Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 1: Episode 2
75b: Paul Simon / Art Garfunkel, Randy Newman, Phoebe Snow, Jesse Dixon Singers
Goodnights
…..Paul Simon
…..Bill Bradley
Paul Simon: I just want to take this opportunity to thank, uh, all the guests who were on the show – Phoebe, and, uh, Randy Newman, who I never met and this was my opportunity to meet him, I was very happy to do so. And, of course, I want to thank Art Garfunkel, uh, the film by Albert Brooks, The Muppets, Chevy Chase, and, uh – have I forgotten anybody?
[ Bill Bradley suddenly appears in the background, carrying a huge basketball trophy ]
Paul Simon: I – I hope not — the Bees! I forgot the Bees!
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen – Bill Bradley, of the New York Knicks!
[ the audience cheers as Bradley steps forward and towers over a surprised Simon ]
Paul Simon: Oh! Oh. Oh. [ he mimes a jump shot towards the top of the trophy ]
Bill Bradley: For one-on-one players everywhere, I present you with this trophy. Congratulations!
[ Bradley hands Simon the oversized trophy, which nearly drops Simon to the floor ]
Paul Simon: I’d just like to say, if Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is watching, most of this week — most — [ Simon loses his grip on the trophy, nearly stabbing Bradley’s chest with it ] Ooh! I’m sorry, Bill. Most of this week, I’ve been, uh – I have been practicing going to my right! So this film can be very misleading about going to the left. I just wanted to say: I’m ready! Good night. Thank you.
[ Simon places the trophy onto the stage floor and shakes Bradley’s hand ]
Announcer: The Muppets are Frank Oz, Jerry Nelson, Richard Hunt and Jim Henson. Next week on “NBC Saturday Night”, Rob Reiner will be your host. Joining Rob will be The Lockers, Penny Marshall, Jim Henson and his Muppets, another film from Albert Brooks, and a variety of music and comedy entertainment. Don’t miss Rob Reiner, next week on “NBC Saturday Night.” This is Don Pardo, saying, “This is Don Pardo, saying, ‘This is Don Pardo, speaking.'” Your announcer this evening has been Don Pardo. Maybe next week, I’ll sing.
Air Date:
Note: Chevy Chase performs his first opening fall at the end of Paul Simon’s number.
Bio: Led by esteemed gospelist Jesse Dixon (1938-); group performed back-up on Paul Simon’s 1974 concert album, Live Rhymin’.
Summary: Jerry Rubin pitches grafitti wallpaper.
Bio: Randy Newman (1943-). Singer-songwriter; wrote the hit “Mama Told Me Not to Come” for Three Dog Night in the early 1970’s; some of his best-loved early songs were those of a comic nature, such as 1978’s “Short People”; began composing film scores later in his career.
Summary: Sports reporter Marv Albert is on the scene as Paul Simon goes one-on-one with Connie Hawkins on the basketball court.
Note: Simon & Garfunkel reunited in real-life to record this single for Garfunkel’s current album, Breakaway.
Bio: Art Garfunkel (1941-). Singer/actor; teamed as Tom & Jerry with Art Garfunkel during the 1950’s, partnered as Simon & Garfunkel through 1970’s Bridge Over Troubled Water album; as solo artist, relied heavily on other songrwriters, though he had his fair share of hits; light acting career included co-starring with Jack Nicholson in “Carnal Knowledge.”
Summary: Ploobis & Scred seek financial help from the Mighty Favog.
Summary: Albert Brooks presents his traumatic home movies and failed Candid Camera stunts.
Bio: Phoebe Snow (1952-). Singer-songwriter; the poetry she wrote as a teenager eventually became her first songs as a jazz-scat vocalist.
Summary: A battery strong enough to run a pacemaker all night.
