SNL Transcripts: Christine Baranski: 05/11/96: Get Off The Shed II



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 21: Episode 19


95s: Christine Baranski / The Cure

Get Off The Shed II

Frank…..Will Ferrell
Shirley…..Christine Baranski

Frank: (Said Over Happy Birthday) Brandon, Michael, c’mon cake time, guys?

(Cheering)

Susan: Did you make a wish honey?

Johnny: Yeah

Susan: Good

Frank: I hope you wished for a high yield mutual fund. (Laughter)

Tom: You son of a gun Frank.

Susan: Alright, who wants cake?

Kids: me me me!

Tom: Frank, Susan, are Brandon and Michael coming?

Frank: Yeah, I called them I just don’t know where they went to.

Shirley: oh no wait, there they are on top of the tool shed honey.

Frank: Oh, hey Brandon, Michael, would you do me and mom a favor and get off that shed, c’mon guys I need you to be a buddy, get off the shed. What do you say, cake time, here we go c’mon.

Shirley: I’ll take a small piece and I mean small. Hey guys your dad wasn’t joking lets get off the shed.

Susan: Ya know Johnny did you thank Brandon and Michael’s parents for giving you the lion king video.

Johnny: Oh thank you

Frank: Oh you’re welcome son, I just hope you enjoy watching it as much as Brandon and Michael do. GET OFF THE SHED!!

Shirley: Ya know our boys must have watched that tape 500 times, we ended up having to buy a new tape.

Frank: True story

Shirley: GET OFF THE DAMN SHED!

Tom: Well, you know our kids just love Disney.

Susan: Oh yeah, every movie we buy is Disney. All: Yeah

Shirley: Pretty soon they’ll be running the government.

All: (Laughter)

Shirley: I WILL SHOVE YOU TWO BACK INTO MY WOMB IF YOU DON’T GET OFF THE SHED! You know, what a great day for a party.

Frank: Yeah Yeah

Shirley: I was talking to Jan Vixson just last Friday and she was telling me that (cut off)

Frank: I WILL DRIVE YOU OUT TO THE DESERT AND LEAVE YOU THERE FOR THE ENTIRE MONTH OF AUGUST IF YOU DON’T GET OFF THAT SHED!!

Shirley: I telling a story. I’m telling a story

Frank: Sorry

Shirley: Anyway, she was just saying how hard it is to find good entertainment for a kid’s party. I WILL TAKE YOU TO THE PHILIPPIANS AND SELL YOUR KIDNEYS ON THE BLACK MARKET IF YOU DON’T GET OFF THAT SHED!

Johnny: Mommy, why are the man and the lady yelling?

Susan: I don’t know, just don’t go near the shed.

Frank: So hey birthday boy, how’s it feel to be nine?

Johnny: Scared.

Frank: That’s adorable. I WILL DOUSE YOU IN GASOLINE AND LIGHT YOU ON FIRE LIKE THAT BUDDHIST MONK IN VIETNAM IF YOU DON’T GET OFF THAT DAMN SHED!!

Shirley: IF YOU DON’T GET DOWN FROM THAT DAMN SHED I WILL LEGALLY CHANGE YOUR NAMES TO FRUIT AND WUSSY!

Frank: I WILL TAKE YOU INTO A DARK ALLEY AND FIGHT YOU IF YOU AREN’T DOWN IN TWO SECONDS!!!!

Shirley: HE WILL DO THAT AND I WILL VIDEOTAPE IT AND MAKE YOU WATCH IT EVERY CHRISTMAS MORNING FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES! Together-GET OF THE SHED! GET OFF THAT SHED!

Frank: GET OFF! Michael: Dad, we’re right here.

Brandon: We were inside playing Nintendo the whole time.

Frank: Oh. Sorry kids, I don’t have my contacts in. Hey, let’s have some cake eh?

Submitted by: Andrew

SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: Jim Carrey: 05/18/96



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 21: Episode 20


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:


May 18th, 1996

Jim Carrey

Soundgarden

None

Adam McKay

John G. Connolly

Joe Dicso
NightlineSummary: Bob Dole (Norm MacDonald) desperately tries to change his image in order to one-up President Clinton in the Fall election.

Recurring Characters: Ted Koppel, Bob Dole, President Bill Clinton.

Transcript

Montage

Jim Carrey’s MonologueSummary: Posing as a spaceman with unusual personality quirks, Jim Carrey must revert to his movie catch phrases to win the approval of a lone audience member (Adam McKay) who can’t comprehend the satire.

Transcript

SpartansSummary: Foreign exchange student, Lochmiel (Jim Carrey), joins Craig (Will Ferrell) and Arianna’s (Cheri Oteri) cheer squad.

Recurring Characters: Craig, Arianna.

Transcript

Roxbury GuysSummary: A new club hopper (Jim Carrey) joins Steve (Will Ferrell) and Doug Butabi (Chris Kattan) in a wild night crashing a club, a wedding, and a retirement home.

Recurring Characters: Doug Butabi, Steve Butabi.

Transcript

Overprotective LifeguardSummary: An overprotective lifeguard (Jim Carrey) keeps an extremely close eye on a man in a jacuzzi (Will Ferrell).

Transcript

Weekend Update with Norm MacDonaldNote: Maybe it’s because the writers wanted to use Jim Carrey in as much of the show as possible, but Norm MacDonald performs an abbreviated Weekend Update with no guest commentaries.

Transcript

Soundgarden performs “Pretty Noose”

I’ll See You In Hell!Summary: Joe Pilson’s (Jim Carrey) nonstop use of the phrase “I’ll see you in Hell!’ at the office nullifies its impact.

Transcript

Spade in AmericaSummary: David Spade pokes fun at the new cast, then looks back on his favorite moments from the “Hollywood Minute.”

Transcript

The Joe Pesci ShowSummary: Jimmy Stewart (Jim Carrey) doesn’t approve of Jim Carrey’s (Mark McKinney) impression of him, nor Joe Pesci’s (Jim Breuer) violent behavior.

Recurring Characters: Joe Pesci, Jimmy Stewart, Jim Carrey.

Transcript

Soundgarden performs “Burden In My Hand”

Jimmy Tango’s Fat BustersSummary: Jimmy Tango (Jim Carrey) shows how to burn pounds with heat beads and crystal meth.

Transcript

GoodnightsTranscript

SNL Transcripts