SNL Transcripts: Jerry Seinfeld: 04/18/92: Stand-Up & Win

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 17: Episode 18

91r: Jerry Seinfeld / Annie Lennox

Stand-Up & Win

Bobby Wheat…..Jerry Seinfeld
Billy…..Rob Schneider
Tommy…..Dana Carvey
Barry…..Adam Sandler

Announcer: Hi! Get ready for big money and big prizes on “Stand-Up & Win!” And now, it’s time to bring out our host – make him feel welcome – Bobby Wheat!

Bobby Wheat: [ runs onstage ] Hey! How’s everybody doin’? Welcome to “Stand-Up & Win”, where stand-ups compete for big money! Contestants – thanks for makin’ it! Are you ready to play? [ the three stand-up contestants sound their eagerness ] Okay! Hands on buzzers, here’s our opening question: “What’s the Deal with Airplane Food?” [ Billy buzzes in ] Billy!

Billy: I know! Could this stuff taste any worse? It’s, like, “Thanks, but no thanks. I’m still stuffed from that huge bag of smoked almonds!”

Bobby Wheat: That’s correct, Billy! That’s worth $100! And control of our board! Okay, let’s take a look at our categories! They are: Airplanes; Breakfast Cereals; Commercials; Chicken McNuggets; 7-11 Employees; and Gilligan’s Island. Okay, Billy, what’ll it be?

Billy: Let’s stick with “Airplanes”, for $100.

Bobby Wheat: Okay! Here’s the question: “And What’s With That Beef Stroganoff They Serve You?”

[ Tommy buzzes in ]

Tommy: I know! It’s looking at you, like, “Come on! I dare you! [ incorrect answer ]

Barry: [ buzzes in ] Beef Stroganoff?! Isn’t that getting a little loose with the language? [ incorrect answer ]

Billy: [ buzzes in ] And the guy next to me, he likes it! He can’t get enough of it! I’m looking for a dog to slip it to, this guy’s asking for thirds!

Bobby Wheat: That’s right, Billy! And you’re on a roll!

Billy: Let’s keep going with “Airplanes”, for $200.

Bobby Wheat: “Airplanes” for $200: “And what is the Deal With the Black Box?” [ Tommy buzzes in ] Tommy!

Tommy: It’s the only thing that survives the crash – why don’t they build the whole plane out of the Black Box!

Bobby Wheat: I know! I mean.. that’s right!

Tommy: Let’s try “Breakfast Cereals”, Bobby!

Bobby Wheat: For $100: “What is the Deal With Count Chocula?”

[ Billy buzzes in ]

Billy: I mean, are we supposed to be afraid of this guy?

Bobby Wheat: Keep going!

Billy: Let’s go to commercials for $100!

Bobby Wheat: “Have You Seen This One For the Clapper? I Mean, Have You Seen This?”

[ Tommy buzzes in ]

Tommy: I’m thinking, “Is that the same old lady who said ‘I’ve Fallen, and I Can’t Get Up’!” [ incorrect answer ]

Barry: [ buzzes in ] Who are the ad wizards who came upwith this one?! [ incorrect answer ]

Bobby Wheat: Sorry! The correct answer is “Clap On, Clap Off? I’m watching TV – everytime someone gets a round of applause, my garage door goes up and down!” [ reads it again so the audience will laugh ] Okay! Let’s take a break and meet the contestants.. [ approaches him contestants ] Tommy Shelton – you’ve been on “Evening at the Improv” a total of six hundred times!

Tommy: Thanks, Tommy! It’s great to be here!

Bobby Wheat: [ taps Tommy’s collar microphone ] Tommy, what is the deal with these microphones?!

Tommy: I know! Look how small it is! What am I, Andre the Giant?

Bobby Wheat: I know! Okay! Here’s Barry Rice! Barry, what gives with the hair!

Barry: I know what you’re thinking – somebody went to Supercuts and fell asleep in the chair!

Bobby Wheat: Okay! And here’s Billy Travis! Billy, you’re appearing at the Laugh Shack!

Billy: Hey, I can’t follow that.

Bobby Wheat: Okay! Back to the game! Billy, you still have control!

Billy: Okay, let’s do “Chicken McNuggets” for $100!

Bobby Wheat: “Chicken McNuggets” for $100: “Could Somebody Explain These Things?”

[ Barry buzzes in ]

Barry: [ buzzes in ] Who are the ad wizards who came upwith this one?! [ incorrect answer ]

Tommy: [ buzzes in ] What I want to know is, what part of the chicken does the McNugget come from?!

Bobby Wheat: That is right! We would have also accepted: “If itMcComes from where I McThink it does – I don’t want to McEat it!”

Tommy: Let’s try “7-11 Employees” for $100!

Bobby Wheat: For $100: “Who Are These People?

[ Billy buzzes in ]

Billy: Could somebody fill me in, because I’d like to know!

Bobby Wheat: That’s right!

Billy: Let’s keep going, for $200.

Bobby Wheat: For $200 – alright: “And How About This BeefJerky? What Kind of Mystery Meat Is This?

[ Tommy buzzes in ]

Tommy: It’s kind of saying, “Am I beef? Am I jerky? Am I jerky? Am I beef..? Just what am I!” [ incorrect answer ]

Barry: [ buzzes in ] It’s kind of saying, “Do you chew me? Am I a cigar? Am I am actual food product..?” [ incorrect answer ]

Barry: [ buzzes in ] Who are the ad wizards who came upwith this one?! [ incorrect answer ]

Bobby Wheat: Sorry! The correct answer is: “Forget aboutthis beef jerky! What about these Big Gulps?! Could wepossibly need this much Mountain Dew?” Billy, you stillhave control of the board!

Billy: Back to “Cereals”, for $200.

Bobby Wheat: “Cereals”, for $200: “Grape Nuts – You Open It Up,No Grapes, No Nuts! What’s the Deal?”

[ Tommy buzzes in ]

Tommy: I think it’s just an expression.

Bobby Wheat: [ surprised ] Oh. That’s correct!

Tommy: Alright! Give me “Gilligan’s Island”, Bobby!

Bobby Wheat: “Gilligan’s Island”. for $100: “A Three Hour Tour?A Three Hour Tour?”

