For Die Hard Saturday Night Live Fans
Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 29: Episode 3
03c: Halle Berry / Britney Spears
Goodnights
…..Halle Berry
…..Britney Spears
Halle Berry: We had a wonderful night, an amazing night! Thank you so much! Thank you to our special guest – Britney Spears!
Britney Spears: Good night!
Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 29: Episode 3
03c: Halle Berry / Britney Spears
Gaystrogen
Steven…..Chris Parnell
Russ…..Fred Armisen
Black Gay Guy…..Finesse Mitchell
[ open on gay man Steven sitting on couch typing on his laptop computer, a pair of tiny dogs by his side ]
Announcer: Have your tastes changed, for no apparent reason?
[ gay man Russ pushes the dogs off the couch, and sits ]
Steven: Look, Russ! I found a new place for us to get our turquoise!
Russ: [ annoyed ] Don’t we have enough turquoise already?
Announcer: Have you noticed a dramatic shift in your interests?
[ Steven is slicing vegetables in the kitchen, as Russ drifts past ]
Steven: Russ, I Tivoed “The Gilmore Girls”, and I waited to watch it with you.
[ Russ keeps on walking ]
Announcer: Have you noticed a loss of attention to detail?
[ Steven is working on a dollhouse ]
Steven: Russ, what color white should we do the trim – Candleabra.. Stucco.. or Rice?
Russ: [ annoyed ] White is white, Steven!
Steven: [ hurt ] Since when, Russ?! Since when?!
Announcer: If you’re over 45, and a gay male – you could be suffering from Queer Loss. Now there’s new Gaystrogen.
[ show Gaystrogen pills ]
[ outline is male body is shown, as the pills work their way to the crotch area, setting the male outline into a dance motion with rainbow spirals eminating from the crotch ]
Announcer: Gaystrogen works with your body, to replenish your natural gayness and boost your fabu.
[ doorbell rings, as gay guests enter ]
Gay Guy: Hello, hello!
[ they all kiss their greetings ]
[ Steven playfully lifts his arm behind his head to show off his turquoise bracelet ]
Black Gay Guy: [ excited ] Oh, my God! Where did you get this beautiful turquoise bracelet!
It was a surprise – from me!
[ Steven and Russ kiss ]
Announcer: Gaystrogen. And get back to your old self.
Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 29: Episode 3
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:
October 18th, 2003
Halle Berry
Britney Spears
Zachary Woodlee
George Wendt Kobe BryantSummary: Kobe Bryant (Finesse Mitchell) and his wife Vanessa (Maya Rudolph) argue with one another before his rape trial.
Transcript
Montage
Halle Berry’s MonologueSummary: Lorne Michaels wants to see Halle Berry and Britney Spears kiss.
Bio: Named for Halle’s Department Store in her Cleveland, Ohio hometown, Halle Berry (1966-) became the first African-American woman to win an Academy Award in 2002, for “Monster’s Ball.”
Transcript
GaystrogenSummary: The pill that prevents middle-aged homosexuals from losing their gay sex drive.
Transcript
The Don Zimmer Sports SpectacularSummary: Don Zimmer (Horatio Sanz) is repeatedly slammed to the ground by his guests.
Recurring Characters: Bob Costas, Pete Rose.
Transcript
Donatella VersaceSummary: Donatella Versace (Maya Rudolph) throws her annual Halloween party.
Note: Model played by Zachary Woodlee.
Recurring Characters: Donatella Versace, Elton John.
Tel-e-LinkSummary: Happy phone-line customers tout their good service using technobabble.
Quick OnesSummary: The pills office workers use to simulate the sexual experience.
Transcript
Sushi BarSummary: Starkisha (Finesse Mitchell) celebrates her birthday at a sushi bar with friends.
Recurring Characters: Starkisha, Appreciante.
The Sunday National EnquirerSummary: Provides special edition fake news stories to brighten your weekend.
Britney Spears performs “Me Against The Music”Also Appeared: 99s, 01l.
Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina FeySummary: Indian comic Billy Smith (Fred Armisen) tells less-than-stellar jokes. Superfan Bob Swerski (George Wendt) offers a sports commentary with his moron nephew (Horatio Sanz).
Recurring Characters: Billy Smith, Bob Swerski.
Transcript
The Best of KlymaxxSummary: Klymaxx’s greatest spoken-over performances.
Tom BrokawSummary: Tom Brokaw (Chris Parnell) is persuaded to record an answering machine message for his make-up girl (Halle Berry).
