Italian Restaurant

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Mikey Day

Kyle Mooney

Melissa Villaseñor

Ryan Gosling

Cecily Strong

Mark… Chris Redd

Heidi Gardner

Chef… Beck Bennett

[Starts with Mikey serving the guests at a restaurant. There are customers sitting at different tables.]

Mikey: So, thank you for trying the food. Tell me, what do you guys think?

Kyle: Yum.

Heidi: Really good.

Mark: fantastic.

[Cut to Ryan and Cecily]

Ryan: Terrazano’s gonna be even better with this new menu.

Cecily: Yeah. I’m 50% Italian, so I know what pasta should taste like. And Terrazano’s does it right.

[Cut to Mikey]

Mikey: Well, I’m so glad you guys feel that way because what if I told you that the delicious pasta dishes you’re digging into right now aren’t actually fron an authentic Italian restaurant?

[Cut to all. Three people walk in with trays of food.]

Ryan: What do you mean?

Cecily: Babe, what’s going on?

[Cut to Mikey]

Mikey: That theyr’e actually the new pasta selections from Pizza Hut.

[Cut to Ryan and Cecily looking around]

Cecily: No!

Mikey: Familia Italiano–

Cecily: No!

Mikey: — pasta menu.

[Cut to Mark and Heidi]

Mark: What? This is Pizza Hut? Really?

Heidi: You guys got us. That was good.

[Cut to Ryan and Cecily. They stand.]

Cecily: No, no, no. Stop!

Ryan: Buddy, you better pump your brakes. I’m just a little confused. I was just sitting here eating Terrazano’s pasta with my beautiful fiancée. And now a bunch of clowns come out with Pizza Hut and you are saying that’s what we actually ate? I’m a little confused.

[Cut to Mikey]

Mikey: Really? Because you got it exactly right, sir. The Terrazano’s pasta you enjoyed is really from Pizza Hut.

[Cut to Kyle and Melissa]

Kyle: I gotta say. You are blowing my mind right now.

Melissa: I’m going to be ordering this primavera all the time.

[Cut to Ryan and Cecily]

Cecily: [yelling] Yea, right! From Terrazano’s, my favorite restaurant.

[Cut to Mikey]

Mikey: Okay. But remember, it’s actually Pizza Hut and you still liked them. So, isn’t that fun?

[Cut to Ryan and Cecily]

Ryan: You son of a bitch.

[Cut to Mikey]

Mikey: Whoa, easy!

[Cut to Ryan and Cecily]

Cecily: Wait, wait. I’m sorry. So, you tricked us? What? This whole night was just like one big long trick?

Ryan: Who else knew about this? Huh? [Cut to Ryan, Cecily, Mark and Heidi] What about you, Mark? What was your involvement in all this?

Mark: What? No! I’m just like you. I don’t know about this.

[Cut to Ryan and Cecily]

Cecily: You can’t do this to me. I’m not a Pizza Hut girl. I’m a Terrazano girl.

[Cut to Mikey]

Mikey: Guys, guys. Terrazano’s is not a real restaurant. I never existed before today, okay? This is a warehouse with three tables.

[Cut to Ryan and Cecily]

Ryan: Well, we’re not gonna stand for being made fools of. Not in front of our fiancées. Right, Mark?

[Cut to Mark and Heidi]

Mark: I wish I hadn’t told you my name.

[Cut to Mikey]

Mikey: Well, the point is, you guys enjoyed the food, right?

[Cut to Ryan and Cecily]

Ryan: I ought to beat you to death.

[Cut to all]

Mikey: Guys, you both signed a release. Your fiancée asked where the camera was, looked directly into it and said “Yum, yum, good.”

[Cut to Ryan and Cecily]

Cecily: Because I thought it was Terrazano’s.

Ryan: You get off on this? You planting little cameras around and you watch women eat garbage?

Cecily: The chef, babe. Does chef really know?

Ryan: What about chef Luigi Marinara? Is he real?

[Cut to Chef standing. He is wearing chef outfit and has big mustache.]

Chef: I am a real chef, but my actual name is Claud and I did not cook this meal for you.

[Cut to all]

Cecily: You should be disbarred. You should literally be disbarred.

[Ryan walks near to Chef]

Ryan: You looked me in the eyes. You looked my fiancée in the eyes. Where we come from, that means something. You know what? You just lost two people forever.

[Cut to Cecily holding her wine glass]

Cecily: Is this wine even real?

[Cut to Mikey]

Mikey: You ordered a diet coke.

[Cut to Cecily]

Cecily: Then why am I buzzed?

[Ryan walks to Cecily]

Ryan: You are scaring my girl. And let me tell you, I see red when my girl gets scared. I ought to beat the death out of you.

Cecily: You’re just a loser who could never afford to eat at Terrazano’s. So you made it your pathetic life’s little mission to destroy the people who can.

[Cut to all]

Mikey: Okay look, you guys both signed the release. [walking towards Ryan and Cecily] You seemed to like the food. But we won’t use any of the footage if you don’t want, okay? We promise. I’m sorry this was so upsetting to you.

Cecily: Oh, stop yelling at me. I can’t be yelled at. My dad was a really messed up guy. He was really messed but he would never do this to me, not at Terrazano’s.

Ryan: [hugging Cecily] I know, babe. I know. [to Mikey] If this weren’t Terrazano’s, I ould beat you to death.

Mikey: There is no Terrazano’s!

[Cut to Domino’s video bumper]

Male voice: Domino’s, at least we’re not liars!

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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