Will… Jon Rudnitsky
Ricky Manns… Jay Pharoah
Nate… Jonah Hill
Stacey Epstein… Kate McKinnon
Mom… Vanessa Bayer
Dad… Bobby Moynihan
Samantha Powell… Cecily Strong
Tyler Stevens… Taran Killam
Fellepe Ramirez… Kenan Thompson[Starts with five friends pulling over their car. They’re all wearing same sports outfit.]
Will: Good match, Nate Nate.
Ricky: Way to go, Nate. You’re the man.
Nate: You didn’t do too bad yourself Will.
Sasheer: You’re amazing.
Will and Ricky: Tigers forever!
Stacey: Hey Nate, wait up. [Stacey runs towards Nate] We’re gonna have some beers behind the Gazibu at depo park later if you wanna come.
Nate: Yeah, I don’t know if coach wants me drinking tonight.
Stacey: You defeated Tyler Stevens of Great Oak. He was undefeated. And you beat him. You sure you don’t wanna celebrate?
Nate: It’s not about whether I won or lost. It’s that I gave everything I am to my team.
Stacey: You’re a hero, Nate.
Nate: Tigers forever.
Stacey: Tigers forever. Bye.[Nate turns away and his friends drive away] [Nate walks in his house.]
Nate: Hey, mom.
Mom: How was your day, sweetheart?
Nate: It was great.
Mom: Why don’t you sit down with your dad and watch some TV.
Dad: Tigers forever.
Nate: Tigers forever, dad.[Cut to the news]
Samantha: Good evening, I’m Samantha Powell. Tonight’s top story is a heartwarming tale of generosity. As undefeated high school Wrestler Tyler Stevens allowed himself to get pinned by the school loser as an act of charity.[Nate’s picture appears on the news]
Nate: What?[Cut to Tyler Stevens on TV]
Tyler Stevens: You should have seen the smile on his face. I mean, you like, actually believed it. It feels good.
Nate: What the hell is going on?[Cut to Stacey and Ricky on TV]
Stacey: Everyone feels very sorry for Nate because he sucks so hard.
Ricky: Yeah, that’s why the whole community came together to pretend he won.[Cut to Nate]
Nate: What? This is insane. They didn’t let me win.[Cut to Tyler Stevens]
Tyler Stevens: What I meant to do was sort of let him have a come from behind sort of movie style victory. But when we got close to each other, he smelled so bad and I just had to let him pin me right away.
Nate: I don’t smell. I don’t smell.[Cut to Fellepe Ramirez, high school janitor on TV]
Fellepe: I’m glad he got to win. Coz he has so many problems. And when I clean the bathroom, I always find his pants in the trash. He never makes in to toilet.[Cut to Dad looking at Nate]
Number one, he no make it. Number two, he no make it.[Cut to Nate]
Nate: Why would they interview Mr. Ramirez.[Cut to Fellepe Ramirez on TV]
Fellepe: He keep a packet in his locker all year. I said, “Nate, you got to throw out the packet.” He said, “Ain’t this a packet. it’s my girlfriend.” I pick it up, little hole in it. Very little hole.[Cut to Nate]
Nate: What is going on?[Cut to Mom]
Mom: You won the big match, son.
Dad: Yeah. You beat Tyler Stevens.[Cut to all]
Nate: They’re saying they let me win. It’s a top story.
Mom: I know. And that’s nuts because the neighbors were murdered tonight.[Cut to police locking the neighbor house as a crime scene.]
Dad: The policemen are sitting like, for 20 years.[Cut to all]
Mom: Yeah. And a celebrity did it.[Cut to Nate]
Dad: Eric McCormack from ‘Will & Grace’.[Cut to the news]
Samantha: Breaking news, I’m being told we have another interview with the janitor at the Westfield High.
Nate: Come on![Cut to Fellepe Ramirez]
Fellepe: He tell me I his best friend. I no his friend. I groove.[Cut to Nate]
Nate: Why is Mr. Ramirez getting so much air time?[Cut to the news]
Samantha: An inspiring story. A whole town coming together to make one weird reject feel like people liked him even for just one day. And hey, Nate, if you’re out there, I hope to god you’re not watching this. And Eric McCormack is back on the news. And get this, it’s twins… that he murdered. The oldest living twins.[The End]