[ Tommy buzzes in ]

Tommy: I know! Why do they have all those clothes? And what’s the deal with the Professor? He can make a radio out of a coconut, but he can’t fix a hole in the damn boat! I mean, hey! And the Skipper and Gilligan, what is the deal there? Why don’t they date Mary-Ann? I’m starting to wonder about that “Little Buddy” stuff!

Bobby Wheat: Okay, okay! That’s plenty! Alright, now it’s time for Final Stand-Up & Win! And the Final category is: “Oprah”. And the Final question is: “Oprah – What is the Deal With Her?” Okay, while you’re thinking it over – Larry, tell us what our winner gets.

Announcer: He’ll get a year’s supply of those things that are at the end of your shoelaces! What are those things? They don’t have a name!

Bobby Wheat: Okay, we’re back! Once again, the Final question is: “Oprah – What’s the Deal With Her?” Let’s see what our players wrote. First, Tommy: “I know, what gives with this woman? Is she hurting for guests, or what? I mean, how many times do I need to see necrophiliac lesbians who have been abused by Elvis impersonators? I mean, please, somebody help me out!” No. I’m sorry, that is wrong. [ moves to Barry ] Okay, let’s see what you’ve got here: “Who are the ad wizards who came up with that one?!” Sorry, Barry, that is not right! [ moves to Billy ] Okay, Billy, here’s your chance to win or lose. The question: “Oprah – What is With Her?” Your answer is: “She’s fat, she’s thin, she’s fat, she’s thin – I mean, come on, pick a body and go with it!” That is right! You’re our gran prize winner of the day!

Billy: I mean – what is with Oprah? I really want to know!

Bobby Wheat: Well, we’ll talk about it later! But, we’re out of time! Thank you for coming, my name is Bobby Wheat! Thanks! You’ve been great!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: Tom Hanks: 05/09/92

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 17: Episode 19

This free script provided by]]>

Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


May 9th, 1992

Tom Hanks

Bruce Springsteen


Lorne Michaels

Robert Smigel

Andy Murphy

Jay Leno

Akeyla Cleghorne
Ross Perot for PresidentSummary: Texas billionaire Ross Perot (Dana Carvey) offers to cover the damage from the L.A. riots as a business proposition, and makes a similar offer as his bid for the U.S. presidency.

Recurring Characters: Ross Perot.


MontageNote: Joe Pesci was originally scheduled to host this episode.

Tom Hanks’ MonologueSummary: Tom Hanks praises the great year Joe Pesci has been having, then later regrets that he failed to plug his own movie. Some of the cast members backstage enjoyed his monologue nonetheless, so, in the style of “Goodfellas”, Hanks demands to know what it is about hm that they find so funny.

Also Hosted: 85e, 87l, 88a, 89m, 90h, 96a.


John Cabrizio Chevrolet Mazda Hyundai

Sabra Price Is RightSummary: Uri Shulenson (Tom Hanks), the Bob Barker of the Arab world, offers shoddy secondhand merchadise for contestant to bid on and purchase.

Recurring Characters: Uri Shulenson, Kevin Stubbs.


Mr. Belvedere Fan ClubSummary: The fans of Mr. Belevedere recite their exercises to help keep the line between reality and fantasy a little less blurry.


Bruce Springsteen performs “Lucky Town”Also Performed: 02a.

Weekend Update with Kevin NealonRecurring Characters: Queen Shenequa.

She Turned Into Her Mother!!Summary: In a horror movie spoof, a man (Tom Hanks) watches idly as his wife (Julia Sweeney) makes the full transformation into her mother.

Bruce Springsteen performs “57 Channels”

Bruce Springsteen performs “Living Proof”

The Dark Side with Nat XRecurring Characters: Nat X.

Deep Thoughts by Jack HandeySummary: What God’s getting if He dwells inside us.


Annie Lennox performs “Legend In My Living Room”

Showcase Playhouse TheaterTranscript


SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: Tom Hanks: 05/09/92: The Guy Who Plays Mr. Belvedere Fan Club

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 17: Episode 19

91s: Tom Hanks / Bruce Springsteen

The Guy Who Plays Mr. Belvedere Fan Club

Mr. Chairman…..Tom Hanks
Cheryl…..Victoria Jackson
Doug…..Chris Farley
Adam…..Adam Sandler
Melanie…..Melanie Hutsell
Phil…..Phil Hartman
Kevin…..Kevin Nealon
Mike…..Mike Myers
Comic…..Tim Meadows

[ open on interior, Conference Room B ]

Mr. Chairman: Okay, today’s meeting comes to order, and, my friends, we have scored another major coup for all members in good standing. Now, don’t concern yourself with how we did it, because it involves unsightly back-room haggling. Just get ready to enjoy another great first as a card-carrying fan of Mr. Belvedere, alright? If you leave your membership plaque on the dashboard of your car, Joe Gally said that we can park in the handicapped space at his brother’s conveniece mart.

Cheryl: That’s so wonderful, because sometimes I only have a few items to buy, like wine and cat food, and now I can go in and out much quicker!

Mr. Chairman: Right! So, enjoy! Okay, and now, to our next order of business is.. ah.. the nickname issue. Now, last time we spoke, we resolved to come up with a nickname for Mr. Belvedere that only we use, so we can identify each other in a strange town or something? Alright, ideas?

Doug: How about Thaddius.. or Big Bob.

Cheryl: Benny.

Adam: How about the Man Who Rides Alone.

Doug: Head Cheese?

Melanie: El Stinkmeister.

[ boos ]

Phil: I like Beacon of Bliss.

Kevin: How about.. Brocktoon.

Mr. Chairman: Brocktoon! Hey, I like it! Let’s vote, alright? All in favor of Brocktoon, say Aye!

Group: Aye!

Mr. Chairman: Not in favor, Nay!

Group: Nay!

Mr. Chairman: Brocktoon it is!

Cheryl: That sounds like a Pepperidge Farm cookie, and that A-OK with me!

[ Comic enters the room ]

Mr. Chairman: Well, hey, hi! Welcome, come on in! Are you a fan of Brocktoon?

Comic: What? Uh.. no.. I, uh.. they’re doing a Comedy Night here later, and I just got here early to sign up.

Mr. Chairman: Oh, alright. Well, take a seat, make yourself comfortable, sit anywhere. We’re just getting ready to move on to our next ordr of business, but anything else?

