Tag: Finks

Film Critic Terry Finks 2022 Oscars Predictions

Colin Jost

Terry Fink… Alex Moffat

[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]

Colin Jost: Well it’s officially Oscar season and here to give his predictions for Hollywood’s biggest night is film critic Terry Fink.

[Terry Fink slides in]

Terry Fink: Mr. Jost, it’s a privilege to be back my sir.

Colin Jost: Terry, I understand you’ve seen every single film up for an Oscar this year, is that right?

Terry Fink: Bingo host, and every film not nominated too. It’s been one heck of a 48 hours.

Colin Jost: Wait, I’m sorry. You watched every single movie from this year in the last two days. How is that even possible?

Terry Fink: Oh, all thanks to a little multivitamin I take called LSD. The LSD helps me LS-see all these terrific films. First up my pick for best flick, Power of the Dog. Who led this dog out of the closet? That’s the question posed by director Jane Campion in this hysterical gay Western. Benedict Cumberbatch rides high as the titular Dog, the Bounty Hunter. That is until bizarrely stepping through the screen just to make fun of my undies and the voice of my middle school boy. Aside from that, it’s the best movie I’ve ever seen. Colin?

Colin Jost: Yeah, Power of the Dog isn’t about dog, the bounty hunter. And you realize LSD isn’t a vitamin. It’s a hallucinogen.

Terry Fink: Ha-ha. You say tomato, I say [gibberish]. Next up in animation, fun for the whole Familia and Encanto feels worse than being on fire. Pan drawn by the legendary auteur, the Zodiac Killer. All gray throbbing the stress dream does dragon spots but local gangster rapper Lin Manuel Samantha saves the day once again with his catchy hit, Colin JostTerry Fink hours of screaming. This film warmed my heart, broke my brain and sold my kidney for Dogecoin. I give Encanto 10 Tiny terrified Terry’s. Mr. President?

Colin Jost: Man, Terry, I gotta say I’m really starting to worry about you.

Terry Fink: And I’m starting to worry there is no Terry. C’est la vie. Yeah. Okay, next up my pick for best original screenplay, Kenneth Branagh’s Belfast. Get the tissues ready as Johnny Knoxville and his band Bop around town and torture each other’s balls. In this troubles era tear jerker. But it’s Dame Judi Dench, who literally sewers as we man shot out of a cannon directly into my open mouth. I couldn’t stop laughing or crying or doing the Nae-Nae until I was forcibly removed by Regal Cinemas strongest teams. I give Jack ass Belfast 4D 20 twerking ticklish Terry’s. Terry?

Colin Jost: You’re Terry.

Terry Fink: And you’re a wonderful friend. Too bad I’m gonna eat your face.

Colin Jost: Terry Fink, everyone.

Terry Fink: I’m gonna do it though. Yeah.

Weekend Update Terry Finks Fall 2021 Movie Review

Colin Jost

Terry Fink… Alex Moffat

[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]

Colin Jost: Well, it’s officially fall which means, you guessed it, movies, movies and more movies. Here to give his picks of the season is our very own film critic, Terry Fink.

Terry Fink: Hey! Hi there. Mr. Jost, an honor and a privilege.

Colin Jost: Welcome back, Terry. Now, you’ve seen every single film out there this year already. How is it even possible to see everything?

Terry Fink: Sure, it’s possible, Colin. In fact, I’ve found I can watch up to nine movies at once, thanks to a little friend I call LSD.

Colin Jost: Wait. You’re taking LSD?

Terry Fink: Just micro-dosing. It’s all the rage. A little bit of LSD helps me LS-see all these terrific films. First up, “James Bond: No Time To Die”. Well, shake up those martinis because Bond is back with a license to thrill audiences. Daniel Craig wows as the titular Brit, until the third act when he bizarrely transforms into a 50 foot tall Catholic nun whipping me with my father’s belt. That said, it’s a best movie I’ve ever seen. Colin?

Colin Jost: Yes, I don’t know, Terry. It sounds like you might be more than micro-dosing.

Terry Fink: Ha-ha-ha. Says the guy with no mouth. Relax, narc. Next up, the recent “Paw Patrol: The Movie”. Quick, someone call 9-fun-fun because this hellish film is a skin melting nightmare. A mostly confusing blur of colors, shrieks and vibrating plaid, this ‘pawdorable’ ode of fascism begs the question “Will I ever stop falling through this bottomless void?” Director Charles Manson will have you standing in the isles, sweating buckets and screaming a cab until the theater is quietly evacuated. I hated it. I loved it. I feared it. And I accepted it as my one true god. I give “Paw Patrol” 10 tini-tiny Terries. Jamal?

Colin Jost: It’s Colin. Terry, I think you need to maybe ease up on the LSD.

Terry Fink: Yeah. [looking around at the air] Sure. Says the guy whizzing around the studio like a humming bird. I’m gonna get you, Colin. [Tries to catch something out of air] Got ya!

Colin Jost: [poking Terry Fink]  I’m over here.

Terry Fink: Oh my god! Don’t do that.

Colin Jost: You okay man?

Terry Fink: Next up, it’s breezy slice of life Rom-Com, “Venom 2: Let There Be Carnage”. I’m gonna be honest, I was a little high for this one. But I got the gist. Meryl Streep is flat out awful as Venom, himself, but its new comer Jeff Bush who thrills and chills as the Time Square Elsa shoving me through the window of M&M store. I loved it so much, I ran 19 blocks in two minutes. I give it 22 toothless Terries. Satan?

Colin Jost: Oh, no. Terry Fink, everyone.

Terry Fink: I don’t trust a vaccine.