[ more gratuitous close-ups of bouncing breasts and covered butts ]
All your favorite T’s & A’s, including “Hootchie Cootchie” girl Charo; and special guest star Carol Wayne; plus the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.
[ more gratuitous close-ups of bouncing breasts and covered butts ]
Network Battle of the T’s & A’s. Friday at 10:00, 4:30 Central, 2:00 Mountain.
[ fade ]
[ on a later repeat, this filmed bit dissolves to a pan of the studio audience with SUPER: “did you know… Lingusits Rarely Achieve Simultaneous Translation?” ]
Tom Snyder: Good evening, everybody, welcome to the “Tomorrow” show. At the outset of the program tonight, I’d like to clear something up that ticked me off when I heard about it. There’s a, uh.. there’s a newsman who works at KNBC in Los Angeles – his name is Paul Moyer, he’s a local news anchorman. Today, somebody walked up to me and said, “Tom, you know that guy, Paul Moyer – gee, he looks and sounds a lot like you.” Well, this afternoon, somebody else comes up and says, “Tom, is it true Paul Moyer from Auburn News will be replacing you on the “Tomorrow” show?” Well, my gosh, Paul Moyer and I used to work together, and.. I watched the news the other night. This guy does sound and look a little bit like me, but as far as Tom Snyder being replaced on the “Tomorrow” show, well.. [ fuming ] ..that’s just a lot of bunk! There’s no way he’s gonna get Tom Snyder’s show! ‘Cause I know, if they ever threw me out of here, Bobby Brown – and the rest of the guys in the crew – would end up coming with me, we’d do it in my living room, and we’d put the damn thing in syndication! Well, that’s that!
Anyway.. my guest tonight is a man who’s familiar to anybody who owns a hi-fi set. He’s a member of a pop group – The Rolling Stones – and his name is Mr. Mick Jagger!
[ Mick Jagger enters set and sits ]
Tom Snyder: Now, sir.. sir, I guess my first question to you is, sir: Why “Mick Jagger”? Why the name Jagger, what does it mean?
Mick Jagger: Well, it’s my name.. uh.. it was my father’s name.. uh..
Tom Snyder: Alright. Fair enough, I’ll buy that. [ solemn for a second ] Get off my cloud!
Mick Jagger: [ confused ] Get off my cloud?
Tom Snyder: The.. the song! “Get Off My Cloud”. It was one of the best singles you guys ever did, and I’ll tell you why: I was working with in Westinghouse Industries back in the fifties – not in the coaster division, in the broadcasting division. And there was a unit manager, he used to get me so.. teed off! I used to feel like saying to him, “Get the heck off my cloud!” You ever feel like saying, “Heck! I’m Mick Jagger, I’ve got a few hit records, I can afford to take some time off and do whatever the heck I want!” you ever feel that way?
Mick Jagger: Yeah, uh.. I suppose I do. I mean, we did a tour that was really successful.. and I went crazy, I guess a little crazy afterward – I put a barbecue and a swimming pool in the back yard.
Tom Snyder: Well, Mick, I know exactly what you mean. You know, there’s nothing like a good old-fashioned barbecue. You start cooking up the steaks, the smell of a char-broiling attracts everybody the next day – I find myself feeding the whole neighborhood.
Mick Jagger: That’s the fun of a barbecue!
Tom Snyder: Ha ha ha! Well, yes, sir! I’ll buy that, sir!
Mick Jagger: Ever since we put the pool in the house, old friends that we haven’t seen for a little while, they just drop in more often. Rod and Babs do it.. Eric.. they love to come over and beat the heat.
Tom Snyder: Well, sir, it’s a hot life you lead. You know, speaking of heat, boy you’re quite the dancer. I saw your show in Tucson, and some of those moves, I wouldn’t think the human body would be capable of moving like that! They were terrific, Mick! Really!
Mick Jagger: Thank you. Which ones.. you know.. which particular ones did you care for?
Tom Snyder: Well, uh.. the little thing with your leg, you know? The little walk.. you know, the little things you do, all those little moves..
Mick Jagger: Well, you know, which one do you want to show me?
Tom Snyder: Show me? What do you mean?
Mick Jagger: Well, let’s get a little bit of room here.. [ stands up, moves coffee table aside ]
Tom Snyder: [ stands ] Alright, now let’s get a wide shot of this – I can boogie just like the next guy! I mean, the ltitle walk.. [demonstrates ] You know, the big thing with your leg.. [ demonstrates further ]
Mick Jagger: You know, I think you clearly missed your calling in life.
