America’s Funniest Cats

Finn Raynal-Beads… Adam Driver

Joella Ru… Cecily Strong

Ruella Soup… Kate McKinnon

Producer… Kenan Thompson

[Starts with America’s Funniest Cats intro]

Intro song: America’s looking at cat
America’s looking at cat
America’s funniest cats!

Male voice: With your host, Finn Raynal-Beads.

[Cut to Finn]

Finn: Hey there. I’m Finn Raynald, not Raynold, Beads. I don’t know how many times I have to throw a feed about that. I confronted so many people and everyone just points a finger at someone else. But someone is responsible. That doesn’t just happen!

Hey guys! Thanks for all the great pet videos this week including this one from a cat owner who suspected that someone had been going through her drawers. Take a look.

[Cut to a cat pulling red panties out of the drawer.]

[making cat voice] Oh boy! I know they’re in there somewhere. Yes, these panties are gonna look great on this pussy’s booty. [cat looking at the camera] Oh! Sorry ma’am. It’s not what it looks like.

[Cut to Finn]

Alright! We got an amazing trade for you today. So apparently there’s a French version of this show and with me today are the two hosts, Joella Ru and Ruella Soup. Come on out here, ladies.

[Joella and Ruella walk in to the stage]

Okay, thanks for coming all the way from Paris you guys. Tell me little bit about your show.

Ruella: [in French accent] The show is called [unintelligible]

Joella: You know, because in Paris we are the center of the world as far as arts and culture. So you know, when we see this show of your’s, you know, we say, “We have to have this.”

Ruella: We no rest until we have the show.

[Cut to Finn]

Finn: Is that real or you guys like making fun of me?

[Cut to Joella and Ruella]

Joella: Ah, no, no, no. We just put fund at cat.

Ruella: They don’t care.

[Cut to Finn]

Finn: Okay. Then I’m gonna let you guys handle this next clip of a cat who has his first taste of ice-cream.

[Cut to a video of a cat with it’s face inside the ice-cream cup.]

Joella: Oh, this cat has seconds to live. She purposefully get out of oxygen.

Ruella: His life is too much to bear. He is quietly backing out of this world.

Joella: She will not be missed.

Ruella: That’s a funny cat.

[Cut to Finn, Joella and Ruella]

Joella: Yeah, very funny cat.

Finn: Okay, wow. You guys doing a little different than us. We try to make the bloopers a little sillier like with, sound effects and stuffs. Do you know what I mean?

[Joella and Ruella start speaking in French with each other.]

Ruella: We can try.
Finn: Oh, yes. Great! Throw some boyo-yos in there. I’m just gonna roll a bunch of clips and you guys just go crazy, okay?

[Cut to different video clips of cats]

Ruella: Boyoyo! This cat has neurological disorder. She cannot gaze this distance between herself and couch.

Joella: Boyoyo! This cat is certainly dead. That is despasm.

Ruella: Waka-waka! This cat also is dead. She is in her death costume.

Joella: This evil maniac cat has walked into a TV, will not come back the same.

Ruella: Say what? He will never trust the TV again.

Joella: Boyoyo!

[Cut to Finn, Joella and Ruella]

Finn: Okay. It’s a little dark. You know what we find fun? Giving the cat a silly voice like, “Oh, I’m the big fat cat and I can’t fit through the cat door, drip!”

[Cut to Joella and Ruella]

Joella: Oh yes. Okay. That stupid voice coming from a cat would make me laugh.

Ruella: I also was very close to laughing but then I remember I just lost my daughter in the custody, [unintelligible]

[Cut to Finn]

Finn: Oh, my god!

[Cut to Finn, Joella and Ruella]

Joella: Okay, let’s try one more before we go back to France forever.

Finn: Roll it!

[Cut to a video clip of cat stuck in a pot]

Joella: [making stupid cat voice] My husband is in here. My husband’s issues are in here.

Ruella: He died from drugs, but I don’t care.

Joella: He was troubled but he was mine!

Ruella: I don’t want to live anymore. I want to be in hell with him where all suicide go.

Joella: Oh, man! Here I come.

[Cut to Finn, Joella and Ruella]

Finn: Okay. Well, I’m getting word that my producer is here to tell me something. Hopefully privately.

[Producer walks in]

Producer: Well, it’s not. I want everybody to hear this. You’re cancelled.

Finn: Well great! I’m glad. I think anyone would be proud to do 18 seasons of this show. I leave with my head held high.

Producer: Just pack your junk, Reynold-Beads.

[The End]

Star Wars The Force Awakens Teaser

Han Solo… Taran Killam

Finn… Jay Pharoan

Princess Leia… Bobby Moynihan

Luke Skywalker… James Franco

Lando… Kenan Thompson

Tendra … Leslie Jones

[Starts with men flying future jets. It’s a Star Wars trailer.]

Male voice: There is an alliance of heroes. The new and the old.

[They have future weapons and space ships.]

[Cut to the space ship war scene]

[Cut to Han Solo]

Han Solo: I’m Han Solo. Captain of the Millennium Falcon.

[Cut to Finn]

Finn: I need to find Luke Skywalker.

Han Solo: What?

Finn: I need to find Luke Skywalker.

[Cut to Han Solo]

Han Solo: Alright. Wait. What?

Finn: Can you help me find Luke Skywalker?

Han Solo: Hold on! I’ll take the early bird special.

[Cut to Princess Leia with RFinnDFinn]

Princess Leia: Let’s see what we got here. I’m done with the menu. I don’t want the menu. I want to record– Hey, Han! How do you work this freaking thing?

[Cut to Luke Skywalker in a cave of the dessert]

Male voice: Luke! Luke

Luke Skywalker: I see there’s Devin’s in the forest. I must go.

[Luke Skywalker turns his equipment on. It becomes support walker of lasers.]

[Cut to Han Solo in a space ship]

Han Solo: Joey!

Joey: I thought you’ll fix it.

Han Solo: Take your damn glider off!

[Cut to Lando looking outside from home.]

Tendra: Lando! Did you fix the dishwasher yet?

[Cut to Lando and Tendra]

Lando: Baby, please.

[Cut to Tendra]

Tendra: Get your ass in here and fix it.

[Cut to Lando and Tendra]

Lando: But I got on my cape. I shouldn’t have to do no dam chores.

Tendra: What?

Lando: Nothing.

Tendra: Damn what?

[Cut to Han Solo and Princess Leia walking in a corridor. BB-8 passes by.]

Han Solo: Hold on, hold on!

[Han Solo lets BB-8 cross.]

Han Solo: What the [bleep] was that?

[Cut to Luke Skywalker. He’s levitating the medicines and puts them to the weekly scheduled container.]

Luke Skywalker: I have a thyroid issue like my father before me.

[Cut to a ship flying on desert.]

[Cut to Star Wars: The Force Awakens video bumper.]