Music Box | Season 44 Episode 21

Cecily Strong

Kyle Mooney


Storekeeper… Paul Rudd

Kenan Thompson

[Starts with people in an antiques store]
Cecily Strong: What a beautiful antiques store.

Kyle Mooney: Honey, look at this old sign. [Cut to Cecily Strong and Kyle Mooney] It says, ‘I only drink on days that start with T. Tuesday, Thursday, Today, Tomorrow, Thaturday, Thunday.

Cecily Strong: That’s hilarious. We probably don’t need that since you’re not drinking anymore.

Kyle Mooney: Oh, right.

Cecily Strong: You do remember that conversation?

Kyle Mooney: Yeah, sure. Hey, look what Emily found.

[Cut to everybody]

Emily: Look!

Cecily Strong: Oh! [Cut to Cecily Strong, Emily and Kyle Mooney] Look, it’s a music box with a ballerina on top. You know, my grandmother had one of these.

[Cut to everybody]

Storekeeper: Oh, that’s a wonderful choice. [Store keeper walks to them] They don’t make them like that anymore. And very affordable.

Cecily Strong: Our daughter just started ballet lessons.

Kyle Mooney: She’s not very good.

Cecily Strong: $60? I don’t know.

[Cut to the storekeeper]

Storekeeper: Wind the bottom and she’ll dance for you.

[Cut to Cecily Strong, Emily and Kyle Mooney]

[Cecily Strong winds the bottom]

[music playing]

Kyle Mooney: Oh, wow. Don’t you wish you could dance like that, sweetie?

Cecily Strong: The song is so pretty. Do you know the name of it?

[Cut to the storekeeper]

Storekeeper: Of course. It’s ‘Fancy party’.

[Cut to Cecily Strong, Emily and Emily]

Kyle Mooney: ‘Fancy party’? I don’t know that.

[Cut to the storekeeper]

Storekeeper: Sure you do. It’s a famous old beautiful song. Wind it again and let’s see if I remember the words.

[Cut to everybody]

[Cecily Strong winds the bottom]

[music playing]

[Cut to the storekeeper]

Storekeeper: It started, the fancy party’s finally getting started

nothing can go wrong, owe wait, I farted,

I farted, now my whole world will never be the same.

[Cut to everybody]

And that’s ‘fancy party’.

[Cut to Cecily Strong, Emily and Emily]

Kyle Mooney: Hang on. The song ‘Fancy Party’ is about a ballerina having gas at a party?

[Cut to the storekeeper]

Storekeeper: That’s right. And the catastrophic effect it has on her life, relationships and dancing career.

[Cut to Cecily Strong, Emily and Emily]

Kyle Mooney: That’s not real.

[Cut to everybody]

Storekeeper: Sure it is. Your grandmother probably sang it to you while you went to sleep. Wind it again, you’ll remember.

[Cecily Strong winds the bottom]

[music playing]

[Cut to the storekeeper]

I beefed one,

they hired me for dancing, then I beefed one

it was oh, [Cut to everybody] so very long and not a brief one

because I beefed one

Now this whole fancy party knows my name

Cecily Strong: Wait I do know this.

[Cut to Cecily Strong and Storekeeper]

Cecily Strong and Storekeeper: I gave them quite a scare

when I jumped up in the air

and out a fruity rooty came

Storekeeper: I knew you knew it.

[Cut to everybody]

Kyle Mooney: I’m sorry if you’re eating

but my tights just took a beating

Everybody: And now I fear I’ll never dance again

[Cut to Kenan Thompson]

Kenan Thompson: I farted.

[Cut to everybody]

Storekeeper: Hello.

Kenan Thompson: I was just passing by and heard ‘Fancy party”.

Everybody: Did you hear the news how I done farted?

Now the party has sadly been departed

because I farted

That’s just how it goes.

Kyle Mooney: Wow.

Cecily Strong: That’s good.

Storekeeper: Memories.

Kyle Mooney: I’m glad you didn’t sing, honey. You would have messed it up.

Emily: Sing it again.

Cecily Strong: Let’s do it.

[Cecily Strong breaks the music box trying to wind it]

oh! No! Did I break it?

Storekeeper: What have you done?

Kyle Mooney: Honey, what have you done?

Cecily Strong: It wasn’t one of a kind, was it? Surely there are more.

[Everybody are staring at Cecily Strong]

Please, please.

[Cut to Kenan coming up front to camera]

Kenan Thompson: And that’s The Twilight Zone.