Doug: Yeah, I’d like to say, partly to talk about it, and partly to let the new guy in on the mood here a little bit. Uh.. Mr. Belvedere is.. the light of my life. Um.. I know I speak for the others.. uh, when I say he is.. so amazing.. you know? And, uh.. he’s just.. I wish.. you know.. I wish I could know him more, you know? Because.. he.. he is one of a kind, you know? He’s.. I think about him all the time, and.. well, I’m wondering – should we kill him?

Mr. Chairman: [ stunned ] For God’s sake, no!

Kevin: Uh.. we usually vote, Mr. Chairman.

Mr. Chairman: Well, okay, but before we vote, I’d like Doug to explain why he wants to kill Brocktoon!

Doug: Uh.. I want to meet this girl, and, uh.. I know that she’d be, you know, pretty impressed if she knew I hung out with Mr. Belvedere.

Mr. Chairman: Well, why kill him, then?!

Doug: Um.. because.. so he wouldn’t know how unworthy I am to hang out with him..?

Mr. Chairman: Wait, I don’t follow. What about the girl you want to meet?

Doug: Aw, she’s probably a lesbo anyway.

Mr. Chairman: Well, I guess we can vote.. but we really shouldn’t have to, people.. alright.. all those in favor who want to kill Mr. Belvedere, say Aye.

Group: Aye!

Mr. Chairman: All those who don’t think he should be killed, say Nay.

Group: Nay!

Mr. Chairman: The Nays have it. He lives. But the vote shouldn’t have been that close. Which brings me to an area I think we need to discuss. Now, I got a letter from Mr. Belvedere’s publicist. It seems somebody has been killing his housepets again. Now, I’m not gonna ask which one of you is doing it, but I do think we need to do our exercises.

Comic: What exercise?

Phil: The exercise that helps keep the line between reality and fantasy a little less blurry. You’ll see.

Mr. Chairman: Okay, who wants to start?

Cheryl: Okay. I should want to shake hands with Mr. Belvedere, I shouldn’t want to grab a lock of his hair.

Mr. Chairman: That’s good, Cheryl. And, even though it would be really neat to have a lock of his hair, we know that’s not right. Someone else?

Mike: Yeah. Okay. I should want to send him a fan letter telling him how good he was in the episode where he teaches everyone how to cook, but I shouldn’t want to type the letter on a death certificate.

Mr. Chairman: Yes! But, then, you learned that one the hard way, huh? Okay, so let’s keep going. Come on.

Adam: I should like watching “Mr. Belvedere” a lot, but I shouldn’t have to masturbate at the end of every episode.

Mr. Chairman: That’s right. That is right. Discipline. Next?

Melanie: Uh, yeah! I should want to cook Brocktoon a simple dinner if he truly accepts the offer, but not if I sense that he accepts it telepathically.

Mr. Chairman: Yes, okay.. but let’s keep the exercise in the form of “should” and “shouldn’t”, okay? Next?

Phil: I should want to cook him a simple meal, but I shouldn’t want to cut into him, to tear the flesh, to wear the flesh, to be born unto new worlds where his flesh becomes my key.

Mr. Chairman: [ considering ] Good.

Doug: I got one. I should want to say hi to him nicely, I shouldn’t want to keep him in a big jar in my basement.

Mr. Chairman: Alright, Doug, that’s great, we understand that now. Go on, though. Why shouldn’t you put him in a big jar in your basement?

Doug: Because.. his breath would fog up the glass, and I wouldn’t be able to see him..?

Mr. Chairman: Well, now, there is that, but..

Comic: [ outraged, jumps up ] You people are crazy! You’re talking about killing Mr. Belevedere, and putting this Brocktoon guy in a big jar, and dead housepets?! I mean, can’t you see what you’re talking about is wrong?! I mean, can’t you see that?!

[ cut to the Comic inside a big jar in a basement screaming, his breath fogging up the glass ] [ fade out ]

SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: Tom Hanks: 05/09/92: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 17: Episode 19

91s: Tom Hanks / Bruce Springsteen

Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey

Jack Handey V/O:
If God dwells inside us, like some people say,
I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that’s what He’s getting!

SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: Tom Hanks: 05/09/92: Tom Hanks’ Monologue

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 17: Episode 19

91s: Tom Hanks / Bruce Springsteen

Tom Hanks’ Monologue

…..Tom Hanks
…..Phil Hartman
…..Chris Farley
…..Lorne Michaels

Tom Hanks: Thank you, thank you! Thank you very much, it’s great to be back on the show, I have this announcement to make.. [ opens up sheet of paper ] “Bruce is in the building!”

It is really special to be here, in fact, when the show was first announced, a certain fine actor by the name of Joe Pesci was going to be here. Unfortunately, his movie is running a little late, so they gave me a call. It was the last minute, I was free, so, bang, here I am! But, you know, what a finale to a great year this would have been for Mr. Joe Pesci. Now, first he wins an Academy Award for his role in “Goodfellas”, then he’s in a very popular movie called “My Cousin Vinny” – that was very fun for him. Later this month, Mr. Pesci will be seen in a little movie called “Lethal Weapon 3”, and right now, this very minute, he’s working with none other than Macauley Culkin in “Home Alone 2”. Wow! Tonight, I can only promise to do my best to fill Mr. Joe Pesci’s very large shoes. So, stick around!

[ camera zooms out, fade to black as Tom ponders what just happened ] [ alternate camera angle appears, showing Tom walking backstage ]

Tom Hanks: I don’t know what I’m doing.. I don’t know what I’m doing.. I do not know what I’m doing..

[ Tom approaches Tim Meadows, Chris Farley, Kevin Nealon, Phil Hartman and Mike Myers waiting for him in the back corridor, cheering him for his monologue ]

Tom Hanks: Ah, who are you kidding? They just rewrote stuff they came up with ten days ago! I’m up there in front of millions of people going on about Joe Pesci’s wild year, like some kind of dope! I don’t even plug “League of Their Own” – it’s coming out in July, with Geena Davis and Madonna! What kind of businessman am I?!

[ everyone laughs to hear Tom refer to himself as a businessman ]

Phil Hartman: Businessman! You are something, man, you are really funny!