Recurring Characters: Tom Brokaw.
Britney Spears performs “Everytime”
Ashford & Simpson FanSummary: A woman’s (Halle Berry) day turns brighter when she meets Ashford (Kenan Thompson) & Simpson (Maya Rudolph).
SpeedreaderSummary: A speedreader (Will Forte) quickly hits on a woman (Halle Berry) at a bar.
Transcript
GoodnightsTranscript
Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 29: Episode 2
Carl Weathers for Governor
…..Carl Weathers
Voice Over: Jesse Ventura Arnold Swartzenegger mavericks Americans governors and stars of the movie Predator.
Carl Weathers: Just like me, Carl Weathers. Hi, Im Carl Weathers. Im the black guy from Predator. This American classic has already provided two state governors and frankly, Id like to be the third. Im not fussy; I mean any state is fine. And while Ive never voted personally, I was in the movie Predator, where I played the black guy. My compatriot and good friend Arnold Swartzenegger said Hasta La Vista to politics as usual when he terminated Gray Davis. Well Id like to think that Ive got the Apollo credentials to be your governor. Why? Because I am a man of action Jackson. And I was in Predator. Alright I know what youre thinking. Wasnt Danny Glover the black guy from Predator? And shouldnt he, therefore, be your governor? No. That was Predator 2. Doesnt America deserve better than the star of Predator 2? The America I know and love wont settle for less. But more importantly, do you remember that I was in Predator? Well, I was in Predator.
Voice Over: Carl Weathers for Governor. He was the black guy in Predator.
Submitted by: Catrina
Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 29: Episode 2
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Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina Fey
…..Jimmy Fallon
…..Tina Fey
Announcer: From Studio 8H in Rockefeller Center, it’s “Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina Fey.”
Jimmy Fallon: I’m Jimmy Fallon.
Tina Fey: And I’m Tina Fey. Here are tonight’s top stories.
When voters in California went to the polls Tuesday for the gubernatoral recall race, they found the names of the 135 contenders on a ballot six pages long. Thus, making it the longest thing most Californians have ever read.
In his first news conference after being elected Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger promised to “clean house in Sacramento.” He also threatened to “molest the energy crisis” and to “date rape the deficit.”
Jimmy Fallon: For the first time, the annual event Gay Day, in which homosexuals gather at Disneyland, was held at EuroDisney in Paris. It was the largest gathering of gay men in Paris since “The Day Before.”
A Harlem man, Antoine Yates, is recovering in a hospital, after being mauled by a pet 400-pound tiger, which he was keeping in his apartment. Thus dealying the opening of the new Las Vegas show: Siegfried & Antoine.
Tina Fey: In an effort to improve her image, Shannen Doherty has signed on to produce and act in a new sitcom about a young woman with a reputation for being difficult. and mean, but who’s really kind at heart. Doherty will play that woman’s bitchy friend.
Next month, a flawless $10 million diamond the soze of a walnut will go on auction at sothrby’s. And just in time, because Kobe Bryant’s wife has a birthday coming up.
Speaking of which, the preliminary hearing in Kobe Bryant’s rape trial turned ugly on Thursday, when Pamela Mackey, Bryant’s lawyer, “accidentally” said his accuser’s name in court, violating Colorado privacy laws. And, after being admoished by the judge, Mackey went on to repeat the woman’s name five times, which is really bad. Because what lawyer Pamela Mackey did by mentioning the qwomean’s name, is to put hwer at risk of further harassment. A laweyer, like Pamela Mackey, of the Colorado firm Haddon, Morgan, Mueller, George, Mackey & Foreman – which is probably in the 303 area code – should know that people can go on the internet and look up any name, like Joe Smith, or, I don’t know – Pamela Mackey – and learn everything about them, and call them and mess with them, and stuff! So, be mroe careful, lawyer Pamela Mackey, because I heard a rumor that you’re a little unstable, and you like to give wobble jobs to homeless guys! And, I want you to focus up and win this trial. I’m Pamela Mackey – back to you, Pamela Mackey!
Jimmy Fallon: Environmentalists announced this week that two dams on a river in Maine are to be torn down, in an effort to encourage salmon to return to the river to spawn. Also encouraging salmon to spawn: salmon porn.
Tina Fey: After a week of speculation by the press, Rush Limbaugh aditted on Friday that he is addicted to painkillers, and, I’m sorry to say, hoagies.
