Right Side of the Bed with Scarlett Johansson

Cory Chisholm… Taran Killam

Gracelynn Chisholm… Cecily Strong

Daniela Denyada… Scarlett Johansson

Housy Yern… Kate McKinnon

[Starts with WSB/TV ATLANTA video bumper]

Female voice: You’re watching WSB/TV ATLANTA. Up next, it’s Right Side of the Bed.

[Cut to Right Side of the Bed intro] [Cut to Cory Chisholm and Gracelynn Chisholm in their set]

Cory Chisholm: Good early to mid-morning you guys.

Gracelynn Chisholm: You’re watching Right Side of the Bed. I’m Gracelynn Chisholm and I’m here with my husband Cory Chisholm, better known as the Mirror Hall.

Cory Chisholm: Oh! Someone’s getting shady right off the back. I look in the mirror to practice my sex faces for you.

Gracelynn Chisholm: Cory! It’s not 6 am, you corny horn dog. Would you chill our?

Cory Chisholm: I can’t help but you’re looking crazy sexy cool today. Come here.

[Cory Chisholm is trying to lick Gracelynn Chisholm]

Gracelynn Chisholm: Oh, my god! Cory, would you stop! You are knocking my bumping back.

Cory Chisholm: I wanna bump it in your back style.

Gracelynn Chisholm: Cory! Girl, bye!

Cory Chisholm: Look at you thinking you’re all NeNe Leakes.

Gracelynn Chisholm: Would you stop snapping please. You guys, it’s Kentucky Derby week and coming up a little bit lighter, we are going to learn how to make a Mint julep with a help of a really great guest.

Cory Chisholm: That’s right. She is the owner of Tiny Bites. It’s a full service catering company.

Gracelynn Chisholm: Now all the way from New Jersey, It’s Daniela Denyada.

[Cut to Daniela Denyada. She is standing behind a table to prepare Mint Julep.] [cheers and applause]

Daniela Denyada: Hi. I got all my ingredients out so I could start whenever you’re ready.

Cory Chisholm: Oh, there she is. What a sweetie.

Gracelynn Chisholm: Oh, she’s as cute as a bird.

Daniela Denyada: Thank you, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Gracelynn Chisholm: Okay Daniela, we’ll be right back with you in two and half shakes to get that recipe.

Daniela Denyada: Alright. I’ll stay right here.

[Cut to Cory Chisholm and Gracelynn Chisholm]

Gracelynn Chisholm: Oh, well. I love that accent. She sounds like a talking pizza.

Cory Chisholm: She does. Oh, and I’m excited to learn a new drink coz I’m so tired of fuzzy navels.

Gracelynn Chisholm: Fuzzy navels? Oh, yeah, right. You shave every thing.

Cory Chisholm: Whaaaat?

Gracelynn Chisholm: Yeah, you look like a woman from the waist down.

Cory Chisholm: Well then I guess you’re a lesbian coz you’re bouncing on it err-night.

Gracelynn Chisholm: Cory, please! If you’re just joining us, do not go anywhere coz coming up later, we got Daniela Denyada.

[Cut to Daniela Denyada speaking on the phone]

Daniela Denyada: Uh-huh! Uh-huh!

Cory Chisholm: Oh-oh! Looks like we caught her on her cell phone.

Daniela Denyada: Sorry, hang on. I gotta take this call. He only gets one call, alright?

Man: Where are you?

Daniela Denyada: Somewhere in the south.

Man: What are you doing?

Daniela Denyada: That show on TV, you know, the one with the gay guy and his mom?

[Cut to Cory Chisholm and Gracelynn Chisholm]

Cory Chisholm and Gracelynn Chisholm: Whaaaat?

[Cut to Daniela Denyada]

Daniela Denyada: Look, I- I gotta hang up. I love you. Remember that.

Man: Hey, send me 30 pictures.

Daniela Denyada: Later.

[Daniela Denyada hangs up the phone]

Alright, so do I do it now? Or what?

Gracelynn Chisholm: No, not yet Daniela. We’re coming to you real soon there.

Daniela Denyada: Alright, I’ll maintain in this.

[Cut to Cory Chisholm and Gracelynn Chisholm]

Gracelynn Chisholm: Alright, I can’t wait to taste that cocktail.

