got their thing, except Franklin! Give him something! Damn! Give him a Jamaican accent or something! [ speaks in Jamaican accent: ] “C’mon Charlie Brown leave me alone, mon!” I mean, come on!

Macy Gray performs “I Try”: 01/15/00

Macy Gray: [ singing ] “I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together
But we’re not
I play it off, but I’m dreaming of you
I’ll keep my cool but I’m feenin’.
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it’s clear
My world crumbles when you are not near.”

Steve Koren: You know, the 90’s was interesting because I think it’s the first time when the show was dominated by former stand-up comedians.

Chris Kattan: Sandler was stand-up, and Spade was stand-up, and it was like a stand-up element. And, uh, Norm — Norm MacDonald was a stand-up.

[ image: Larry King’s News & Views ]

Norm MacDonald: Like, the first season I would just talk straight into the camera, ’cause I knew I — I knew I always knew how to talk into cameras. As you can see. [ laughs ]
Weekend Update with Kevin Nealon: 10/09/93

Norm MacDonald: I was thinking about it the other day, and I realized that what scares me most about going in prison isn’t the loss of freedom or the, uh, stigma, or even the separation from family. For me, the scariest thing about going to prison is, uh — you know, it’s the, uh — you know, the, uh — [ pause ] anal rape! [ waits for the audience to appreciate the joke ]

Jimmy Fallon: [ smiling ] At the time, I was like — no, he’s so good! [ laughs ] The dude is so confident with that great joke, that he’s just going to sit there until people finally get it, and process it, and go: [ exhales ] and just laugh.

David Spade: Stand-ups are good at writing stand-up, but it’s so different. I mean, basically, I would do Weekend Update — and i’d just do my act.


Weekend Update with Kevin Nealon: 05/07/93

David Spade: By the way, when you’re at a show and the band says, “Here’s something from our new album, why don’t they just say, “Everyone, get up and go to the bathroom.”

David Spade: And then, when I tried to write Hollywood Minute, people said, “You know, you always read these magazines and talk out loud at the writer’s table about this celebrity, or this, or you just kinda make fun of them — try that.” So I put it together, did it at read-through, it killed, and Lorne’s, like, “You found your voice. Love it.”
Weekend Update with Kevin Nealon: 12/04/93

David Spade: Macauley Culkin! Hi. First of all, your dad’s nuts. Secondly, let me tell you something, kid: you’re cute, you’ve got blonde hair, everyone loves you, it’s true. Here’s the catch: I used to look exactly like you when I was ten! Alright? Oh, yeah! [ softly ] Oh, yeah. this is where you’re headed, buddy! Welcome to Hell!

Kevin Nealon: I think you’ll see a lot of stand-ups are more comfortable doing Weekend Update features. Someone like Adam Sandler, or Chris Rock.

Weekend Update with Norm MacDonald: 02/18/95

Opera Man: [ pictured: Brad Pitt ] “Brad Pitt sexiest
“People” wrote-o
Operaman say
Recount the vote-o!”

Michael Shoemaker: Adam redefined what it was like to be a cast member, ’cause he didn’t have to be in sketches with people. Adam would score on Adam’s terms.

[ image: Iraqi Pete: 02/16/91 ] [ image: Caracci’s Pizza: 10/03/92 ] [ image: Sleepy Head on Weekend Update with Kevin Nealon: 03/13/93 ]

Tom Davis: His style of — of comedy was doing these funny, wimpy characters that — that Lorne didn’t get for a while, ’cause he’d read these things at read-through that didn’t seem to be about anything, and there was no jokes, there was just these: [ imitates Adam Sandler ] [ image: Hitting on Women: 04/11/92 ] [ image: Office Thanksgiving Party: 11/21/92 ] [ image: French Class: 02/13/93 ]

But, then, Lorne saw it, and put him on Update with his guitar —

Weekend Update with Kevin Nealon: 02/13/93

Adam Sandler: [ singing ] “My mom bought you when I was just thirteen,
the brightest red sweatshirt I ever seen.
She got an extra large so I wouldn’t grow out,
“That’s too big for you!” the other kids would shout.
But we stuck together, we didn’t quit,
and now the children say, “What a perfect fit.” ”

Kevin Nealon: We played off each other well, because Sandler would do this crazy, absurd character, like, you know — the Halloween guy, or Opera Man, or Cajun Man — it usually ended with “Man”!And, uh — and I would play the straight, uh, news anchor.
Weekend Update with Kevin Nealon: 02/13/93

Adam Sandler: Kevin, please help me out.
[ singing ] “I love you sweeeeatshirt!”

Kevin Nealon: “Red hooded.”

Adam Sandler: “Sweeeeatshirt!”

Kevin Nealon: “Dip, dip, dip.”

Adam Sandler: “Sweeeeatshirt!”

Kevin Nealon: “Shama lama ding dong.”

Adam Sandler: “Sweeeeatshirt!”

Rob Smigel: It was incredibly subversive because his material appeared to be, you know, borderline retarded — [ laughs ] to one section of the audience, because of the subject matter. But, he was doing some of the most inventive stuff that had EVER been done on the show. He was really deconstructing sketch comedy.


Weekend Update with Kevin Nealon: 10/30/93

Adam Sandler: [ holding a pickle under his nose ] “I’m Crazy Pickle Moustache!”

Rob Smigel: He was kind of exposing character premises, for what they were — which were, you know, naked gimmicks.. that we used to.. make money not having to lift things. [ laughs ]

Michael Shoemaker: By the time we got to the 90’s, these were all pretty original types.
The Dogs: 12/05/92

The Dogs: [ singing ] “But I’m baa-aa-aad!
Bad bad baa-aa-aad!
Bad bad baa-aa-aad!”

Michael Shoemaker: Now, every couple of years we maybe get another Sandler. But, there wasn’t one like him then.


Coming up Next: Saturday Night Dead… Again

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