80’s Party: Season 44 Episode 1

Hank…..Mikey Day

Fenster…..Adam Driver

Frat Guy 1 (Andrew Gucherman)…..Beck Bennett

Frat guy 2…..Chris Redd

Sorority Girl 1…..Ego Nwodim

Sorority Girl 2…..Cecily Strong

Sorority Girl 3…..Aidy Bryant

Frat guy 3…..Pete Davidson

Frat guy 4…..Alex Moffat

Sorority Girl 4…..Heidi Gardner

Sorority Girl 5…..Melissa Villaseñor

[ Image of the front of a Frat House with a title that reads in ‘Rad Times At Frat U”. ] [ Cut to Fenster and Hank walking down the street towards the Frat House. ]

Hank: I don’t know Fenster, a frat party?

Fenster: Come on Hank, it’s Homecoming weekend! You have to party.

Hank: Yeah, I should be studying.

[ They approach the door and Fenster rings the doorbell. ]

Fenster: Come on, dorkus, live a little.

[ Frat guy 1 answers the door. ]

Frat guy 1: Ooh, welcome to the fun house, nerds. Homecoming weekend. Hahahaha.

[ Hank and Fenster enter a very crowded active party. ]

Hank: Oh boy.

Fenster: Well Hank, this will be a night we will never forget.

[ Cut to black and white freeze frame of Fenster as he enters the party. Below his face is the caption, ‘Stated in a recent deposition he has no memory of this night.’ ] [ Cut to the break in a game of pool. ] [ Cut to a frat guy shotgunning a beer. ] [ Cut to frat guy 1 and 2 standing in the kitchen drinking beers. ]

Frat guy 2: Wow, this party’s crazy.

Frat guy 1: Look around freshman. Nothing we do tonight matters.

Frat guy 1 & 2: No consequences!

[ Cut to black and white freeze frame of frat guy 2 smiling. The caption below his face reads, ‘Lost his medical license as a consequence of this night.’ ]

Sorority Girl 1: Sorry guys, turns out we couldn’t get beer.

Sorority Girl 2: But we got cocaine!!! [ She waves a small bag of white powder. The rest of the party cheers. Then she rubs some of the white powder on her gums. ] [ Cut to black and white freeze frame of sorority girl 2 rubbing cocaine on her gums. The caption below her face reads, ‘Fox News Correspondent’. ] [ Cut to sorority girl 1 dancing then black and white freeze frame of her with cocaine smeared below her nose. The caption reads, ‘MSNBC anchor’. ] [Cut to Sorority girl 3 waking up on the couch. She has sharpie markings all over her face and she walks away from the couch. Then the camera does the black and white freeze frame with her caption reading, ‘Forced to withdraw 2020 presidential bid’. ] [ Cut to two sorority girls making out. ]

Random frat guy’s voice: Woah, those chicks are making out.

[ Cut to a group of frat guys sitting on the stairs, drinking beers, while watching the two girls make out. ]

Frat guy 3: Oh wow, two girls kissing. I live for this stuff boys.

[ Cut to black and white freeze frame of frat guy 3 smiling on the stairs. The caption below his face reads, ‘Lives upstate with husband of 15 years’. ] [ Cut to Hank sitting on the couch talking to a girl. ]

Hank: Man, I’m not going to get stuck in this town. I’m going places.

[ Cut to black and white freeze frame of Hank. His caption reads, ‘Dead’. ] [ Cut to a beer can being opened. ] [ Cut to the dance floor where everyone is dancing. There is girl, Agnus, with head gear up front and frat guy 1 approaches her. ]

Frat guy 1: Hey Agnus, I got you a present. [ He goes in for a kiss over her head gear and she pulls away saying, ‘Ew!’ ]

Frat guy 4: Twenty bucks my dude. [ He hands frat guy 1 $20 as a reward for kissing Agnus over her head gear. ]

Frat guy 1: Ew, I can’t believe I did that.

Frat guy 4: Me either! [ They shake hands and hug. ] [ Cut to black and white freeze frame of Frat guy 1 with his hands in the air smiling. The caption reads, ‘Perpetually haunted by this moment’. ] [ Cut to Frat guy 4 dancing then black and white freeze frame. This caption reads, ‘Also forced to withdraw 2020 presidential bid’. ] [ Cut to three sorority girls drinking beers next to other party-goers playing Pong on a small TV. ]

Sorority Girl 4: Ew, did you hear that the Gooch kissed Agnus the hag-nus?

Sorority Girl 2: Ugh, that guy is such a skeez.

Sorority Girl 5: Yeah, stay away from him.

