Saturday Night Live: 2013-2014

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 39: 2013-2014


  • Vanessa Bayer
  • Aidy Bryant
  • Taran Killam
  • Kate McKinnon
  • Seth Meyers
  • Bobby Moynihan
  • Nasim Pedrad
  • Jay Pharoah
  • Cecily Strong
  • Kenan Thompson

  • Beck Bennett
  • John Milhiser
  • Kyle Mooney
  • Mike O’Brien
  • Noël Wells
  • Brooks Wheelan
  • Writers:

  • James Anderson
  • Michael Che
  • Mikey Day
  • Jim Downey
  • Steve Higgins
  • Colin Jost (Head Writer)
  • Zach Kanin
  • Chris Kelly
  • Erik Kenward
  • Rob Klein (Head Writer)
  • Seth Meyers (Head Writer)
  • Lorne Michaels
  • Claire Mulaney
  • Josh Patten
  • Paula Pell
  • Tim Robinson
  • Marika Sawyer (Writing Supervisor)
  • Sarah Schneider
  • Pete Schultz
  • John Solomon (Writing Supervisor)
  • Kent Sublette
  • Bryan Tucker (Writing Supervisor)
  • Episodes

  • 09/28/13: Tina Fey / Arcade Fire
  • 10/05/13: Miley Cyrus
  • 10/12/13: Bruce Willis / Katy Perry
  • 10/26/13: Edward Norton / Janelle Monae
  • 11/02/13: Kerry Washington / Eminem
  • 11/16/13: Lady Gaga
  • 11/23/13: Josh Hutcherson / HAIM
  • 12/07/13: Paul Rudd / One Direction
  • 12/14/13: John Goodman / Kings of Leon
  • 12/21/13: Jimmy Fallon / Justin Timberlake
  • 01/18/14: Drake
  • 01/25/14: Jonah Hill / Bastille
  • 02/01/14: Melissa McCarthy / Imagine Dragons
  • 03/01/14: Jim Parsons / Beck
  • 03/08/14: Lena Dunham / The National
  • 03/29/14: Louis C.K. / Sam Smith
  • 04/05/14: Anna Kendrick / Pharrell Williams
  • 04/12/14: Seth Rogen / Ed Sheeran
  • 05/03/14: Andrew Garfield / Coldplay
  • 05/10/14: Charlize Theron / Black Keys
  • 05/17/14: Andy Samberg / St. Vincent
  • Summary

    SNL Transcripts

    SNL Transcripts: Andy Samberg: 05/17/14: An SNL Digital Short

     Saturday Night Live Transcripts

      Season 39: Episode 21

    13u: Andy Samberg / St. Vincent

    An SNL Digital Short

    …..Andy Samberg
    …..Pharrell Williams
    Whore…..Maya Rudolph

    [ open as Andy Samberg’s cellphone rings ]

    Andy Samberg: Hello?

    Girl: Hi! This is Bridget. Should I come over later?

    Andy Samberg: I’m sorry, I don’t know a Bridget.

    Bridget: Well, that’s not what you said when you hugged me last night.

    Andy Samberg: You think we’re an item just because I gave you a hug? Trick! You better think again.

    Lonely Island: [ rapping ]“We are not gentlemen!
    Yo! I’ll hug a girl like it don’t mean nothin’
    Then turn around and start huggin’ her cousin
    I don’t love ’em, end of the fuckin’ discussion
    Got ’em tucked between my wings like Thanksgiving stuffing

    She wanna hug from behind – I did it
    Then her friend jump in; I’m wit’ it
    I hug ’em tighter than a tube top;
    After that, it’s just a matter of time
    Before the other shoe drop.

    I get more hugs than Oprah selling drugs
    And the drug was pure X – no marriage, no sex.
    Just hugs.”

    Pharrell Williams: [ singing ]“Don’t get mad, girl. We get mad girls
    And we’re hugging all over the world
    So don’t catch feelings, it ain’t love
    We’re just the kings of giving out hugs
    And if you wanna settle down, you know you got us all wrong
    So we move to the next one, no disrespect, hon
    But you can’t hug a rolling stone.”

    Lonely Island: [ rapping ]“You can’t hug a rolling stone cause it’ll crush you
    Begging me to hug you again? That’s when I shush you
    On an airplane, at a Knick game
    Feel the same damn thing when I hug them
    Which is nothing
    Can’t trust them, lose all respect when I hug them

    Now guess who’s back in the motherfucking house
    With a fat hug for your sweater and your blouse
    Hugged so many ladies, arms shaky and shit
    Because I’m the Wilt Chamberlain of the upper-body grip.

    Cause I get more hugs than a batch of puppy pugs
    Sitting on a fluffy rug, getting tickled touched and rubbed
    (OH SHIT!)
    Real talk, like you chatting with a fisherman
    Wrap these chicks up like a motherfucking swisher, man!”

    Pharrell Williams: [ singing ]“This ain’t love girl, because this hug world
    Is just a big Game of Thrones
    We be king of the castle, got arms like a lasso.
    But you can’t hug a rolling stone.

    I been hugging on your mama
    Especially when your daddy’s gone
    Wearing his pajamas
    I know you thinking that is wrong
    I don’t care what son does
    I’m concentrating on her back
    I just wanna hug your mama in her Subaru hatchback.
    Put her in a figure-4, yes I’m a hug gigolo
    Now she tells her tupperware friends to let their sisters know…”

    Lonely Island:
    “…that I give more hugs than Atlas had shrugs
    (Rest my head on her shoulder)
    While your man mean mugs.”

    Pharrell Williams:
    “We had fun, girl. But don’t get sprung, girl
    Just because I hugged you raw
    We can do a group thing, bring Sarah and Susan
    And we can have a hug-a-trois.
    So quit trying to own my hugs
    I gave you these arms on loan
    So come give me a hug
    The waistline and above
    When push comes to shove
    You can’t hug a rolling stone.”

    Whore: Purex! Purex for sale!

    Submitted by: Raul Gonzalez

    SNL Transcripts