Category: 1976

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 2: Episode 5

76e: Steve Martin / Kinky Friedman

Steve Martin Stand-Up

…..Steve Martin

[Steve Martin, wearing a brown suit, stands at homebase.]

Steve Martin: Thank you. How do you like the show sofar? Okay, we’re havin’ some fun out here tonight, Iguess, huh? [laughs] You know, a lot of people come tome, they say, Steve, you’re a ramblin’ guy, um, youmust meet a lot of girls on the road. I’d just like todispel that rumor. Uh, it’s kind of a myth aboutentertainers, uh, you know, you travel around fromtown to town, one night at a time and, you know, youdon’t have time to meet anybody and, uh, I’m not intothat one night thing, you know? I think a personshould get to know someone and even be in love withthem before you use and degrade them. So …

I don’t know if I looked a little mad, uh, during theshow tonight. I’m a little angry, I guess. Uh, I’mjust, uh… Boy. I don’t know, I’m just mad at mymother. I don’t know, she just, uh, she calls me upthe other day. She wants to borrow ten dollars forsome food! Can you believe that? I said, “Hey! I workfor a living!” So I loan her the money. Yesterday, shecalls me up and says she can’t pay me back for awhile. I said, “Hey! What is this?!” So I worked out adeal with her. I’m having her, uh, work on mytransmission. And, uh, move my barbells up to theattic. So that’s pretty good, huh? [laughs]

Oh, gosh! My shoelace is untied! [laughs, bends downbut the shoelace is tied, rises, laughs] Oh, I loveplaying jokes on myself!

All right. Boy, I had a – had a weird experience theother day. See, Jackie Onassis has always been one ofmy favorite people, you know? It’s like I’ve alwaysidolized her from afar, you know, and I’ve alwayswanted to meet her, you know, but fat chance I’m gonnameet Jackie Onassis, right? Well… [clears throat] Iwas in a laundromat in Tucson, Arizona. And I lookedover and there she was — Jackie Onassis, my idol –and I couldn’t believe it, you know? So I got allexcited and I went up to her and I said, “Hey! Howzitgoin’?” And, uh, she said, “Fine” and everything wasgood. So I asked her out for lunch. And I couldn’tbelieve it. She accepted. And I was so proud, youknow, to be able to go someplace with my idol, JackieOnassis, so elegant, sophisticated. So I took her tothis really great restaurant. And the waiter broughtthe food. … And she was a pig. Really. It wasunbelievable! She wouldn’t use a knife and fork! Shegoes [pretends to suck food off plate with mouth] Oh!And she picked up the hard rolls and she threw ’em atpeople. [mimes throwing rolls] She picked up two friedeggs, she goes [pretends to slap two fried eggs on hisbreasts] “Heeeeyyyyy!” And she thought it was funny!You know? And the waiter’d come by and she’d lift upher dress [mimes lifting dress over his head] –“Aaaaahhhhh!” Oh! What a letdown, you know what Imean?

Whew! You know why people can get away with stuff likethat? I’ll tell you exactly why people get away withthat. Because the public has a short memory. That’swhy all these big stars do these crazy, terriblethings and two years later they’re back in the biz,you know. ‘Cause the public has a short memory. Let megive you a little test, okay? This is my thesis — thepublic has a short memory and, like– How many peopleremember, a couple of years ago, when the Earth blewup? How many people? See? So few people remember. Andyou would think that something like that, people wouldremember. But NOOO! You don’t remember that? The Earthblew up and was completely destroyed? And we escapedto this planet on the giant Space Ark? Where have youpeople been? And the government decided not to tellthe stupider people ’cause they thought that it mightaffect– [dawning realization, looks around] Ohhhh!Okay! Uh, let’s move on!

Um, if I, uh, do look a little depressed tonight, I -I guess I get a little sentimental every time thebicentennial year rolls around and, um… I gotanother month and a half on that joke, I’m gonna useit every chance I get, so… [sadly] Actually, I’mkind of – I don’t know, I’m kind of thinkin’ about myold girlfriend, I guess. Sorry. It’s just that I usedto travel around and I’d be performing and I couldkind of hear her laugh in the back – it’d meansomething to me, you know and, uh … I’m sorry. Youknow how it is. We were together about three yearsand, uh, she’s not living any more so I kind of, uh–[audience laughs, Martin gives them a disgusted look]You laugh? And I guess I kind of blame myself for herdeath. Uh, we were at a party one night and we weren’tgetting along and we were fighting and she began todrink and … I didn’t realize how much she’d beendrinking. She ran out to the car, she asked me todrive her home and I didn’t want to and I refused. Sheasked me one more time, would you please drive mehome? I didn’t want to … So I shot her.

