Waiter… Chris Redd
Adam Sandler
Ring… Kyle Mooney
Mac… Mikey Day
Shawn Mendez
Ron Bacon… Kenan Thompson
Janet Sandler Bacon… Aidy Bryant
Pete Davidson
Bobby… Melissa Villaseñor
Chubbs… Leslie Jones
Beck Bennett
Mom… Kristen Wiig
Dad… Jimmy Fallon
[Starts with Waiter serving beer to Adam]Waiter: Here’s your Heineken, Mr. Sandler.
Adam Sandler: Cool.
Waiter: [In Billi Madison voice] So cold! Do you want to drink tiny? Like Billy Madison.
Adam Sandler: I got that, that’s very funny.
Waiter: If you don’t mind me asking, how do you come up with all your characters and stuff?
Adam Sandler: I don’t know, I think they just kind of come to me.
Waiter: That’s kind of a lame answer, all right. Enjoy your reunion.
Adam Sandler: Yeah, there’s lots of Sandlers here, it’s a sandstorm.
Waiter: All right.
[Waiter leaves] [Ring and Mac joins Adam]Ring: Hello, Mr. Hollywood big shot.
Adam Sandler: It’s cousin Ring, cousin Mac, good to see you.
[Cut to Ring and Mac]Ring: Yes sir. Habito-poo-poo!
Mac: Habito-pee-poo!
[Cut to Adam]Adam Sandler: Habito-yahoo!
[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]Mac: Adam, I was so excited when I heard you were coming, I was like, “Habito-woo-hoo!”
Adam Sandler: I don’ know. It’s been forever. How have you guys been?
[Cut to Ring and Mac]Ring: Trying to get my real estate license now. Who knows, we shall see-hoo!
[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]Adam Sandler: Great! Good luck.
Mac: As for me, [Cut to Ring and Mac] I got a– got-a-divorce. Very messy.
Ring: She was screwing his best friend.
Mac: Ha-ha. Shut up!
Ring: You shut up!
[Cut to Adam]Adam Sandler: Shut up! Come on! There’s kids here. Oh, my god, is that my nephew Shawn? He’s still at the kids’ table.
[Shawn is sitting at the kid’s table with two other kids]Shawn: What’s wrong? Want some McDonald’s? Will somebody get this kid a happy meal?
[Cut to Pete with a mic announcing]Pete: Excuse me. May I have everyone’s attention, please. Hello, Sandlers.
[Cut to everybody]Everybody: Habito-wee-whoo!
Pete: I just wanted to say, big hand for Ron Bacon and Janet Sandler Bacon for planning this whole thing.
[Cut to Janet and Ron]Janet Sandler Bacon: Our pleasure. A-habida-dibada-doo!
Ron Bacon: Yes, yes. You know, I’m still not great at this, you all are doing an little invisible Clarinet thing. Is that what it is? It doesn’t matter. Slibida-bib-bap!
[Cut to Pete]Pete: We’re so happy to have cousin Adam this year. Watch what you say about him because you might end up in one of his movies.
[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]Adam Sandler: What? I don’t use your guys for material.
[Cut to Bobby]Bobby: I don’t know about that, Adam. Because now I saw a movie where you picked someone who looked just like me. I seen that on the big ‘ol screen and said, “Hey, that’s me up there”.
[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]Adam Sandler: No, I promise you, Bobby, Bouchet is not based on you.
[Cut to Bobby]Bobby: I know that, dear, I was talking about the Big Daddy movie.
[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]Adam Sandler: Not that either. I can promise you.
[Cut to Chubbs]Chubbs: I know Happy Gilmore, the Chubbs was based on me. How do I know this? A, my first name is Chubbs. B, I have a fake hand. And C, I’m a golf instructor. It’s all in the hips. You stole that from me.
[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]Adam Sandler: All right, maybe a borrowed some stuff from you guys. I swear to you, I didn’t do that a lot.
[Cut to Pete]Pete: Yes, sure you didn’t. Everybody’s enjoying the party.
[Beck joins Pete]Beck Bennett: Hey, Excuse me. Are we going to do the karaoke now?
Pete: Oh, no! The Karaoke is canceled.
Beck Bennett: Oh, okay. Cool. Once again, something that could have been brought to my attention yesterday.
[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]Adam Sandler: I’m going to go say hi to my mother, wish me luck. [Adam walks to his mom] Hi ma, great to see you. What do you think of the reunion? This is a whole family–
Mom: They’re all going to laugh at you.
Adam Sandler: They’re not laughing, they love me.
Mom: No!
Adam Sandler: Come on, ma, be nice.
Mom: They’re all going to laugh at you.
Adam Sandler: No!
Mom: No!
Adam Sandler: Ma, stop.
Mom: No
Adam Sandler: Shut up!
Dad: Why don’t you shut up.
[Dad comes in]Adam Sandler: Papa. How are you doing?
Dad: [Speaking things that’s not understandable, but Adam Sandler is understand]
Adam Sandler: Oh!
Dad: That’s right, but the doctor says it’s nothing to worry about.
Adam Sandler: Oh, good.
Dad: How about I sing the Sandler family song. I wrote it 70 years ago.
Adam Sandler: No, nobody wants to hear that. I wouldn’t want to do that. And nobody wants to hear that.
Dad: I just want to. I would be great if I did that.
Put on your yarmulke
Here comes Chanukah
So much funukah
To celebrate Chanukah
Chanukah is the festival of lights
Adam Sandler: I agree with mother. Let’s take a picture. Yo, come on, Colbert. Snap us. [Cut to everybody getting together for a family picture] Everyone get in. Okay. Come on. Stop looking at me. Shawn. Come on, take the picture. Take it. Ready? One, two, three.
Everybody: Habito-wee-whoo!