Eric: …..Beck Bennett
Woman 1…..Heidi Gardner
Woman 2…..Melissa Villaseñor
Connor…..Kyle Mooney[ There is a campfire with marshmallows roasting on a stick. The screen reads, ‘A Frightening Tale’ in bloody red letters as a deep creepy voice says, “A frightening tale”. ] [ Five people sit in the dark around a campfire in the woods. A couple of them are roasting marshmallows.]
Eric: It’s the man with the claw!!!
Woman 1: Ahhhhhhh!
Eric: Ha ha ha.
Woman 2: Man, I can’t believe scary stories still work on me.
Woman 1: What about you Brandon? Do you got any good ones?
Brandon: Maybe we should just, turn in.
Man: Oh come on, man.
Woman 1: It’d be very nice to hear a story if you got one, Brandon.
Brandon: Fine. You want to be scared? I got a story. Only thing is it’s not a story. It’s real. And it happened to me. About two years ago, when I was still at the ad agency. I got a call from my dad.
Eric: What’d he say say?
Brandon: He asked me if I could get a coffee, with his friend’s son.
Man: Well, that’s no big deal. Right?
Brandon: A 22-year old, recent college grad, and aspiring filmmaker.[ Everyone around the campfire listening to Brandon screams. ]
Woman 1: So did you do it?
Brandon: Yep. His name was Connor. And he had a lot to say.[ Cut to the coffee shop where Brandon is sitting with Connor. ]
Connor: What’s with movies these days? Everything is just a reboot, franchise, or sequel? Hollywood has no original ideas. It’s always guy meets girl. Girl dumps guy. Guy gets back with girl. That’s why when I make my movies, things are actually going to be different. Trust me.
Brandon: Right.[ Cut back to the campfire circle. ]
Eric: So his take was that basic?
Brandon: Exactly. But like he was the first person who ever said it.
Woman 2: How long were you there?
Brandon: Two and a half hours. He really wanted to break down the state of the industry.[ Cut back to the coffee shop with Connor. ]
Connor: CGI. Since when is every movie based on a video game? Or a frickin’ roller coaster. It’s like ‘Hello Hollywood, can you actually make something about real people?’ That’s why for my movies they should have a warning that plays before it that says ‘This movie might actually make you think’. I really like talking to you.[ Cut back to the campfire. Woman 2 is crying with her face in her hands. ]
Eric: Hold on, this is crazy! He had a backup plan, right?
Brandon: No, just film.
Woman 2: Did he have any ideas? Like did he tell what his movies were going to be about?
Brandon: Oh yeah. He had an idea.[ Cut back to the coffee shop with Connor. ]
Connor: Dude, this should be a movie. Just like you and me talking about movies. That’s what real life is.[ Cut back to the campfire. Eric screams. ]
Woman 1: Then you left, right?
Brandon: I tried. But that’s when he said, man….[ Cut back to the coffee shop with Connor. ]
Connor: Hey, cool if I get your number?[ Cut back to the campfire. Woman is flailing her arms. ]
Woman 1: STOP!
Woman 2: Did he ever call you?
Brandon: No. No, no, no. He texted. [ He pulls out his cell phone to reveal a full page of texts from Connor. ]
Voiceover of Connor: 3D, dude, hurts my eyes. [ The people around the campfire start screaming. The man vomits. ] Dammit, popcorn’s so expensive. Kinda feels like TV is the new movies. [ Brandon starts scrolling through the texts with his finger. ] Happy Thanksgiving brother.
Woman 1: There are so many!
Eric: But he has to leave you alone eventually, right? He can’t just keep texting you and trying to pick your brain forever?
Brandon: No, he stays with me. Unless I can introduce him to someone else he can talk to. That’s how the curse works.
Eric: You’re not gonna do that, right?
Brandon: I’m so sorry.
Eric: No! [ A hand reaches down onto Eric’s shoulder. ] [ Connor is now standing behind Eric at the campfire. ]
Connor: Hey, man, Eric. Right? You remember my podcast? We talked about classic Hollywood film.