Okay, folks! I, uh, think that about does it. [checkshis wristwatch] We’ve had a good time tonight, uh,considering we’re all going to die. And, uh, we gonnago to commercial now or uh …? We’ll go to commercialand we’ll come right back. Thanks a lot. [smiles,waves]

Submitted Anonymously

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 2: Episode 5

76e: Steve Martin / Kinky Friedman

Weekend Update with Chevy Chase

…..Chevy Chase
…..Jane Curtin
Wandering Snacker…..Al Franken

Announcer: And now, Weekend Update with Chevy Chase.

Chevy Chase: [ talking into the phone ] Noooo.. you’re not supposed to blow on it – that’s just an expression. [ looks up at the camera ] I have to go. [ hangs up the phone ]

Good evening! I’m Ron McKuen.

Our top story tonight: President Ford and Governor Jimmy Carter emerged from their third and final debate virtually even in the preliminary polls. The Burns-Roper Poll showed Carter to be a winner by a substantial margin of 40% to 29%. However, an AP Poll showed Ford the winner by a margin of 35.5% to 33.1%. A panel of ten experts found Ken Norton to be the winner.

Commenting on the early polls, Jimmy Carter said he didn’t care much. But Ford’s comments were: “The Poles are an independent and autonomous people, and I don’t believe they consider themselves to be under Soviet domination.”

The President is said to be readyinging himself for the upcoming Ford/Dole debates.

Probably the biggest surprise of last night’s debates was when Jimmy Carter, to the confusion of everyone, revealed that, when the mood hits him, he likes to dress up like Elenour Roosevelt.

Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, buck private George Brown, apologized for his remark that Israel was a military burdon to the United States. Brown stated that what he meant to say was: “Let’s leave the dumb Jews helpless.”

Meanwhile, preparations are under way for the first Brown/Butts debate, to be televised from a synogogue in Little Rock, Arkansas.

Carlo Gambino, the underworld’s notorious Capo de Tuti Capo – or, Boss of All Bosses – was laid to rest this week as a power struggle raged for his Mafia family leadership. The funeral service was simple, highlighted by a chorus of mourners singing “Ciao Ciao, Gambino”, as the casket was sprinkled with sausages and anchovies, and sealed in pizza oven.

On a seriouser side.. on a more serious side.. on the more serious side, Chairman Mao was finally laid to rest this week after much discussion as to what to do with his body. After weeks of debate, it was decided that the fallen Chinese leader be buried in a takeout seminary. The family decided this would be best, as it’s cheaper, it’s open twenty-four hours a day, and it’s within delivery distance of Peking.

Although the press was barred from the jury selection process of Ruben “Hurricane” Carter’s retrial, Weekend Update was able to sneak one of our staff artists into the proceedings.

[ footage of Rubin “Hurricane” Carter sitting at a table in the courtroom, making all the motions described by Chevy ]

The former middleweight looked at his watch for eleven seconds, and then wrote something while waiting for Judge Bruno L. Leopizzio to impound twelve jurors and four alternates individually behind closed doors.

Carter leaned back, and then took a drink of water. As the judge imposed a gag order, restricting the defendant’s and opposing lawyers from commenting on the triple murder case.

After that, Carter leaned back and crossed his arms.

Coming up next: Students register for classes in Thailand. Right after this.

[ Dissolve to ad parody for Fido-Flex. ]

Chevy Chase: As many of you may already know, I was recently taken ill for two weeks, and uh.. sitting in for me was – as the anchorwoman for Weekend Update – was a very fine journalist in her own right, correspondent Jane Curtin. Uh.. of course, much has been said lately about the pros and cons of a woman reporter anchoring, uh.. the national news. There’s certainly no question in my mind about the validity of women in any so-called traditional male roles. People are people, and should be judged as people.. and one such person, uh.. who just happens to be a fine newswoman, is Jane Curtin. and it gives me great pleasure to welcome her as a regular joining me on Weekend Update. Jane?