Tom Hanks: [ annoyed ] What do you mean, I’m funny?

Phil Hartman: You’re funny, you know? It’s a good monologue, you told a funny story, you’re a funny guy!

Tom Hanks: Wh-wh-what do you mean? Do I talk funny, what?

Phil Hartman: I’m just saying.. it’s funny the way you tell a story, and everything..

Tom Hanks: Yeah, but funny, how?! I mean, what’s funny about it?

Chris Farley: Hey, Tommy, look.. you got it all wrong..

Tom Hanks: No, no, wait, Farley! He knows! He’s a big boy, he knows what he said! What did you say? Funny, how? What?!

Phil Hartman: Just, you’re funny..

Tom Hanks: Let me understand this, ’cause maybe it’s me! Maybe I’m a little goofed up, you know? I’m funny, how? Like I’m a clown? Like I’m here to amuse you? I make you laugh, I’m here to amuse you? Funny? What do you mean, funny? Funny, how?! How am I so funny?!

Phil Hartman: Just.. you know how to tell a story..

Tom Hanks: No! No, no, no, I don’t know! You said it! How do I know! You said I’m funny! Why am I so funny?! What is so FUNNY about me?! You tell me!! WHAT is so FRICKIN’ FUNNY?!!

[ Phil and Tom crack up simultaneously at the play on “Goodfellas” ]

Lorne Michaels: [ walks up ] I gotta talk to you about this hotel bill..

Tom Hanks: What, what, what? What is it? What do you want?

Lorne Michaels: I gotta talk to you about this hotel bill. $17,000 for room service. I mean, I don’t mean to be out of order here..

Tom Hanks: [ outraged ] Oh, you don’t mean to be out of order, but what do you call embarrassing me in front of my friends here?

Lorne Michaels: Tom, it’s not me, it’s the network..

Tom Hanks: Oh! You calling me a deadbeat?! You know, you’re a mutt, you know that?

Lorne Michaels: Hey, come on, Tom, come on..

Tom Hanks: [ smashes a bottle over Lorne’s head ] What do you mean?! What do you mean?! [ drags Lorne into the hall and punches the hell out of him before jumping back to Home Base ] Hey! Stick around, everybody, Bruce Springsteen is here, and we’ll be right back!

SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: Tom Hanks: 05/09/92: Ross Perot For President

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 17: Episode 19

91s: Tom Hanks / Bruce Springsteen

Ross Perot For President

Ross Perot…..Dana Carvey

Ross Perot: Good evening, I’m Ross Perot. And I gotta tell you something. Now, what happened last week in Los Angeles scared me half to death! I’m telling you. Because what I saw was a country coming apart at the seams. And what I didn’t see was President Bush doing much anything about it. Now, first thing I would have done os got on a plane and gone straight to Los Angeles. ‘Cause I can’t deal with a problem unless I can feel it, touch it, taste, and touch it a little more. That’s right.

Now, at last count, there was $712 million in damage done during the L.A. riots. Well, see this right here? [ holds up check ] Now. alright. See, this here is a check for exactly $712 million. That’s right. It’s good, too. Now, I’ve got $3 billion more sitting back at home. So here it is, in cash, I’m taking care of everything. Everything’s covered, done deal, it’s over. What I’m saying right now is, “South Central L.A., problem’s solved!” This is a one-time deal. If you burn down a building tomorrow, that’s your problem! Okay.

Now, here’s what I’m gonna do – I’m gonna rebuild every building, state-of-the-art technology, put computers in every one of them, train the Crips, train the Bloods to operate the computers, put them to work competing against the Japanese. Now, this ain’t charity. Charity has its place, but not here. This here’s a business operation. You see, because I’m gonna take 5% of everything that goes through this operation from now through perpetuity. 5% right off the top. Business proposition, pure and simple. Same thing if you elect me President. Now, see here, Preident Bush gets $200,000 a year – forget it! If I’m President, we get 0% growth, you don’t pay me nothing. 1% growth? Hell, a chimpanzee could run this country and make 1% growth! So you don’t pay me dime one. Got my own plane, don’t need Air Force One. State Dinners? I’ll pay it, it’s nothing to me, sand on the beach! Now, don’t worry about ol’ Ross Perot, I got $3 billion back at home.

Now, here’s the deal. Here’s what I’m trying to tell you. 3% growth in our economy, $120 billion growth in our GNP – I get a billion dollars. Now, think about it, that’s a bargain! You’re up $119 billion. I’m telling you, 2.99% growth, I don’t see a penny, not one red cent. But don’t feel sorry for me – I got $3 billion. I’m gonna be fine.

Now, this here’s a business proposition. Now, see, 4% growth, you pay me $20 billion. The way I see it, you’re ahead $140 billion, see? Now, this ain’t no golden parachute, this isn’t the President GM giving himself a big bonus when the company’s losing money sending jobs to Mexico. I get my money if and when you get yours.

Now, 5% growth, I get $50 billion. Everybody’s happy, see? See, that’s it, it’s all right there just lied out on the table, you can take it or leave it, I don’t care. I’m gonna do fine, I got $3 billion sitting in the bank.

Now, I bought four minutes of national airtime to lay this out for y’all, and I see I got about 30 seconds left here, which I sold on contingency to the Munsenwear people. [ reads from card ] “Munsenwear, the underwear for the active man. Cut generously with a double-flap pouch for extra comfort. 100% cotton to prevent shrinkage. Munsenwear, because you don’t want your underwear to be like an Apache creeping up on you when you least expect it.” Thank you.

Announcer: Paid for by the Perot For President Committee, and Munsenwear.

Ross Perot: Now, I see I still have five seconds left, and I can’t deal with five seconds unless I can feel it, touch it, smell it, eat it, and pass it through my lower intestine. But, you know what? “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Niiiiiigghhhhttt!!

SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: Tom Hanks: 05/09/92: Sabra Price Is Right

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 17: Episode 19

91s: Tom Hanks / Bruce Springsteen

Sabra Price Is Right

Uri Shurinson (Host)…..Tom Hanks
Harvey (Announcer)…..Rob Smigel
Contestant #1…..Siobhan Fallon
Contestant #2…..Chris Farley
Contestant #3…..Kevin Nealon
Stagehand #1…..Adam Sandler
Stagehand #2…..Rob Schneider
Contestant #4 (Jennifer Hughes)…..Julia Sweeney
Contestant #5 (Kevin Stubbs)…..Chris Rock
Contestant #6 (Eric Stegman)…..Mike Myers
Contestant #7 (Kalid Abdul Adiz)…..Dana Carvey

[Shot: Sabra Price Is Right game show set]

Harvey: Live from 47th Street between Broadway and 6th Avenue-you can’t miss it!-it’s SABRA PRICE IS RIGHT! Alright so let’s go with the game then. Here is the host, URI SHURINSON!

[Uri enters set]

Uri: Alright-alright-alright! Good-good-good! Yes-yes, welcome-welcome to Sabra Price Is Right! I am Uri! Okay so we show you beautiful merchandise; and you people, you guess price. So okay let’s look at first merchandise!

[Shot: cheap-looking clock-radio]

Harvey: Alright is Summit clock-radio! Clock-radio from Summit! Is good!

Uri: Okay-okay now who can tell me the correct price for the clock-radio? [To Contestant #1] You!

Contestant #1: I’ll guess $25.

Uri: What-what-what-what!? What you mean!? What you mean $25!?

Contestant #1: I don’t know-

Uri: Is a Summit clock-radio! Is great merchandise!

Contestant #1: Okay-$35?

Uri: Oh, $35! I don’t believe this! Alright-alright someone else! [Moves on to Contestant #2] You-you-you!

Contestant #2: I don’t know.$40?

Uri: $40 for a clock-radio!!??

Contestant #2: Uh, it doesn’t seem like-er-what’s it worth, really?

Uri: What is it worth!? Over $200! I sell it for less, you see!

Contestant #2: Okay, $75.

Uri: Oh! This is an insult, an insult! [moves on to Contestant #3] Okay, you! You!

Contestant #3: So it’s worth more than $75?

Uri: Yes-yes! At least $150!

Contestant #3: How about $80?

Uri: Alright-alright-alright $80. Is good, is good. [Takes Contestant #3 by the arm and drags him onstage.] Okay congratulations. [They are joined by two Stagehands, who bring on the clock-radio.] Nice clock-radio; and you give a check to my wife backstage.

Contestant #3: No, no, no-what check? I don’t want to buy it!

Uri: What do you mean? You asked for a deal!

Contestant #3: No, no, no. This is a game show-!

[Uri and the Stagehands chatter in Hebrew, while Contestant #3 is escorted backstage.]

Uri: Okay Harvey we need a new contestant!

Harvey: Okay so Jennifer Hughes, come on let’s go!

[Jennifer Hughes, AKA Contestant #4, emerges from the audience and takes what was Contestant #3’s mark.]

Uri: Alright; come-on-come-on-come-on; go-go-go-go-go-go; alright-alright; so-so, welcome-welcome!

Contestant #4: Hi, I’m a teacher from Northport-!

Uri: [cutting her off] No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no; please, this we do not care about. Just look at the item and guess price, alright?

Harvey: Is satellite dish from Pinnacle!

[Shot: worn-out and rusted V-aerial]

Uri: Pinnacle satellite dish, beautiful, for TV! Who is guessing, huh? Who, you? Let’s go, let’s go!

Contestant #1: I don’t think that looks like a satellite dish.

Uri: What-what-what you don’t think?! Huh?!

Contestant #1: Don’t they rotate?

Uri: Oh so now I have to explain how a satellite works?? Now come-on-come-on this is thousands of dollars! I don’t have time! [moves on to Contestant #2] You-you-you!

Contestant #2: Well, thousands?

Uri: Yes-yes of course!

Contestant #2: It’s just.. I never heard of the company Pinnacle.

Uri: So? Pinnacle is good company! Inside is same as Toshiba! TOSHIBA GUTS! Is same thing!

Contestant #2: Will it help me get channels?

Uri: It won’t hurt you getting channels. It won’t hurt-this is Pinnacle! Why should it? Now-now come on, come on! So make a bid, come on!

Contestant #2: Okay, $200.

Uri: No-no this is an insult; I quit this game show.

Contestant #2: $220?

Uri: Alright, price is right; very good, very good. [Taking Contestant #2’s arm, Uri herds him onto the stage, where both Stagehands rejoin them.] Come on, come on; get up here; let’s go, let’s go. Nice satellite dish; and you give a check to my wife backstage.

Contestant #2: But I don’t want to buy it!

Uri: It’s already wrapped!

Stagehand #2: It’s already on the truck!

Contestant #2: Yeah, well, I don’t want to buy it!

Stagehand #1: It’s wrapped and on the truck!

Uri: Look-look-look-look-look, you just go backstage and give a check to my wife okay? Alright Harvey next person!

[Contestant #2 continues to protest as both Stagehands, jabbering in Hebrew, escort him backstage.]

Harvey: Okay so Kevin Stubbs, come down let’s go!

[Kevin Stubbs, AKA Contestant #5, emerges from the audience and takes what was Contestant #2’s mark. Uri gazes at Contestant #5 suspiciously, while summoning Stagehand #1. Stagehand #1 comes over to stand at Uri’s side.]

Uri: [to Stagehand #1, indicating Contestant #5] Watch him. [Stagehand #1 just stands there looking at Contestant #5] Well? Go-go-go now! Go now! [Stagehand #1 moves back from Uri’s side and goes over to stand near Contestant #5.] Okay let’s see next beautiful item!

[Stagehand #1 stands right by Contestant #5, just staring right at him.]

Contestant #5: What are you looking at?

Stagehand #1: Nothing; I’m just standing here that’s all.

Uri: Come on come on, alright item please!

[Shot: rotary phone; the cord for its receiver has been ripped out]

Harvey: Is cordless telephone! No more cord for telephone!

Uri: [to Contestant #4] So you are very, very pretty so let’s go out.

Contestant #4: Oh, uh.I-I’m really here more to-

Uri: What, you don’t want to go out? Come on let’s go! We’ll go Disco!

[Both Stagehands walk up and begin adlibbing “Let’s go disco! We’ll goDisco!”]

Contestant #5: Uh, I got a guess-!

Contestant #1: My buzzer’s not working.

Uri: What-what-what you mean your buzzer? What happened, what happened to your buzzer? What happened, you broke buzzer? Okay, now you pay for.

