George… Steve Martin
Annie… Heidi Gardner
Diane Keaton… Chloe Fineman
Martin Short… Franck
Bowen Yang
Selena Gomez
[Starts with a video clip of a beautiful house]
Male voice: This is our home. 24 Maple drive. We bought it when Annie was in grammar school. She even got married here. So many memories.
[Cut to Steve looking outside the window.]
Heidi: Hey, daddy.
Steve: Is that my beautiful daughter?
Heidi: Guess what? I’m engaged again.
Male voice: Father of the Bride, Part 8. Three decades and seven divorces later, Annie’s back and ready to give marriage an 8th shot.
Steve: Annie, what makes you think I can afford an 8th dancy Meyers style wedding? I’m financially drained.
Heidi: But daddy, I’m your little girl.
Steve: You’re 52. Your mom started driving for Lyft to pay your last wedding.
Chloe: Well, jeez. Okay, so did someone say mom?
Male voice: Diane Keaton is back. And more Diane Keaton than ever. She’s an icon in beige. And we’re here for her.
Steve: So who the hell is planning this thing? Don’t tell me… Oh my god, don’t tell me it’s…
[Martin and Bowen walks in]
Martin: Hello. Oh my favorite. Look at you. Hello George.
Steve: No, not again, Franck. I can’t do this, Howard.
Bowen: Hi, George. You still have an outstanding balance from the 5th wedding. You owe me fro the shrimp tower and the two performances by Nicki Minaj.
Heidi: Oh, daddy, can we get Nikki again?
Martin: Of course, now, this is fantastic [unintelligible]. And if you don’t have that, you don’t know what you’re doing, George.
George: What?
Male voice: That’s right. Martin Short is back as the beloved wedding planner Franck, doing the accent that I think is still okay. Let’s all agree that it’s okay.
Franck: So Anne, you’re looking a little used goods. This is fantastic news. Because these are not… I’ve seen bigger lumps in oatmeal. So put them together and make one good one or do something or get the fake one. Whatever you do, it look lovely. But I think you need a little plucking, a little pumping, a little tugging and maybe down there a little, you know, procedure.
Steve: Oh, are you suggesting I pay for my daughter’s vaginal rejuvenation?
[Carrie walks in]
Carrie: Eww. Can we not talk about my sister’s privates right now? I feel like I might blow chunks.
Male voice: Did you forget Carrie Colton was in this movie. So did we. And so did he. But he was. And now he’s on succession. So good for him. And it wouldn’t be a wedding without the whole family there.
Carrie: My sister in a wedding dress? Gross to the max. Oh, by the way, no cake for me. I have a colonoscopy tomorrow.
Franck: But she’s so beautiful. What that mature brain.
Steve: You really are beautiful, Anne, my little girl. My little menopausal girl.
Franck: This is so nice. Father with the bride. But time for the big surprise. Your wedding performer.
[Selena Gomez walks in]
Selena: Hi. What’s up? I’m the wedding singer.
Heidi: My god. Selena Gomez. You’re even more beautiful in real life.
Selena: I know. Thanks.
George: Franck, how much is she gonna cost me
Selena: 1.8 million, easy.
Franck: Oh, come on George, singing to everybody. Let’s sing.
All: Every party has a pooper,
that’s why we invited you,
party pooper!