Bert Simpson… Kenan Thompson
Trishelle… Punkie Johnson
Ryan… Andrew Dismukes
John Oliver… Mikey Day
Jennifer Coolidge… Chloe Fineman
Adam Driver… James Austin Johnson
Kristen Wiig… Melissa Villaseñor
George Takei… Bowen Yang
Lil’ Wayne… Chris Redd
Rami Malek… Pete Davidson
Pete Davidson… Rami Malek[Starts with show intro]
Male voice: It’s time for Celeb School with your host Bert Simpson.[Cut to the show]
Bert Simpson: Hey, folks. I’m Bert Simpson, Bert Simpson. And you know the game. Two contestants try to win $10000 with a help from our classroom of celebs. Playing today are Trishelle and Ryan.
Ryan: Oh, wait. Are we not going to do intro banter?
Bert Simpson: Oh, no. You two are boring. Okay, from “Last Week Tonight”, it’s John Oliver.
John Oliver: Game shows. America’s dirty little obsession. Give me more game shows, daddy. More please.
Bert Simpson: Okay. From “White Lotus”, Jennifer Coolidge.
Jennifer Coolidge: Oh, jeez. Why am I here? I don’t know anything. Gosh!
Bert Simpson: Next, an actor who’s voice sounds like it’s been changed to protect his identity, Adam Driver.
Adam Driver: Hello. Excited to be here.
Bert Simpson: Well, you could have fooled me. We’ve also got funny lady Kristen Wiig
Kristen Wiig: Hey. Ha-ha-ha. Hey, Mr. Host man. Ha-ha-ha. Dumb. Why? Why did I say that?
Bert Simpson: Star Trek legend, George Takei.
George Takei: Hello.
Bert Simpson: George, I gotta ask. Are you gonna say it?
George Takei: That depends on how bad you want it.
Bert Simpson: Oh, very bad.
George Takei: Oh, my!
Bert Simpson: There it is! Okay, next to him we have rapper Lil’ Wayne.
Lil’ Wayne: Ahah! I like to vibe out. Weezy!
Bert Simpson: It’s the wrong game, Weezy. Okay, next, the star of “No Time To Die”, Rami Malek. [Rami Malek just stares at the camera] Okay. And finally from SNL, Pete Davidson.
Pete Davidson: Wad up? Wad up? Yo! Do I have to sit next to Rami Malek? I mean his eyes are freaking me out. Like dude! Stop staring at me, man.
Rami Malek: I’m sorry. It’s just that people say we look alike. Maybe. I don’t see it. Maybe if I looked a little longer.
Pete Davidson: No, dude!
Bert Simpson: Okay. Ryan, Trishelle, you know how the game works. I give you a subject and you call on a celebrity student you think will know the answer. Ryna, you’re up first. Your subject is geography.
Ryan: Well, he has an accent and glasses which means he gotta be smart. I call on John Oliver.
Bert Simpson: Alright, John Oliver, Sweden is bordered by Norway and which other country?
John Oliver: Of course, you can’t talk about Sweden without talking about IKEA. [IKEA logo appears on right top corner.] Home of sketchy furniture and even sketchier meatballs. They’re not beef. Bad IKEA. Bad IKEA.[buzzer sound]
Bert Simpson: John, your rant though amusing contained no answer. And please, no more over the shoulder graphic. Alright, Trishelle, you can steal.
Trishelle: Okay. Well, I’ll call on Jennifer Coolidge.
Jennifer Coolidge: Oh, jeez! Bad choice, sweetheart. Ah! I was in Europe once. I drank too much and passed out in a sauna like a dumb ass. Where was I? Finland?[right answer bell]
Bert Simpson: That is correct. Trishelle takes the point. [a paper airplane hits Bert Simpson] Ay! You stop with the paper airplanes, Kristen Wiig.
Kristen Wiig: I didn’t throw anything. Ha-ha-ha. Why would you think I threw it?
Bert Simpson: Because you are half giggling and I saw you throw it.
Kristen Wiig: I’m sorry. I was just being weird. Sorry. Ha-ha-ha. I might do it again though. Is that bad?
Bert Simpson: Yes. Okay, Trishelle. Your subject is history.
Trishelle: Well, I don’t think he’ll know the answer because he is definitely high as hell, but I’m a fan. So, I call on Weezy.
Lil’ Wayne: Ha-hah! Yeah. I’d like to solve the puzzle. “What is that big fat ass?”
Bert Simpson: Once again, this is not “Wheel of Fortune”, nor is it “Jeopardy”. Are you ready for the question, Lil’ Wayne? [Lil’ Wayne is gone from his chair] And he’s gone. Does anybody know where he went? Rami Malek, did you see where Wheezy went?
Rami Malek: No. I’ve been staring at Pete Davidson.
Pete Davidson: Argh! Please, make him stop. It’s like the soul of a victorian child is trapped in his eyes.
Bert Simpson: You’re not wrong, Pete. Okay, Trishelle, second choice?
Trishelle: I call on Pete Davidson.
Pete Davidson: Pass!
Bert Simpson: You can’t pass, Pete. Okay, your question. Which revolutionary war battle was fought in your home town, New York City?
Pete Davidson: How would I know that? I mean, I went to school in Staten Island. And all of our classes were to prepare us to be firefighters or racist cops.
George Takei: Oh my!
Bert Simpson: George, you stay out of this. Alright, I need an answer, Pete.
Pete Davidson: I don’t know. I mean, can I just give Trishelle $10000 after the show? I mean, that would be easier.
Bert Simpson: No. Sorry. That’s not how the game works. Okay, Ryan, chance to steal.
Ryan: Okay, let’s go with Adam Driver.
Adam Driver: Good. Yes. Let’s have fun playing the game.
Bert Simpson: Adam. Which revolutionary war battle was fought in New York City?
Adam Driver: I don’t know. So, I’m not gonna answer the question.
Bert Simpson: Hey, calm down! Any of our other celebs think they know? George Takei has his hand up. You got an answer?
George Takei: No. I have a question. Why did William Shatner get to go to space and not me? Let Sulu go to the moon.
Bert Simpson: Sorry, it’s not up to me, George. And not that anyone cares, but the answer is the Battle of Brooklyn. Brooklyn.[Lil’ Wayne walking in front of camera]
Lil’ Wayne: Yo, where did the plane go at?
Bert Simpson: That is “Price is Right”, Weezy. Okay, we’re gonna take a quick commercial break. Keep it right here. Ay, get back to your seat, Weezy.