Contestant #1: Pay for it!?

Uri: Yes-yes! You-Broke-You-Buy, it’s the rule!

Contestant #1: What am I going to do with a buzzer from a game show!!??

Uri: [demonstrating for her] Well why did you push so hard!? You push so hard!! Why did you push so hard!? You don’t have to push so hard!! You just tap; see, you just tap; see, you tap. But you, you push; you break it, you break it! [Pulls her onstage by the arm] Okay come on; you go give a check to my wife backstage. That’s a brand new buzzer!

Contestant #1: I thought this was supposed to be The Price Is Right!!

Uri: Is SABRA Price Is Right! Is same thing!

Contestant #1: What happened to Bob Barker!?

Uri: I am same person!! [Turns her around and sends her backstage]Alright-alright-alright new contestant Harvey!

Harvey: Alright so Eric Stegman! Come down let’s go!

[Contestant #6, AKA Eric Stegman, emerges from the audience and takes what was Contestant #1’s mark; he is carrying a cheap-looking CD player. A look of recognition crosses Uri’s face.]

Uri: Now you look familiar.

Contestant #6: Yeah well, uh, I’m really just here to return something.

Uri: What-what-what you mean? What-what-what return!?

Contestant #6: Well, uh-I “won” this CD player. [shows it to Uri].

Uri: Yes-yes, beautiful, yes!

Contestant #6: Yeah, well it cost $500. Now I checked around, okay, and it retails at $216.

Uri: Oh, we are not retailers.

Contestant #6: Yeah, okay, yeah.and it doesn’t work. Also, you said it had Sony guts.

Uri: No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no. What I said was, is like Sony guts. That was what I said.

Contestant #6: No, sorry; no, no, no.

Uri: Well what is your point!? When did you drop it?

Contestant #6: No, no.I didn’t drop it, okay? It’s not even a CD player. It’s a child’s bank!

Uri: Well this is what I told you, that it’s a display model. Yes!

Contestant #6: No, no, no, no, no, no; you didn’t tell me; no, no, no, no, no, no.!

Uri: No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no, I did.Look-No, I did-I remember what I told you. I told you it was a child’s bank, not real CD!

Contestant #6: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, sorry!

Uri: I remember distinctly! Look-look-look-look, you are here to play the game. Harvey next item please!

[Shot: cheap-looking toaster-oven]

Harvey: Microwave from GE! Is General Electric! Very good!

Uri: [to Contestant #4] So when are we going to disco? Hm?

Contestant #4: Oh-uh, we-we’re not going.

[Uri is joined by both Stagehands, who stand behind and to the side ofContestant #4.]

Uri: What do you mean? To disco!

Stagehand #1: Disco!

Uri: Good!

Stagehand #1: Good!

Uri: Disco!

Stagehand #2: Disco!

Uri: Good!

Stagehand #2: Good!

Uri: Disco!

Harvey: Disco!

Uri: Good!

Harvey: Good!

Uri: Disco!

Both Stagehands: Disco!

Uri: Good!

Both Stagehands: Good!

[They continue chanting and disco-dancing for several more seconds.]

Uri: Alright, alright; alright, alright-Microwave, very expensive! Who is guessing?

Contestant #5: Hey, uh, what happened to the cordless phone?

Uri: Alright look-look-look just take it okay? Just take it, take it; you win, you win. [He shoves the phone into Contestant #5’s hands.] Yes okay go-go-go-go; out! [He rushes him from the buzzer toward Stagehand #1, who catches the Contestant by the shoulders.] Goodbye-goodbye-goodbye-goodbye!

Contestant #5: [to Stagehand #1] you don’t have to touch me! [He is led off by the Stagehand.]

Uri: Alright Harvey next person!

Harvey: Kalid Abdul Adiz!

[Contestant #7, AKA Kalid Abdul Adiz, emerges from the audience and takes what was Contestant #5’s mark; Uri wonders how an Arab got on his show.]

Contestant #7: Alright!

Uri: What-what is this!? How can you get to play!!??

Contestant #7: I am in audience!

Uri: Alright okay look-Microwave?

Contestant #7: $20?

Uri: What you mean, $20!? This is microwave! You are crazy!! This is General Electric microwave!!

Contestant #7: No it is not! Impossible!

Uri: Oh I don’t believe this! I don’t want to play. [Both he and Contestant #7 throw their hands up in disgust.]

Contestant #7: I don’t want to play!

Uri: I don’t want to play!!

Contestant #7: I don’t want to play!!!

Uri: Alright so let’s disco! [He starts dancing.] Disco-disco! Good-good! Disco-disco good-good! [He is joined by Contestant #7, and by both Stagehands.]

Harvey: This has been Sabra Price Is Right! See you next time!Disco-disco-good-good!

[Uri, the Stagehands and Contestant #7 continue disco-dancing on the set.]

Submitted by: Patrick Jackson

SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: Tom Hanks: 05/09/92: Showcase Playhouse Theater

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 17: Episode 19

91s: Tom Hanks / Bruce Springsteen

Showcase Playhouse Theater

Narrator…..Phil Hartman
Toby…..Mike Myers
Janet…..Julia Sweeney

Narrator: Good evening and welcome to Showcase Playhouse Theater. Tonight we’re pleased to present ‘They Wanted To Fly’, a 3 acts play by Cameron Hormel. We’d like to welcome our new sponsor, ‘Nice ass, baby’ panties. When you hear ‘nice ass’, chances are it’s ‘nice ass, baby’. And now Act 1 of ‘They Wanted To Fly’.

[pleasant music, comes to scene with Myers and Sweeney]

Janet: What are you thinking about?

Toby: Oh you wouldn’t understand, you’re just a girl.

Janet: I’m also you best friend.

Toby: I was thinkin, I wish I could fly.

Janet: You do? So do I!

Toby: Really?

Janet: More than anything.

Toby: Maybe if we both push hard enough, we really can fly.

[music, fades away to Narrator]

Narrator: That concludes act 1. Ladies and gentlemen, I must apologize most sincerely as apparently there is no such product as ‘Nice ass, baby’ panties. I have been a victim of a hoax. In act 2 of ‘They wanted to fly’, Toby and Janet have grown into teenagers. Their friendship has blossomed into sexual awareness, but 1 thing has remained the same: their desire to fly. [music, jumps to scene]

Janet: Boy when you stand up here and wave your arms, it almost feels like you’re flying.

