The Big Hollywood Quiz

Jack Del Mar… Bowen Yang

Robert… Pedro Pascal

Jacqueline… Ego Nwodim

Mary… Chloe Fineman

Announcer: It’s time for the big Hollywood quiz. Here’s your host Jack Del Mar.

Jack: [singing] Light shines so brightly on Chaplin and garble
tonight we delight in James Dean and Jean Harlow
where legends of the past meet the stars of tomorrow
on the Big Hollywood Quiz

Thank you. Thank you. Welcome to the show that’s all about entertainments. Let’s meet our contestants. First Roberts is the professor of Film Studies at Tisch School of the arts.

Robert: Hi, Jack.

Jack: Next, Jacqueline is an entertainment writer for USA Today.

Jacqueline: Great to be here.

Jack: Finally, Mary hosts her own show on the history of Hollywood. What kind of show was it Mary?

Mary: It’s a podcast.

Jack: Oh, okay. Well, our categories are the movies, the shows, the stars, and Hooray. Robert, you’re first.

Robert: Thanks, Jack. We got to start with movies.

Jack: We got to this question is from the 1950s. In “All About Eve”, she famously said, “Fasten your seat belts, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.” Robert, you buzzed in first.

Robert: One and only, Betty Davis.

Jack: Yes, that’s $500. You’re on the board. Moving over to the shows. This one is from the 80s. In 1983, this TV show set during the Korean War had a finale watched by over 100 million viewers. Jacqueline.

Jacqueline: Mash, and it was watched by 106 million.

Jack: That’s it. $500 for you. Great job. Now let’s go over to the 2020s. This breakout hit is the current number one show on Netflix. It’s Ginny & …? [all three contestants are quiet] No one? It’s the most watched show on the most watched streaming service in the world. No? Gini & …?

Robert: Juice?

Jack: No. It was Gini & Georgia. Gini & Georgia season two.

Jacqueline: Is that from Europe?

Jack: No. It’s totally American. Okay, Robert, pick a catJacquelinery.

Robert: Let’s go to Hurray.

Jack: Great. These are all about awards sticking with the 2020s. This film written and directed by Sarah Polley has been nominated for Best Picture this year. [all three contestants are quiet] No one? I’ll give you a hint. It has an all female cast featuring Oscar winner Francis McDormand.

Robert: 80 for Brady.

Jack: No. Anyone else?

Jacqueline: Can you give us a hint?

Jack: It’s women talking.

Robert: Be more specific.

Jack: No, that’s the title. “Women Talking”. It’s a wonderful film. Do you all watch much TV or movies?

Jacqueline: I do, at least 12 hours a day.

Jack: Yikes. Here’s the next question. Just last week, Andrea Riseborough was nominated for an Oscar for her role in which movie? [all three contestants are quiet] Anyone? Andrea Riseborough. They say it was the best performance of her career.

Jacqueline: Career?

Jack: It was “To Lesley.” That’s right, “To Lesley”. It’s great. You should really see it because so far it’s made $27,300.

Mary: Okay, that’s not a lot for opening weekend.

Jack: It’s been out for four months.

Robert: Can I make a request, Jack? Can we do a question with some big movie stars, people we would all know.

Jack: Sure. Like who?

Robert: I don’t know. Nicole Kidman?

Jack: Absolutely. Here’s one. This past year Nicole Kidman starred in this “darkly feminist drama” on Apple TV.

Robert: Wednesday?

Jack: No. Anyone? Nobody? It was Roar. That’s right. Roar.

Jacqueline: No.

Jack: Yes. Okay, let’s do Samuel L. Jackson. Everyone knows him, right? This past year Samuel L Jackson starred in this critically acclaimed drama on Apple TV.

Robert: Wednesday.

Jack: No. Sorry, it was “The Last Days of Ptolemy Grey”.

Mary: Oh, come on. You got to be kidding me.

Jack: I’m totally serious.

Robert: Jack, please. I’m sure the shows are great. But where did all the big popular movies go?

Jack: Oh, they’re still here. They’re just in your phone and you can watch them on the toilet. Ha-ha-ha. Okay. No one is in the lead. Let’s just move on to the speed round. Robert, you’re still in control. Our era is the 80s.

Robert: Great.

Jack: Here’s the question. But year 1989 featured movies like “The Little Mermaid,” “When Harry Met Sally,” “Batman,” “Dead Poets Society,” and “Do the right thing.” Robert, named three movies from the past five years.

Robert: Oh, wow. Three Okay. Wow, Top Gun.

Jack: Okay, that’s one.

Robert: Great. Oh gosh. The Hangover?

Jack: That was 20 years ago.

Robert: The night man.

Jack: Sounds like you’re just saying words. Come on. All you need is one. Can’t you just name one more movie?

Robert: No.

Jack: That’s right. “No.” You’ve won the speed round.

Robert: Yay. Why?

Jack: Now, just take the win, Robert. When we come back, these three will try to guess what Julia Roberts is doing on Stars. Bye.