Tom Snyder: What.. what do you mean? You think I should have been a dancer, or something?
Mick Jagger: Oh, not for a living.
Tom Snyder: Ha ha ha! Speaking of relaxation, Mick.. I just do it to fool around, you know? I like to dance. You know, I noticed on the covers of one of your singles, released in 1966, “Have You Seen Your Mother, Babies, Standing In The Shoadw” – could we see that. [ shows cover ] You guys seem to be guys that enojy dressing up as girls now and again!
Mick Jagger: Well, it’s not such a.. really.. big deal, you know.. dressing up as a woman. This was just.. more.. a theatrical device we used.
Tom Snyder: Ha! Well, all I know is, I’ve got a pink woman’s housecoat at home, and a pair of fuzzy pink slppers, and heck! I didn’t buy them because they’re ladies things – I bought them because, dammit, they’re comfortable! I don’t care if they are ladies garments!
Mick Jagger: I know you don’t, Tom – it doesn’t surpise me at all. In fact, I still have a little push-up bra, that we used on the cover. You can have it, if you want.
Tom Snyder: [ excited ] Really! I can have that!
Mick Jagger: Yeah. I don’t need it.. any more.
Tom Snyder: Well, alright, that would be great, Mick! I’ll take ypu up on that! Thank you so much for joining us! You know, I just want to say that, when they told me you were doing the show, I was, frankly, quite apprehensive. You know? I heard you were a little bit of a cut-up, a kind of a hellion – I don’t know what kind of hijinks to expect from guys like you. But, here you are, you’re a well-behaved youg man, and, frankly, sir, I am surprised!
Mick Jagger: Well, Tom, thank you.. that’s nice of you. You know, before I came here, I heard a few things about you.. and.. I heard you were slow, and a bit thick.. a kind of a dim bulb.. But, now that I’ve met you, you know, I know you can’t help it.
Tom Snyder: Well, thank you very much, sir! You’re welcomed back any time! We’ve been talk-
Mick Jagger: Excuse me, Tom. One thing, you know, before we finish up.
Tom Snyder: Yes. Anything at all, sir.
Mick Jagger: Throughout this entire interview, one thing that’s fascinated me..
Tom Snyder: Yes, sir?
Mick Jagger: ..is the extraordinary variety of colors in your hair. There must be at least twelve. I mean, there’s grey, and black, and blue, and green..
Tom Snyder: Green? Ha ha! I didn’t know about the spot of green there, Mick! Join us tomorrow on “Tomorrow”, when we’ll be talking with a group of bee farmers who claim that Elvis Presley’s ghost is responsible for a mysterious series of area cattle mutilations in the Midwest. Good night, everybody!
[ pull out for audience wide shot, with SUPER: “coming up next… Disco Dentistry” ]
[ open on interior, Olympia Cafe, George grilling six cheeseburgers at once ]
[ at the register, Sandy takes an order over the phone as a patron pays her tab ]
Sandy: All right. [ to George ] Cheeseburger, cheesburger, cheeseburger!
George: Cheeseburger, cheesburger, cheeseburger!
Sandy: [ on phone ] No. No fries — chip. [ to Nico ] Chip, chip, chip!
Nico: Chip, chip, chip!
Sandy: [ on phone ] What to drink? No. No Coke — Pepsi. [ to Nico ] Pepsi, Pepsi, Pepsi!
Nico: Pepsi, Pepsi, Pepsi!
Sandy: [ on phone ] Ten minutes. [ she hangs up ]
Gilda: Hey, Sandy… why’s everybody so sad around here today?
Sandy: Ah, it’s Pete.
Gilda: What happened?
Sandy: He’s coming back. Today.
Gilda: Well, I thought he was supposed to be away another week. Something happened?
Sandy: Well, he didn’t inherit too much money.
Gilda: You mean, he went all the way to Greece because somebody died?
Sandy: That’s right. His uncle left him money, and if he wanted to get it he had to go all the way to Greece. He didn’t want to go, but everybody said to him, you know, “Oh, you don’t know, it could be lots of money.” So, he went.
Gilda: Well, how much did he get?
Sandy: $400. Not even enough to pay for the plane ticket.