Toby: It does doesn’t it? [laughs]

Janet: That was fun.

Toby: Janet, do you think that maybe somehow we really could fly?

Janet: You mean just lift off the ground up into the sky?

Toby: Yea that’s exactly what I mean.

[music, fades away]

Narrator: I would like to apologize to the good people at ‘nice ass, baby’ pantyhose. Their product is very real and I’m sure an excellent value. In the 3rd and final act of ‘They wanted to fly’, many years have passed. Toby and Janet and gone their different ways, but they agree to meet once more at their favorite spot.

[music, fades away]

Toby: [in wheelchair] Hello Janet.

Janet: Hello Toby.

Toby: I guess you hear about this.

Janet: You tried to fly didn’t you?

Toby: They called it attempted suicide.

Janet: Toby, remember when we used to wish we could fly? Maybe we really can.

Toby: Don’t make fun damn it! I’m stuck in this wheelchair.

Janet: Well maybe that doesn’t matter. Maybe nothing matters except that if we want it bad enough, we can fly off together into the sky.

Toby: Wouldn’t that be something?

[music, fades away]

Narrator: [as he is pulling off his fake moustache] Well that concludes Cameron Hormels’ ‘They Wanted To Fly’. Join us next time for Mr. Hormels’ latest play, ‘They wanted to get totally nude’. Goodnight.

Submitted by: Ethan Greenberg

SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: Woody Harrelson: 05/16/92

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 17: Episode 20

This free script provided by]]>

Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


May 16th, 1992

Woody Harrelson

Vanessa Williams


Andy Murphy

Jon Lovitz

The Tonight ShowSummary: Frequent guests make surprise visits during Johnny Carson’s (Dana Carvey) final night as host of “The Tonight Show.”.

Recurring Characters: Johnny Carson, Ed McMahon, Jay Leno, Arsenio Hall, Dennis Miller, David Brenner, Joan Embry.



Woody Harrelson’s MonologueSummary: Woody Harrelson proceeds to sing a song about how he hasn’t let fame go to his head.

Also Hosted: 89f.


Action CatsNote: Repeat from 03/21/92.

Take Your Shirt OffSummary: While on the beach, a hunky guy (Woody Harrelson) convinces his friends who have grotesque bodies to remove their shirts.


SprocketsRecurring Characters: Dieter.


Deep Thoughts by Jack HandeySummary: Jack Handey reflects on having “impressions” during a math test.


Vanessa Williams performs “Save the Best for Last”Also Performed: 98i.

Weekend Update with Kevin NealonSummary: The Super Fans comment on the Bulls-Knicks NBA Play-Offs. Opera Man (Adam Sandler) sings about people in the news.

Recurring Characters: Todd O’Connor, Pat Arnold, Carl Wollarski, Opera Man.

Delta Delta DeltaSummary: Frat boys (Woody Harrelson, David Spade) try to copy homework off of Pam (Beth Cahill), Meg (Siobhan Fallon) and Di (Melanie Hutsell).

Recurring Characters: Pam, Meg, Di.

We’re Cowboys & We’re ProudTranscript

Zoraida & Woody HarrelsonSummary: NBC page Zoraida (Ellen Cleghorne) thinks Woody Harrelson doesn’t like Puerto Rican girls.

Recurring Characters: Zoraida.

Frank Gannon, P.I. P.I.Summary: Politically Incorrect private eye Frank Gannon (Kevin Nealon) and his new sidekick, Rudy (Woody Harrelson), try to solve the case of an abortion clinci vandalism.

Recurring Characters: Frank Gannon.


Vanessa Williams performs “The Comfort Zone”

The Sensitive Naked ManSummary: Jeff, the Sensitive Naked Man (Rob Schneider), embarrasses his son by being naked during their day at the baseball game.

Recurring Characters: The Sensitive Naked Man.

Bad Expectant MotherSummary: An expectant mother (Victoria Jackson) puts her unborn baby through various perils around the kitchen.



SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: Woody Harrelson: 05/16/92: Take Your Shirt Off

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 17: Episode 20

91t: Woody Harrelson / Vanessa Williams

Take Your Shirt Off

Brian…..Woody Harrelson
Sully…..Chris Farley
Jerry…..Kevin Nealon
Charlie…..Adam Sandler
Male Passerby…..Tim Meadows
Steve…..Mike Myers
Brad…..Dana Carvey
Female Passerby #1…..Ellen Cleghorne
Female Passerby #2…..Siobhan Fallon
Friend…..David Spade

[ open on a group of guys standing and sitting along parts of a boardwalk along the beach ]

Brian: Ahhhh.. what a perfect day! [ the other guys agree ] It’s beautiful! Time to catch a few rays, huh? [ removes his shirt, revealing his perfectly sculpted chest ] Ah, that feels good! [ looks at Sully, who appears to be feeling glum ] What’s the matter, Sully? Take your shirt off. I mean, don’t you want to get some color?

Sully: Uh.. I don’t know, I, uh..

Brian: Come on! The sun’s boiling!

Sully: ell, as you know, I have a slight weight problem.. and, uh.. I don’t exactly love the idea of taking my shirt off and exposing my fatty pads to the rest of the beach.

Brian: Get out of here! No one would even care! I mean, come on, the beach is for getting tanned! You gotta take your shirt off – and, believe me.. you’re not that heavy. And i’m sure you’d look just fine with your shirt off.

Sully: You really think so, Brian?

Brian: Yeahhh, of course! Come on, take your shirt off, enjoy. Huh?

Sully: Okay, Brian, I will.. [ removes his shirt, letting his flabby skin soak up the sun ]

Brian: Hey, hey! You look great!

Sully: You know something, Brian? I feel great! [ gives Brian a bear hug ]

Brian: [ frees himself from Sully’s grip ] You nut!

Jerry: [ moves toward Sully ] It feels good? The sun?

Sully: It feels warm.. warm on my skin.

Jerry: Warm on the skin?

Sully: Yeah.

Jerry: Must feel great.

Brian: Well, take your shirt off – find out!

Jerry: [ blushing ] No, no, no, I can’t! Thanks, that’s alright, though..

