SNL Transcripts: Saturday Night Live in the ’90s: Pop Culture Nation: 05/06/07



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Special: Saturday Night Live in the ’90s: Pop Culture Nation



























Weekend Update with Norm MacDonald: 10/07/95

Norm MacDonald: Thanks! I’m Norm MacDonald, and now the fake news. Well, it is finally official: murder is legal in the state of California.

Tina Fey: Norm was, probably, the last dangerous cast member. In the good way. In, like, you didn’t know — he might say whatever he wanted.

John Goodman: It was the perfect tone for “Update”, for me, because Norman couldn’t give a damn about anything.
Weekend Update with Norm MacDonald: 12/03/94

Norm MacDonald: Kenny G has a Christmas album out this year. [waves] Hey, happy birthday, Jesus! Hope you like crap!

Don Ohlmeyer: Norm did, I thought, a terrific job for a couple of years. And then, that season… it just was flat.

Jim Downey: We wanted to be like a punk segment, sort of like — like — in the 70’s, where it was very bare-bones and — and — and not — and no cuteness.
Weekend Update with Norm MacDonald: 09/27/97

Norm MacDonald: Well, according to published reports, Michael Jackson’s wife is now pregnant with the pop star’s second child. Asked why he decided to become a father again so soon, Jackson explained that his seven-month-old son is starting to lose his looks. [ some boos ]

Norm MacDonald: [ chuckling ] So, it wasn’t a studio crowd-pleasing… effect. It was never aimed at the studio audience, you know? It was always aimed directly at me. I just wrote what I knew was funny.
Pearl Jam performs “Not For You”: 04/16/94

Pearl Jam: [ singing ]
“This is not for you
This is not for you
This is not for you
Oh, never was for you… noooooooo!!!”

Weekend Update with Norm MacDonald: 03/15/97

Norm MacDonald: [ finally realizes he’s looking into the wrong camera, looks into the live camera ] You know, it would probably be better if I was over on this camera…

Rick Ludwin: There was a period when Norm was not as well-prepared as he probably should have been… and… “Update” wasn’t ready to be seen at the run-through —
Weekend Update with Norm MacDonald: 03/15/97

Norm MacDonald: [cheers and applause, the view shifts, a grinning Norm turns to the live camera] Okay. Well, now that I’m over on this camera, it’d probably be better if you put the cards over here! [greater cheers and applause]

Rick Ludwin: — which we viewed as a problem.

Lorne Michaels: But… you know, I’ve been there a long time, so I can tell you that there’s some consistency to the disorganization.

Ken Aymong: Don didn’t want Norm doing “Update” any more. [ he shrugs his shoulders ] You know, I wanted it to stop raining. You know? I mean, I didn’t take it as any more than that.

Don Ohlmeyer: You know, having come from a producing and directing background, you know, I always used to hate… network executives who would tell you how to fix a show.

Lorne Michaels: Don had come out of producing, so there was a lot more “I’d do it this way.”

Rick Ludwin: Lorne was always professional, and he would always listen politely, but he would ultimately ignore all the suggestions, which would… make some of the people on the West Coast, uh — angry.
Pearl Jam performs “Not For You”: 04/16/94

Don Ohlmeyer: And I said to Lorne, you know, “We’ve gotta fix this,” and he says, “Well, you know, they’re doing the best they can do.” I said, “Well, if that’s the best they can do, then we’ve gotta get somebody else in there.” And Lorne fought me on it. It was the only thing — in the time that I was there — that we really had knock-down, drag-out arguments about, and he felt that there needed to be a change, but he wanted to wait until the end of the season.


Jim Downey: They pretended to believe that it was going to be an enormously popular decision, for which the public would thank them, and, in fact, the human emnity of the TV critics was really something to see. Time Magazine had a thing about it, and even printed up a little postcard to send to NBC to — to dump on them.

Michael Shoemaker: When it happened, that Norm wasn’t taken off of “Update”, um, I don’t think that any of us expected that that could happen, because, before or since, it’s never been that kind of network. Complete interference. And it came at such a crazy time.

Jim Downey: Mike Shoemaker calls me on the phone and says, “Two things — uh, you and Norm are fired, and, uh, Chris Farley’s dead.”