Gilda: Well, he’ll be excited when he gets back and sees how you fixed up the place!
Sandy: That’s right. You know, uh… [ she points to the far wall ] that mural there, that was Nico’s idea. He painted it himself.
Gilda: Ohhh.
[ zoom in on the mural across the room ]
Sandy: That is Potmos. It is down where Pete had to go to get his money. See? The only way to get there is by donkey. See?
[ Nico steps forward, smiling shyly ]
Gilda: Oh! You did that, Nico?
[ Nico smiles and points shyly ]
Gilda: Oh!
[ a new waitress walks up to the grill ]
New Waitress: Cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger. Uh, four chips, four Pepsis.
[ George picks up the half-eaten cheeseburger and shoves it into his mouth ]
[ Nico brings Ron Wood his Pepsi ]
Nico: Pepsi. [ he holds up a pepper grinder ] Pepper?
Ron Wood: [ thinks about it ] Yeah, just a little.
Nico: Say when! [ he begins to grind ]
Ron Wood: That’s fine.
Nico: [ still grinding ] Okay?
Ron Wood: Yeah. That’s okay.
Nico: [ still grinding ] Say when.
Ron Wood: When!
Nico: [ still grinding ] When?
Ron Wood: Right.
Nico: [ still grinding ] Okay.
Ron Wood: Yeah.
Nico: [ still grinding ] Say when.
Ron Wood: WHEN!!
Nico: [ still grinding ] When?
Ron Wood: YES!!
Nico: [ still grinding ] Yes?
Ron Wood: NO!!
Nico: [ still grinding ] No? No.
Ron Wood: No!
Nico: [ he stops grinding ] Okay.
[ the phone rings ]
Sandy: [ answering ] Olympia! [ pause ] Nico!
[ Pete appears in the window as Nico takes the phone ]
Gilda: Hey, everybody! There’s Pete!
[ Nico quickly hangs up the phone and returns to his position behind the counter ]
[ a dejected Pete slowly enters the cafe ]
[ everyone greets Pete ]
Gilda: Hi, Pete! How was Greece? [ Pete doesn’t say a word ] Uh — uh — the place sure looks different, doesn’t it!
Sandy: Look, Pete, uh — red vests! Uh, just like, uh, dinner garden!
Gilda: And, uh — look at — look at this mural over here, uh — Nico did it!
[ Pete doesn’t look impressed, then, finally: ]
Pete: OUT!! OUT!! OUT!! OUT!!
[ Pete grabs a boothful of customers and yanks them toward the door ]
Patron 2: But we weren’t finished eating!
Pete: OUT!! OUT!! OUT!!
[ Pete grabs the new waitress and hurls her toward the door ]
New Waitress: But I work here!
Pete: OUT!! OUT!! OUT!!
[ Pete tosses Ron Wood and Charlie Watts out the door ]
Pete: OUT!! OUT!! OUT!!
[ Pete slams the door shut and flips the CLOSED sign around ]
[ Gilda cmes running back in ]
Gilda: Pete! Come back! Somebody’s driving away your car! Maybe we should call the Police or something!
[ Pete looks out into the street, then closes the door dejectedly ]
Gilda: Um — Pete! Pete, don’t worry — you’ll probably get it back.
Pete: My wife.
Gilda: [ confused ] Your wife was in the car? [ he nods ] I thought I saw somebody sitting in the back seat. He probably didn’t see her. He probably just saw the keys and drove off.
[ feeling a migraine coming ] My luggage.
Gilda: Your luggage was in there, too?
[ Pete sighs heavily, then slumps his body at the counter ]
Gilda: Sandy? Do you think it’d be alright if I ordered some food to go? [ Sandy nods ] Uh — two cheeseburgers, two Pepsis.
Sandy: Cheeseburger, cheeseburger! Pepsi, Pepsi!
George: Cheeseburger, cheeseburger!
[ Nico just stares down at Pete, who, aggravated by his lack of work eithics, jumps to his feet and slaps Nico with a menu ]
Pete: PEPSI, PEPSI, PEPSI!!!
[ zoom out, with SUPER: “coming up next… Dirty Aerial Photographs” ]
Don Pardo: Ladies and gentlemen, the mayor of the cityof New York — Ed Koch!