Hollywood Squares

Tom Bergeron… Beck Bennett

Cammi… Aidy Bryant

Robert… Chris Redd

Baby Spice… Anya Taylor-Joy

Bill Cosby… Kenan Thompson

Jeff Dunham… Mikey Day

Mary-Kate… Chloe Fineman

Ashley Olsen… Heidi Gardner

Jared Fogle… Andrew Dismukes

[Starts with GSN show schedule]

Female voice: GSN Retro Night continues at nine with 1971 episode of ‘Name That Tune’ followed by a 1953 episode of ‘Guess Her Weight’. But up next, a 1998 episode of Hollywood Squares.

[cut to the show stage]

Tom Bergeron: I’m Tom Bergeron. Welcome to Hollywood Squares. Our contestants today are Cami and Robert. [cheers and applause] And let’s say hello to our Hollywood celebrities.

[there are nine celebrities in the game]
[cheers and applause]

The game is simple. It’s Tic-tac-toe. Three in a row wins. Robert, you won the coin toss back stage. Pick a square.

Robert: I don’t like her music but I like the way she looks. Let’s go with Baby Spice.

Baby Spice: Yeah! Girl power, baby!

Tom Bergeron: Alright, Baby Spice, according to a recent survey of American students, what’s the least popular school subject.

Baby Spice: What school? I’m just a little baby. Kidding. Let’s say maths.

Robert: I’ll agree.

Tom Bergeron: Wise choice. It’s math. X gets the square. Cammy, pick a square.

Cammi: Okay, well, this is an easy one. Who doesn’t love this man? I am going with the center square America’s Dad, Bill Cosby.

Bill Cosby: Look at me. I’m in the square.

[Cut to message screen]

Male voice: In light of recent revelations concerning Bill Cosby, King World Productions has chosen to omit him from this rebroadcast. We rejoing the show after Mr. Cosby’s segment.

[cut to Tom Bergeron, Cammi and Robert laughing hard]

Tom Bergeron: Holy smokes. No one’s better than Bill Cosby. Best of all time. Okay, Cammi, Bill Cosby said Lacrosse is America’s oldest sport. Agree or disagree?

Cammi: One thing’s for sure, I trust Bill Cosby. Agree!

Tom Bergeron: Good instinct. Circle gets the square.

Baby Spice: Sorry, Tommy, can I just say to Mr. Cosby that I am such a huge fan and I admire you so–

[Cut to message screen]

Male voice: At the personal request of Emma “Baby Spice” Bunton, her comments have been omitted from this rebroadcast.

[cut back to the stage]

Tom Bergeron: Wow, those were very kind words. Okay, Robert, pick a square.

Robert: Let’s go with Ventriloquist. Jeff Dunham and Jose Jalapeno.

Jeff Dunham: Hey, we’re thrilled to be here. Say hello, Jose.

[Jose is a puppet]
[Cut to message screen]

Male voice: Due to evolving societal standards on race, Kind World Productions has omitted all footage of Mr. Dunham providing voices for puppets of different ethnicities, including: Jose the Jalapeno, De’Shawn the piece of cornbread and Tan Yan the horniest man in Japan.  We’ll resume the game after Mr. Dunham’s material.

[cut back to the game stage]

Tom Bergeron: And X gets the square. Those were some funny puppets.

Robert: I didn’t love the voice Jeff did for DeShawn the cornbread.

Jeff Dunham: Hey, don’t look at me. That was him.

Robert: Nah, it was you.

Tom Bergeron: Cammi?

Cammi: Well, I love them on Full House. Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen.

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen: You got it, dude.

Tom Bergeron: Mary Kate and Ashley’s latest directed video movie ‘Oops we recently flew to Paris’ is in stores now. Anyone seen it? I see Mr. Skinny himself, Jared Fogle is nodding.

Jared Fogle: I loved the movie so good.

Tom Bergeron: Did you bring the pants, Jared?

Jared Fogle: Oh, yeah. Can you believe I used to wear these? You could fit both Olsen twins in here.

[Cut to message screen]

Male voice: In light of Jared Fogle’s crimes, the decision to place his square right next to the Olsen’s is unfortunate and therefore both squared have been omitted from this rebroadcast.

[Cut back to the stage]

Tom Bergeron: Alright. Circle gets the square.

Baby Spice: Sorry, can I just say what jared Fogle has done is incredible. And I’d like to give him a round of applause. Really–

[Cut to message screen]

Male voice: Representatives for Emma ‘Baby Spice’ Bunton want to be clear that she was applauding Mr. Fogle’s weight loss and not his heinous crimes.

Tom Bergeron: Just a reminder, our secret square is still unclaimed. Let’s tell the folks at home which star can nab you some bonus cash.

Female voice: The secret square is Matt Lauer.

[Cut to message screen]

Male voice: Who has been omitted from this broadcast.

[Cut back to the stage]

Tom Bergeron: Okay, Robert, you pick.

Robert: I take Kevin Spacey.

[Cut to message screen]

Male voice: Due to the problematic nature of most of our squares, the remainder of this episode has been omitted from the re-broadcast.

[Cut back to the stage, Tom Bergeron is with Cammi]

Tom Bergeron: Well, congrats to our winner, Cammy, who’s taking home a Subaru Outback. Say goodbye, Squares.