Michael Shoemaker: It was the Christmas break… Farley had just died… and, I think, Lorne was at the funeral… and… it just all kind of happened.
Garbage performs “When I Grow Up”: 03/20/99

Garbage: [ singing ]
“Trying hard to fit among you
Floating out to wonderland
Unprotected
God I’m pregnant
Damn the consequences.

When I grow up
I’ll be stable
When I grow up
I’ll turn the tables.”

Lorne Michaels: I said, at the time, that it was the child that John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd didn’t have. But he — he — you know, when he was a boy, he actually taped his eyebrow up, to try and, uh, look like John Belushi.

Tom Davis: For those of us who lived through the Belushi thing — we just saw it coming. And it was just like looking at a puppy next to a highway.

Al Franken: It’s not like he didn’t try, it’s not like he didn’t try. He must have done… twelve rehabs, or something like that.
Permission to Host: 10/25/97

Chris Farley: But that was then — this is now! This time, I’m not just talking the talk! I’m gonna be walking the walk on this one!

Tim Meadows: [ pats Chris’ back ] And he’s got a GREAT sponsor, who’s here to keep an eye on him.

Chris Farley: Yeah!

[ Chevy Chase enters Lorne’s office ]

Chevy Chase: Hey, Lorne!

Chris Farley: Yes!

[ the audience cheers ]

Lorne Michaels: You’re — you’re Farley’s sponsor? You just got out of Betty Ford!

Chevy Chase: [ chuckles ] Well, that’s neither here nor there, Lorne! The important thing is that Chris has been doing great! [ rubs Chris’ head ] He’s been completely sober for — what? — two weeks.

Chris Farley: Six!

Chevy Chase: Six! Whatever. But what counts is: Chris is not just talking the talk… he’s walking the walk.

Mark McKinney: He had big American fame — BIG american fame. I don’t know, I think that’s pressure. It sounds great, you know, for everyone who dreams of fame, if that’s what you want. But I remember just looking at him, and going, “Uh, that must be tough to handle.”

Alec Baldwin: I think it was John Goodman who once said to me that it’s very hard for the Falstaffian Man to weather that kind of response they get from the public. I mean, Chris told me the same thing. Chris said everywhere he went, he would walk into bars and restaurants for years — just his entire life — and he never paid for a drink. Everywhere got their arm around him, they wrapped ihm in a headlock, they were hugging him and saying, “You! You! Your drink’s on me!” It was like the party just unpacked right in front of you.


Tim Meadows: The last month or so before he passed — I don’t think about that stuff as much. You know? I think about the guy who used to drop his pants when I was coming offstage back at Second City, uh — just to make me laugh! [ he laughs ]

Ken Aymong: It was pretty rough stuff. And then, you know, Phil Hartman, I mean, that’s — that’s beyond words.

Norm MacDonald: They were, like, the happiest guys about performing. They both have their greatest joy in just making people laugh than any performer I’ve ever seen.
Coming up next… Norm Vs. The Network

SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: Saturday Night Live in the ’90s: Pop Culture Nation: 05/06/07



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Special: Saturday Night Live in the ’90s: Pop Culture Nation



























Wayne’s World: 12/05/92

Announcer: You are watching Aurora, Illinois Community Access Channel.

[ jump edit ]

[ “Top Ten Things We Love About Bill Clinton” ]

Wayne & Garth: “Wayne’s World! Top Ten! Things We Love! About Bill Clinton!”

[ Garth holds up the “Wayne’s Top Ten” board ]

Wayne: Alright! Okay!

Garth: Yeah!

Wayne: Okay! Number 10: [ Garth pulls the strip ] “Universal Health Care.” I don’t know.. it just seems to make sense these days.

Garth: Right!

[ slide edit ]

Wayne: Alright! Number 6 is: [ Garth pulls the strip ]

Together: “Don’t! Stop! Think-ing a-bout to-mor-row!!”

Garth: We love that song!

Together: NOT!!

Wayne: Hello! Fleetwood Mac? Hello, it’s the 90’s! Here’s a quarter — buy a clue!


Tom Davis: That had to be one of the best years for Lorne, because his first son was born, and “Wayne’s World” was the #1 movie.

Aerosmith performs “Sweet Emotion”: 10/09/93

Dana Carvey: It’s shocking that it became as big as it did. I-I mean, I just didn’t know. I don’t think Mike did, either.