Mayor Ed Koch: [Applause continues as Koch, in a suit andtie, enters and walks to center stage. He basks in theapplause until the music ends, then stretches his armsand says:] How’m I doin’?! [Applause. Cheers.] I’mdelighted to be here to, uh, welcome Saturday NightLive back to New York. This is the fourth season andwe want them to know how grateful we are that they’rehere in this great city. [Applause.] I’m on this showfor, really, two reasons. One is to speak to thenation. We here in New York want to tell those of youin other states how much we appreciate what you didfor us when we were down and out and needed your help– and you came through! We want to say to all ofthose of you out there: Thanks for the loan — youwon’t be sorry! [Applause. Cheers.] New York City is agreat place in which to live. We’re very lucky thoseof us who are here, but this city belongs to everybodyand we are going through a great renaissance. SaturdayNight is one reason for this renaissance — aninsignificant reason, but a reason nevertheless. Thepeople on this show, they could have chosen to goelsewhere but they came here, to New York City insteadof Pittsburgh, Denver, Newark… Some could probablyeven get work in Hollywood, which brings me to thesecond, and main, reason why I’m here tonight and thatis to officially honor a member of the Saturday Nightcast. He’s appeared off-Broadway here in New York andhe’s gone on to be one of the stars of this show andmost recently distinguished himself in the field ofmotion pictures. A great New Yorker — John Belushi![Applause. Cheers. Wearing sneakers, jeans, a suitcoat and tie, Belushi enters and joins Ed Koch. Theyshake hands.] John, your current film, Animal House,is, uh, breaking box office records in New York andacross the country and, as a resident of our city,you’ve helped to make it the vital, creative centerthat it is now. And on behalf of myself and the peopleof the city of New York, I’d like to present you witha City of New York Certificate of Merit. [Koch pullscertificate from inside jacket pocket, unfolds it, andpresents it to Belushi who takes it. Koch and theaudience applaud as Belushi looks it over.]
John Belushi: [tries not to show his disappointment]Thank you, uh, Mayor Koch. Uh… Uh, this is a greathonor. It’s, uh, a very nice Certificate of Merit,uh… I could, uh, put it on my wall. It’ll–[suddenly, in disbelief] Mr. Mayor, is this it? Thispiece of paper here? I mean, isn’t there a key to thecity of something? You know, I mean– Dolly Parton gota key to the city, remember?
Mayor Ed Koch: John, the key to the city is a different kindof honor.
John Belushi: Yeah, it’s a BIGGER honor. You know? Imean, uh… I lived here for six years, you know? Ablonde with a rack rolls in from Nashville and yougive her the key to the city. She’s lives in L.A. in atrailer! Was SHE in a movie? I mean, Animal House hasmade sixty million dollars, you know? [Applause.Cheers.] Sixty million dollars, you know? Does NewYork have SIXTY MILLION DOLLARS?! Sixty milliondollars for … Universal Studios! That’s right! Andyou know what I got out of it?! Nine hundred bucks!
Mayor Ed Koch: John, I’m just here to congratulate you…
John Belushi: Hold it, Ed! You know, I didn’t even geta, a, a point from the film. You know? I didn’t get apercentage of the profits! I got ZIP! Do you thinkthat’s fair?!
Mayor Ed Koch: No. And if it were up to me, you’d get apercentage.
John Belushi: Percentage of what? New York City? Comeon! What’s THAT worth? All you come up with is aCertificate of Merit! I got one of these in gradeschool! [crumples certificate and throws it on thefloor] I don’t need this!
Mayor Ed Koch: John, uh, fortunately, I just happen to haveanother Certificate of Merit. [pulls out another pieceof paper and offers it to Belushi]
John Belushi: Not now, Koch! You know, I didn’t haveto come back here. You know, I could’ve stayed inHollywood, you know, everyone told me, “Stay and makemovies! You know? You don’t have to go back there,where ya have to clean up after your own dog!” Youknow? And making films is so much easier. You know,they say, uh, “Are you ready, John?” Uh … “No, I’mnot ready right now.” “Okay. Uh, ten minutes?” I said,”Okay, maybe ten minutes.” “Would you like some moreiced tea, John?” “Yeah, okay, I’ll have some iced tea.Yeah, I’ll be ready in a second.” You know?! I couldhave stayed in Hollywood, taken all those big offers,had a house on Mulholland Drive, but nooooooooooooooo![Applause.] I gotta stay here, come back to New YorkCity, and work for these late night TV wages! Fourhundred and fifty bucks A SHOW! That’s how much weget! You know how much they get on Laverne andShirley?! Lenny and Squiggy get five grand a show!