Jane Curtin: Thank you, Chevy.

Chevy Chase: Jane, welcome.. and, uh.. thanks for taking over earleir this year. I understand you have a report for us on the latest flourocarbon controversy.

Jane Curtin: That’s right, Chevy, uh.. a growing concern exists about the dangers of flourocarbons being released by aerosol products. Responsible environmentalists have been warning us for years.. [ Chevy begins raising his eyebrows and pursing his lips as a means of mocking Jane’s editorial ] ..that these flourocarbons are slowly destroying the Earth’s ozone layer. As the ozone layer disappears, the sun’s ultraviolet rays reach the Earth in an in-in-unfiltered state of intensity, strong enough to eventually destroy life on our planet and, subsequently, our planet itself. Proposed legislation controlling aerosol products has been an issue in Washington for a long time. But, so far, has gotten nowhere. The ecological community urges the concerned citiazen should act now: form groups, write to Congress, protest the continued manufacture and sale of products which can eventually destroy us. [ Chevy acts as if he’s behaving himself when Jane turns to face him ]

Chevy Chase: Thank you, Jane. Jane Curtin.

Well, David Bowie paid a surprise visit to New York this week. Fans remarked that he looked much bigger in person.

[ show picture of Adlei Stevenson ] Adlei Stevenson.

Dictatorial president Ferdinand Marcos is pictured here, and has been casting his ballots in a referendum. Though.. [ a Wandering Snacker has appeared over Chevy’s shoulder, and is reading the paper in his hand ] I.. I don’t like people reading over my shoulder.. you know what I mean?

Wandering Snacker: Oh.. I-I’m sorry..

Chevy Chase: I was just trying to read something-

Well, on the warmer, happier side of life, far from the stories which seem sad or tragic, baby gorilla Boom-Boom was flown by Concorde from Paris to Washington last Thursday, to join the Ringling Brothers’ Barnum & Bailey Zoo and Circus. Boom-Boom enchanted passengers and stewardesses during the three-and-a-half hour flight by dancing in the aisles, making cute noises, and breaking into the cockpit and ripping apart the face of the captain, mutilating the navigator and crash-landing the jet in Greenland. One humorous note: there were no survivors.

Chevy Chase: Well, that’s all the news we have tonight. Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 2: Episode 6


]]>

Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:

Bit Players:


October 30th, 1976

Buck Henry

The Band

None

None

Alan Zweibel

Marilyn Suzanne Miller

Michael O’Donoghue

Land SharkSummary: The Land Shark (Chevy Chase) attacks a woman (Gilda Radner) long after the trick-or-treaters have subsided.

Transcript

Montage

Buck Henry’s MonologueSummary: Buck Henry casually reveals deep, dark secrets about the cast.

First Hosted: 75j.

Transcript

Samurai StockbrokerSummary: Thanks to Futaba’s (John Belushi) faulty financial advice, Mr. Dantley (Buck Henry) discovers that he’s bankrupt.

Note: Buck Henry is nicked in the head by the samurai sword when John Belushi thrusts it too close to his head, then, due to the shock, he also experiences trouble jumping through the makeshift window. Afterwards, Henry was mysteriously examined by Belushi’s own personal physician who was on hand in the studio.

Recurring Characters: Samurai, Mr. Dantley.

Transcript

Not For First Ladies OnlySummary: Barbara Walters (Gilda Radner) question Betty Ford (Jane Curtin) and Rosalyn Carter (Laraine Newman) on why they will be a great First Lady.

Recurring Characters: Barbara Walters, Betty Ford, Rosaylnn Carter.

RootsSummary: Garrett Morris takes a look back at some of the famous people his ancestors have had relations with.

Debate ’76Summary: President Gerald Ford (Chevy Chase) and Jimmy Carter (Dan Aykroyd) tackle the final issues prior to the election in the style of a beauty pageant.

Recurring Characters: Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter.

Weekend Update with Chevy ChaseSummary: Chevy Chase examines a pair of unreleased Gerald Ford and Jimmy Carter campaign ads. Jane Curtin reads celebrity news items. Chevy Chase demonstrates the Game of the Week, then receives a phone call from the dead Generalissimo Francisco Franco.

Transcript

Super Bat-O-Matic ’77Summary: Warlock spokesman (Dan Akroyd) shows how to blend magic potions the easy way.

Transcript

The Band performs “Life Is A Carnival”, “The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down”, and “Stage Fright”Bio: Canadian-American rock group; first performed as Ronnie Hawkins back-up band, The Hawks; disbanded in 1976, with a farewell tour on Thanksgiving Day; Martin Scorcese filmed their final concert and released it as documentary “The Last Waltz” (1978); members: Robbie Robertson, Richard Manuel, Garth Hudson, Rick Danko, Levon Helm.

Lyrics

The OintMENtSummary: Ambassador Thorne (Buck Henry) searches in vain for demon-child Damien’s (John Belushi) real parents.

Transcript

It’s Halloween TonightSummary: In a film by Gary Weis, Buck Henry is made up to look like a woman.

Houdini’s GraveSummary: On the 50th anniversary of his death, Garrett Morris waits inside Machpelah Cemetery to see if Houdini will return from the grave as he promised before his death.

Mr. Mike’s Least-Loved Bedtime TalesSummary: Mr. Mike (Michael O’Donaghue) tells the story of “The Enchanted Thermos”.

Transcript

Houdini’s Grave IISummary: Garrett Morris appears to have been spooked by an apparition of Houdini’s ghost.

The Band performs “Georgia On My Mind”

GoodnightsTranscript

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 2: Episode 6

76f: Buck Henry / The Band

Super Bat-o-matic ’77

Spokesman…..Dan Aykroyd
Bat-Drinker…..Laraine Newman

Pitchman: Witches, warlocks, conjurers,sorcerers, black magicians, white magicians, are youhaving trouble mixing your potions in time for thewinter solstice? [pull back to reveal the pitchman inmagician’s robe standing before a table complete withlit candles, a book of magic, mortar and pestle,blender with a bat icon on it – picks up mortar andpestle] Is your sorcery getting hung up because of thehours you spend mixing and blending your remedies?Then you need Rovco’s amazing new witch’s aid, theSuper-Bat-O-Matic ’77! [SUPER: BAT-O-MATIC]

You never have to use mortar, pestle or cauldronagain. Super-Bat-O-Matic cuts, chops, slices, dices,mixes and blends herbs, plants, twigs, sprigs, leaves,branches, claws, teeth, eyes, ears, skin, hair, blood,flies, insects, limbs and organs of all kinds, toads,lizards, newts, mice, rats and bats FASTER than youcan knife a goat! [picks up a book] Take this eleventhcentury remedy from the Key of Alcazar: Potion to WinLove and Shrink Hives.
Feather of a young hawk, belly of a fly,
Blood, bile of an ox,
A lizard’s lung,
Say “Sarax, sarax!”
And your will is done.
[dumps contents of black bag into blender]
Seven threads, a hangman’s garment.
Basil, wolfbane and a shoot of wintermint.
To this, add the eye of a rat. [drops rat eye intoblender]
And mix in the body of one whole bat!
[holds up the small quivering body a dead bat]
Yes! Mix in the body of one whole bat! Remember what achore that USED to be?! Now, it’s fast and it’s easywith Rovco’s Bat-O-Matic! [drops bat in blender]Here’s how it works.

[puts top on blender, pushes button – blender blendscontents into a brown liquid – pitchman chantswordlessly as if speaking in tongues – Cut to womanwith glass of similarly brown liquid. To the crowd’shorror, she drinks from it, then smiles into thecamera:]

Bat-Drinker: Wow! That’s great bat! And a greatpotion, too. I’m in love and my hives arecured!

Pitchman: With Bat-O-Matic, you can prepare asmany bat-based potions as you like without pounding,grinding or mixing by hand. Throw away that mortar,pestle and cauldron! [briefly holds up mortar, pestleand tiny cauldron] Get the Super-Bat-O-Matic ’77! Itworks like magic! [starts up blender – SUPER:BAT-O-MATIC]

Don Pardo V/O: Bat-O-Matic — at alchemistseverywhere!

Submitted Anonymously

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 2: Episode 6

76f: Buck Henry / The Band

Goodnights

…..Buck Henry

Buck Henry: Thank you, folks! and thank you, Garrett, wherever you are.

[ the cast surrounds Buck, all of them dressed similarly with their heads in bandages, as they have been for most of the show since Buck’s accident in the Samurai Stockbroker sketch. John Belushi has his entire head wrapped in bandages, as he stands next to Buck Henry and pretends to be a reporter.]