Brian: What do you mean? Take off your shirt, it’s too nice out here!

Jerry: Oh, no, no.. I’d rather not..

Brian: What?!

Jerry: Ah, it’s just that, you know.. my body is kind of hairy, it’s a little embarrassing..

Brian: Hairy?! So what?! Girls love hair on guys!

Jerry: Uh.. I’ve got a lot of hiar.

Jerry: The more the merrier! Look at Andy Garcia or Alec Baldwin. Total hair!

Jerry: [ curiosity piqued ] Really? Girls.. girls like hair?

Brian: Yeah!

Jerry: So hairy bodies are good?

Brian: Definitely!

Jerry: Then.. why should I keep my shirt on? [ unzips his windbreaker and removes it, revealing massive thick hair pouring from every inch of his body ] Does that look hairy?

Brian: [ shakes head ] Did Burt Reynolds just ask me a question!

Jerry: [ confused ] No..?

Brian: ‘Cause you look just exactly like Burt Reynolds!

Jerry: [ brimming with newfound confidence ] I am! I am Burt Reynolds!

Brian: I thought you were!

Jerry: [ snickering, unable to keep from blowing his cover ] I’m just kidding, Brian – it’s me! Jerry!

Brian: Aw, Jerry, you got me! [ laughing ]

Jerry: I love the sun on my skin! I just love it!

Charlie: [ looking over at Jerry ] Hey, it looks like it’s, uh.. fun having your shirt off in the sun..

Jerry: Oh! It is fun, Charlie! It’s a whole lot of fun!

Charlie: Oh boy, I don’t know what to do..

Brian: What do you mean you don’t know what to do? What you do is, you take your shirt off! It’s as simple as that!

Charlie: [ stammering ] Aw, no no, not me! Thanks, but no thanks! That’s-

Brian: Charlie, take off your shirt! What’s with you?

Charlie: Well, I-I.. [ whispers ] I just have a kind of funny belly button.. [ laugh ] I don’t think that-

Brian: What?

Charlie: Well, it’s kind of an outie.. [ laughs ] I don’t think I sh-

Brian: An outie?! Who’s even gonna at your bely button, Charlie? I mean, come on!

Charlie: Well.. okay, here we go.. [ laughs ] ..but this feels silly.. [ removes his shirt, revealing an outie belly button sticking out at least 12 inches ] Does it look bad?

Brian: [ trying not to look ] Does what look bad? [ points at Charlie’s outie ] Oh, that? No! What, no, it looks fine, you can’t even notice it!

[ shirtless Male Passerby walks past the boardwalk, stops to point at Charlie’s outie ]

Male Passerby: Hey. Can I put a bun and some mustard on that thing? I’m gettin’ kinda hungry.

Charlie: Heeey!

Brian: Come on, pal, beat it!

Male Passerby: Later, freaks! [ walks off ]

Charlie: [ ashamed ] Maybe I should put my shirt back on..

Brian: No, no, no, your outie is cool!

Jerry: Yeah. It’s very European.

Charlie: It is cool, my outie. It’s the coolest outie in the world!

Brian: Yeah, yeah.. finally, you’re getting a little sun on your outie.

Steve: [ calling from the bottom of the boardwalk ] Hey, Brian! Brian! Do you think I should take my shirt off?

Brian: Oh, definitely, Steve! Everybody’s doing it!

Steve: Okay.. [ removes his shirt, revealing two giant man breasts encompassed by thick hair ] Do they look funny? My breasts?

Brian: What? No, they look great.

Steve: No, they don’t. They look funny!

Brian: These are.. incredible ariolas. Do you have any idea how much a woman pays for those?

Steve: I know.. But they look pretty on women, not on men!

Brian: Well, now that is.. that is sexist, Steve! Are you a sexist?

Steve: Well.. no.. but-

Brian: Well, what you’re saying to me makes me think you’re a sexist!

Steve: Well.. I’m not a sexist.. [ triumphantly ] I’m a man, and I have breasts!

Brian: Right!

Steve: Yes! And the sun feels pretty darn good on my breasts! Real good!

Brian: Good!

Steve: Yes! Long live men with breasts!

Brian: Yeah!

Steve: Yea-ah! Yeah!

Brian: Hey, Brad? Why don’t you take your shirt off?

Brad: Uhhhh.. no.. I just had an operation, and.. you know.. it looks.. it looks a little messy.. [ chuckles ]

Brian: Oh yeah, yeah.. that baboon heart transplant, yeah.

Brad: Yeah, yeah..

Brian: Well, hell! I mean, you gotta take your shirt off sometime, why not now?

Brad: [ relunctant ] Do you think so?

Brian: Definitely! I mean.. look how much fun the other guys are having with their shirts off!

[ show the other guys rubbing lotion on their grotesque bodies, Charlie rubbing lotion back and forth on his extended outie ]

Brad: Yeah! I think.. I think you’re right! I’m gonna take off my shirt! [ removes his shirt, revealing babboon heart pumping on the left side of his chest ] Ohh.. ohh.. the sun feels good on my babboon heart!

[ a pair of women in bikins walk past the men ]

Female Passerby #1: Eeuuugghh!

Female Passerby #2: I am gonna be sick! What the hell is that?!

Brad: It’s my heart.. I got it from a babboon!

Female Passerby #1 & #2: Eeeuuugghh!!

Female Passerby #1: Well, why don’t you give it back to that ape over there?

Brad: Heeey!

Steve: Ladies.. just leave us alone!

Female Passerby #2: Hey? Weren’t you the on the cover of Jugs Magazine this month? Congratulations!

Sully: Hey, that’s not fair!

Female Passerby #2: Ugh!

[ the two women walk off ]

Brian: Hey.. guys, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that would happen. It’s not your fault..

[ David runs up to the guys ]

David: Hey, you guys.. what are you doing? You’ve gotta keep your shirts on.

Charlie: [ annoyed ] We’ve gotta keep our shirts on?

David: Yeah, yeah.. because of the Ozone hole, skin cancer is at an all-time peak! You’ll die!

Jerry: You mean.. we should put our shirts on?

David: Yes.. you should..

[ all the guys put their shirts back on, wrapping David in their arms and singing “For He’s A Jolly Good Fellow” ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts