SNL Transcripts: Snoop Dogg: 05/08/04: TV Funhouse



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 29: Episode 19


03s: Snoop Dogg / Avril Lavigne

TV Funhouse

[open on black and white image of marijuana leaf with title: “Pothead Theater”]

Announcer: Pothead Theater! [title is removed, and small images of clips from many different programs move from left to right across the screen] For centuries, man has designed cartoons with no regard for the inclinations of the pothead. Tonight, for the first time, TV Funhouse allows potheads to determine the cartoons they want to enjoy on Pothead Theater!

[dissolve Pothead #1, wearing a yellow shirt that reads, “Farmer’s Daugheter Motel,” in a large paved area with people in the background]

Pothead #1: I’d like to see a dog walking people.

[dissolve to animation: a dog stands upright and escorts a leashed man and woman walking on all fours] [pleasant music plays] [music stops] [dissolve to Pothead #1, who is laughing hysterically] [dissolve to Pothead Theater title screen]

Announcer: Pothead Theater!

[dissolve to Pothead #2, sitting by a tree and with a guitar next to him]

Pothead #2: How about a fish catching people? [flashes hippie love sign] [dissolve to animation: a green fish sits on a pier with a fishing pole, and lifts it up to reveal a man hooked by his mouth] [pleasant music plays] [music stops] [dissolve to Pothead #2, who chuckles and flashes love sign again] [dissolve to Pothead Theater title screen]

Announcer: Pothead Theater!

[dissolve to Pothead #3, sitting in a field]

Pothead #3: Have ketchup shaking people out of a bottle.

[dissolve to animation: a large blob of ketchup smacks the bottom of a ketchup bottle filled with people, until several plop out onto a plate] [pleasant music plays] [music stops] [dissolve to Pothead #3, who is laughing hysterically] [dissolve to Pothead Theater title screen]

Announcer: Pothead Theater!

[dissolve to Pothead #4, wearing a black shirt that reads, “Don’t Steal,” and Pothead #5, wearing a grey shirt that reads, “Almost Famous,” standing near a park of some sort]

Pothead #4: Have balloon animals twist people. [Pothead #5 laughs] [dissolve to animation: a red balloon dog twists a man into the same dog shape] [pleasant music plays] [music stops] [dissolve to Pothead #4 and Pothead #5, who are laughing hysterically]

Pothead #4: Thank you! Thank you!

[dissolve to Pothead Theater title screen]

Announcer: Pothead Theater!

[dissolve to female pothead, wearing messenger bag and in same setting as Pothead #1]

Female Pothead: How about one with the environment exploiting people.

[dissolve to animation: a deciduous tree operates a conveyor belt as people on it pass through a machine and are turned into small objects that an evergreen tree places into a box] [pleasant music plays] [music stops] [dissolve to female pothead, who cackles and covers her mouth] [dissolve to Pothead Theater title screen]

Announcer: Pothead Theater!

[dissolve to Pothead #6 and Pothead #7, wearing hats and sitting in paved amphitheatre]

Pothead #6: You could have TVs watching people.

[dissolve to animation: a television set sits on a small wooden stand while a man sits on an easy chair, and they face each other across a room; it is indistinguishable from a man watching television] [pleasant music plays] [music stops] [dissolve to Pothead #6 and Pothead #7, who have no reaction] [dissolve to Pothead Theater title screen]

Announcer: Pothead Theater!

Submitted by: DavidK93

SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: Lindsay Lohan: 05/01/04: 17th Annual Adult Movie Awards



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 29: Episode 18



03r: Lindsay Lohan / Usher

17th Annual Adult Movie Awards

Ron Jeremy…..Horatio Sanz

[ open with NBC logo ]

Announcer: You’re watching NBC, America’s #1 television network!

Disclaimer: ..among adults, 24 to 26, in non-metropolitan areas.

[ dissolve to awards show montage reel ]

Announcer: Live, from the Circus Circus Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada.. it’s the 17th Annual Adult Movie Awards. Featuring appearances by..

Ron Jeremy..

Jenna Jameson..

Phil McCracken..

Urethra Franklin..

Betty Balzac and the Betty Balzac Dancers..

Jeremy Piven..

Dick Petersworth..

Dick Prong..

Dick Mcfeelie..

Dick Vhanes..

Dick Spitz..

Dick Rod..

Rod Dick..

Bill Mahar and “The Teabagger”..

Dick “The Penis” McPherson..

Jimmy Kimmel..

Rusty Tailpipe..

Krystal Ballz..

Tawny Kooter..

Rumple Foreskin..

Misty Britches..

Mary Hole..

“Saturday Night Live”‘s Darrell Hammond..

..and Maggie Gyllenballs.

[ dissolve to the awards stage ]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen.. your host for the evening – Rom Jeremy!

[ Ron Jeremy, in dark blazer and tropical shirt, steps up to the podium ]

Ron Jeremy: Hello, everyone. Hello. Welcome, once again, to the 17th —

[ the awards are cut off ]

Announcer: [ over matching SUPER ] “Due to heightened sensitivity and the threat of FCC fines, NBC regrets to inform our audience that certain portions of the Adult Film Awards have been deemed unsuitable for broadcast. We apologize for any inconvenience. We now rejoin the program.”

[ cut back to the awards, Ron Jeremy at the podium in only his tropical shirt and flanked by three porn actresses ]

Ron Jeremy: Well, that’s our show! [ chuckles ] Thanks for watching, everybody, we’ll see you next year!

[ dissolve to NBC logo ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts