Simu Liu Monologue

Simu Liu

[Starts with SNL monologue intro]

[Cut to SNL stage]

[Band is playing music]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Simu Liu.

[Simu Liu walks in and to the stage]

[cheers and applause]

Simu Liu: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. My name is Sima Liu. Some of you might know me from Marvel’s Shang Chi and the Legend of the 10 Rings. I am officially Marvel’s first openly Chinese superhero. I’m also the first Chinese host on SNL. to be the fourth Chinese toast on SNL. I’m actually Chinese Canadian and I am so happy to be here for the Thanksgiving show. Now, in Canada, Thanksgiving is actually in October and marks the start of the harvest season. Here in America, things are a little different. It’s a November and it marks the start of Black Friday week on Amazon Prime. But I do have a lot to be thankful for. Now, a lot of people ask me how I landed a role in a Marvel movie. The truth is I got Sang Chi how every Canadian gets their big break by asking politely back. No, no, no. For real. Back in 2014, and this is a true story, I tweeted, “Hey, Marvel, great job with Captain America and Thor. Now how about an Asian superhero?” And at the time, I think the tweet got like 10 likes, which was like 10 more than I usually got. But I worked hard. And five years later, Marvel did make their first Asian superhero movie. And after I got the part, I went online and tweeted, “Thanks for getting back to me.” Clearly. I’m Canadian.

Now, I really can’t believe my life right now because 10 years ago, I actually had a job dressing up as Spider Man for kids birthday parties. Which meant parents would pay me to entertain their kids while they were day drinking. I’ll never forget this one birthday boy’s name was Trevor. And like I don’t want to say anything bad about him, but let’s just say he was a real Trevor. Kicking my shins and screaming, “You’re not Spider Man. You’re not Spider Man.” And look, I don’t know if you’ve ever been kicked by a seven year old while wearing a $30 Walmart Spider Man suit but it will break you. It will break your spirit. But it also lit a fire under me. And I don’t know where he is now. But Trevor, if you’re watching, I just want to say you were right. I’m not Spider Man. I’m Shang Chi, bitch!

We got a great show for you tonight. Saweetie is here. So, stick around, we’ll be right back.

Jonathan Majors Monologue

Jonathan Majors

[Starts with SNL monologue intro]

[Cut to SNL stage]

[Band is playing music]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Jonathan Majors.

[Jonathan Majors walks in and to the stage]

[cheers and applause]

Jonathan Majors: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. I’m excited to be here. It’s exciting. My name is 1. I’m in a new Netflix The Harder They Fall alongside Edris Elba. It was fun. It was fun filming that movie. But if you ever want to feel bad about how you look, definitely spend two months standing right next to Edris Elba.

Growing up, I’m a military brat. My father was in the Air Force. My mother’s a pastor. So. hallelujah. And I moved around a lot. I like to say I was born in California, raised in Texas, educated in North Carolina, roughed up in New York City and then re educated in New Haven, Connecticut. Which I guess is my roundabout way of saying yeah, I went to Yale.

It’s wild. It’s really wild to be here on this stage. When they told me I was gonna host SNL. I said that’s impossible. For real. I mean, it’s been crazy. It’s been a crazy journey. When I was 17, I was homeless, living in my car, working at Red Lobster and Olive Garden. But you know what? I learned from that experience. You know what I learned? That Red Lobster and Olive Garden are owned by the same parent company. So, you can work in both places with no problem. Side note, it’s crazy how many people got their start at Red Lobster. Both Nicki Minaj and Chris Rock worked there. Now I don’t know what they put in them Cheddar Bay Biscuits but it’s working.

Really, that experience it taught me a lot. It taught me that work hard, if you trust the plan, great things can happen. I’ve got a beautiful daughter. I’m gonna be in the next Marvel Ant-man movie. Or as the black community likes to call it, not Black Panther. And now I am indeed hosting Saturday Night Live. I remember the moment when the way of all that kind of hit me, it finally sank in, I was laying in bed looking at the ceiling and all of a sudden, I got this huge burst of energy, excitement, boom, schedule boy. Something big just happened. And it was okay that it was big. You know? You couldn’t let that bigness scare you and I thought back to this advice my grandpa always gave me. He’d say, “Grandson, everything’s big at first. But you walk up on it, you face it, pretty soon is so small you can put it in your pocket.” Which incidentally is the tagline for the next Ant-man movie.

Alright, look. We got a great show for you all tonight. Taylor Swift is in the house. So, stick around. We’ll be right back.

Kieran Culkin Monologue

Kieran Culkin

[Starts with SNL monologue intro]

[Cut to SNL stage]

[Band is playing music]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Kieran Culkin .

[Kieran Culkin  walks in and to the stage]

[cheers and applause]

Kieran Culkin: Wow. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. I’m so happy to be here right now. I’m Kieran Culkin. For the past few years, I’ve been working on a show called Succession. I play Roman Roy. He’s one of the nicer characters on the show which still makes him one of the top 10 worst humans on TV. This thing happens. Sometimes people will be like, “You know, that part really suits you.” Which isn’t really a compliment. It’s sort of like going up to someone and saying, “You know what role will fit you like a glove? Giuliani.” Aww.

But it’s been a big year. My wife and I just welcomed our second child in August. [cheers and applause] I love being dad. It’s great. And I got asked to host Saturday Night Live. Which has always been– It’s just been a dream of mine. And I gotta say, my wife has been really supportive and just wonderful throughout the process but I have this feeling that she’s been terrified for me. Just very nervous and I think she thinks I’m gonna mess up or something, but Jazz, I don’t know where you are, there you are. I just want to assure you that everything is going to be fine because it doesn’t matter even if I do mess up and “Shame the family”. Thank you. We’re gonna be great.

I actually don’t think that’s gonna happen. That’s really not gonna happen tonight because this isn’t my first time being here. I have been on this very stage. I was on an episode of SNL back when my brother Mac hosted 30 years ago. Almost to the day. I was nine years old. I got to be in three sketches. Two of which are non problematic. That’s good. And at the end of the show, I got to be on the stage for the goodnights and I think we have a clip. Can we show it?

[Cut to an old clip of SNL. The casts are carrying Macauli Culkin on their shoulders and Kieran Culkin is down looking at him.]

So, there’s my brother. And the cast is lifting him up on their shoulders. And there boom. There I am. Clearly jealous. My brother’s up there. He’s got his arms up all like victorious and I’m down there on the ground like, “Me, I want uppies”. So, check out what I do next. I ask Kevin Nilen to pick me up. And he goes, “Yeah, okay, sure.” Just got handed out to the cameras. I don’t know what that was. Like, De Niro impression? I don’t know. Anyway, I wanted to show you that clip two reasons. One in the hopes that someone from the cast will pick me up again at the end of the show. And two, because I have waited 30 years to be back on this stage and say… We’ve got a greta show for you tonight. Ed Sheerran is here. Stick around, we’ll be right back.

Rami Malek Monologue

Rami Malek

[Starts with SNL monologue intro]

[Cut to SNL stage]

[Band is playing music]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, 1.

[Rami Malek walks in and to the stage]

[cheers and applause]

Rami Malek: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. I’m so excited to be here. My name is Rami Malek and I’m honored to be standing on this stage. You know, I’ve played a lot of dramatic roles in my career. Most recently, the new Bon villain. [cheers and applause] Thank you. But I don’t usually do comedy. Yes, I try to play these really intense characters which makes a lot of sense because people tell me I have what’s called a resting villain face. Like, this is my totally neutral. And I know most people would rather play the hero but weirdly, I’ve always been more drawn to villains. I sympathize with them, you know? In “Lion King”, I’m team Scar. I actually found Simba to be kind of annoying. You want to be king? You’re like, three years old. Relax! And in “Silence of the lambs”, I’m always like, “That poor Hannibal.” I mean, that lady just keeps coming in an asking him all these questions. It’s like, leave the guy alone, Clarice! I think a lot of the times villains are just misunderstood. For example, Jaw’s hungry, Dracula’s thirsty, Frankenstein is horny. I can keep going, Darth Vader is just trying to reconnect with his son. Freddie Kruger, encouraging kids to dream. But you know what? It’s nice to see villains finally getting some respect. I mean, Disney’s even made movies where the villain’s names are in the title, right? You got “Cruella”, “Malificent”, “Bambi”.

But look, honestly, I’m happy to play the villain. I’m so happy to be in movies. I never thought this would be my life. I’m a son of Egyptian immigrants and I had this kind of sheltered childhood. It was so sheltered, I grew up in the San Fernando valley in LA, but somehow I had no idea that I lived right next to Hollywood. Seriously, as a kid, I dreamed of going to the walk of fame, the sunset strip, and I truly thought that was a million miles away. And it was just a 10 minute drive. Well, it’s three hours with traffic.

But it was great. I loved growing up there with my family, my mom, my sister, my dad, and my twin brother. Yeah, I got a twin. And yes, he will be swapping places with me in one sketch tonight. And you’ll never know which one. It might even be right now. Nah, I’m kidding. It’s me, Rami. Or is it? No, it is.

But really, this is such a special night for me. Both of my siblings are here and I’m so proud of them. My brother’s a teacher. My sister’s an ER doctor. [cheers and applause] They are truly incredible people and they have devoted their lives to helping others. But I have an Oscar, so…

[cheers and applause]

We’ve got a great show for you tonight. Young Thug is here. So, stick around, we’ll be right back.

Kim Kardashian West Monologue

Kim Kardashian West

[Starts with SNL monologue intro]

[Cut to SNL stage]

[Band is playing music]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Kim Kardashian West.

[Kim Kardashian West walks in and to the stage]

[cheers and applause]

Kim Kardashian West: Thank you. Thank you guys so much. I’m Kim Kardashian West and it’s so great to be here tonight. I know. I’m surprised to see me here too. When they asked, I was like, “You want me to host? Why? I haven’t had a movie premiere in a really long time.” I mean actually, I only had that one movie come out and no one told me it was even premiering. It must have slipped my mom’s mind.

I’m excited to be here tonight to show you guys that I’m so much more than just a pretty face. [cheers and applause] But, and good hair, and great makeup, and amazing boobs and a perfect butt. Basically, I’m just so much more than that reference photo my sisters show their plastic surgeons. But the one thing that I’m really proud of is that no one could ever call me a gold digger. Honestly, I’m not even sure how you become one. So, I asked my mom’s boyfriend Corey.

I’ve been very lucky in life and I know that I’m privileged, which is why I try to give back as much as I can. A real passionate mind is getting wrongly accused people out of jail. [cheers and applause] Thank you. I think I’m following in my father’s footsteps. Now, my father was and still is such an influence and inspiration to me, and I credit him with really opening up my eyes to racial injustice. It’s because of him that I met my first black person. Do you want to take a stab in the dark of who it was? I know it’s sort of weird to remember the first black person you met, but O.J. does leave a mark, or several, or none at all. I still don’t know.

Listen, I’m an influencer. So, I understand that the things that I say carry weight. But I would never tell anyone what they can or can’t do. Remember, I’m a Kim, not a Karen. And honestly with all of the ‘K’ names, it’s really impressive that my mom didn’t pick Karen. I mean, somehow she just knew. I don’t know how she saw that one coming and not Katlyn.

Now, I know we’re divided as a country but I love America to come together. Which is why I’m here to announce that I’m running for– I’m just kidding guys. I’m not running for president. We can’t have three failed politicians in one family.

I’ve been very blessed in this life and I’m grateful for everything. Honestly, all the ups, all the downs. I mean, I married the best rapper of all time. Not only that, he’s the richest black man in America. A talented legit genius who gave me four incredible kids. [cheers and applause] So, when I divorced him, you have to know it came down to just one thing. His personality. I know that sounds mean but people keep telling me that comedy comes from truth. And if there’s one thing that I always thrived to be, it’s genuine. So, I just want to say how incredibly excited I am to be up here on this stage tonight. I mean, I’m so used to having 360 million followers watching my every move. I mean, how many people watch SNL? 10 million? So, tonight it’s just a chill intimate night for me.

So, we have a really great show for you tonight. Halsey is here. So, stick around and we’ll be right back.

Owen Wilson Monologue

Owen Wilson

[Starts with SNL monologue intro]

[Cut to SNL stage]

[Band is playing music]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Owen Wilson.

[Owen Wilson walks in and to the stage]

[cheers and applause]

Owen Wilson: Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Hello. Yes, we are doing it. The season premiere of Saturday Night Live. [cheers and applause] Now, a lot has changed since the last season. The vaccine came out everywhere except Florida. The rest of the country went back to normal for about a week and a half. But it is wonderful to be here around people again. I’ve got my two brothers here.

[cut to Owen Wilson’s brothers sitting at the audience]

[cheers and applause]

Now, first, I’m a little bit nervous to be here but I’m gonna use something I learned growing up being a middle child where sometimes you’re the forgotten one, so you got to tap into this feeling with your parents. It’s kind of, “Hey, get a load of me.” Of course, if you tap into that feeling too much, you may find yourself at military school in New Mexico at 16 like I did. My dad always said he was the charter member of the 3-7-9-0 club. Three sons, seven high schools, nine colleges, zero degrees. Which was actually pretty generous of my dad to put it like that because my brothers only went to one high school and college each.

But listen, I’m excited to be here doing something live. I mean, this is what musicians talk about where you get that instant feedback from the crowd because of course, when you do a movie, you do it and you wait a year to hear how you did. But that’s not the case tonight. Reviews will be coming in immediately. People are probably tweeting reviews right now. And I know they say, “Don’t read reviews”, or actually they say, “If you read the good ones, you got to read the bad ones.” That’s not true. I just read the good ones. I really find that the bad ones, they don’t really speak to me in the same way. Plus now, Rotten Tomatoes has that green thing to tell you which ones to stay away from. Although, every once in a while, a bad one will make it pass my radar. I remember one bad one years ago that said “Owen Wilson’s on screen persona has all the ambition of an old golden retriever laying next to a fire.” And it just kind of got worse from there.

And to be honest, I probably have been guilty at times of coasting a little, taking my foot off the pedal, but I’ll tell you what. When Daniel Day-Lewis retired and all that pressure landed on my shoulders, everything changed. And that’s when I knew I had to do Cars-3 and really– [audience laughing] And really, that’s what tonight’s about. Taking chances. Spreading your wings as an artist. But you don’t want to go crazy. You got to paste yourself. And is it worst thing in the world being a golden retriever laying next to a fire? I mean, I know everyone comes out here and says, “It’s going to be a great show!” Is it? I don’t know. I mean, I’m betting on it, of course. I’m betting on a lot of things lately. I’ve a bit of gambling problem. But hey, when we lose on the rooms, we make on the sandwiches. Right? So, I guess what I’m trying to say is put on your coziest flannel and maybe we just chill out for the next 90 minutes. Close your eyes, get comfy. Now I know they said, “Owen, come on. We don’t want to encourage people to be sleeping.” Yes, but also I’m not going to stand here and tell people not to dream. And in my America, most people dream better with their eyes closed. Now come on, who’s with me?

We have a great show for you tonight. Kacey Musgraves is here.  So, stick around and we’ll be right back.

Anya Taylor-Joy Monologue

Anya Taylor-Joy

[Starts with SNL monologue intro]

[Cut to SNL stage]

[Band is playing music]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Anya Taylor-Joy.

[Anya Taylor-Joy walks in and to the stage]

[cheers and applause]

Anya Taylor-Joy: Thank you. Thank you very, very much. Goodness, it is such an honor to be here hosting the season finale of Saturday Night Live. And this show is even more special because it’s the first time this year, we have a completely full audience fully vaccinated. But if you’re feeling nervous sitting so close to another person, just picture them naked. Wait, just kidding. We’ve all been inside for a year. Everybody is picturing everybody naked. Now that you’re hearing my accent, you may be surprised to know I was born in Miami, raised between– [cheers] Oh, nice. Raised between Argentina and London, and my first language is Spanish. So, legally my ethnicity is fashion week.

I was lucky enough to be on a show called “The Queen’s Gambit”. I’m so proud of it. For those of you who didn’t see it, what were you doing all quarantine? It was “Tiger King” and “Queen’s Gambit”. That was the only new TV for months. I’m happy to say that after watching the show, millions of people bought chess sets and dozens of them actually learned how to play. But if you’re one of those people that think chess is too difficult, don’t worry, it’s not. And I’m going to teach you a secret I learned on this show. So, no matter what your skill level is, your very first chess move should always be this. [putting her both hands below her chin] And if you’re really advanced, you just do one of these. [she puts her both hands below her chin again, and this time raises her eyebrows.] And that’s how you play chess, guys.

Being on the Queen’s Gambit really helped me prepare to host SNL. I just thought, “Okay, if I get nervous, I’ll take a handful of green pills and follow the cue cards and the dots. [music playing] Oh, wait. It’s kicking in now. Um-hmm. [she looks above]

[Cut to all cue cards being mumble-jumbled in the air. Then the cue cards form a chess board. The Chess pieces have SNL cast members’ faces on them.]

[Cut back to Anya Taylor-Joy]

Okay, if you saw that, that means you did drugs too.

Before we begin, it would mean the world to me to start the show in my native language, so you guys don’t mind, do you? Is that okay?

[cheers and applause]

In which case… [foreign language]

We will be right back.

Keegan-Michael Key Monologue

Keegan-Michael Key

[Starts with SNL monologue intro]

[Cut to SNL stage]

[Band is playing music]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Keegan-Michael Key.

[Keegan-Michael Key walks in and to the stage]

[cheers and applause]

Keegan-Michael Key: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Oh, wow. Man, this has been an incredible week, folks. Masks are coming off. What? Life is getting back to normal. And I am hosting SNL. What? I have been a super fan of this show ever since I was a little kid. I grew up a block south of 8-mile road in Detroit and I used to sneak down stairs to watch SNL every week. And if you had told that kid that one day he would be standing here on this stage, he’d probably would have been too busy stealing your wallet to have heard what you said, but I’e come a long way since then and I am so honored to be here. And because of that, I am going to make the most of it.

[music playing]

[singing] I’m going to do it all tonight
every single SNL thing tonight
sketches and voices and song tonight
like the one I’m singing now

Oh, costume change.

[he pulls out his outfit, but inside, he’s wearing the same thing.]

Right? I mean, I know. It’s the same outfit but come on, it’s a really great tuxedo.


I’m going to have a blast tonight
kiss every member of the cast tonight

and thins will be complete tonight
till I get a tattoo from Pete tonight.

[Pete Davidson walks in]

Pete: Alright. I’m ready, man. Take your pants off.

Keegan-Michael Key: What? Maybe we’ll do that after the show.

Pete: Ah! That’s what Elon said, man.

Keegan-Michael Key: [singing] I’m going to go for broke tonight
really hope that I don’t choke tonight
but if I do it’s okay tonight
because I’m still getting paid.

[Cecily Strong walks in]

Cecily: Hey, Keegan.

Keegan-Michael Key: Cecily! I am so glad you’re here. I was so worried they were going to send some big celebrity to help me with my monologue.

Cecily: No. Just me. I just came out to say we got a ton of shows. So, maybe just jump to the finale?

Keegan-Michael Key: Oh. Okay. Yes.

[singing] Interesting idea
Thanks for the suggestion
but what if instead I let the audience ask me a question?

Yes, you sir.

Guy: Hi, big fan. What was it like winning an Oscar for “Get Out”?

Keegan-Michael Key: Oh! So close. Yes. Try again.

Guy: Who is your favorite cast member?

Keegan-Michael Key: Oh, that’s good.

[Kenan Thompson walks in]

Kenan: Oh! Are my ears burning?

Keegan-Michael Key: Wow, Kenan. Are you joining me to sing a verse?

Kenan: Actually, no. I just wanted to stand next to you so that everybody can see that we are two different people. And we have two different names.

Keegan-Michael Key: Yes. That is true. I am Keegan with a G.

Kenan: Yes. And I am Kenan with an N, as in Kenan has been in S-N-L or many, many years.

Keegan-Michael Key: So, now that we’ve cleared that up, let’s bring it home.

[Cecily Strong walks in]

Kenan and Cecily: [singing] He’s going to do it all tonight

sketches and voices and songs tonight

Keegan-Michael Key: [singing] Nothing can possibly go wrong tonight

All: Coz everything’s coming up, Keegan
now let’s start the show

Keegan-Michael Key: We’ve got a great show for you tonight. Olivia Rodrigo is here. Stick around and we’ll be right back.

Elon Musk Monologue

Elon Musk

[Starts with SNL monologue intro]

[Cut to SNL stage]

[Band is playing music]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Elon Musk.

[Elon Musk walks in and to the stage]

[cheers and applause]

Elon: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. It’s an honor to be hosting Saturday Night Live. I mean that. Sometimes, after I say something, I have to say “I mean that” so people really know I mean it. That’s because I don’t always have a lot of intonation or variation in how I speak. Which I’m told makes for great comedy. I’m actually making history night as the first person with Aspergers to host SNL. [cheers and applause] Or at least the first to admit it. So, I won’t make a lot of eye contact with the cast tonight. But don’t worry, I’m pretty good at running ‘human’ in emulation mode.

I’d first like to share with you my vision for the future. I believe in a renewable energy future. I believe that humanity must become a multi planetory space baring civilization. Those seem like exciting goals, don’t they? Now I think, if I just posted that on Twitter, I’d be fine. But I also write things like [Cut to Elon Musk’s tweet] “69 days after 4/20 again haha”. [Cut back to Elon Musk] I don’t know. I thought it was funny. That’s why I wrote ‘haha’ at the end.

Look, I know I sometimes say or post strange things, but that’s just how my brain works. To anyone offended, I just want to say I reinvented electric cars and I’m sending people to Mars in a rocket ship. Did you think I’m also going to be a chill normal dude?

Now, a lot of times people are reduced to the dumbest thing they ever did. Like one time, I smoked weed on Joe Rogan’s pocast. And now, all the time I hear, “Elon Musk, all he does is smoke weed on podcast.” Like I go to podcast to podcast lighting up joints. It happened once. It’s like producing OJ Simpson to “Murderer”. That was one time. Fun fact, OJ also hosted the show in 79, and again in 96. Killed both times.

One reason I’ve always loved SNL is because it’s genuinely live. A lot of people don’t realize that. We’re actually live right now. Which means I could say something cruelly shocking like, “I drive a Prius”.

SNL is also a great way to learn something new about the host. For example, this is my son’s name. [His son’s name appears on the screen] It’s pronounced – cat running across keyboard.

Another thing people want to know is what was I like as a kid? The answer is pretty much the same as now but smaller. But we’ll also ask my mother who is here tonight.

[Elon Musk ‘s mother walks in]

[cheers and applause]

Her name is Maye, like a month but with the ‘e’ at the end.

Elon’s Mom: Thanks for spelling my name, Elon.

Elon: Mom, do you remember when I was 12 and I created my own video game called ‘Blast Star’ about a space ship that battles aliens?

Elon’s Mom: I do. I remember they paid you $500 but you were too young to open a bank account, so I had to open one for you.

Elon: That’s right. What happened to that bank account?

Elon’s Mom: That’s not important. You turned that video game about space into reality.

Elon: Unless you consider that our reality might be a video game and we’re all just computer simulations being played by a teenager on another planet.

Elon’s Mom: That’s great, Elon. Well, break a leg tonight. I love you very much.

Elon: I love you too, mom.

Elon’s Mom: And I’m excited for my Mother’s Day gift. I just hope it’s not Dogecoin.

Elon: It is. It sure is. Okay. We’ve got a great show for you tonight. Miley Cyrus is here. So, stick around, we’ll be right back.

Carey Mulligan Monologue

Carey Mulligan

[Starts with SNL monologue intro]

[Cut to SNL stage]

[Band is playing music]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Carey.

[Carey walks in and to the stage]

[cheers and applause]

Carey: Thank you. Thank you very much. Oh my goodness. Thank you. So wonderful to be here. They just told me I’m the first English person to ever host this show. And I’m saying that out loud, I realize that couldn’t possibly be true. Forget I said that. People in America are always saying the nicest things to me. Like, “I loved you in ‘Brokeback Mountain’. You were amazing in ‘Fosse/Verdon’.” And I used to say, “Oh, sorry. That’s Michelle Williams.” But now, I just say, “Thank you. I am Michelle Williams.”

I spent the last year at quarantining in the English country side with my husband and my two small children which is the beginning of the most horror movies. So, it’s very exciting to be somewhere where shops are open. Yes. Very exciting. I never thought I’d say this, but walking into a banana republic was a magical experience. Big day for me. I’m used to working on these really dramatic films. But then production stopped for a year. So instead, I had to channel all of that dramatic energy into my children’s bedtime stories. They became a lot longer. Lots of recently divorced dragons and unicorns with secret pill habits. My kids would be like, “Mum, please. It’s two in the morning. Let us sleep.”

So, I’m very excited to be here tonight and let some of that energy out. I’m also very excited to be here because my husband was actually musical guest three times, Marcus Mumford from the band ‘Mumford and sons’. Or as I like to call it, ‘my husband and sons’. But he couldn’t be here tonight. So, he’s at home watching the children. So, hi babe, love.

Marcus: Love you too. Hi, Carey. It’s me. It’s me Marcus Mumford from the band ‘Mumford and sons’.

Carey: Yes, darling. I know. What a surprise. Hello. Lovely to see you. Um, where are the kids?

Marcus: I left them with the sons. Couldn’t miss this for the world. You’re going to smash it, really, SNL. This is amazing.

Carey: Thank you, darling.

Marcus: Just be sure to soak in because after it’s over, you’re going to think about it all the time. Like, all the time.

Carey: Okay. Good to know.

Marcus: And I meant to ask, do you know if they’ve booked a musical guest for tonight?

Carey: They did. Yes.

Marcus: Okay, you’re sure?

Carey: Yes. Quite sure.

Marcus: Well, if they end up needing anyone, I’m very happy to do it.

Carey: That’s generous. But I think we’ve got it covered.

Marcus: [putting his guitar belt on] Really? I have my guitar just so–

Carey: I won’t. Thank you darling. But before we begin, I would just like to say a massive [Marcus starts playing guitar] thank you to the– Babe? Babe? Babe?

Marcus: Sorry. I thought you were giving me the signal.

Carey: What signal?

Marcus: Our secret couple signal for ‘please play the guitar’.

Carey: I’m alarmed that you think we have that. Come on, you’re being that guy who takes an acoustic guitar out at a party.

Marcus: People love that guy.

Carey: Alright. How about this? Do you remember the bit of the end of monologue where the host says the musical guest and that we have a great show and we’ll be back– [Marcus gets on the stage] Whoa!

Marcus: I do. I really do.

Carey: Okay. Would you like to play the guitar while I say that part?

Marcus: Extremely yes.

[Marcus start splaying guitar]

Carey: We’ve got a great show for you tonight. Kid Cudi is here. Stick around and we’ll be right back.