Limbaugh blames his addiction on a botched back operation – and lesbians.
Female Dutch athletes will appear nude on a Pay-Per-View website to pay for their training. And they are showing everything! We’re talking full-frontal duffenstorken.. shaved skrunk.. pootenschtabs.. girl-on-girl gorking —
Jimmy Fallon: I-I heard, uh.. one of them even had their glooberschnook in a stugenslume.
Tina Fey: No way! They’re showing their cloberhabinschnit?
Jimmy Fallon: Zork!
Tina Fey: Ooh! Flerm!
[ they pause to mark the end of the scene ]
Jimmy Fallon: [ laughing ] Iraq awarded its first nationwide mobile —
[ still cracking up ] Flerm??
Iraq awarded its first nationwide mobile telephone licenses to three Middle Eastern companies on Monday, saying service could begin by the end of the month. This means Iraq will soon be able to talk anywhere at any time, about how they have no electricty or food.
Tina Fey: Now, this is an odd story. Last week, a couple hiking on a remote mountain in Sweden found seventy pairs of shoes, all filled with butter. To see something like that here in America, you would have to travel all the way to Starr Jones’ closet.
Jimmy Fallon: For “Weekend Update”, I’m Jimmy Fallon.
Tina Fey: I’m Tina Fey. Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.
Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 29: Episode 2
A Message From Nick Lachey And Jessica Simpson
Nick Lachey…..Jimmy Fallon
Jessica Simpson…..Justin Timberlake
Announcer: And now, a message from Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson.
Nick Lachey: Hi. I’m Nick Lachey, formerly of the band 98 Degrees, and currently of.. well.. nothing.
Jessica Simpson: And I’m his wife Jessica Simpson, formerly of the band.. Jessica Simpson.
Nick Lachey: Recently, thanks to our TV show “Newlyweds”, a lot of people have been saying a lot of nasty things about my wife!
Jessica Simpson: Seriously, you guys – it’s totally me! I’m not stupid! Okay.. okay, so I’m not some fancy “middle school” graduate! Big whoop! Would my life really be any better if I went to whatever comes after middle school?! I don’t thknk so!
Nick Lachey: Look, here’s the deal – I’ve known Jessica for a long time, and I know she’s not gonna cure cancer, okay? To be honest.. I wouldn’t even trust her to cure a ham.
Jessica Simpson: [ concerned ] Awwww.. the ham is sick?
Nick Lachey: Once we got past all that.. I realized something very important – she wasn’t going to let me have sex with her unless we were married.
Jessica Simpson: Uh-uh, no way!
Nick Lachey: So.. so I married her, and it was awesome! Like, really, really awesome! Then, it got less awesome. Then, it got awesome again, from different angles – you know what I mean.
Jessica Simpson: [ confused ] What are you talking about, honey?
Nick Lachey: Uh.. don’t worry about it. Uh.. the point is – everyone should just back off, okay?
Jessica Simpson: For reals, y’all! You guys are just overreacting! So what if I thought Chicken of the Sea tuna was actually chicken?! Or that I thought buffalo wings were actually made out of buffalos?! So what if I cried for three whole days when I thought that Peter Pan was ground up to make peanut butter?! So what if I never learn to read or write?! And, when I sign autographs, I have to sign with an “X“?!
Nick Lachey: Okay honey, that’s enough.. we’ve got it–
Jessica Simpson: No, Nick! It’s not enough! I want these people to know that it hurt my feelings.. [ begins to weep ] ..when they say I’m not ed-u-ma-cated, or whatever! I mean, if I’m so retarded, how come my driver’s license says.. “functionally retarded”?!
Nick Lachey: Okay, honey, th-that’s drop that..!
Jessica Simpson: So, in conclusion, you may call me “Dumb”.. you may call me “Stupid”.. you may even call me “Dumb“.. but think about this! [ leans back, quiet ]
Nick Lachey: Wh-what, honey? Think about what?
Jessica Simpson: [ confused ] What?
Nick Lachey: The point. You were making a point?
Jessica Simpson: When? [ a beat ] Can we go, honey? I have to drop the kids off at the pool!
Nick Lachey: That’s great, that’s great, that’s great..
Jessica Simpson: When I said “pool”, I meant “toilet”!
Nick Lachey: Okay, I got it–
Jessica Simpson: And “kids” meant “poop!“
Nick Lachey: Okay, okay..
Announcer: This has been a message from Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson.
Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 29: Episode 2
Justins Dressing Room
…..Maya Rudolph
…..Rachel Dratch
…..Amy Poehler
…..Justin Timberlake
Maya: I think hes even cuter in person.
Rachel: I know. Hes totally adorable.
Maya: I know.
Amy: Who? Whos totally adorable?
Maya: What do you mean who? Justin Timberlake.
Amy: Eh.
Rachel: Eh What do you mean eh?
Amy: I dont know. I mean I love his album. And I mean I get it I think hes cute. But he just doesnt really do it for me.
Maya: What?!
Rachel: Youre crazy!
Amy: Well I gotta go talk to your boyfriend about my sketch, so Ill tell him that you love him.
Maya: Ugh, lucky.
Amy: [knocks on Justins dressing room door] Hey Justin.
Justin: Oh hey.
Amy: Hey, um, can I talk to you about the leprechaun sketch? Uh its kinda noisy, you want me to close the door?
Justin: Why? Are we gonna make out?
Amy: [laughs nervously] What?
Justin: I-I was just kidding. Here, sit down.
Amy: Ok, um, theres just a note I want to give you about the pot of gold part
Justin: [gets closer] Oh I love the pot of gold part.
Amy: You do?
Justin: Yeah its funny.
Amy: Oh youre really funny in it.
Justin: Well were pretty awesome together.
Amy: [laughs nervously] Yeah. How old are you?
Justin: 22.
Amy: Wow youre really mature.
Justin: Thanks.
[Amy stares at him]
Justin: So what about the scene?
Amy: Oh, yeah, right. Sorry. Um, the pot of golds already gonna be out there so you dont need to bring it out. So, ya know, itll give you a little bit more time.
Justin: Ok cool.
Amy: Ok.
Justin: So, is that it?
Amy: Yeah.
Justin: Was it good for you?
Amy: [laughs nervously] Was it good for you? Like we were gonna have sex or something. God can you imagine that? [seriously] I mean can you imagine that?
Justin: Awkward Well I gotta go get ready for the a
Amy: Yeah totally. I get it. Um, Sorry I bothered you Jerstin. Jerstin?! I just called you Jerstin. Youre Justin. Youre Justin Timberlake. Why would I say JerIm spitting on you too. Here let me wipe it off. [rubs on his chest and goes into his shirt a little]
Justin: Yeah ok. Ok thanks Rachel.
Amy: Oh, Im Amy.
Justin: Sorry.
Amy: It doesnt matter Youre the best! I really enjoy working with you [shakes his hand]
Justin: Alright
Amy: And youve just been really good tonight [clings to him by wrapping her arms and legs around him] Just, just just let me do this. Just let me do this.
Justin: Can somebody help me out here? [walks out with her still attached to him]
Submitted by: Catrina
Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 29: Episode 2
Punk’d
Ashton Kutcher…..Justin Timberlake
Lawyer…..Chris Parnell
Fred Durst…..Jeff Richards
Mugger #1…..Kenan Thompson
Mugger #2…..Horatio Sanz
Christina Aguilera…..Maya Rudolph
50 Cent…..Finesse Mitchell
Dax…..Will Forte
Ashton Kutcher(VO): You watched the Real World – You Never Saw: Las Vegas. You seen Jackass Steve-o Dont Try This at Home. Now MTV drops a special edition DVD of their newest hit show Punkd: Barely Legal, starring me, Ashton Kutcher. Im awesome! [appears] Heres the deal, Im Ashton Kutcher. Im awesome! Were showing you all the pranks we werent allowed to put on MTV but now we can, because my lawyer found a loophole. Aint that right, man?
Lawyer: Well its not really a loophole. What youre doing is actually very illegal, Ashton
Ashton Kutcher: Call me Kooch [pushes him out of the frame] Check out when we punk Fred Durst!
[Fred comes out of a backstage door, 2 muggers with guns approach him]
Mugger #1: Hey Fred Durst! Fred Durst!
Mugger #2: Gimme your wallet Fred Durst!
Fred Durst: Please dont hurt me. Please dont hurt my beautiful face. Ill do anything. Ill – Ill touch you wiener. Ill touch your —
Ashton Kutcher: [appears] Whats going on in here? Ha! Fred Durst you just got Punkd. They didnt even ask you to touch their wiener you just offered it. Im awesome!
[just him in the frame] Ha! What a wuss. Why am I so kick ass? Is it because I m dating Demi Moore? Yeah, you know it. Ha! Heres one you wont see on t.v. Watch how we punk Christina Aguilera
Christina Aguilera: [in a recording studio]
“I am beautiful, no matter what they say.