Mayor Ed Koch: John! I wish you would just accept thecertificate.
John Belushi: [calmer] Okay. I’m sorry, Mayor. I’llaccept your thing here. [takes paper and carelesslystuffs it in his jacket pocket] Uh, look, uh, I-I-I’msorry, you know, I mean, this isn’t the place to talkabout how Universal screwed me. You know? So… It’sjust that I live here, I pay taxes, you know, Isweated out the Beame years, you know. [TRANSCRIBER’SNOTE: Abe Beame was mayor before Koch] I’m, uh, I’mnot saying that I’m the-the greatest actor, you know,uh, in the world. Or that Anima-Animal House is thegreatest film in the world but, you know, it’s a goodfilm. Very good film. [straightens his tie] I do somevery cute things in that movie. You know, like, uh,the thing with the Jell-O in the cafeteria line,remember that? Huh?
Mayor Ed Koch: I’m afraid I don’t, John.
John Belushi: Well, it was just before the mashedpotato thing. You remember that? Huh?
Mayor Ed Koch: No, John. Regrettably, I haven’t seen theflick.
John Belushi: [upset again] You HAVEN’T seen themovie?! [gestures to the pocket with his certificate]You give me this?! Are you kidding?!
Mayor Ed Koch: I’ve been very busy.
John Belushi: [pauses, suddenly reasonable] Look, doyou know where the Waverly Theater is?
Mayor Ed Koch: Sure I do. It’s six blocks from my house.
John Belushi: They’ve got a midnight show. [puts handon Koch’s shoulder] Did you have a hat or a coat orsomething?
Mayor Ed Koch: Coat.
John Belushi: Could somebody get the Mayor’s coat?![starts leading Koch away] Look, we’ll go downtown nowand catch it — it’s a good movie, you know? We’lltake a cab or something.
Mayor Ed Koch: Uh, bus, but I’d rather stay here.
John Belushi: We’ll take the bus. You wanna stay here?Well, we gotta take– see the movie. [to the camera]We’ll be right back! [Applause as Belushi and Kochexit.]
[Lights come up to reveal bespectacled 1930s-era radioannouncer standing in front of an ancient NBC radiomicrophone, with one hand to his ear and the otherclutching a yellow sheet of paper from which hereads:]
Announcer: And now from Studio 8-H in New York’s famedRockefeller Center, the Red network joins the Blue tobring you Howard Shore and the National BroadcastingOrchestra, featuring the vocal stylings of Mr. GarrettMorris.
[Howard Shore, fronting a big band, conducts as axylophonist plays the NBC notes on her instrument.Paul Shaffer answers in kind at a white grand piano.Everyone wears tuxedoes and evening gowns. A large ArtDeco sign behind them reads: HOWARD SHORE AND HISSOUNDS. As the rest of the band joins in, GarrettMorris steps to the microphone, which the Announcerthoughtfully adjusts for him, and begins to sing –with dapper, yet passionate elegance — an obscuresong written sometime in the 1930s, “I Love You”:]
Garrett Morris: [sings the verse] On the NBC tonight, you’ll hear three tones ring outThey have a special meaning so here’s what it’s allabout…
[A trio of what used to be called “girl singers”(Laraine Newman, Jane Curtin, Gilda Radner) rise fromchairs in front of the piano and approach an adjacentmicrophone to join in on the opening line of thechorus:]
1st Girl Singer: I…
2nd Girl Singer: … love …
3rd Girl Singer: … you …
Garrett Morris: Three little tones have just had theirsay.
1st Girl Singer: I…
2nd Girl Singer: … love …
3rd Girl Singer: … you …
[The girl singers sit back down as Garrett sings therest of the chorus himself.]
Garrett Morris: “Funny but, honey, that’s what they say. Chimes have rung, The program’s done My love song has just begun!
Turn the dial of your heart. Tune into my station. Though we may be miles apart, Your radio Tells you I know.
Listen, dear, Can’t you hear?”
[The trio rises and joins in on the last line of thechorus:]
All Singers: I love you!
[As the performers begin another half-chorus of thesong, the trio takes over:]
Girl Singers: “Turn the dial of your heart. Tune into our station. Though we may be miles apart …”
[The trio simultaneously shoot a glance at Garret andthe camera pans over to him as he picks up the lyric:]
Garrett Morris: “… Your radio Tells you I know. Listen, dear, Can’t you hear?”
All Singers: I love you!
[The xylophonist plays the three notes one last timeas the band brings the song to a finish. The singerssit as the audience applauds. The announcer strides tothe microphone, places his hand to his ear and, with agrin, says calmly:]
Announcer: And now, live from New York, it’s SaturdayNight.
President Jimmy Carter…..Dan Aykroyd John Lennon…..John Belushi Paul McCartney…..Bill Murray
[ open on exterior, White House ]
Walter Cronkite V/O: And now we take you to the White House, where President Carter has a surprise announcement.
[ dissolve to interior, Oval Office ]
President Jimmy Carter: Good evening. The success of the Camp David summit two weeks ago is a great accomplishment for the entire world, as well as for myself. After I looked at those polls, I said to myself, “Jimmy… why don’t you just keep doing what you do best — bringing people with seemingly irreconcilable differences together, and making them see that there is a common ground on which to base agreement?” For the last thirteen days, unbeknownst to the press, I’ve been meeting secretly at Camp David with Mr. John Lennon and Mr. Paul McCartney.
[ reveal Lennon and McCartney in a wide shot ]
The success of our talks far exceeded our expectations. And I’m happy to announce that we’ve agreed to sign a document called “A Framework for the Reunion of The Beatles”.
[ cut to stock footage of a crowd applauding ]
Now… there still are some disagreements. A lot depends on the availablity of George and Ringo to join in the negotiations, but… Secretary Vance will leave tomorrow for London to meet with George, and… we feel confident that Ringo will do anything. If everything goes well, The Beatles will launch a 30-city tour of the United States sometime, hopefully, before November 1980. Plus: The Beatles will release an original long-play record album, which I’m proud to predict will be shipped double-platinum.
Allow me now to read some of the key terms of the framework:
* Richard “Ringo” Starkey will play percussion, drums at all Beatle concerts, however, in the recording studio, Mr. Starkey’s performance may or may not be required on certain selections at the discretion of Mr. Paul McCartney.
* George Harrison will be limited to one song per album, considering matters pertaining to the Indian subcontinent.
* Yoko Ono will not sing, hum, scream, hum, talk, or make any vocal sounds on any Beatle album or during any live Beatle performance.
[ applause from the crowd ]
* Linda Eastman McCartney will not sing, hum, scream, murmer, talk, or play a tambourine on any Beatle album or during any live Beatle performance.
[ applause from the crowd ]
These two men, my friends, each made painful concessions in the spirit of compromise. [ he holds both their hands ] But if it hadn’t been for may people, working behind the scenes, we wouldn’t be here tonight. And I especially want to thank Secretary Simon Vance and Smokey Robinson. I guess you could say it was a long and winding road… but, as I said to Paul and John as we flew here from Camp David, “I think that we proved that, in the end, as someone once said, ‘The love you take is equal to the love you make.'”
[ applause from the crowd ]
Paul McCartney: Let me say this about my friend President Carter: this man has great, great courage, and he worked night and day and so did we. We usually didn’t get to bed until three or four in the morning, and then we’d get up again around three or four in the afternoon. The President was already up and working!
John Lennon: That’s right. As you know, Paul and I have our disagreements, but we’ve promised President Carter that we would write our first new song together in about three months. Paul, I hope we do it longer than three months — I mean, sooner than three months. Sorry, Paul.
[ Lennon and McCartney stand up and hug, as “The End” plays in the background and President Carter beams proudly ]
Pat: I just thought I’d drop by today to see the color of the handtowels you’re using in the spare bathroom.
Joan: Oh, sure. Come on in.
Pat: [ sniffing ] Hmm.. something sure smells like lilac. Are youwearing a new perfume?
Joan: Thanks, Pat! But it’s not me – it’s my car.
Pat: Your car smells that good?
Joan: Sure.. [ reaches into her shopping bag ] ..with AutoScent, theinternal combustion deodorizer.
Pat: [ reads the bottle ] AutoScent exhaust freshener.. [ happy ]Lilac! How does it work?
Joan: Oh, it’s so easy – here, let me show you. [ opens herhood ] All you do is pump AutoScent into the carborator every 800 miles, orwhenever you want to change the scent.
Pat: Joan, you never told me you knew anything about carborators.
Joan: Oh, sure.. I can tear down a car in nothing flat! But you don’thave to do that to use AutoScent! [ sprays AutoScent into the carborator ]My exhaust has been smelling like lilacs all week, but today I want it tosmell like a pine forest. Go ahead – smell the tailpipe.
Pat: [ kneels down to smell at the rear of the car as Joan pressesthe exhaust pedal, releasing toxic smoke in the air ] Mmm! It reallyworks!
Announcer: AutoScent – the automobile exhaust freshener. In fourexciting fragrances – Lilac, Lemon-Lime, Pine Forest, and Musk. Anenvironmentally-safe pump spray.
Saturday Night Live Transcripts Season 4: Episode 1 ]]> ]]>
Air Date: Host: Musical Guest: Special Guests: Cameos: Bit Players:
October 7th, 1978 The Rolling Stones The Rolling Stones None Howard Shore Cheryl Hardwick Ed Koch Carrie Fisher Don Novello Anne Beatts Rosie Shuster Brian Doyle-Murray Mitchell Laurance Tom Davis Howard Shore and his SoundsSummary: Garrett Morris, girl singers (Laraine Newman, Jane Curtin, Gilda Radner), and Howard Shore and his Sounds perform the song “I Love You”, about the NBC chimes. Transcript
Montage
Mayor Koch Honors John BelushiSummary: Mayor Ed Koch honors “Animal House” star John Belushi with a City of New York Certificate of Merit. Transcript
AutoscentSummary: Joan (Jane Curtin) invites Pat (Gilda Radner) to sniff her new internal combustion deodorizer. Transcript
TomorrowSummary: Tom Snyder (Dan Aykroyd) interviews Rolling Stones front man Mick Jagger and tries to mimick his performance style. Recurring Characters: Tom Snyder. Transcript
The Nerds and The NorgeSummary: As Todd (Bill Murray) vies to become the new Chess Club President, Lisa (Gilda Radner) and Mrs. Loopner (Joan Curtin) hire a low-pants wearing repairman (Dan Aykroyd) to salvage their old Norge. Recurring Characters: Lisa Loopner, Todd DiLaMuca, Mrs. Loopner. Transcript
Olympia CafeSummary: Pete’s (John Belushi) journey to Greece to collect an inheritance is a bust, and the sight of a revamped cafe in his absence further outrages his broken soul. Recurring Characters: Pete Dionasopolis, George Dionasopolis, Sandy Dionasopolis, Niko Dionasopolis, Mike Dionasopolis. Transcript
Weekend Update with Jane Curtin & Bill MurraySummary: Bill Murray takes Jane Curtin’s side during a Point-Counterpoint debate on the ERA ratification. Roseanne Roseannadanna’s commentary on Studio 54 meanders into her disgust over a blister on Mr. Halston’s foot. Recurring Characters: Roseanne Roseannadanna. Transcript
The Rolling Stones perform “Beast of Burdon”, “Respectable”, “Shattered”
Sushi By The Pool
Reuniting The BeatlesRecurring Characters: President Jimmy Carter, John Lennon, Paul McCartney. Transcript
Summary Here’s a season that decided to go over the top and push the boundaries of good taste as much as possible. In one season alone, the writers and performers of “Saturday Night Live” made fun of child molesting, people with big butts, a bleeding Julia Child, nuclear meltdowns, and the pondering of Superman as a Nazi. On the lighter side, making his debut this season is “SNL” writer DonNovello’s alter ego: Vatican reporter Father Guido Sarducci, who frequents the “Weekend Update” set with humorous anecdotes about news on the religious front. Whether it be his thoughts on the Papal Election, or an analysis of the bill for the Last Supper, Father Sarducci always manages to get the audience to laugh at religion. Not to mention, providing yet another opportunity for critics to hate the show.
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Summary: As Todd (Bill Murray) vies to become the new Chess Club President, Lisa (Gilda Radner) and Mrs. Loopner (Joan Curtin) hire a low-pants wearing repairman (Dan Aykroyd) to salvage their old Norge.
Summary: Bill Murray takes Jane Curtin’s side during a Point-Counterpoint debate on the ERA ratification. Roseanne Roseannadanna’s commentary on Studio 54 meanders into her disgust over a blister on Mr. Halston’s foot.
Recurring Characters: Dave Mable.