Cory Chisholm: Um-hmm. I can only have lil sip coz bourbon makes me frisky.

Gracelynn Chisholm: Oh, Cory! Chillax!

Cory Chisholm: Oh, girlfriend! I’m just like every other testosterone filled man on this planet. We were put here to get that puny.

Gracelynn Chisholm: Oh, my god! After that, I need a drink. And that’s Daniela’s time. She’s coming up.

[Cut to Daniela Denyada]

Daniela Denyada: You ready for me? I already cut the lemons. I’m getting a little agitated here.

[Cut to Cory Chisholm and Gracelynn Chisholm]

Gracelynn Chisholm: I mean, she’s just as cute as can be.

Cory Chisholm: Um-um, I know. She is as pretty as Rachael Ray was for a short time.

Gracelynn Chisholm: Cory!

Cory Chisholm: What?

Gracelynn Chisholm: She is gorgeous. You are acting like a tired old ignorant queen.

Cory Chisholm: Well, and you love every inch of it, you stutter bug.

Gracelynn Chisholm: Now, you know what you are. You are like a terrier with a dirty butt. I don’t know whether to give you a bath or give you away.

Cory Chisholm: Oh, I think she’s gonna keep me. [barking] [Daniela Denyada walks in with her cocktails]

Daniela Denyada: I got bored. I made them already alright? Scoot over! Excuse my fingers.

[Daniela Denyada sits on the sofa with Cory Chisholm and Gracelynn Chisholm]

Cory Chisholm: Um, omg, you guys! This is like my favorite sex dream. Two women at once.

Gracelynn Chisholm: Cory!

Cory Chisholm: Hey, if anybody wants to go camping, I’m pitching a family size tent over here.

Daniela Denyada: I see no evidence of that.

Cory Chisholm: I’m just saying. You need a camp fire. I got the wood!

Gracelynn Chisholm: Could you stop it! You only know how to go glamping.

Daniela Denyada: Can we drink these already? So I could get back to Marriott? I left my kids in the pool.

Gracelynn Chisholm: Okay, let’s take a break. Take a break! When we get back, more Derby fun with special guest Housy Yern!

[Cut to Housy Yem. He is playing an electric guitar and guitar.]

How about that y’all? [Cut to Cory Chisholm, Gracelynn Chisholm and Daniela Denyada] He changed the words.

Cory Chisholm: Oh-oh! I think I found a sculpted nail in my drink y’all.

Daniela Denyada: That’s mine.

Cory Chisholm: I’m keeping it.

Gracelynn Chisholm: Alright, we’ll be back you guys.

Daniela Denyada: What’s the deal with you two anyway?

[Ends]

Right Side of the Bed with Martin Freeman

Corey Chisum… Taran Killam

Grace Chisum… Cecily Strong

Louis Dukes… Martin Freeman

Kyle Mooney

Emily Margine… Aidy Bryant

Keith Urban… Kate McKinnon

[Starts with WSB/TV Atlanta intro]

Announcer: You’re watching WSB/TV Atlanta. Up next, it’s Right side of the Bed.

[Cut to Right side of the Bed video bumper] [Cut to Corey Chisum and Grace Chisum on a sofa]

Corey Chisum: Good mid-morning, y’all.

Grace Chisum: Y’all, you’re watching Right side of the Bed. I’m Grace Chisum. And I’m here with my husband, the diva, himself.

Corey Chisum: Ah! Oh, please! I m Corey Chisum and she’s already trying to get on my nerves.

Grace Chisum: You just can handle it.

Corey Chisum: I handled you for about two hours straight last night, didn’t hear you complain.

Grace Chisum: Corey, get your mouth out of the gutter.

Corey Chisum: Well, excuse me, that’s where it lives.

Grace Chisum: Okay, whatever guys, we got some great guests today. Coming up later is local contractor Louis Dukes.

[Cut to Louis Dukes]

He’s gonna show us some right tips winterizing our homes.

Corey Chisum: There he is. Hi, Louis. He’s little cutie. He promises that he is gonna cut our heating bill in half.

Grace Chisum: Well, if anyone could do it, Louis Dukes can do it. He’s the best.

Corey Chisum: I hear you.

Louis Dukes: Um, am I still on camera?

Corey Chisum: Wave and smile

Louis Dukes: Wave and smile? Okay.

Corey Chisum: Ha-ha-ha. Okay, now that’s enough wave. Okay, Louis, we’re gonna check in with you later.

Grace Chisum: Bye, Louis. Boy, I can’t wait to hear those tips. Our bills so ding-dong high.

Corey Chisum: Well, our bill’s high coz you always got the fridge door open.

Grace Chisum: Now, Corey, don’t go there. I can talk about my weight, you cannot.

Corey Chisum: Well, I’m the one who dresses you in the morning.

Grace Chisum: Oh, please.

Corey Chisum: I’m the one who has to zip up your slacks in the back.

Grace Chisum: Oh, my god.

Corey Chisum: Thank you.

Grace Chisum: Corey! Just looking at you makes me tired.

Corey Chisum: Ah!

Grace Chisum: Okay, guys, if you’re just joining us, later on we’ve got local contractor Louis Dukes with his winter tips.

[Cut to Louis Dukes chewing his nails]

Corey Chisum: Alright Louis. We caught him. We caught him off guard. That’s okay, Louis. I guess he’s just about the handiest man around.

Louis Dukes: Is it time now?

[Kyle comes in]

Kyle: No, we’re just on our way. You look great.] [Kyle walks away] [Louis Dukes is waving his one hand and holding a saw with his other hand.]

Corey Chisum: Oh, my goodness. Looks like he’s got a lot to show us, something with the saw. Oh, man, we can’t wait to talk to you a little bit later, Louis.

Grace Chisum: Okay, see you soon Louis.

[Cut to Corey Chisum and Grace Chisum]

Oh, man! Is it just me or he’s as cute as the cutest thing there could be?

Corey Chisum: Oh! Watch it, lady. You are all mine.

Grace Chisum: You know, I’m joking. I’m just pulling both of your legs.

Corey Chisum: Well, I’m gonna pull your hair while you pull something else on me.

Grace Chisum: Corey! You are a true hand on.

Corey Chisum: What? I’m just a red blooded American male like everybody else on the planet.

Grace Chisum: Okay. You’re acting like a tool. And tools are Louis’s thing.

[Cut to Louis Dukes]

There he is.

Louis Dukes: Are you kidding?

[Kyle walks in]

Kyle: Come on, dance!

[Kyle walks away] [Louis Dukes starts dancing]

Corey Chisum: Wow, Louis, Louis, he gotta go! Oh, my goodness. That I’m so excited. Look, he’s dancing.

[Cut to Corey Chisum and Grace Chisum]

Grace Chisum: Wow, does he know how to tease a segment or what?

Corey Chisum: I wish you knew something about teasing.

Grace Chisum: Oh! Please! I am the one who likes foreplay.

Corey Chisum: Get real, miss thing. You just hop on it like a hog full of corncob.

Grace Chisum: You are out of control today. Okay guys, before we get to Louis, we got something kind of sad. We’re gonna be talking to our producer Emily Margine whose half brother was just this morning at 7 am executed by the side of Georgia.

[Cut to Emily Margine waving her hand]

Oh, she must be sad.

Corey Chisum: Yeah, she sure looks sad, don’t she?

[cut to sad Emily Margine and Louis Dukes dancing]

Oh, but look at Louis. He’s still dancing.

Louis Dukes: Am I supposed to be here right now?

Emily Margine: Why are you dancing?

Louis Dukes: He told me to.

[Cut to Corey Chisum and Grace Chisum]

Corey Chisum: What? That’s a phrase he told her.

Grace Chisum: Okay, someone’s trying to be a drama queen up in here.

Corey Chisum: Excuse me, Louis, that is my job.

Grace Chisum: That’s his.

Corey Chisum: It’s on my license plate. D-R-M-A-N-Q-N, Drama-qn.

Grace Chisum: Guys, you got a cigarette, coz we’ve got so many great guests. We got Louis Dukes, Sad producer Margine, and best of all, country sensation Keith Urban is here to show us how to winterize our home.

[Cut to Louis Dukes, Emily Margine and Keith Urban]

Keith Urban: Your house is gonna be as warm as wallway’s patch.

Louis Dukes: Keith Urban is winterizing too? Why?

Kyle: Just dance.

[Louis Dukes start dancing]

Corey Chisum: We’ll be back. See you later.

Grace Chisum: I will see you guys.

Corey Chisum: Thanks Louis.