Mike Myers: It was very, very flattering to, uh — you know, think of something in the bath on Sunday, write it up on Tuesday, and then, it’d be somebody saying the words back to you on the following Monday. Uh — it’s a real mind blower.


Michael Shoemaker: “Wayne’s World” really raised the profile of the show, and the ratings were crazy.


Lorne Michaels: It brought another audience to the show. And, ultimately, uh, Mike and Dana and others had movie careers.


Tim Meadows: Coming in the wake of “Wayne’s World”, I think everybody felt that it was their job to get a new character.

The Richmeister: 01/19/91

[ Sting enters the copy room ]

Sting: Hey, Richard.

Richmeister: [ looks up, smiles ] Stiiiiing! Der Stingelhoffer! Making copies! The McStingster! Stingatola! Stiiiiiiing!! [ pause ] Sting-a-ling-a-ding-ding-ding-dong!

Misery II: 02/16/91

Lorne Michaels: — We have this new thing now, with this guy who says people’s names over and over. Like, he would call you “Sheriff.. the Sheriffster.. the Sheriff-rama.. as in, “The Sheriff-rama, on the phone with the Lorne-meister.” Oh, it’s the new thing, people just love it!


Julia Sweeney: It brings you right into the pop-conciousness, uh — you know, the culture — to have a hit character that’s being recurred.

It’s Pat: 11/16/91

Head Trainer: Okay. Age?

Pat: Thirty.

Head Trainer: Height?

Pat: 5′ 8″.

Head Trainer: Sex?

[ they exchange curious glances ]

Pat: Yes! Please! [ giggles coquettishly ] That’s my little JOKE!


Paula Pell: People watch this show, they want something that feels familiar, because that’s one of those things about the show which makes you feel like you’re a part of it. Oh, you haven’t seen this! Oh, you’ve gotta watch! They do this certain thing!”

[ image: Simon: 11/23/91 ]

[ image: Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer: 03/14/92 ]

[ image: Canteen Boy and the Scout Master: 02/12/93 ]

Bill Swerski’s Super Fans: 11/23/91

Super Fans: [ beer mugs raised ] Da Bears!!

The Tonight Show: 10/27/90

Ed McMahon: You are correct, Sir! Yes!

Coffee Talk: 12/12/92

Linda Richman: I’m a little verklempt!

Daily Affirmation: 02/09/91

Stuart Smalley: — and that’s.. okay!


Tim Meadows: The good thing about a repeating character is that people look forward to seeing it.

Sprockets: 09/29/90

Dieter: Now I am as happy as a little girl!


Tim Meadows: The bad thing about a repeating character — [ smiles ] is that people look forward to seeing it! [ laughs ]

Barenaked Ladies performs “It’s All Been Done”: 02/06/99

Barenaked Ladies: [ singing ]
“And if I put my fingers here
And if I say, ‘I love you, dear’
And if I play the same three chords
Will you just yawn and say:

(Whoo-hoo-hoo!)
It’s all been done (whoo-hoo-hoo!)
It’s all been done (whoo-hoo-hoo!)
It’s all been done before!”


Chris Rock: [ laughs ] It’s like, “I’m gonna do EXACTLY what Mike Myers does!”
I’m Chillin’: 04/18/92

Announcer: Live, from the Marcy Projects, it’s “I’m Chillin'”!

Chris Rock: “I’m Chillin'”? He-ey — “Wayne’s World”! Hey, let’s figure out a way to do “Wayne’s World” with a black guy. Okay!
I’m Chillin’: 04/18/92

Onski: I’m your host, Onski. To the highest degree. To the T-O-P. Yo! It’s all about.. muh-wee! And sittin’ by my side is my main man, my toucan Sam, my ace boon coon, my brand new tune, my Vi-dal Sas-soon, my Looney Toon, my Daniel Boone, my ancient room, my big bal-loon, my wrinkled prune, my gold doubloon, my cat in the cradle and the silver spoon, Little Boy blue and the Man in the MIS-SOON — it’s B Fats! Yo, B! Tell ’em how you feel!


Sarah Silverman: I love watching friends perform together, because you can SEE it! And you can really see that with Adam and Spade and Farley and Rob Schneider, and they’re all best friends.