[ Cut to black and white freeze frame of the three sorority girls. The caption is below Sorority Girl 5 and it reads, ‘Dated him’. The caption below sorority girl 2 reads, ‘Dated him’. And the caption below sorority girl 4 reads, ‘Married him’. ] [ Cut to the pool. There are a few people in the pool and the rest are standing around the pool. Frat guy 1 is walking to the edge of the diving board fully clothed. ]

Frat guy 1: Hey everybody! People are going to be talking about this party for the rest of our lives. And when they do, remember that I, Andrew Gucherman, did this. [ He unzips his pants and pulls them down revealing his naked lower half. ] Memorize these nuts! [ He takes off his shirt and does a back flop into the pool. ] [ Cut to black and white freeze frame of a naked frat guy 1 just before he lands in the pool on his back. The caption reads, ‘Insisted to a federal grand jury he never did this’. ] [ Cut to frat guy 1 splashing into the pool and the rest of the party-goers cheering him along from the sides of the pool. ] [Cut to black and white freeze frame of the party-goers cheering. Captions start appearing underneath everyone reading, ‘Backed him up’ and the caption beneath Hank reads, ‘Killed by Andrew Cunanan’. ] [ Cut to image of the front of the frat house with a caption that reads, ‘Frat disbanded after five-part Rolling Stone article’. ] [ Cut to Fenster sitting handcuffed between two FBI agents. ]

Fenster: But hey, that was the 80’s. So how serious are the charges?

 

A New Kyle: Season 44 Episode 1

…..Kyle Mooney

…..Joe Fryer

…..Carson Daly

…..Pete Davidson

…..Lorne Michaels

…..Beck Bennett

…..Alex Moffat

…..Wendy Williams

…..Kenan Thompson

…..Kid Cudi

…..Chris Redd

…..Heidi Gardner

…..Aidy Bryant

…..Adam Driver

…..Melissa Villaseñor

[ Kyle is walking through the city. ]

Kyle Mooney voiceover: [ Cut to Kyle approaching NBC Studios. ]

So we’re back at SNL.

[ Cut to Kyle walking through the building. ]

Which is great.

[ Cut to Kyle opening the door for Studio 8 H. ] [ Cut to Kyle sitting facing the camera and speaking out loud. ]

Kyle Mooney: It’s my sixth season. Sometimes I still feel like people don’t know who I am.

[ Cut to closing sequence of a previous SNL episode. Camera darkens out the hosts in the foreground and brightens a small Kyle clapping from behind mixed in with the rest of the cast. ]

Kyle Mooney voiceover: At the end of last year I thought maybe…

[ Cut back to Kyle facing the camera. ]

Kyle Mooney: …it’s finally happening. But then, this summer happened..

[ Cut to Joe Fryer on NBC News. ]

Joe Fryer: SNL’s Pete Davidson has confirmed [ Cut to Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande posing for photos at the VMA’s. ] that he and singer, Ariana Grande, are engaged.

[ Cut to Carson Daly on the Today Show. ]

Carson Daly: Ariana and Pete’s announcement of their engagement…

[ Cut to three Instagram photos of Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande. ]

Female Voiceover: They’re engaged!

[ Cut to Pete Davidson coming out of an elevator as Kyle Mooney approaches from the hallway to the right. ]

PETE DAVIDSON: Ah, L-Dog, this year’s gonna be lit.

Lorne Michaels: Get in here, brother. [ Lorne and Pete hug. ]

PETE DAVIDSON: Love you man.

Lorne Michaels: Love you, too.

KYLE MOONEY: Hey Lorne.

Lorne Michaels: Oh hey, Hey Kevin. [ Lorne Michaels walks past Kyle and down the hall. ] [ Cut back to Kyle Mooney speaking to the camera. ]

KYLE MOONEY: I feel like this year I gotta make a statement.

[ Cut to Kyle looking in the mirror]

KYLE MOONEY Voiceover: So I’m gonna change things up a bit.

Female Hairdresser: Okay you sure you want to this? [ The hairdresser walks over and wraps a haircutting cape around Kyle. ]

KYLE MOONEY: Yeah.

Female Hairdresser: Here we go. [ The hairdresser turns on an electric razor and approaches Kyle’s hairline. ] [Cut to black screen. ]

Female Producer Voice: Kyle to the floor please. Kyle.

[ Cut to SNL set. Beck Bennett and Alex Moffat are standing on set as Kyle Mooney approaches them now with short blonde hair like Pete Davidson’s. Kyle is also wearing clothes like Pete’s. ]

BECK BENNETT: Kyle?

KYLE MOONEY: Haha, what up.

BECK BENNETT: Why you so late man?

KYLE MOONEY: Why does it matter bro? I was just doing my thing. [ Kyle brings a rolled joint to his mouth and inhales. He then exhales onto Beck who backs away and swats the smoke from his face. ]

BECK BENNETT: Stop that dude. What are you…why are you smoking?

KYLE MOONEY: By the way that shirt’s pretty lit.

BECK BENNETT: Lit?

[ Cut to the ‘new’ Kyle speaking to the camera. ]

KYLE MOONEY: I love this bro. People are finally starting to take me seriously. Now all I need is a hot celebrity girlfriend. And that’s fine by me.