Yes words cant bring me down.”
[dry heaves]
Oh my god. Whats wrong with me? Ive been sick all mornin.
Ashton Kutcher: [appears] Youre gonna be a mom!
Christina Aguilera: What?
Ashton Kutcher: You just got Punkd! We switched out your birth control pills.
Christina Aguilera: Oh my God. You got me. You are so good.
Ashton Kutcher: I know I am. Im Aston Kutcher. Im awesome!
[just him in the frame] Hahaha! Hilarious as usual.
Lawyer: Really problematic. I dont think you can release the DVD [Ashton pushes him out of the frame]
Ashton Kutcher: My life is perfect! But sometimes the pranks arent. Thats when you gotta use the ole noodle. Like when we tried to punk 50 Cent. Watch Dax make him think theres a monster in his room!
50 Cent: [in a bedroom, walks to the bathroom, jumps back and shuts the door] Yo, Im not going in there. Theres a vampire in the bathtub.
[Dax comes out and 50 Cent shoots him repeatedly, finally throwing the empty gun at him]
Ashton Kutcher: [appears, laughing] Dude thats awesome! You didnt know that you were gonna kill somebody. And Dax didnt even know he was gonna get killed. Its a double punk!
[jumping on the bed]
Im awesome! Im Ashton Kutcher. I love Justin Timberlake [jumps out of the scene]
Ashton Kutcher (VO): Punkd: Barely Legal available every place thats awesome!
Submitted by: Catrina
Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 29: Episode 2
Justin Timberlake’s Monologue
…..Justin Timberlake
Audience Member…..Steve Higgins
Justin Timberlake: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you very much! It is so exciting to be here! I’ve watched this show since I was a wee little boy. I remember my mom would let me stay up late. That was way, way, way back in the day, when.. Molly Shannon and Chris Kattan were on the show. And now, I’m here! I’ve been touring the country all summer.. and, my favorite thing to do towards the end of my concert is.. is, uh.. actually bring somebody up from the audience, up on the stage, and then sing a song for them. So.. I thoughyt I’d start the show tonight by doing just that. Who? [ audience applauds wildly in anticipation ] So, everybody got their ticket? I’m gonna pick the, uh.. the lucky winner.. right now.. [ pulls number ] who is.. whoever is seated in Row — Seat G-14.
[ camera pans across the audience, until we see a middle-aged male audience member jump excitedly from his seat clutching his ticket ]
Audience Member: Me!! G-14!! [ laughs excitedly ] G-14!!
Justin Timberlake: Okay.. My fans are usually a little younger.. and a.. different gender.
Audience Member: [ excited, laughs ]
Justin Timberlake: Let me guess. You have a daughter.
Audience Member: Yes, I do! Yes, I do! [ laughs ] She’s a real — she’s a really big fan of yours. And she plays your music so much, you know, I.. I ended up liking it, too!
Justin Timberlake: Well, thanks. What’s your daughter’s name?
Audience Member: Anna.
Justin Timberlake: Oh. Well.. [ in the direction of the audience ] Well, hey, Anna.. maybe she would like to come down, and then I could sing a song —
Audience Member: Oh, my God, she would love to! But we only had the one ticket – she’s at home watching. [ waves at the camera ] Hey, Anna!
Justin Timberlake: Great. Okay. Well, uh.. what song do you want me to sing?
Audience Member: Whatever you usually sing would be nice, you know?
Justin Timberlake: I usually sing “Take It From Here”.
Audience Member: Thank you! Yes!
Justin Timberlake: Uh.. I actually give the girl a rose, too..
Audience Member: [ laughs ]
Justin Timberlake: Ready?
Audience Member: Ready. [ excited ]
Justin Timberlake: [ begins to sing an acoustic version of “Take It From Here”, then quickly pulls the plug when he sees the Audience Member getting too into it ] Okay, you know what? I can’t do this! I can’t sing this song to you, dude! I’ll tell you what, I’ll do a different song. What’s your favorite song to hear me sing?
Audience Member: The one you do about Britney.
Justin Timberlake: Okay, what’s your second favorite song by me?
Audience Member: How about.. “Rock Your Body”?
Justin Timberlake: “Rock Your Body”?! Great!
Audience Member: “Rock Your Body”! Come on!
