Mark… Chris Redd
Chef… Beck Bennett[Starts with Mikey serving the guests at a restaurant. There are customers sitting at different tables.]
Mikey: So, thank you for trying the food. Tell me, what do you guys think?
Heidi: Really good.
Mark: fantastic.[Cut to Ryan and Cecily]
Ryan: Terrazano’s gonna be even better with this new menu.
Cecily: Yeah. I’m 50% Italian, so I know what pasta should taste like. And Terrazano’s does it right.[Cut to Mikey]
Mikey: Well, I’m so glad you guys feel that way because what if I told you that the delicious pasta dishes you’re digging into right now aren’t actually fron an authentic Italian restaurant?
Ryan: What do you mean?
Cecily: Babe, what’s going on?[Cut to Mikey]
Mikey: That theyr’e actually the new pasta selections from Pizza Hut.[Cut to Ryan and Cecily looking around]
Mikey: Familia Italiano–
Mikey: — pasta menu.[Cut to Mark and Heidi]
Mark: What? This is Pizza Hut? Really?
Heidi: You guys got us. That was good.[Cut to Ryan and Cecily. They stand.]
Cecily: No, no, no. Stop!
Ryan: Buddy, you better pump your brakes. I’m just a little confused. I was just sitting here eating Terrazano’s pasta with my beautiful fiancée. And now a bunch of clowns come out with Pizza Hut and you are saying that’s what we actually ate? I’m a little confused.
Mikey: Really? Because you got it exactly right, sir. The Terrazano’s pasta you enjoyed is really from Pizza Hut.[Cut to Kyle and Melissa]
Kyle: I gotta say. You are blowing my mind right now.
Melissa: I’m going to be ordering this primavera all the time.[Cut to Ryan and Cecily]
Cecily: [yelling] Yea, right! From Terrazano’s, my favorite restaurant.[Cut to Mikey]
Mikey: Okay. But remember, it’s actually Pizza Hut and you still liked them. So, isn’t that fun?
Ryan: You son of a bitch.[Cut to Mikey]
Mikey: Whoa, easy![Cut to Ryan and Cecily]
Cecily: Wait, wait. I’m sorry. So, you tricked us? What? This whole night was just like one big long trick?
Ryan: Who else knew about this? Huh? [Cut to Ryan, Cecily, Mark and Heidi] What about you, Mark? What was your involvement in all this?
Mark: What? No! I’m just like you. I don’t know about this.
Cecily: You can’t do this to me. I’m not a Pizza Hut girl. I’m a Terrazano girl.[Cut to Mikey]
Mikey: Guys, guys. Terrazano’s is not a real restaurant. I never existed before today, okay? This is a warehouse with three tables.[Cut to Ryan and Cecily]
Ryan: Well, we’re not gonna stand for being made fools of. Not in front of our fiancées. Right, Mark?[Cut to Mark and Heidi]
Mark: I wish I hadn’t told you my name.[Cut to Mikey]
Mikey: Well, the point is, you guys enjoyed the food, right?[Cut to Ryan and Cecily]
Ryan: I ought to beat you to death.[Cut to all]
Mikey: Guys, you both signed a release. Your fiancée asked where the camera was, looked directly into it and said “Yum, yum, good.”[Cut to Ryan and Cecily]
Cecily: Because I thought it was Terrazano’s.
Ryan: You get off on this? You planting little cameras around and you watch women eat garbage?
Cecily: The chef, babe. Does chef really know?
Ryan: What about chef Luigi Marinara? Is he real?[Cut to Chef standing. He is wearing chef outfit and has big mustache.]
Chef: I am a real chef, but my actual name is Claud and I did not cook this meal for you.[Cut to all]
Cecily: You should be disbarred. You should literally be disbarred.[Ryan walks near to Chef]
Ryan: You looked me in the eyes. You looked my fiancée in the eyes. Where we come from, that means something. You know what? You just lost two people forever.[Cut to Cecily holding her wine glass]
Cecily: Is this wine even real?[Cut to Mikey]
Mikey: You ordered a diet coke.[Cut to Cecily]
Cecily: Then why am I buzzed?[Ryan walks to Cecily]
Ryan: You are scaring my girl. And let me tell you, I see red when my girl gets scared. I ought to beat the death out of you.
Cecily: You’re just a loser who could never afford to eat at Terrazano’s. So you made it your pathetic life’s little mission to destroy the people who can.[Cut to all]
Mikey: Okay look, you guys both signed the release. [walking towards Ryan and Cecily] You seemed to like the food. But we won’t use any of the footage if you don’t want, okay? We promise. I’m sorry this was so upsetting to you.
Cecily: Oh, stop yelling at me. I can’t be yelled at. My dad was a really messed up guy. He was really messed but he would never do this to me, not at Terrazano’s.
Ryan: [hugging Cecily] I know, babe. I know. [to Mikey] If this weren’t Terrazano’s, I ould beat you to death.
Mikey: There is no Terrazano’s![Cut to Domino’s video bumper]
Male voice: Domino’s, at least we’re not liars!