Fortnite Squad: Season 44 Episode 1

DoomSnake…..Kyle Mooney

FlowBoy…..Pete Davidson

William McTavish…..Adam Driver

[ Fortnite Loading screen with loading bar filling in and theme music playing… ] [ Cut to Fortnite Map with a blimp flying towards the map. ]

DoomSnake: Let’s play some Fortnite squad. This is DoomSnake. [ Cut to DoomSnake in his room with headphones and game controller ] Who we got on the squad? FlowBoy, you got a mic?

[ Cut to FlowBoy in his room with headphones and game controller. ]

FlowBoy: Yeah, what up? Let’s get that Victory Royale.

DoomSnake: Hell yeah! A’ight, who else is on the squad? Um, William McTavish, 1972. You there?

[ Cut to William McTavish in his room with headphones and game controller. ]

William McTavish: Oh yeah, yes, hi there. This is William McTavish. FYI, never played this game before. My 11-year-old son Miles loves it, and I want to learn how to play so that Fortnite can be a fun bonding activity that we do together.

[ Cut to DoomSnake. ]

Doomsnake: Dope. Well, it’s pretty easy, you just run around and try to kill the other squad. There’s like dances you can do and stuff; it’s fun.

 

[ Cut to William McTavish. ]

William McTavish: Oh excellent. My son plays with his step-father, Rick. And I’d like to be better than Rick as soon as possible.

[Cut to DoomSnake. ]

DoomSnake: Cool. Here we go.

[ Cut to Fortnite gameplay. The three players, DoomSnake, FlowBoy, and William McTavish appear in video chat boxes on the left and their three Fortnite characters portrayed by other cast members to the right. The characters are standing in their idle position. There is a female with pink hair holding a gun, a blonde guy with a giant pickaxe, and a man with long black hair holding a large gun. ]

William McTavish: Okay which character am I controlling?

[ The blonde guy holding a large pickaxe runs forward and squats. He reruns some more and squats. He looks from side to side. The other two characters continue to sway in their idle standing position. ]

DoomSnake: You’re the blonde guy.

William McTavish: Okay, I got it. I’m the blonde man.

[ The blonde guy continues to squat and run in place. ] Oh, he looks very outdoorsy.

[ Cut to Doomsnake. ]

DoomSnake: Yeah, I guess. Alright, let’s loot up and go over to Tilted. And Mr. McTavish, holler if you need any help.

[ Cut to William McTavish. ]

William McTavish: I need help.

[ Cut to Fortnite gameplay with 3 video chats along the side. The Blonde guy is running into a brick wall. ] What am I doing?

DoomSnake: You’re running at a wall.

FlowBoy: Hey! Turn around sir. Come over to us.

[ Cut to William McTavish. ]

William McTavish: Alright gentlemen, here I come.

[ Cut to Fortnite gameplay with 3 video chats along the side. The female with the pink hair and the male with long black hair continue to stand idle. The blonde guy crosses in front of them walking backward then turns around and goes back the other way walking backward. ]

DoomSnake: Sir, just so you know, you can walk forward dude.

William McTavish: Okay, one thing at a time boys.

[ Cut to William McTavish. ] Okay, what do I do now?

[Cut to DoomSnake. ]

DoomSnake: Step 1, like, stop doing that.

[ Cut to Fortnite gameplay with 3 video chats along the side. The blonde guy is running into the man with long black hair. The man with long black hair and the girl with pink hair continue to stand idle. ]

William McTavish: Well, there’s somebody directly in front of me.

FlowBoy: Yeah, that’s me.

[ Cut to DoomSnake. ]

DoomSnake: Yeah instead of that, go over to that loot chest and open it up. There’s guns inside.

[ Cut to William McTavish. ]

William McTavish: Hold on there are guns in this game?! My ex-wife and Rick should have asked me before letting Miles play this, right?

[ Cut to DoomSnake ]

DoomSnake: I don’t know. Sir, I’m only 15. I shouldn’t be weighing in on your marital situation. But, uh, maybe open up that loot chest.

[ Cut to William McTavish ]

William McTavish: All right, got it.

[ Cut to Fortnite gameplay with 3 video chats along the side. The blonde guy is jumping up and down while the other two characters continue to stand idle. ] Am I doing it?

DoomSnake: No you’re jumping! Push Y!

William McTavish: Oh okay, I got it now.

FlowBoy: No you don’t Mr McTavish. Look at your guy. [The blonde guy starts running in a circle. ] He’s running in a tight circle. Just push Y!

[ Cut to William McTavish. ]

William McTavish: Okay hold on. Let me just figure it out. Okay, there, there. Got it.

[ Cut to Fortnite gameplay with 3 video chats along the side. The blonde guy is running into a brick wall again. ]

FlowBoy: No! You’re back at the wall again. Why you like the wall so much?

[ Cut to DoomSnake. ]

DoomSnake: Sir, just go over to the chest and press the Y button on your controller. Please!

[ Cut to William McTavish ]

William McTavish: Okay, one moment. I did it! I have a firearm.