[ Cut to Kyle walking into the meeting room of SNL writers. ]

KYLE MOONEY: Writers! If you guys are going to write me into your sketches. Y’all got to write my girlfriend into them, too. Come on in here baby. Y’all know my girl..Wendy Williams.

[Wendy Williams walks in carrying a picnic basket. ]

Wendy Williams: Hi everyone. Hi honey.

[ Kyle opens the picnic basket, and baby pig pops its head out. ]

KYLE MOONEY: We adopted a pig. Swag! [ Kyle makes a pumping motion with his fist, and Wendy William kisses him on the cheek. ] [ Cut to the elevators where Kenan Thompson is waiting for an elevator. Kyle and singer, Kid Cudi, come out of an elevator laughing. Pete Davidson walks up to them. ]

PETE DAVIDSON: Yo, Cudi, I hit you earlier to hang out. How come you didn’t hit me back?

Kid Cudi: Oh, I guess, uh, I was just busy.

KYLE MOONEY: Yeah, yeah, busy. [ Kyle laughs and wraps one arm around Kid Cudi’s shoulders. ]

PETE DAVIDSON: Yo Kyle.

KYLE MOONEY: What’s up?

PETE DAVIDSON: Why are you stealing my look and my friends? Don’t you know I have, like, mental problems?

[ Kyle pulls out a bottle of pills and shakes them at Pete. ]

KYLE MOONEY: Me too. [ Pete knocks the bottle of pills out of Kyle’s hand. Pete and Kyle start getting ready to fight. ] You wanna come at me, bro? [Kenan Thompson steps in breaks them apart.] You wanna come at me?

PETE DAVIDSON: Yeah!

KENAN THOMPSON: Chill. Chill! Y’all wanna settle this..do it the ‘Saturday Night Live’ way. Cool?

PETE DAVIDSON: Cool.

KYLE MOONEY: Cool.

[ Cut to a Romanesque set where the SNL cast members are dressed in medieval costumes. Pete and Kyle are in the middle of their circle in battle outfits getting ready to fight. ] [ Cut to Chris Redd drinking from an old mug. ] [ Cut to Beck Bennett observing the room. ] [ Cut to Heidi Gardner eating a banana then tossing the peel. ] [ Cut to Pete licking his lips and standing across from Kyle surrounded by the other cast members. ]

Aidy Bryant: Gentleman choose wisely. [ Aidy presents a choice of weapons. Pete chooses the sword. Kyle chooses the ball and chain. Pete and Kyle begin to circle around each other. ] [ Cut to Adam Driver standing from the balcony overlooking the scene. ]

Adam Driver: Guys, guys, guys, guys. As host of this show, I think I have to ask you to not do this. [ Adam is shot with an arrow into his leg. ] Jesus!

[ Cut to Beck holding a bow after he shot the arrow. ]

BECK BENNETT: You don’t belong here.

[ Cut to Adam Driver limping off the balcony with the arrow stuck in his leg. ] [ Cut to Melissa Villaseñor. ]

MELISSA VILLASEÑOR: Now, fight! [ Melissa hits a gong with a mallett. ] [ Cut to Kyle and Pete circling each other holding their weapons. ]

KYLE MOONEY: I’m going to enjoy this.

[ Pete lowers his sword. ]

PETE DAVIDSON: Why are we doing this man? I don’t want to fight you.

KYLE MOONEY: Really?

PETE DAVIDSON: Yeah, man. We’re friends.

[ Kyle sighs with relief. Then Pete thrusts his sword into Kyle’s chest. ] [ Cut to Heidi looking shocked. ] [ Cut to Chris looking shocked. ] [ Cut to Pete releasing his sword and Kyle stumbling backwards. Kyle slips on the banana peel that Heidi had thrown aside earlier. ] [ Cut to Pete smirking. ] [ Cut to Kyle sitting up holding the banana peel with the sword still in his chest. Kyle laughs. ] [ Cut to Beck Bennett laughing. ] [ Cut to Aidy and Melissa laughing. ] [ Cut to Pete hesitating a smile then giving in to laughter as he looks around the room. ] [ Cut to Kyle continuing to laugh. ] [ Cut to Pete mockingly imitating Kyle slipping on the banana peel. The rest of the cast continues to laugh in the background. ] [ Cut to Pete and Kyle facing the camera and talking. Kyle is back in his regular haircut and clothes. ]

PETE DAVIDSON: Well, um, it looks like we’re friends again.

KYLE MOONEY: Yeah. And I guess I learned that it doesn’t matter what you look like or how popular you are. It’s just about having fun.

PETE DAVIDSON: Yeah. Hey, what’s that? [ Pete points to nothing on Kyle’s chest. Kyle looks down at his finger, and Pete flicks him on the nose. Kyle flinches. Pete laughs. Kyle begins to cough and spit up blood, and his chest wound opens up and begins to bleed. ]

KYLE MOONEY: Doctor says I’m going to die a little later.