David Spade: The best times for me were: I shared an office with Farley.. and you had to walk through ours to get to a back office, which was Chris Rock and Sandler. So, at all times, I get to be with three of the strongest comedy people out there, aaand.. that makes everyone better because everyone’s trying to make each other laugh.

Matt Foley: Motivational Speaker: 05/08/93

Matt Foley: Now, young man, what do you want to do with your life?

Brian: [ nervous ] I — actually, Matt, I kinda wanna be a writer.

Matt Foley: We-e-e-elll, la-de-freakin’-da! We’ve got ourselves a writer here! [ jumps across the room ] Hey, Dad! I can’t see real good! [ lifts his glasses off and on his face ] Is that Bill Shakespeare over there?

Dad: Well, actually, Matt — Ellen and I have encouraged Brian in his writing.

Matt Foley: Dad, I wish you could just shut your big yapper! [ stumbles back across the room ] Now, I wonder — Brian, from what I’ve heard, you’re using your paper, not for writing, but for rolling doobies!! You’re gonna be doing a lot of doobie-rolling when you’re living in a van down by the river!


David Spade: We went into work, and we just got a sign and an office together. And he’d get bored and finish it and be behind me, going, “David! Turn around!” And I’m be, like, “Dude! If this is Fat Guy in Little Coat again, it’s not funny any more.” And he goes: “Nooo! I swear, it’s new!” [ laughs ] And then I’d turn around — I’ve got my Levi jacket on — Fat Guy in Little Coat! It’s fun-ny! [ whispers ] Don’t you quit on me.


Rob Smigel: Farley and Sandler came in, and then Schneider and Spade as well, but, suddenly, you have these kids who were really turning things upside-down.

Fred Wolf: Those guys had this.. rock-and-roll sensibility, and it became cool. It became.. what everybody was looking for. “How can I get — how can I be a part of all this.. youth culture, and – and the pop culture?” And, “How can I know what’s going on and be hip?” And stuff like that. “I gotta watch ‘Saturday Night Live.'”

Lunch Lady Land: 01/15/93

Adam Sandler: [ singing ]
“Sloppy joe slop sloppy joe yeah
Sloppy joe slop sloppy joe ooh-yeah

(with Chris Farley)

Sloppy joe slop sloppy joe yeah
Sloppy joe slop sloppy joe -YEAH!”


Norm MacDonald: When Chris and Adam were together, that was my favorite thing to watch. Because they loved each other so much, and Chris would always try to make Adam laugh —
Zagat’s: 05/13/95

Beverly: [ reading ] “The City Steakhouse serves the best beef in town, their sensual setting will set the mood for any romantic rendez-vous” Oh, hear that Hank?

[ Beverly rubs Hank’s leg while giving another giant smile, Adam Sandler starts cracking up ]

Hank: Give me cancer NOW, God!


Fred Wolf: When Farley’s name came up, it was unanimous agreement — he’s the funniest. And – and, in a sense, it’s probably liberating for all those guys to be able to say, “Well, yeah, HE’S the funniest!”
Men’s Jazz Dancing Ensemble: 02/20/93

[ Farley spins and falls ]

Chris Rock: Farley didn’t have to write. Farley pretty much had every writer – [ laughs ] on the show kind of worked for him!

Jim Downey: Physically, he was — he had no problem risking his life for comedy.

[ image: Giuliani’s Inauguration: 01/08/93 ]

[ image: NRA Theater: 05/11/91 ]

[ image: Motivational Santa: 12/11/93 ]

[ image: Matt Foley: Motivational Speaker: 05/08/93 ]

[ image: Matt Foley in Prison: 02/19/94 ]


David Spade: Basically, it’s, like, “Uh, by the way, we’re gonna do that again, but don’t put your hands down. Just hit the table with your face.” “Got it!” [ makes crashing sound effect ]

Rob Smigel: And, one of the funniest things about him, that’s illustrated in the Chippendale’s sketch — that Downey wrote — was, uh, you know, to see a guy that fat be that athletic and nimble. It’s just.. breahtaking! That’s still, probably, one of the five funniest moments in the history of the show.

Chippendale’s: 10/27/90

[ Farley dances alongside Patrick Swayze ]

Coming up Next: The Stand Ups

SNL Transcripts