Justin Timberlake: No, no, no, no – I’m goinna go over there —
Audience Member: You’re gonna go over there. Okay.
Justin Timberlake: You stay here —
Audience Member: Great! I’ll wait here!
Justin Timberlake: — and you introduce me from the stage.
Audience Member: I will introduce you, Justin!
Justin Timberlake: Okay.
Audience Member: Okay. Before.. before you go, could you do me one favor? Just sign an autograph?
Justin Timberlake: Sure.
Audience Member: [ opens his shirt ] “To Glen.”
Justin Timberlake: I don’t sign dudes’ breasts.
Audience Member: Of course you don’t.. of course you don’t.. [ closes his shirt ]
Justin Timberlake: Thanks.
Audience Member: I’ll be here; you’ll be there! [ Timberlake walks over to the musical guests stage ] Ladies and gentlemen! Singing my second favorite song in the world, “Rock Your Body” – Mr. Justin Timberlake!
[ camera pans over to the musica guest stage, as Timberlake and his band perform “Rock Your Body” ]
[ at finish, Timberlake re-addresses the audience ]
Justin Timberlake: We’ve got a great show. I’m Justin Timberlake. Stick around, we’ll be right back!
Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 29: Episode 2
Rainbow Connection
…..Justin Timberlake
Kermit/Bill…..Will Forte
[ open on Timberlake standing in front of a faux brick wall ]
Justin Timberlake: Growing up, the two shows I never missed were.. “Saturday Night Live”.. and “The Muppet Show”. So, if you don’t mind, there’s antoher dream I’ve always had, and that’s to sing.. with Kermit the Frog.
[ Kermit the Frog appears atop the brick wall ]
Hello, Kermit.
Kermit: Justin, I’d be honored to sing with you.
Justin Timberlake: Well, I just figured.. when’s the next time you’re gonna have a chance, right?
Kermit: Well, uh.. what shall we sing?
Justin Timberlake: I’ve already got it picked out.
[ SNL Band accompanies the duo by playing “The Rainbow Connection” ]
Kermit: Awww.. this is a nice one!
Justin Timberlake: [ singing ]
“Why are there so many
Songs about rainbows?
And what’s on the other side.”
Kermit: [ singing ]
“Rainbows are visions
But only illusions
And rainbows have nothing to hide.”
Justin Timberlake: [ singing ]
“So we’ve been told
And some choose to believe.”
Kermit: [ singing ] “I know they’re wrong, wait and see.”
Together:
“Someday we’ll find it
The rainbow connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me.”
Kermit: You’re a very good singer, Justin.
Justin Timberlake: You’re not so bad yourself, Kermit.
Kermit: Maybe you and Kiki Dee should cut an album! [ laughs ]
Justin Timberlake: [ singing ]
“Who says that every wish
Would be heard and answered
When wished on a morning star.”
[ Justin leans in too close to Kermit ]
Kermit: Ow!
Justin Timberlake: Sorry..
Kermit: Careful, Justin – you stepped on my buddy’s leg there!
[ singing ]
“Somebody thought of that
And someone believed it
And look what it’s done so far.”
[ Justin leans in too close again ]
Ow!!
Justin Timberlake: Sorry!
Kermit: I’ve been telling you all week!!
Justin Timberlake: [ singing ]
“What’s so amazing
That keeps us star-gazing?”
Kermit: “And what do we think we might see?”
[ Justin has again gotten too close to Kermit ]
Seriously! BACK OFF!!
Justin Timberlake: Is this any better? [ reaches behind the brick wall and kicks Kermit’s puppeteer ]
Kermit: Ow! Ow! Ow!
Justin Timberlake: [ yelling ] Yeah, you like that, don’t you, Kermit?!
[ in the mad scuffle, Timberlake kicks down the brick wall to reveal Kermit’s puppeteer sprawled across the floor in pain. He continues to speak to Timberlake through Kermit. ]
Kermit: Guys! Guys! Stop fighting! This song is about togetherness!
Justin Timberlake: He’s right..
Kermit: Bill? Can you say to Justin that you’re sorry for shoving him?
Bill: [ meekly ] I’m sorry, Justin..
Kermit: And, Justin? Can you say you’re sorry to Bill for being a douchebag?
Justin Timberlake: I am not.. a douchebag..
Kermit: [ singing ]
“Someday we’ll find itThe rainbow connectionThe lovers, the douchebag, and me.”
[ angered, Timberlake continues to beat up Kermit’s puppeteer ]
[ fade ]