[ Chevy Chase approaches Michael O’Donoghue and the other members of the cast and hugs them goodbye one at a time ]

Don Pardo V/O: Next Saturday night, watch NBC’s “Weekend” with Lloyd Dobbins. We’ll be back with a brand-new show on November 13th, two weeks from tonight. This is don Pardo, reminding you to set your clocks back one hour. Good night.

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 2: Episode 6

76f: Buck Henry / The Band

Land Shark

Woman…..Gilda Radner
Land Shark…..Chevy Chase

[ open on interior, Woman’s Apartment, 2:00 a.m. ]

[ doorbell rings ]

Woman: Who is it?

Voice At Door: [ drawn-out pause ] Uh.. trick or treat?

Woman: [ gets up and walks cautiously to the door ] Look, it’stwo o’clock in the morning. Halloween’s over! Shouldn’t you be in bed by now?

Voice At Door: [ stuttering ] Mrs. Bar- Barsen- Bargen- Barsen..?

Woman: There is no Mrs. Bargenbarson here!

Voice At Door: [ pause ] Candy-Gram?

Woman: Look, I’m all out of candy! I gave it all away! Now, go home!

Voice At Door: UNI- UNICEF, ma’am?

Woman: UNICEF?

Voice At Door: UNICEF.

Woman: Well, that’s different..

[ Woman grabs her purse and opens the door – as she does, the Land Shark peers in, gobbles her up and drags her into the hall. ]

[ Land Shark re-enters the apartment, and stares at the camera. Suddenly, Chevy Chase pokes his head and arm out of the mouth ]

Chevy Chase: “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!“

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 2: Episode 6

76f: Buck Henry / The Band

Buck Henry’s Monologue

…..Buck Henry

Buck Henry: Thank you all very much! I’d like to say that it’s nice to be with this incredible crew of actors and performers. You know, you’ve read a lot of stuff about the Not Ready For Prime Time Players in the newspapers, and what you’ve read is junk – none of it is true. They’re average, terrific, talented kids.. and-

Take Jane Curtin, for instance. That cool.. interesting-looking beauty. Uh.. she’s got a perfectly normal life – she lives with her husband, and they do what every couple doe.. and every Saturday night, when it’s showtime, all those bruises have disappeared. There isn’t a scar, there isn’t a welt, there isn’t a mark – nothing!

Belushi? A great character actor. You’ve seen him play part after part, and he’s really sensational. There is no way to tell how heavily in debt ot the mafia he is. I mean, that’s got nothing to do with his talent!

Laraine? She’s twenty-three – twenty-three years old! And that’s a talented kid – where does she get it? They say that, you know, comedy often comes from pain – and sure, probably a lot of people have heard it. A lot of men have heard it. Hundreds of men have heard it. Hundreds, maybe thousands. But that has nothing to do with what she gives us out here every Saturday.

And Danny? Aykroyd? You think he’s weird? Weird? ‘Cause he sleeps with a bicycle chain in his mouth?! That’s not weird! He loves – has love – he’s filled with love. Not people; animals, mostly. Uh.. there’s a goat in his dressing room – he didn’t want me to tell you about that..

Listen! Let’s talk about Gilda for a moment. She is perhaps the sweetest member of the group. She’s got the biggest heart, she’s close to her family. Very close to her brother.. she lives with her brother.. she’s extremely close to her brother. Her doctor is.. worired. Not alarmed – he just thinks a child at this time would be unwise.

But.. what.. I mean, these things don’t matter – let’s take Garrett Morris. Talk about talent! He can act, he can sing, he can dance – I’ve seen his writing, it’s sensational! He’s got another talent you probably don’t- [ stops himself ] ..He’d be embarrassed, if I, uh.. told you. Oh, well. [ a beat ] Cannibalism. I mean, uh.. [ catches himself ] I’m sorry.. did I say “cannibalism”? I meant, “skiing”. I must have been thinking of the.. Alps and the Andes, and that.. that.. thing.. well, what does it matter! He.. he skis and he’s a wonderful cook, and he goes up in that lodge in the Andes and he.. and he cooks, and uh.. Leg of White Men – stuff like that! He’s an incredible guy.