Leslie & Kyle | Season 44 Episode 21

Kyle Mooney

Leslie Jones

Paul Rudd

[Starts with Leslie watching something on her laptop and laughing in dressing room]

[Cut to Kyle coming in dressing room]

Kyle Mooney: Oh, hey, Les, a change in the court sketch, you’re going to be the Bailiff now.

[Cut to Leslie]

Leslie Jones: Oh, okay, cool, thanks Kyle. [Leslie gets back to watching]

[Cut to Kyle]

Kyle Mooney: What are you watching?

[Cut to Leslie]

Leslie Jones: I’m watching Russian car crashes, they’re crazy over there.

[Cut to Kyle]

Kyle Mooney: You know, last weekend I was watching those Leslie and Kyle videos we made for the show when we were in love with each other.

[Cut to Leslie]

Leslie Jones: I remember those. Why did we stop making them?

[Cut to Kyle]

Kyle Mooney: They were great. Actually, can I show you a pretty fun clip.

[Kyle sits beside Leslie and takes over her laptop]

May I?

[Cut to the laptop playing a video where Kyle kisses Leslie]

[Cut to Leslie]

Leslie Jones: Oh, my god.

[Cut to the laptop playing a video where Leslie is making out with Kyle]

Kyle Mooney: Tell me I’m not dreaming.

[Cut to Kyle and Leslie]

Leslie Jones: Aw, we was babies.

Kyle Mooney: It was like last year. But you know it’s weird, sometimes people will come up to me on the street and say, “Are you really dating Leslie?”

[Cut to Leslie]

Leslie Jones: No way! Me and you?

[Cut to Kyle]

Kyle Mooney: They truly thought it was real.

Leslie Jones: It’s ridiculous.

Kyle Mooney: Yeah, so ridiculous. Well, I should get out of here.

[Cut to Kyle and Leslie. Kyle passes the laptop back to Leslie.[

So enjoy your videos, madam.

[Cut to Leslie]

Leslie Jones: Thank you, sir.

[Leslie leaves]

Umm, hey, Kyle.

[Kyle walks back in]

Kyle Mooney: What’s up?

[Cut to Leslie]

Leslie Jones: Got some wine. You want to maybe have a glass of wine, we can watch videos.

[Cut to Kyle]

Kyle Mooney: Yeah, sure. I mean, I drink everyday, so—yes, let’s do it.

[Kyle walks and sits beside Leslie. Leslie passes Kyle a glass.]

Thanks. Well, to a wonderful year.

[Cut to Leslie]

Leslie Jones: Oh, yes.

[Cut to Kyle and Leslie. They both take a sip of wine.]

Oh wait.

[Leslie wipes Kyle’s lips]

Oh, you got some on your lip.

Kyle Mooney: Thank you.

[Cut to Kyle]

Is this happening right now?

[Cut to Leslie]

Leslie Jones: I don’t know.

[Cut to Kyle and Leslie. They kiss.]

[Cut to a dreamy world where Kyle and Leslie are walking together holding hands wearing matching dress.][Music is playing]

Kyle Mooney: Why do birds suddenly appear

every time you are near

just like me they long to be

lose to you

[Cut to a Kyle and Leslie having sex in dressing room]

Kyle Mooney: Oh god, crap!

[Cut to Paul Rudd walks in]

Paul Rudd: Whoa! What the [bleep] are you doing? This is my dressing room.

[Cut to Kyle and Leslie]

Kyle Mooney: Hey, sorry, man.

[Cut to Paul]

Paul Rudd: Oh, god. What’s that smell? Ew! It stinks over here too. Were you [bleep] over here too? It smells like a bad tooth. My shoes are stinking to the floor. It’s like an old movie theater.

[Cut to Kyle]

Kyle Mooney: Sorry okay?

[Cut to Paul] Oh, crap.

Paul Rudd: Are you still doing it? Get out of here.

[Cut to Kyle and Leslie. They both stand up.]

[Cut to Paul. He looks away.]

Leslie Jones: We said sorry, dude. Are you stressed out?

[Cut to Leslie and Kyle]

Kyle Mooney: Hey man! We were just having sex for a few hours. [Cut to Paul] Relax.

Paul Rudd: Yea, I’m stressed out. I just—I want the finale to go well. I didn’t mean to yell. Sorry.

[Cut to Leslie and Kyle both start to massage Paul]

Leslie Jones: Aww baby.

