Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 6: Episode 4
80d: Jamie Lee Curtis / James Brown, Ellen Shipley
Clovin Hind Jeans
Announcer…..Joe Piscopo
Brooke Shields…..Gail Matthius
[Open on a close-up of a brown, high-heeled boot covered on top by the cuff of a pair of jeans and a hand with fingernails painted pink in a white, empty setting. The boot begins tapping as we hear someone whistling, “Oh, My Darling Clementine”]
[Pan across the hand as its fingers spider up the jean leg, revealing the other jean leg and the boot. The hand is lifted offscreen and the whistling is interrupted by an “Ouch!”]
[Camera continues to pan and stops at brunette 1980s jean model, Brooke Shields, wearing a white blouse and plucking the hairs from her eyebrows with her fingers as she continues whistling and plucks another hair, again interrupting her song with an “Ouch!”. Brooke notices the camera, stops plucking, and lowers her hand]
Brooke Shields: [breathlessly]: Do you want to know what comes between me and my Clovins? [tilts her head and smiles]: My brains.
[SUPER: “CLOVIN HIND JEANS”]
Announcer: Clovin Hind Jeans.
[fade]
Submitted by: Candy
Air Date:
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Summary: Highway billboards contain the text for classic novels, with new dialogue made available along each passing mile.
Summary: Rosalynn Carter (Ann Risley) convinces Jimmy (Joe Piscopo) that he should be glad he lost the election, because now they can have sex again.
Summary: A cohabitating couple (Elliot Gould, Ann Risley) receive a singing Billy-Gram (Charles Rocket).
Summary: A topless Gail Matthius demonstrates how women can self-examine themselves for breast cancer.
Summary: Pinky (Denny Dillon) and Leo Waxman (Gilbert Gottfried) interview Elliot Gould.
Summary: In a film by Randal Kleiser, a pair of shoes have sex on the beach.
Bio: Kid Creole and the Coconuts are August Darnell and a glamorous trio of female backing vocalists that includes his wife Adriana Kaegi and vibraphone player Andy Hernandez (Coati Mundi). Their music incorporated many different styles of music, among them, Caribbean/Latin American salsa and disco.
Summary: Gail Matthius tries to avoid telling John Anderson (Joe Piscopo) that he lost the election. In his first “Rocket Report”, Charles Rocket seeks gossip on the new album by John Lennon and Yoko Ono. In his new book, author Barry Grosscup (Gilbert Gottfried) makes the claim that Ronald Reagan is already dead.
Summary: Sgt. Steve Brick (Joe Piscopo) drills Cpl. Peter Thomas (Charles Rocket) of the Gay Brigade.
Summary: In a film by Mitchell Kriegman, a man (Mitchell Kriegman) can’t seem to put his finger on what’s changed in his relationship, as different actresses portray his girlfriend.
Summary: Joe Piscopo delivers the play-by-play at the nose wrestling match between Scottie Bockman (Elliot Gould) and James Walker (Charles Rocket).
Summary: Vickie (Gail Matthius), the Valley girl teenager, has a dinner date with 40 year-old Mark Doyle (Elliott Gould).
Summary: A detective (Gail Matthius) goes undercover to trap Chuck LeVinto (Charles Rocket), AKA The Accordion Killer.
Summary: In a Suburban Lawns music video directed by Jonathan Demme, Gidgette is eaten by a shark while surfing in the ocean.
Summary: Spokeswoman (Denny Dillon) doubly relaxes by speedreading a book and listening to classical music at an accelerated rate.