Now, let’s talk about Chevy. As you know, it’s his last show. And you probably think, from reading in the papers, that he’s going to Hollywood, he’s going to fame, fortune and all that garbage. He is not interested, he doesn’t give a hoot.. about his career. He is leaving this show Monday.. simply to be with Lloyd. They’re opening a dress shop together and with what Lloyd knows about business, and Chevy’s interest in, and knowledge about, women’s clothes, we know it’s going to be successful, and we wish them the very best and we’ll be right back!

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 2: Episode 6

76f: Buck Henry / The Band

Mr. Mike’s Least-Loved Bedtime Tales

Written by: Michael O’Donoghue

Mr. Mike…..Michael O’Donaghue

[A graphic reads: Least-Loved Bedtime Tales. Dissolveto that thin, bearded literary genius, MichaelO’Donoghue — perhaps better known as “Mr. Mike” –directly addressing the camera. He wears a dark suit,no tie, a white shirt open at the collar, dark glassesand an adhesive bandage on his left temple.]

Michael O’Donoghue: Good evening, I’m MichaelO’Donoghue and tonight’s Least-Loved Bedtime Tale’sentitled “The Enchanted Thermos” and it takes place inthe frozen north. Picture this: an Eskimo — in fact– in fact, the LITTLEST Eskimo — how’s that, huh?The LITTLEST Eskimo is lost in the trackless waste –cold, tired, half-dead from hunger. Then, in thedistance, he spots a brightly colored Thermos buriedin a snowdrift. He races toward it, his tiny heartpounding with excitement. Obviously, since he IS theLITTLEST Eskimo, he’d have a tiny heart, perhaps eventhe tiniest. Picking up the Thermos, he unscrews thered plastic top that also serves as a cup, pulls therubber stopper, and — kazam! — out pops a genie in aparka who says, “I can give you anything you want aslong as it’s made out of snow.” “I’m SO hungry,” saidthe Eskimo, “Could you please make me dinner?” “Surething,” replied the genie and within seconds he hadprepared a delicious dinner of snow cutlets stuffedwith snow, snow casserole, snow patties, snow salad, aside of snow, snow pudding, and a generous glass ofslush. “Oh, boy!” exclaimed the littlest Eskimo, tooka few bites and fell into a coma. About ten minuteslater, he was dead. The genie went through his pocketsand then crawled back inside the Thermos to get warm.The end. I would like to leave you with this thought.As you probably know, the fingernails do continue togrow after death so, in a sense — in a very realsense — we all turn into Chinese mandarins beyond thegrave. Good night.

[Dissolve to the graphic that reads: Least-LovedBedtime Tales.]

Submitted Anonymously

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 2: 1976-1977




The Complete Second Season on DVD

Starring:

Dan Aykroyd

John Belushi

Chevy Chase (last: 10/30/75)

Jane Curtin

Garrett Morris

Bill Murray (first: 01/15/76)

Laraine Newman

Gilda Radner

Written by:

Dan Aykroyd

Anne Beatts

John Belushi

Chevy Chase

Tom Davis

Jim Downey

Al Franken

Bruce McCall

Lorne Michaels

Marilyn Suzanne Miller

Bill Murray

Michael O’Donoghue

Herb Sargent

Tom Schiller

Rosie Shuster

Alan Zweibel

Episodes

09/18/76: Lily Tomlin / James Taylor

09/25/76: Norman Lear / Boz Scaggs

10/02/76: Eric Idle / Joe Cocker, Stuff

10/16/76: Karen Black / John Prine

10/23/76: Steve Martin / Kinky Friedman

10/30/76: Buck Henry / The Band

11/13/76: Dick Cavett / Ry Cooder

11/20/76: Paul Simon / George Harrison

11/27/76: Jodie Foster / Brian Wilson

12/11/76: Candice Bergen / Frank Zappa

01/15/77: Ralph Nader / George Benson

01/22/77: Ruth Gordon / Chuck Berry

01/29/77: Fran Tarkenton / Leo Sayer, Donny Harper Singers

02/20/77: Mardi Gras Special

02/26/77: Steve Martin / The Kinks

03/12/77: Sissy Spacek / Richard Baskin

03/19/77: Broderick Crawford / Levon Helm, Dr. John, The Meters

03/26/77: Jack Burns / Santana

04/09/77: Julian Bond / Tom Waits, Brick

04/16/77: Elliott Gould / Kate & Anna McGarrigle, Roslyn Kind

04/23/77: Eric Idle / Alan Price, Neil Innes

05/14/77: Shelley Duvall / Joan Armatrading

05/21/77: Buck Henry / Jennifer Warnes, Kenny Vance

Summary   “NBC’s Saturday Night” beats the competition – namely, ABC’s “Saturday Night Live with Howard Cosell”. Cosell’s comedy/variety show was cancelled by ABC, enabling NBC to retain the name for their comedy variety show. The show was shortened to just “Saturday Night” at the beginning of its sophomore season, but finally became “Saturday Night Live” towards the end of the season. They also gained custody of Bill Murray from Cosell’s show, a much-needed performer after “Weekend Update” anchorman Chevy Chase left the show to pursue a girl (and possibly a movie career) in California.

   One trivia note: a young, white-haired arrow-through-his-head comedian named Steve Martin made his hosting debut on this season’s fifth episode, catapulting him to stardom, guest-hosting stints on “The Tonight Show” and endless, corny movies. But, despite popular belief, he was never an actual cast member.

   Perhaps the biggest event of the season (literally, as part of NBC’s “Big Event” Sunday) occurred in the form of “SNL”‘s first prime-time special, performed live from New Orleans during Mardi Gras. Although the mobile broadcast was a disaster of epic proportions, it would not be the last time that “SNL” was broadcast outside of its Saturday night timeslot (thankfully, from its own studio where the unexpected could be better controlled).

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 2: Episode 1


]]>

Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:

Bit Players:


September 18th, 1976

Lily Tomlin

James Taylor

The Muppets

Taylor Mead

Tom Davis

Al Franken

Marilyn Suzanne Miller

Alan Zweibel

Michael O’Donoghue

Paul Shaffer
Lily’s ArrivalSummary: The cast waits for Lily Tomlin to arrive at Studio 8-H. She finally shows up with her entourage in tow and no intention of rehearsing for the show.

Montage

Lily Tomlin’s MonologueSummary: When the cameras go off, the audience sees how Lily Tomlin really feels about the show.

First Hosted: 75f.

Debate ’76Summary: President Ford (Chevy Chase) and Governor Jimmy Carter (Dan Aykroyd) cover strange ground during their first debate.

Recurring Characters: President Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter.

Note: Chevy Chase actually injures himself in the groin while falling over the podium. He will miss the next two shows while recovering from his injury.

Transcript

James Taylor performs “Shower The People”Bio: James Taylor (1948-). Singer/songwriter; married fellow singer/songwriter Carly Simon in 1972.

Also Performed: 78r, 79n, 87i, 91i, 93f.

Weekend Update with Chevy ChaseSummary: Laraine Newman reports from an outbreak of Foreign Legionnaire’s Disease at the Blaine Hotel. Emily Litella phones Chevy Chase to inquire about five “crustaceans” that hijacked an airplane.

Recurring Characters: Emily Litella.

The Phone CompanySummary: Telephone operator Ernestine (Lily Tomlin) says that the Phone Company doesn’t have to care about its consumers.

Transcript

The MuppetsSummary: In the final Muppets piece, the Muppets wake up in a morgue-like atmosphere, surprised that they didn’t officially make it to the second season. Lily Tomlin wanders downstairs to visit them and perform a final song.

James Taylor performs “Road Runner”

Tess & The SalesmanSummary: Christmas-loving Tess DiSenzo (Lily Tomlin) chats with real estate salesman Ralph Hopkins (Garrett Morris).

James Taylor performs “Sweet Baby James”

We Asked Judith BeasleySummary: Dan Aykroyd encourages housewife Judith Beasley (Lily Tomlin) to perform a series of crazy stunts around town.

Women In LiteratureSummary: Elna Sullivan’s (Laraine Newman) journal entries are devoid of depth.

Gary Weis FilmSummary: “Television Viewer” is Gary Weis’ premiere film for the new season, and it features writer/performer Taylor Mead’s thoughts on his neverending viewing of television programming.

First Appeared: 75n.

The Antler DanceSummary: Lily Tomlin and Payl Shaffer and the SNL Band lead the audience in a wild performance of “The Antler Dance”.

Goodnights

SNL Transcripts