Paul Rudd: That feels good. Mmm. Is this happening?

[They all start making out]

[Cut to a dreamy world where Paul, Kyle and Leslie are dancing and holding hands wearing matching dress. Paul and Kyle starts kissing. Leslie is shocked.][Music is playing]

GoT Tribute | Season 44 Episode 21

Pete Davidson

Kenan Thompson

Gray Worm

DJ Khaled

Paul Rudd

[Starts with Pete Davidson getting ready to rap. He is wearing a Game of Thrones shirt]

Pete Davidson: Game of Thrones, 10 seasons. I can’t believe it’s coming to an end. It’s like my favorite show ever. HBO. Here we go.

Jon Snow, Dragons, lotsa wolves
blue zombies, armored clothes, silver swords,
that extendo prostitute houses, lotsa wine,

and a big ass wall, never miss an episode.

[Music stops.]

[Cut to Kenan coming in]

Kenan Thompson: Yo! Pete!

[Cut to Pete]
Pete Davidson: Yo!

[Cut to Kenan. He opens his jacket and shows Pete his Game of Thrones shirt.]

Kenan Thompson: I didn’t know you like Game of Thrones. How come you never mentioned it before?

[Cut to Pete]

Pete Davidson: Oh, yes! I don’t really like to talk about my personal life. I don’t like that attention.

[Cut to Kenan Thompson]

Kenan Thompson: Hmm. Okay.

[Kenan leaves]

[Cut to Pete rapping. Music stars playing.]

Pete Davidson: Never miss an episode, there’s hobbits and toads
magic, muggles, I assume some crows

[Cut to Kenan looking at Pete. Music stops.]

Kenan Thompson: You assume some crows? Pete, this is my friend Gray Worm. [Gray Worm walks in]

[Cut to Pete]

Pete Davidson: Oh, hey, what’s up, man? Did you say your last name is Worm?

[Cut to Kenan and Gray]
Gray Worm: Yes, he has never seen the show.

Kenan Thompson: Yeah, you know nothing Pete Davidson.

[Cut to Pete]

Pete Davidson: I’m a penis.

[Cut to Kenan and Gray]

Kenan Thompson: Look, Pete. You don’t have to do a rap about Game of Thrones just because it’s the most popular show in the world right now.

[Cut to Pete]

Pete Davidson: So, what are you saying, then if I’m going to do an epic rap song for the season finale, it should be about a TV show I actually like?

[Music fades in]

[Cut to Kenan and Gray]

Kenan Thompson: Oh, no, I don’t think you should do a rap at all.

[Cut to Pete rapping and music playing]

Pete Davidson: Grace and Frankie. Grace and Frankie.

My favorite Tv show is [beep] Grace and Frankie.

Kenan Thompson: Why?

Pete Davidson: Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin, Martin Sheen,
Sam Waterson, that’s right son,
it’s a Netflix original, one of the first ones
going to be on for 5 seasons to see

oh! ladies is the reason you’ll thank me
Watch that show every day on the reggy
you laugh, you cry, you better grab a hankie 
that’s right, I’m talking about —

[Cut to DJ Khaled in the video]

DJ Khaled: Grace and Frankie!
DJ Khaled, we the best!

Kenan Thompson: What?

DJ Khaled: Better than Game of Thrones.

Pete Davidson: Real quick, if you’re not here
let me catch you up a little bit on a smash hit
it’s so fantastic, they’re opposites
they run a business selling dildos
ain’t that classic?

Kenan Thompson: Guys, I just want to let you know this is getting expensive.

Pete Davidson: They once caught their exes kissing,
you don’t know what you’re missing

Grace dated Nelson, Frankie dated Ernie Hudson
they’re both like 80 something
riding hot air balloons like it’s nothing
think of bluffin’, let me tell you boy it sure is something

DJ Khaled: Grace and Frankie! They’re different but the friends. It’s a nice show. DJ Khaled!

[Cut to Paul Rudd comes in]

Paul rudd: Hey man! I’m here to do my Game of Thrones verse.

[Cut to Pete]

Pete Davidson: Oh, I changed it. Now you just rap about whatever your favorite TV show is.

[Cut to Paul]

Paul rudd: Any show I want?
My favorite TV show is Motherfu[beep] Grace and Frankie
rip a mic and again to motherfu[beep] Ant man
Season 4 is the [beep] guest starring Lisa Kudrow
Frankie moved to Santa Fe
to Graces this was unusual
Things starting cracking, Grace had that scooter accident
That’s the tip of the iceberg, have you touched our Sol and Robert?

