Angelo… Aristotle Athari
Bride… Cecily Strong
Groom… Alex Moffat
Meg… Sarah Sherman
Jake… Jerrod Carmichael
[stars with an announcer announcing the performer]
Announcer: Next up, we have a special treat, as a gift from the bride’s parents, they have booked her favorite artist, I can’t believeI get to say this. Ladies and gentlemen, international singing sensation, Angelo.
[Cheers and applause]
[Angelo is sitting on a chair alone on a spotlight.]
Angelo: Hello, everybody. Happy wedding. For all days.
[The bride is excited about the performer.]
Bride: Yes! Oh, my God, Angelo! He’s actually here!
Groom: Wait, what is this? Who’s Angelo?
Bride: He’s just my all time favorite. Angelo does covers of, like, any song you want and re-imagines it in the most beautiful and honestly enlightening way. Okay, shh. No, he’s starting.
Angelo: Love for this today in air. Always. Can I get one suggest?
Bride: Stevie, give him a song to play.
Groom: What? Oh, sweet. OK, uh, how about “Brown-Eyed Girl?”
Angelo: ♪S-Say, say it for me?
Groom: Yeah, uh, Brown-Eyed Girl.
[Now, Angelo is lying on the chair.]
Angelo: S-say it for me?
Groom: Brown-Eyed Girl.
Angelo: Brow for Ba-fa-ra-bas [gibberish].
[singing] If I ever see it like that for me
Then I don’t like that
If I ever see it like this for me
Tonight
Thank you for this.
Bride: I mean… Okay, can you believe that? Angelo, bringing the house down at my wedding.
Groom: Oh, yeah. That didn’t sound like “Brown-Eyed Girl” though.
Bride: OK, oh, good one, sweetheart.
Angelo: I — Water for this — [clears throat]
[A weird looking girl walks to him with a glass of water]
Groom: Who is that?
Bride: What? That’s his assistant, Meg. She’s a billionaire.
[Meg is sprinkling water to Angelo with her fingers and Angelo is trying to get water using his tongue.]
Angelo: Another song for this to play.
Bride: Yes! Come on, Steve, do it, sweetheart. Let’s do something fun.
Groom: Okay, um, I guess Prince. Let’s do “1999”.
Angelo: Say for me?
Groom: Come on, man. “1999.”
Angelo: “2002.”
[singing] If I ever see it like that for me
[Melodic gibberish]
If I ever see that for me, like this
tonight
Thank you for this.
Bride: Oh, my God. God. Even, like, most people won’t even attempt to do a Prince cover.
Groom: Yeah, I’m not sure he did.
Angelo: Now because love and special for tonight, I bring drum here.
[5 walks in with a set of drum.]
Bride: No! Oh, my God, no — no way!
Groom: What? Who is that?
Bride: That’s Jake, the Pride of Ghana. He’s what vulture called “why the world fell in love with drums again.”
Groom: Jake? Why do they have such boring names.
Bride: Oh, I don’t know. Why don’t you ask them, Steve?
Jake: For drums, I need song.
Angelo: For party, one suggest.
Groom: What is happening?
Bride: I’m sorry, do you even hear yourself? I’m sorry they’re not Bon Jovi, you ignorant himbo.
Groom: Himbo?! Okay. I’ll give them a song to play. “At Last.”
Angelo and Jake: S-Say for us?
“At Last.”
Angelo and Jake: [gibberish]
Angelo: Drums for this.
Jake: Come on, now! [Hits the drum randomly]
Angelo: Thank you for this.
Groom: No, no, no, two drum hits? Bum-bum? Why is that good?
Bride: Bum-bum. Bum-bum, moron! It’s a heartbeat. The heartbeat of the people of Ghana.
Bride: What?
Jake: Another song for one.
Angelo: Yes. Do it for this.
Groom: Okay, you know what? I’ve obviously ruined everything, so let me try to make it up to you, okay, babe? Uh, it’s the song that we heard the night that we met. How about “I Got a Feeling?”
Jake: “I Got a Feeling.”
Angelo: Black-Eyed Pea-Pea.
Groom: Whoa, alright.
Angelo: [singing] I got a feeling
Jake: Come on, now! [Hits the drum randomly]
Angelo: That toniiiiight’s gonna be a good night
Jake: Come on, now! [Hits the drum randomly]
Angelo: That toniiiiight’s gonna be a good night
Jake: Come on, now! [Hits the drum randomly]
Angelo: Toooooooonight
Jake: Thank you for this.
Angelo: Thank you for this.
Groom: Wow. Alright, that’s incredible. I get it now. I get it! Yeah.