[ Cut to DoomSnake.]

DoomSnake: Good, cause I see another squad heading our way right now.

[ Cut to FlowBoy. ]

FlowBoy: Yo, Mr. McTavish, when they roll up just aim and shoot.

[ Cut to William McTavish. ]

William McTavish: Alright, let’s do it. Let’s get a Fortnite.

[ Cut to Fortnite gameplay with the 3 video chats along the side. The blonde guy starts dancing by shaking his hips back and forth and moving his arms, like the Twist and the other 2 characters continue to stand idle. William McTavish lets out a laugh. ]

William McTavish: What’s my guy doing?

DoomSnake: That’s an emote. It’s one of those dances you can do. But now is not the time.

[ The blonde guy continues to dance but with more gusto. ]

William McTavish: Oh, that’s a riot. Look at that!

FlowBoy: Yo, they’re here. Stop dancing.

[ 2 more fortnite characters portrayed by other cast members enter the gameplay. They act like they are shooting the other 2 characters who now defend themselves. The blonde guy continues to dance in the foreground. ]

DoomSnake: Mr. McTavish, help us, dude. Shoot those guys!

William McTavish: My guy’s a good dancer.

[ The blonde guy continues dancing. The 2 new characters kill DoomSnake’s and FlowBoy’s characters, and they fall to the ground. ]

DoomSnake: Oh, damn it, dude!

[ Cut to FlowBoy. ]

FlowBoy: And we’re all dead. Alright. We didn’t even get one kill.

DoomSnake: We can’t go out like that. You guys wanna squad up and play again?

[ Cut to William McTavish. ]

William McTavish: Ah, alright. One quick game. But then I got to get back to rehab. So let’s go, squad!

[ Cut to Fortnite loading screen which then appears to be what the television screen looks like when it is shut off. ]

Weekend Update: Pete Davidson on His Engagement to Ariana Grande

….. COLIN JOST

….. PETE DAVIDSON

….. MICHAEL CHE

COLIN JOST: And now here to talk about how he spent his summer is Pete Davidson.

PETE DAVIDSON: Hello.

COLIN JOST: Hi.

PETE DAVIDSON: Hi Colin. So my summer, yeah, do we need to explain? Or can I just like… [ Pete motions forward with his hand ] get into it?

COLIN JOST: Yeah, I think we can just get into it. Well, you got engaged to Ariana Grande.

PETE DAVIDSON: Yeah I did. Yeah. Thank you! I did. I got engaged, and no one could believe it. I couldn’t believe it. And, uh, I get it. She’s the number one pop star in the world, and I’m that guy from SNL that everyone thinks is in desperate need of more blood.

COLIN JOST: Well congratulations, I know it’s been kinda crazy.

PETE DAVIDSON: Yeah. Do you remember when that whole city pretended that kid was Batman because he was sick. That’s what this feels like.

COLIN JOST: And have you been enjoying all the attention?

PETE DAVIDSON: I hate it. It’s Awful. I’m so scared. Yo, I got death threats. Yeah, yeah..it’s Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, and Pete Davidson are all people that have gotten death threats. And I like assumed that I would find out about it like they do in movies. Like the governments in your living room with like headsets and there are detectives with suits. And they’re like, ‘Sir we have a situation’. That’s not how I found out. I was leaving my building, and my doorman said, ‘Yo man! Somebody tryin’ to kill you’.

COLIN JOST: And now if you don’t mind me asking..Can I ask, what is the prenup situation?

PETE DAVIDSON: Well obviously I wanted one. You know so God forbid, God forbid we split up, and she takes half my sneakers. No look, I am totally comfortable being with a successful woman. It’s dope. I live at her place, you know. She pays like 60 grand for rent, and all I have to do is like stock the fridge. [ Pete pauses ] Yeah.

COLIN JOST: Well the man doesn’t always have to be the breadwinner in the relationship.

PETE DAVIDSON: God damn right, Colin! He does not. Uh, last night I switched her birth control with Tic Tacs. No, I believe in us and all. But you know, I just want to like make sure. [ Pete pauses ] That she can’t go anywhere.

COLIN JOST: Well she put a song on her new album, and it was called Pete Davidson.

PETE DAVIDSON: I know.

COLIN JOST: That sounds like a very amazing thing to do.

PETE DAVIDSON: Sick.

COLIN JOST: Yeah, and like what have you done for her?

PETE DAVIDSON: Uh, I mentioned the fridge thing. Um, I also love her very much.

COLIN JOST: That’s great.

PETE DAVIDSON: You know I don’t even get royalties for that Pete Davidson song. You know that, like if we break up, and we won’t. We will. But we won’t. No, I’m kidding. But like in 10 years, God forbid that ever happened, there will be song called Pete Davidson like playing in speakers at Kmart, and I’ll be working there.

COLIN JOST: Pete Davidson everyone. [ Colin points at Pete ] For the Weekend Update I’m Colin Jost.

[ Camera pans out to show Michael Che sitting with Colin and Pete ]

MICHAEL CHE: I’m Michael Che. Goodnight!