DJ Khaled: Grace and Frankie. Remember, Robert had that sleep apnea? That was crazy. 

Pete Davidson: The girls got their house back from their kids
sol can’t train a dog for shi–[Beep]
Frankie was sick and Grace might [beep] marry Nick.

DJ Khaled: Grace and Frankie, best in the game. DJ Khaled. We out!

Paul rudd: Yo, Thrones! I got a dragon you can sit on right here.      

Pete Davidson: All right Paul. Sorry.

Cut for Time Retirement Party | Season 44 Episode 21

Melissa Villaseñor

David… Kenan Thompson

Alex Moffat

Aidy Bryant

Chris Redd

Ted… Beck Bennett

Bred… Paul Rudd

[Starts with staffs of an office having a retirement party]

Melissa Villaseñor: But David’s been more than a boss to me. He’s been my best friend. To David.

[Everybody raise their coffee cups]

Everybody: To David.

David: Oh guys! [Cut to David and Melissa] You guys are so kind. 50 years sure goes by fast. I mean, what can I say? I just love auto insurance. But it’s time I take it easy on old ticker. You know, doctor’s orders.

[Cut to the staff]

Alex Moffat: Yes, we’ll visit you often pal.

Aidy Bryant: Yes, we’re not letting you go that easy.

[Cut to David]

David: See, now I’m tearing up. Ah, I think that’s my clue to leave.

[Cut to Chris]

Chris Redd: Well, hold on because I think Ted and Bred from IT put a little something together.

[Cut to David and Melissa]

David: Oh, that’s so nice. I barely even know those guys. What is it, a slide show?

Melissa Villaseñor: We’ll see. Fellas?

[Cut to everybody. There is a TV screen in front of everyone.]

[The light dims. Music starts to play.]

[Cut to the TV screen. It says “Thank you David”.”

[The video is disturbed and another video plays.]

Ted: We interrupt this simulation for a very important message.

Bred: In the beginning god created man. And from millennium, man reign supreme over all of creation.

[Cut to the staff.]

Speaker 8: What is this?

[Cut to the video]

Ted: Until man creates a god in the form of computer.

[Drum starts playing]

[The TV screen slides away. Ted and Bred walks Up with their musical instruments.]

Ted and Bred: Computer boy. Computer girl. 

We all live in computer world.

Computer, com-com-com-com-Computer


Oh-hail! Computer.

Ted: D-D-D-Digital free way

Mommy told me to eat my greens 

but now I’m grown up and I only computer

Bred: Computer! Daddy told me to brush my teeth

But now I’m grown up and instead I computer

Ted: Computer! I’m in love with my computer.

Bred: M-M-Mouse pad, baby.

[Music stops]

[Cut to the other staffs. They clap.]

[Cut to David and Melissa. They are confused.]

David: Wow! Thank you. That means a lot.

Melissa Villaseñor: Sorry guys, I’m a little confused.

[Cut to Ted and Bred]

Bred: Of course you are. You live in a digital age where computers are king.

[Cut to Chris, Aidy and Alex]

Chris Redd: No, it’s just tonight’s about David and you were supposed to make slides.

Aidy Bryant: Yes, not form a computer focused full wave band.

[Cut to Ted and Bred]

Ted: Oh, foolish human. If you had just once bothered to engage us in conversation–

Bred: You would know we are not just IT guys, but we have always been–

Ted and Bred: The Electric Computers.

Ted: Me Professor Professor, and he, Mr. Microchip.

[Cut to Chris]

Chris Redd: Yeah, I’m not calling you that Ted.

[Cut to David]

David: Well, thank you for the music boys. I think I’m going to head out.

[Cut to Ted and Bred]

Ted: No, no, David stay. We did actually write a song for you.

[Cut to David]

David: Really? For me?

[Cut to Ted and Bred]

Bred: Affirmative. 2, 3, 4.

[Music starts playing]

Bred: The year is 2031. Mankind as we know is enslaved. Humans live only to serve their one true master. A master called–

[Cut to Chris]

Chris Redd: He’s going to say computer, man!

[Cut to Ted and Bred]

Bred: Computer!

Ted: I-I-I-I can feel it coming

Computer taking over 

Bred: To become free, all mankind needs

is to rise up and destroy computer

There’s only one problem you see,

mankind kind of likes it

[Cut to Chris]

Chris Redd: All right man!

[Cut to Ted and Bred]

Ted: I can feel it coming

I can feel it coming 

I will make love to my computer

Thank you for 50 years of service David.

[Music stops]

[Cut to David]

[Cut to Aidy and Alex]

Aidy Bryant: Okay, so again, no connection to David. I think you just tag that in the end because you felt bad.

[Cut to Ted and Bred]

Bred: No. Wrong!

[Cut to Aidy and Alex]

Alex Moffat: And did you see you want to make love to a computer?

[Cut to Ted and Bred]

Ted: Of course. Survival is essential.

Bred: Procreation with the computer is the only option for human.

[Cut to Aidy]

Aidy Bryant: What are you talking about?

[Cut to Melissa]

Melissa Villaseñor: Yes, see this is why we don’t talk to you guys.

[Cut to Chris and Aidy]

Chris Redd: Yes, because apparently you want to have a baby with a computer.

[Cut to Ted and Bred]

Bred: Ignore our words and you surely will perish.

Ted: For computers show no mercy.

[Cut to Chris, Aidy and Alex]

Alex Moffat: Hey! Are you threatening us?

[Cut to everybody]

David: All right, everybody, let’s just calm down all right?

[David walks to Ted and Bred]

[Cut to David, Ted and Bred]

I want to thank my friends The Electric Computers, okay? For giving me the best retirement gift of all. The truth. I always knew this was coming. It was since I saw that damn Tintendo. Now I know I’m not alone. [laughing]

[Music starts to play]


Terabyte-Terabyte-take my flow


[David starts to feel his heart attack]

[Cut to the staffs]

Aidy Bryant: It’s probably the heart attack!

[Cut to Ted and Bred]

Ted: And so, it begins.

[cut to the staffs]

Chris Redd: Get out! Get out of here!

A Journey Through Time | Season 44 Episode 21

Dr. Markowitz… Aidy Bryant

Dr. Handly … Mikey Day

Cecily Strong

Dex … Paul Rudd

Miss Rafferty … Kate McKinnon

[Starts with Dr. Markowitztalking in a meeting]

Dr. Markowitz: Thank you all for coming. I’m Dr. Markowitzwith NASA and this is Dr. Handly with the institute for temporal anomalies.

Dr. Handly: We’re obviously very interested in your story as you were the first three people to have experienced a verified time travel event.

[Cut to Cecily Strong, Dex and Miss Rafferty]

Cecily Strong: This is bananas. I mean, we were just three buds watching TV and now, we’re quantum pioneers.

[Cut to Dr. Markowitzand Dr. Handly]

Dr. Handly: Now please tell us how this time portal appeared.

[Cut to Cecily Strong and Dex]

Dex: Well, I got a free one month trial to the Showtime channel. We was watching Ray Donovan, and I’m a fan, I’m a sucker for conflicted heroes, good person, bad deeds, that dichotomy is very rich to me.

[Cut to Dr. Markowitzand Dr. Handly]

Dr. Handly: Yes, wonderful sir. But if you could focus on the time travel.

[Cut to Cecily Strong and Dex]

Dex: Uh, right, yeah, well, me and her, we was on the couch when this glowing majestic gateway appeared and we drifted into it and we found ourselves in a gorgeous city made entirely of crystal or something.

Cecily Strong: Yeah, and we were welcomed by a group of people made up for just all the races of the world and they said, “We are the council of humanity, this is the future.” It was so beautiful.

[Cut to Dr. Markowitzand Dr. Handly]

Dr. Handly: And you, miss Rafferty?

[Cut to Miss Rafferty. She is smoking a cigarette.]

Miss Rafferty:  Yeah, a little different for me. I must have been on the wrong side of the portal or something, because I wasn’t so much welcomed to the future as I was violently sucked a million years into the past. I went to caveman times, man. Got yanked so hard, my sweats and my sneaks stayed in the present. So I land ass up face down in the mud with my cooter and tooter on full display. And I’m thinking, “Last time I was in this position, I got kicked out of Woodstock 99.”

[Cut to Dr. Markowitzand Dr. Handly]

Dr. Markowitz: And were there people there to welcome you as well?

[Cut to Miss Rafferty]

Miss Rafferty: ‘People’ is such a strong word. You know on the evolution chart where you see how the monkeys became human? These guys hadn’t hit the halfway mark yet.

[Cut to Dr. Markowitzand Dr. Handly]

Dr. Markowitz: Let’s focus on what happened in the future.

[Cut to Cecily Strong and Dex]

Cecily Strong: Well, the Council of Humanity showed us their city.

Dex: Yeah, it was beautiful. I would have wept but I was all cried out from watching ‘Nurse Jackie’ on showtime.

Cecily Strong: It’s probably enough of Showtime stuff Dex.

[Cut to Cecily Strong, Dex and Miss Rafferty]

Miss Rafferty: You know, these two are walking around Wakanda, meanwhile, where I’m at, it’s the rise of the planet of the apes. [Cut to Miss Rafferty] Because all 50 of these hairy naked monkey people are swarming at me and they start rubbing me with their butts. I don’t know if you’ve ever been on the business end of 50 balloon knots, but it ain’t exactly a Tuscan sunset.

[Cut to Dr. Markowitzand Dr. Handly]

Dr. Handly: Perhaps this was some sort of primitive religious ritual?

[Cut to Miss Rafferty]

Miss Rafferty: Buddy, god had no part in this. They were marking me with their scent. And these guys weren’t exactly zestfully clean. They zebra striped my T-shirt so much, I looked like a foot locker employee. But hey, it’s never easy making new friends, right?

[Cut to Dr. Markowitzand Dr. Handly]

Dr. Markowitz: Noted. And what happened next in the future?

[Cut to Cecily Strong and Dex]

Cecily Strong: We was taken to this place called the Oculus and inside was all these gateways to other solar systems.

Dex: Yeah, yeah. And in each one was a planet they had colonized. I couldn’t believe I was chosen to witness this.

[Cut to Miss Rafferty]

Miss Rafferty: Well, I too was chosen. Chosen by the alpha female to be her new girlfriend. She comes at me like a silverback, right? Ragdolls me. And look, I really ain’t into ladies but if nothing else is open, I’ll eat at a taco bell. You smell what I’m saying?

[Cut to Dr. Markowitzand Dr. Handly]

Dr. Markowitz:  Yes, I think I do.

[Cut to Miss Rafferty]

Miss Rafferty: Right, all right. So anyway, this gal wants to bond, right?

[Cut to Cecily Strong, Dex and Miss Rafferty]

[Miss Rafferty stand up and goes behind Dex]

Do you mind, Dex? She climbs on my back, right, she starts picking at me, looking for stuff to eat. [Cut to Miss Rafferty and Dex.] And unfortunately she’s finding a buffet. So, I guess the snack got her in the mood because then she starts like grinding into my head. Trying to mate with my hair, I guess. She’s using my face for like a handhold. Then she goes back to eating, climbs around the front and sees my ear, which I guess she thinks is some kind of vending machine because she’s just—[Miss Rafferty starts licking and sucking Dex’s ear] She’s candling but there ain’t no wax. Okay. Then for the grand finale she reaches down, she pops a finger up her keester like it’s her second date or something. And I’m like, “Hey, curious Georgina, last person to try that never saw his wedding ring again.”

[Cut to Dr. Markowitzand Dr. Handly]

Dr. Markowitz: Yes. Thank you for that.

[Cut to Miss Rafferty and Dex.]

Miss Rafferty: No problem. And thank you, Dex.

Dex: Your jeans rug burned my neck.

Miss Rafferty: Oh yeah? Poor you, I got bushed, smushed by a cave woman. You’ll live.

[Cut to Dr. Markowitzand Dr. Handly]

Dr. Markowitz: Now, how were you all brought back to the present?

Cecily Strong: Umm, well, the portal opened up beside us and the council said, “When fear is replaced by trust, your world will begin to change.” Then we were home.

Dex: Yeah. It was the most amazing thing that’s ever happened to me. Right up there with getting that email that said you’ve been selected for a free month of the Showtime channel.

[Cut to Miss Rafferty]

Miss Rafferty: See, that’s piss in my porridge because when I dove in the portal to get home, still pantsless, mind you, I landed downward dog in a grand Hyatt bar room with my Casino with my bean burrito right up in Barry Levine’s face.

[Cut to Dr. Markowitzand Dr. Handly]

Dr. Handly: Who is Barry Levine?

[Cut to Miss Rafferty]

Miss Rafferty: A young man who’s never going to forget his Bar Mitzvah. That’s who.

[Cut to Dr. Markowitzand Dr. Handly]

Dr. Markowitz: All right. We would like to take you all for a medical exam.

[Cut to everybody]

Miss Rafferty: Hey, it might be a problem. I got a zero health insurance]