Tag: Beck Bennett

Cut for Time: Cars | Season 44 Episode 7

Aunt Pinky… Claire Foy

Danny… Beck Bennett

Kenny… Kyle Mooney

[A while house in a peaceful neighborhood. Cut to Daniel and Aunt Pinky sitting on a couch. Daniel is eating his popcorn loudly.]

Aunt Pinky: Wow. [Cut to Aunt Pinky] Somebody likes his corn.

[Cut to Kenny coming in from the back door on his Downhill Derby car]

Kenny: Hey, hey, hey.

Daniel: [Cut to Daniel] What’s that?

Kenny: [Cut to everybody in the room] It’s my car for the Downhill Derby tomorrow.

Daniel: [Cut to Daniel] Where did you get it?

Kenny: [Cut to Kenny] I built it with my dad.

Daniel: [Cut to Daniel] Aunt Pinky, can you help me build a car for the [Cut to Kenny shaking his head] Downhill Derby?

Aunt Pinky: Of course. [Daniel and aunt Pinky hug] Bye. [Aunt Pinky leaves the room]

Daniel: Bye. [Aunt Pinky leaves the room]

Kenny: [Cut to Daniel and Kenny] Excuse me. You’re going to let a girl help you?

Daniel: And what’s wrong with that?

Kenny: Everyone knows girls don’t have car brands. They have [Cut to Kenny] doll brands. [Kenny laughs out loud. He picks up a flower vase from the table and hits Daniel on his head with it]

[Daniel is upset]

[Cut to the backyard of the house. Aunt Pinky is building the car]

Daniel: Hmm, are you sure that goes there?

Aunt Pinky: [Cut to aunt Pinky] Pretty sure. It is the steering wheel after all.

Kenny: [Cut to Kenny walking in] What do you call that piece of junk?

Aunt Pinky: We call it first place winner. [Daniel acts proud]

Kenny: Well it looks like a fucking piece of junk.

Aunt Pinky: [Cut to aunt Pinky. She stands up] Oh yeah? Hey, Daniel, hop in. Let’s show him what we’ve got. [Cut to everybody.

Daniel: You got it. [Daniel gets in the car]

Aunt Pinky: Ready, set, go. [As soon as aunt Pinky pushes the car, the front wheel of the car breaks] [ Kenny laughs out loud]

Kenny: [Cut to Kenny] What you got is no chance. Bye girls. [Kenny picks up the flower pot on the floor and hits Daniels head with his helmet on with it]

[Daniel is upset]

[Cut to aunt Pinky and Daniel. Aunt Pinky is checking the car]

Aunt Pinky: Hmm, I think I found the problem. [Cut to aunt Pinky] I can fix this in no time.

Daniel: [Cut to Daniel] No, don’t fix anything. Let’s just forget about the race.

Aunt Pinky: [Cut to aunt Pinky] Are you upset about the wheel?

Daniel: I’m not upset. [Cut to aunt Pinky and Daniel] I just changed my mind. I’m the kid. It happens. [Daniel picks up a doll and gives it to his aunt] Here, play with this. [Daniel storms inside the house with anger. Aunt is hurt.]

[Cut to aunt Pinky working on the car. Daniel opens the door and steps out]

Daniel: Aunt Pinky, you’re still working on the car?

Aunt Pinky: [Cut to aunt Pinky] Yeah, it’s my passion. [Aunt Pinky stands up] So, why did you quit?

Daniel: Because Kenny said Girls can’t build cars.

Aunt Pinky: That’s wrong. Girls can do anything boys can do.

Daniel: [Cut to Daniel] Oh, I didn’t know that. Hey aunt Pinky, can I unquit?

Aunt Pinky: Sure. Grab a paintbrush. [Cut to aunt Pinky] We have a race to win.

Race Announcer: Welcome to the annual Downhill Derby.

[Cut to Kenny on his car acting over-confident]

Kenny: Well, if it isn’t my next victim. Your car looks like garbage.

Daniel: Fuck you [Cut to Daniel] you fucking piece of shit.

Kenny: [Cut to Kenny] I wish my dad was here.

Aunt Pinky: [Cut to aunt Pinky, with race flags on her both hands] Ready, set, [Kenny and Daniel get ready to race] go.

Race Announcer: And they’re off. [A black man and an Asian woman are cheering for the race]

[As Kenny and Daniel race, Kenny’s car gets on fire.]

Aunt Pinky: Go, go, go. [Cheering for Daniel]

[Kenny is running. He’s on fire.]

Kenny: I’m on fire.

Race Announcer: And Daniel wins.

[Daniel crosses the finish line]

Aunt Pinky: [Cut to aunt Pinky cheering] You did it.

[Kenny is still on fire and running here and there]

[Daniel stands on his car proudly]

Daniel: Wow, I did it. I did it. [Aunt Pinky comes to Daniel][Cut to Aunt Pinky and Daniel]Boys rule.

Aunt Pinky: Wait, no that’s—[Cut to the outro of the show]

Space Thanksgiving | Season 44 Episode 6

Ruler TA (Tate) of Klurds…Kenan Thompson

Tutrisha (TA’s Daughter)…Melissa Villaseñor

Kern….Pete Davidson

Earth space travelers….Steve Carell, Beck Bennet, Cecily Strong, Leslie Jones

[Starting with a shot of outer space station]

Beck: Will the aliens be joining us for our [four astronauts getting ready for thanksgiving dinner] thanksgiving feast?

Cecily: Oh, you mean the Klergs? Yeah.

Captain: Good, I look forward to sampling some of the products here on Argos-9. [Cut to Linda and Captain]

Linda: I love exotic foods.

Captain: Oh, look, it’s the Klergs. [Cut to everyone sitting in the dining hall, the Klergs are entering from the door with food]

TA: [Cut to TA and Tutrisha] Greetings, people of earth. I am ruler TA, short for Tank.

Tutrisha: Father, should I offer them the kern?

TA: Yes, Tutrisha, [Cut to everyone sitting in the dining hall] offer them other kern.

Captain: Kern, what is cern?

Linda: Oh, it looks like out corn [Cut to Linda and Beck] but its purple.

TA: [Cut to TA and Tutrisha] Yes, our Kern is much like your corn. It has lots of tiny, delicious cornels on it.

Captain: [Cut to Captain] Oh, you mean Kernels?

TA: [Cut to TA and Tutrisha] No, your corn has kernels, but our kern has cornels.

Cecily: [Cut to Captain and Cecelia] What a small fascinating universe.

TA: [Cut to TA and Tutrisha] It is customary for visitor to partake of our kern.

Tutrisha: It’s for good fortune.

Captain: [Cut to Captain and Cecelia] I guess this is the famous Klerg hospitality we’ve heard so much about. I can’t wait to enjoy the tasty cornels of kern. [Captain takes a bite]

Kern: [Cut to Kern with a face speaking] No, don’t eat me! This hurts me!

Captain: [Cut to Captain and Cecelia] Is it kern talking?

Cecily: Is it alive [Cut to TA and Tutrisha] right now?

TA: No, these are just the kern sounds.

Tutrisha: The sound the kern makes.

Linda: [Cut to Linda and Beck] It’s delicious, y’all!

Kern: [Cut to Kern with a face speaking] Ow, the pain lady! Please stop eating me!

Captain: [Cut to Linda and Beck] Linda, stop eating the kern.

Linda: Just one more bite.

Kern: [Cut to Kern with a face speaking] This hurts like hell. Stop.

Captain: [Cut to Captain and Linda] Linda, please it may be conscious!

Linda: Sorry, it reminds me of my earth picnics, of eating corn on the cob.

TA: [Cut to TA and Tutrisha] You mean kern on the curb?

Captain: [Cut to Captain and Linda] I want to try to communicate with it.

TA: [Cut to TA and Tutrisha] Why? It has no errs to herr. [Referring as to ‘ears to hear’]

Captain: [Cut to everyone sitting in the dining hall] Please, let me try. Hello, [Cut to Captain, Linda and Cecelia] can you hear me? Are you okay?

Kern: [Cut to Kern with a face speaking] Help us. The Klergs are trying to destroy our race. We can’t run from him because we don’t have the lergs okay? Lergs!

Captain: [Cut to everyone sitting in the dining hall] Excuse us TA, I need to speak to my crew. [Cut to humans whispering] The kern said it has no lergs to run from the klergs.

Beck: TA told us it’s customary to eat the cornels from the kern.

Cecily: But actually we’re helping the klergs wipe out the kern.

Linda: What do we do?

Captain: Follow me lead. I have a plan. Ruler TA.

TA: More kern, captain?

Captain: Oh, [Cut to TA and Tutrisha] Hell yes. [Cut to humans] Who cares about some kern. Let’s enjoy this thanksgiving.

TA: [Cut to everyone sitting in the dining hall] Oh, well tomorrow I will show you around the planot.

Linda: Captain, this kern is crazy delicious!

Kern: Hey bitch! I said stop. [Cut to Kern with a face speaking] Bitch I said stop. : [Cut to everyone sitting in the dining hall]

Beck: It’s good, right?

TA: Bye bye.

Beck: Is it good?

Captain: Let’s all eat! Everyone, let’s eat the kern! [Cut to the shot of outer space station]

 

Friends-giving | Season 44 Episode 6

Charles…Kenan Thompson

Beth….Kate McKinnon

[Starting with a house in a peaceful neighborhood]

Kenan Thompson: Oh, my goodness, the food looks [Cut to everybody having thanksgiving] and smells amazing.

Leslie Jones: Charles, you made it. Stop fishing for compliments.

Beck Bennett: Well it does look great!

Kate McKinnon: Yeah, what are we waiting for? Let’s eat.

Cecily Strong: Oh guys. [Cut to Cecily and Steve] Thanks again for letting your new neighbor tag along to your Friendsgiving.

Steve Carell: Hey, I’m a straggler too.

Cecily Strong: Oh, cool.

Leslie Jones: [Cut to Leslie and Kenan] That’s what neighbors are for.

Steve Carell: Yeah, [Cut to Cecily and Steve] I’m secretly happy that my flight was canceled because I’m afraid of my parent’s dog. It’s like a poodle wolf, it knocks me down, and dominates me.

Kate McKinnon: [Cut to Kate and Beck] That’s weird. You know what I’ve been thinking about, there are no thanksgiving songs.

Leslie Jones: [Cut to Leslie and Kenan] Are there none?

Kenan Thompson: No, there are some. I mean what about “Coming around the mountain”?

Beck Bennett: Oh, [Cut to Kate and Beck] it’s not really a thanksgiving song.

Cecily Strong: No, [Cut to Cecily and Steve] what about the [Cecily starts humming the song]

Steve Carell: Oh yeah, like the rock song. [Steve starts humming]

Cecily Strong: Yeah [dug dug dug…]

Kate McKinnon: [Cut to Cecily and Beck] I guess that proves there’s no famous thanks giving songs.

Cecily Strong: No, no. [Cut to Cecily and Steve] This one’s famous. You know it.

Caught his eye on turkey day as we both bake pumpkin pie

Steve Carell: She flashed a little smile my way can she tell I am shy.

Cecily Strong: Yes, that’s it, yes! [Cut to Leslie and Kenan]

Kenan Thompson: Yeah. No, I definitely don’t know that one. Why don’t we just eat?

Steve Carell: [Cut to Cecily and Steve] Oh no, you know it. Hey, you know what? Why don’t you sing the girl’s parts, and I’ll sing the guy’s parts.

Cecily Strong: Yeah, great, we’ll sing it and then they’ll know it.

Steve Carell: Yeah.

Leslie Jones: [Cut to Leslie and Kenan] You guys don’t have to do this. We don’t have to know.

Cecily Strong: [Cut to Cecily and Steve] I took his hand

Steve Carell: She took my hand

Together Cecily Strong and Steve Carell: We walked into the shed

Kate McKinnon: [Cut to Kate and Beck] And you two don’t know each other?

Together Cecily Strong and Steve Carell: [Cut to Cecily and Steve] No.

Our clothes came off we never said a word

Steve Carell: My thing got scared and my face got red

Leslie Jones: [Cut to Leslie and Kenan] This is not a thanksgiving song.

Cecily Strong: [Cut to Cecily and Steve] Why, what do you mean?

Steve Carell: No, well, it takes place on turkey day, it’s actually kind of a—

Together Cecily Strong and Steve Carell: Cool, sad story.

Kate McKinnon: [Cut to Kate and Beck] His thing got scared?

Cecily Strong: [Cut to Cecily and Steve] Yeah, cause he’s shy.

Beck Bennett: [Cut to Kate and Beck] Okay, we trust you, yeah, it’s a famous thanksgiving rock song.

Cecily Strong: [Cut to Cecily and Steve] You know it if you’d heard the music.

Steve Carell: Oh, you know what? I saw a synthesizer in the closet when I was hanging up my coat. Okay.

Kenan Thompson: You know what, [Cut to Cecily, Steve, Leslie and Kenan] I don’t think that has any batteries actually.

Cecily Strong: I have double As right here.

Steve Carell: Oh, perfect. [Cut to Cecily and Steve] You ready?

Cecily Strong: Yeah, yeah.

Cecily Strong: Side my side in the nude

That’s how we spent our night

Steve Carell: Never touching sometimes crying
pretending we’re all right

Cecily Strong: His thing woke up

Steve Carell: For just a sec

Together Cecily Strong and Steve Carell: But then got scared again [Cut to Leslie and Kenan]

Cecily Strong: The sun came up [Cut to Cecily and Steve] the squirrel walked in

Steve Carell: We laughed and cried again

Cecily Strong: Wait, then there’s a spoken part.

Steve Carell: Oh yeah.

Cecily Strong: “It’s morning, I have to go.”

Steve Carell: “But I’m embarrassed. I failed you!”

Kate McKinnon: [Cut to Kate and Beck] Are they German?

Kenan Thompson: [Cut to Leslie and Kenan] Yeah, they don’t even have thanksgiving there.

Cecily Strong: [Cut to Cecily and Steve] “You didn’t fail me. You tried your best, and I love you. Goodbye!”

Steve Carell: “Wait, what’s your name? Wow! What a turkey day night!”

I never saw her face again

Cecily Strong: And she never saw his thing

Steve Carell: Now every turkey day that comes

Together Cecily Strong, Steve Carell and Leslie Jones: [Leslie joins Cecily and Steve] They have this cool rock song to sing.

Kenan Thompson: Oh, so you know this?

Leslie Jones: Yes, I guess I do!

Beck Bennett: [Cut to Kate and Beck] Oh, wait, is it this? [Kate and Beck standing up]

Now every turkey day that comes

Kate McKinnon: They think of how they missed their chance

Kenan Thompson: [Cut to Kenan] Our lives are short, our love is real

Everybody: [Cut to everybody singing and dancing] Now we do the turkey dance

Our lives are short and love is real

Now we do the turkey dance.

Kenan Thompson: Wow, man I can’t believe we all knew that song.

Steve Carell: [Cut to Steve] Or maybe it was just the magic of thanksgiving. [Cut to everybody. Cecily is missing] Wait, where did she go? She’s gone. Just like the song.

Kenan Thompson: Where did you friend go Beth?

Kate McKinnon: [Cut to Beth and Beck] She wasn’t with me. I thought you knew her.

Beck Bennett: No.

Steve Carell: She was the love of my life.

Leslie Jones: Well, our car keys are gone.

Kate McKinnon: [Cut to Kate and Beck] And didn’t you have a TV there?

Beck Bennett: I think she stabbed me! Does that look like a stab?

Steve Carell: [Cut to Steve] Life is short and love is rare [Cut to everybody]

Leslie Jones: Stop singing, call the police!

Steve Carell: Now we do the turkey dance.

Beck Bennett: I’m bleeding real bad. I’m bleeding bad. Oh.

Midterm Ad | Season 44 Episode 4

Democrat 1…..Heidi Gardner

Democrat 2…..Beck Bennett

Democrat 3…..Kate McKinnon

Democrat 4…..Jonah Hill

Patient…..Kenan Thompson

Democrat 5…..Leslie Jones

Democrat 6…..Kyle Mooney

Democrat 7…..Pete Davidson

Democrat 8…..Aidy Bryant

[ Democrat 1, wearing a blue sweater, is raking leaves in her front yard while her two children are playing in the leaves. ]

Democrat 1: This Tuesday, November 6th, Democrats are bringing much needed changed to America. There’s a blue wave on the horizon, and I have never felt more confident. [ She raises a thumbs up but her hand is shaking, and she is smiling nervously. ]

[ Cut to Democrat 2 standing on sidewalk wearing a blue dress shirt and blue tie. ]

Democrat 2: The Democrats are taking back the House. It’s a win we need and a win we’re going to get. [ He raises his cup of coffee with a shaking hand popping the lid off the cup. ] I’m sure of it. [ He is shaking as he tries to take a sip while spilling coffee all over. ]

[ Cut to Democrat 3, in a blue collared top and blue apron, she is arranging flowers in her shop. Her hands are shaking violently, and petals are flying off her flowers as she tries to place them in the vase. ]

Democrat 3: They say don’t trust the polls, but I’m choosing to. We’re finally going to put this administration in check.

[ Cut to Democrat 4, a doctor wearing a lab coat and a blue sweater. He is standing with his patient. ]

Democrat 4: It’s been a minute, but we’re going to win. Nancy Pelosi just said so on Colbert. [ He grabs an oxygen mask and huffs the air. ]

[ Cut to Democrat 5 holding a kitty. ]

Democrat 5: White women promised to do the right thing this time. They’re not gonna let us down, right? [ The camera zooms in on the kitty who rolls its eyes and meows. ]

[ Cut to Democrat 2 back on the sidewalk. ]

Democrat 2: We’re gonna win! Yeah! [ He takes a joint out of the mouth of a passerby and smokes it. ]

[ Cut back to Democrat 3 in her flower shop. ]

Democrat 3: This ones in the bag. [ She is pouring liquor into a flower vase and then takes a large gulp from it. ]

[ Cut to Democrat 6 sitting on a park bench. ]

Democrat 6: Sorry, Republicans. This one goes to the, goes to the Democrats.

[ Cut back to Democrat 1 in her front yard. Her children are playing behind her. ]

Democrat 1: And once we win, will everything suddenly get better? No, there’s still a long, hard… KIDS! Go inside! [ She is yelling at her children. ] Mommy told you, go inside till Tuesday!

Kid 1: Till Tuesday?

Democrat 1: Just go the [bleep] inside!

[ Cut to Democrat 7 sitting with his mom, Democrat 8. ]

Democrat 7: Me and my friends can’t wait to vote. So we will see you at the polls, next Thursday.

Democrat 8: Tuesday.

Democrat 7: I know, mom. I’m kidding.

Democrat 8: It was not funny!! [ She slaps democrat 7 across the face. ]

[ Cut to Democrat 5 holding two kittens. ]

Democrat 5: So be part of the victory. Get out there and vote.

[ Cut to Democrat 4 with his patient in the examining room. He has his arm around the patient, and he is shaking him. ]

Democrat 4: Promise me, you’re gonna vote!

Patient: I am.

[ Cut to Democrat 2 on the sidewalk. He lifts his arms up to reveal that he is drenched in sweat. ]

Democrat 2: It feels pretty good!

[ Cut to Democrat 1 sitting on her front lawn. She throws some leaves in the air. ]

Democrat 1: We’re gonna win! [ Her two kids peak out the front door. ] Stay in there!!!

[ Cut to Democrat 8 shaking Democrat 7 who is holding his face where he was slapped. ]

Democrat 8: We’re gonna win.

[ Cut to Democrat 3. She is slamming a thumbs up on the table in her flower shop and is visibly drunk. ]

Democrat 3: We got this. [ She screams, and as her scream gets louder, she breaks all the glass in her shop window. ]

[ Cut to title screen that reads, “VOTE! PLEASE?” There is a graphic of a red, white, and blue donkey with a nervous look on his face next to the words. ]

Political Musical | Season 44 Episode 4

Announcer…..Darrell Hammond

Performer 1…..Aidy Bryant

Performer 2…..Kate McKinnon

Performer 3…..Kyle Mooney

Audience 1…..Beck Bennett

Performer 4…..Melissa Villaseñor

Audience 2…..Chris Redd

Performer 5: Alex Moffat

Audience 3…..Heidi Gardner

Audience 4…..Mikey Day

[ Images of Broadway in NYC. ]

Announcer: It’s New York City, and Broadway’s the place to be. But why not go off-Broadway where they’re not afraid to go there. [ Cut to a screen that reads “Not afraid to GO THERE.”] Introducing ‘Divided We Stand.’ [ Cut to the outside of a theatre with ‘Divider We Stand’ on the marquee. ] A new musical [ Cut to the stage where the performers are ending a song. ] that dives head first into our current political climate.

[ Cut to Performer 1 walking onto the stage holding a suitcase and shawl around herself. ]

Performer 1: Ay dios mio. My country is no good. I need, como se dice, American Dream?

Announcer: In a show that can only be described as definitely written by the actors.

Performer 1: [ She begins to sing. ] Adios Venezuela. I’m finally on my way. Bienvenidos, America. And hello, Broadway. Broadway!

Announcer: ‘Time-Out New York’ calls it [ Cut to news headlines. ] “dangerously oversimplified” and “literally helping no one.”

[ Cut to Performer 2 singing. She is sitting with Performer 3 who joins her in song. ]

Performer 2: Border control, birth control, it’s all out of control.

Performer 2 & 3: I need another cup of coffee. [ They kiss. ]

[ Cut to Audience member 1 viewing the show, then responding to an interview in the lobby. ]

Audience 1: I guess the worst part of the play was their confidence in it.

[ Cut to the stage where six women are singing. ]

Performer 1, 2, & 4: Me too, me too, and you, and you, and you. It’s happened to all of us, how do you do? Me too, me too, me too.

[ Cut to more headlines about the play. ]

Announcer: “Jesus Christ,” says the New York Times, and “I don’t need to tell you, the cast was all white.”

[ Cut to Audience 2 looking at the program while viewing the play, then he is in the lobby responding to an interview. ]

Audience 2: They wrote in the cast list what makes them diverse and one person said, “Parents divorced.” And, that’s not for me.

[ Cut to Performer 5 rapping on stage, while performer 3 is beat-boxing. ]

Performer 5: Trump blames violence on the fake news media. Rewriting history like we read Wikipedia. War, troops, and hella pollution, what’s next 3D print the Constitution?

[ Cut to Audience 2 walking out on the play. ]

Announcer: Playbill.com writes “I was wondering why one guy had three separate raps and then I realized he was also the director.”

[ Cut to Audience 1 at his interview in the lobby. ]

Audience 1: I’m actually dating a girl in the show.

[ Cut to Performer 4 dressed as a sexy Statue of Liberty. She is singing. ]

Performer 4: I am the Statue of Liberty, and there’s no way you’re getting into me.

[ Cut back to Audience 1 interviewing. ]

Audience 1: Umm, I think this might be it for us.

[ Cut to the cast on stage all singing and smiling. ]

Announcer: You’ll walk away wondering whose parents paid for this?

Performer 1, 2, 3, 4, & 5: Vote with your heart. Vote with a song. Vote with the notes, sing it loud and long. Show me the cast of ballot. Yeah, we could go to the polls. But what if we just sang? What if we just sang? We don’t have to do a thing, but siiiiiiinnnnggggggg. [ Performer 1 & 2 hold the last note in an attempt to sing longer than the other. ]

[ Cut to Audience 3 & 4 in the lobby responding to an interview. ]

Audience 3: I think that last song was telling us not to vote.

[ Cut to the title screen for ‘Divided We Stand’ which is the title with a broken heart behind it. The heart is filled in with the USA flag print. ]

Announcer: Now playing at the Mariska Hargitay Theatre. Tickets are $140?!

America’s Got Talent: Wait, They’re Good? | Season 44 Episode 4

Announcer…..Darrell Hammond

Howie Mandel…..Kyle Mooney

Mel B…..Ego Nwodim

Heidi Klum…..Kate McKinnon

Simon Cowell…..Beck Bennett

Stacy…..Melissa Villaseñor

Debra…..Jonah Hill

Wilderness Contestant…..Cecily Strong

Sheila…..Leslie Jones

Levander…..Kenan Thompson

[ America’s Got Talent title. ]

Announcer: America’s Got Talent!

[ Cut to AGT Judges at their desk with the AGT audience clapping behind them. ]

Mel B: Hello, my love. What’s your name, dear?

[ Cut to the AGT stage where Stacy is waiting nervously for her chance to audition. ]

Stacy: Um, Stacy. [ Nervous giggle. ] I’m so nervous. I’ve never sang in front of people, ever.

Mel B: Well, this feels like a complete waste of time. But, alright, go ahead, dear.

Stacy: [She starts singing Lady Marmalade. ] More, more, mooooorrrrrrre.

[ Cut to the judges looking surprised and entertained. The audience is giving a standing ovation behind them. ]

[ Cut to the AGT audience all beginning to stand up and give a roaring standing ovation. ]

Announcer: Wasn’t that cool? You never thought it would work out, but then suddenly, it did. [ Cut to AGT logo. ] Over the years, America’s Got Talent, has had so many of these moments. [ Several surprising moments from AGT are shown as clips as the announcer speaks. ] And now, we put them into one special. ‘America’s Got Talent. Wait, They’re Good?’ See the performances begin like one thing [ An elderly couple is holding hands on the audition stage. ] Then woah-oh, there’s something else. [ Cut to the elderly couple now freak dancing on the stage. ]

[ Cut to Heidi Klum at the judge’s table. ]

Heidi: Hello, tell us your name.

[ Cut to Debra on the audition stage. He is dressed like a cowboy. ]

Debra: My name’s Debra, ma’am.

Heidi: Welcome, Debra. I hear you have some music for us.

Debra: Music, ma’am?

Heidi: Music. You’ve never heard the music?

Debra: I can’t say I have.

Heidi: Wow. Well, go ahead. Give it a shot.

Debra: Thank you, ma’am. [ The music starts and Debra starts to perform, Go Go Go Joseph. ] Go, go, go Joseph. You know what they say. Hey now Joseph, you’ll make it someday. Sha la la Joseph, you’re doing just fine. You and your dreams are ahead of your time. Go, go, go.

[ Cut to the AGT audience cheering wildly and giving a standing ovation. ]

Announcer: You didn’t think he could sing, did you? You monster! And look at Howie Mandel. [ Cut to Howie looking overly surprised and joyous. ] It’s like he’s never seen this before. But he actually has, a lot. [ Cut to the AGT logo. ] The ‘America’s Got Talent. Wait, They’re Good?’special has every moment.

[ Cut to Howie at the judges’ table. ]

Howie: So it says here that you were raised alone deep in the wilderness, like Jodie Foster’s character in that movie, “Nell”?

[ Cut to the contestant on stage in a nightgown. She is hunched over and waving her arms. ]

Wilderness Contestant: [ She speaks in a caveman like gibberish. ]

Howie: Great. We are you friends. Please. Make. Perform.

Wilderness Contestant: [ She sits on a stool and begins to sing, ‘Send in the Clowns’. ] Isn’t it rich? Are we a pair? [ Cut to Heidi looking bewildered then back to the wilderness contestant. ] Me here at last on the ground, you in mid air. [ Cut to the judges looking surprised and pleased. The audience is giving a standing ovation behind them. ]

Howie: What!!! This is crazy!!!

[ Cut back to the wilderness contestant. ]

Wilderness Contestant: Send in the clowns.

[ Cut to the AGT audience giving a standing ovation. ]

Announcer: And there goes the audience again. They genuinely didn’t see it coming. Even though they seen this guy, [ Cut to a man on stage. ] and this girl, [ Cut to a woman on stage. ] and even this. [ Cut to a dog on stage. ] And the moments just get more special. [ Cut to the AGT logo. ]

[ Cut to Simon at the judge’s table. ]

Simon: Oh dear, who are you?

[ Cut to Sheila on stage. She is standing next to her husband Levander who appears to be in a coma. ]

Sheila: My name is Sheila Block and this is my husband, Levander. He always wanted to audition, but he’s in a coma.

Simon: Oh my God. I’m so sorry. May I ask why did you bring him on stage?

Sheila: Well sir, I was hoping I could sing his song for him. It’s what he would’ve wanted.

Simon: Certainly. It seems like something every normal person would do. Off you go.

[ The music starts for ‘Ain’t No Mountain High Enough’. Sheila is dancing in place waiting for the cue, but instead Levander comes to life and begins to sing.]

Levander: Ain’t no mountain high. Ain’t no valley low. [ He takes off his hospital gown to reveal a sparkly outfit; Sheila also removes her dress to reveal a matching sparkly outfit. ] Ain’t no river wide enough baby. [ Cut to Howie screaming, ‘Whaaaaaaaaaaaa!’ then back to the couple singing on stage. ]

Sheila: If you need me call me. No matter where you are. No matter how far.

Sheila & Levander: Don’t worry baby.

Sheila: Just call my name. I’ll be there in a hurry. You don’t have to worry. [ Two dancers start dancing behind the singing couple. ]

Sheila & Levander: ‘Cause baby there ain’t no mountain high enough. Ain’t no valley low enough. Ain’t no river wide enough. To keep me from getting to you, babe.

[ Cut to the judges looking shocked and happy. Heidi is raising her hand. ]

[ Cut to the AGT logo. ]

Announcer: The ‘America’s Got Talent. Wait, They’re Good?’ Special. This Sunday at nine.

Pumpkin Patch: Season 44 Episode 2

The boss…..Mikey Day

Todd…..Beck Bennett

Nathan…..Kyle Mooney

…..Awkwafina

[A woman is buying pumpkin for Halloween in the pumpkin shop.]

The boss: Super easy to carve. They should have a blast. All right, bye Sarah. Say hi to Josh. [Todd, Nathan, and Awkwafina are fooling around and having fun talking about something they like. The boss finds it hard to confront to them, but he decides that he should.]

The boss: Hey, team? [Cut to three staffs at the left and the boss at the right talking to them] Can I talk to you for a sec?

Todd: Yes sir.

The boss: [Cut to the boss speaking] This morning, I found some of our jumbo pumpkins in the dumpster. [Cut to three staffs acting like they don’t know what the boss is talking about] Some of the pumpkins [Cut to the boss speaking] had holes cut in them [Cut to Nathan listening to the boss][Cut to Todd listening to the boss] and others were completely destroyed. [Cut to the boss speaking][Cut to three staffs acting like they don’t know what the boss is talking about] So I cannot believe I have to ask you this, [Cut to the boss] but did you perform a lewd act with some of our pumpkins last night?

All three staffs: [Cut to three staffs acting like they don’t know what the boss is talking about] No sir.

The boss: [Cut to the boss speaking] All right, well Louis, the grounds keeper saw you, and he told me what you did.

Nathan: [Cut to Nathan] Right, yes. And that’s because we did do what you said, sir.

Todd: [Cut to Todd] Enough lies, we did do that sir.

The boss: [Cut to the boss disappointed] Do you guys see how this would be a problem? [Cut to Todd listening to the boss] [Cut to Nathan listening to the boss] That employees of my pumpkin patch [Cut to Awkwafina listening to the boss] are having sex with the pumpkins?

Nathan: [Cut to Nathan speaking] I mean it’s not ideal sir. [Cut to the boss shocked]

Awkwafina: [Cut to all three staffs] I think there’s been a misunderstanding. They only did it because it felt good.

Todd and Nathan: Exactly.

The boss: [Cut to the boss speaking] That doesn’t change my opinion.

Nathan: [Cut to Nathan speaking] Does it change your opinion on us as people sir?

The boss: [Cut to the boss] Yes.

Nathan: [Cut to Nathan acting confused] For worse?

The boss: [Cut to the boss annoyed] Yeah. Oh, poor Louis. He saw the entire thing.

[Cut to Louis with his garden tool in his hands shaking his head with disgust looking at the three staffs]

Todd: [Cut to Todd] So let me tell you our side of the story as to clear the air here?

The boss: [Cut to the boss] Sure Todd.

Nathan: [Cut to all three staffs] Let’s just paint a picture for you, sir. [Cut to Nathan] Kind of a horny night in general.

Awkwafina: [Cut to the scene portraying their past story. All three staffs enjoying inside the pumpkin store] We were talking about that film, “American Pie.” There’s a part where Jason Briggs does some dirty deeds with an American pie.

Todd: This one time at band camp.

Awkwafina: And sir this is where I’ll take some responsibility because I had dared Nathan to pump the pump.

Nathan: [Cut to three staffs] And so I did. And to my surprise sir, it felt very, [Cut to Nathan] very good. [Cut to the boss looking at Nathan shocked]

Todd: Upon hearing my [Cut to Todd] friend’s happy, happy noises, [Cut to Nathan] [Cut to Awkwafina nodding and agreeing] I decided to grab a couple of pumpkins and do the same myself. [Cut to Todd]

The boss: You guys, [Cut to the boss] this is a family business. [Cut to Todd] Kids come here with their parents. [Cut to the pumpkin with three holes on it that Todd is staring at at this moment] There’s a slide. [Cut to Todd losing what the boss is saying because his attention is at the pumpkin with the holes] I can’t have my employees pumping the pumpkins [Cut to pumpkin with three holes with dreamy effect] at night. And Nathan, I’d expect this from Todd, [Cut to Nathan staring at the boss but not paying attention to what he’s saying] but I’m pretty disappointed in you Nathan. [Cut to the boss as a pumpkin with holes speaking to him. Nathan sees a pumpkin speaking to him] Because I actually think that you’re pretty smart. [Cut to Nathan lost in his thoughts] So if you did do this to a pumpkin it– Nathan! [Cut to the boss pissed off] [Cut to Nathan embarrassed]

Nathan: Oh my god.

The boss: [Cut to all three staffs] You got anything to say for yourself man? [Cut to the boss]

Nathan: [Cut to Nathan] I’m embarrassed. This is not our finest hour. [Cut to the boss agreeing] To be caught doing that with a pumpkin? [Cut to Nathan]

The boss: [Cut to the boss] You had sex with it.

Nathan: [Cut to Nathan] By someone I admire and respect, my boss, who’s also the father of my wife?

The boss: [Cut to the boss disappointed] I’m your father-in-law.

Nathan: But I promise sir, [Cut to Nathan] I will never do this again.

Todd: [Cut to Todd] I can’t promise that sir, but I’ll try my hardest not to. I might do it.

Nathan: [Cut to the boss disappointed] Sir, in our defense, [Cut to Nathan] have you ever actually done that with a pumpkin?

The boss: [Cut to the boss] NO.

Nathan: [Cut to Nathan] It feels pretty legit. [Cut to Todd nodding his head and agreeing]

Awkwafina: Sir, if it helps in any way, [Cut to all three staffs] Todd used a condom.

The boss: [Cut to the boss] It does not. It makes it even weirder.

Awkwafina: Oh.

The boss: So now, surprise guys, I have to let you all go.

Three staffs: [Cut to them regretting] Oh, come on. [Cut to the tree staffs walking away with background musing saying “Let me go, I don’t want to be your hero.”]

[Cut to three staffs reaching the car]

The boss: Wait, [the three staffs turn around] [Cut to the boss] open the trunk. [Cut to the three staffs opening the trunk of the car finding it to be full of pumpkins] [Cut to the boss] Here’s a tip, the more orange the skin, the softer it is inside. [Cut to the three staffs. Awkwafina nodding her head and agreeing]

Awkwafina: Good to know.

Todd: Thank you, sir.

Nathan: Happy Halloween.

The boss: [Cut to the boss] Happy Halloween.

[Cut to three staffs driving away in a car with a trunk full of pumpkins]

Ted Cruz Rally: Season 44 Episode 2

Hype Woman…..Awkwafina

Hype Man…..Kenan Thompson

Ted Cruz…..Beck Bennett

[People cheering. Cut to people standing in a line and cheering.]

Voiceover: There’s something happening in Texas. [Cut to an article that says “Beto O’Rourke Rally Draws Record Numbers in Texas.]

Awkwafina: [Cut to Awkwafina and Kenan Thompson on a stage] How ya’ll feeling today?

Kenan Thompson: How ya’ll feeling?

Voiceover: [Cut to internet article and crowd] The most closely watched race in America.

Awkwafina: [Cut to Awkwafina and Kenan Thompson on a stage] I said how ya’ll feeling today?

Kenan Thompson: Dallas!

Voiceover: [Cut to internet article] It is electric.

Awkwafina: [Cut to Awkwafina on a stage] Ya’ll like [inaudible 00:00:17] ? [Cut to crowd excited] Ya’ll like [Cut to Awkwafina on a stage. Cut to Kenan Thompson on a stage] [inaudible 00:00:20] ? [Cut to crowd excited. Cut to Awkwafina and Kenan Thompson on a stage] Ya’ll like Ted Cruz?

Kenan Thompson: We are about to find out.

Sound Effect: TED CRUZ!

[Cut to Ted Cruz coming to the stage waving to the audience. Ted Cruz stands close to mic. Cut to Awkwafina and Kenan Thompson standing behind Ted Cruz]

Ted Cruz: Hi, I’m Ted Cruz. [Cut to audience covering their ears as they hear sound distortion. Cut to Ted Cruz speaking and Awkwafinad and Kenan Thompson standing behind him] Look when God whispered to me that I should run for Senate, he didn’t tell me it was going to be a popularity contest. [Cut to Ted Cruz speaking] But we are going to throw the coolest rally in town. [Cut to crowd clapping] Stop. Humor time. What do you call a Democrat in Texas? [Ted Cruz drops the mic, and he talks in the damaged mic] We call the Democrats in Texas…. [Cut to crowd watch at shock as the speaker explodes]

Awkwafina: You know, maybe Ted Cruz can’t sound cool [Cut to Awkwafina, Ted Cruz and Kenan Thompson on the stage] but I bet we can make him look cool.

Kenan Thompson: Who want to see Ted Cruz dunk a basketball? [Cut to Ted Cruz, Awkwafina and Kenan Thompson passing basketball. Ted Cruz tried to dribble the ball on the stage, but it doesn’t bounce. Cut to the bored crowd.]

Awkwafina: [Cut to Awkwafina speaking with Ted Cruz and Kenan Thompson on the stage] We need to hit the emergency party button.

Kenan Thompson: Oh! [Cut to Ted Cruz going and pressing the party button. Cut to embarrassing wet confetti stuck together falls on the ground. Cut to Kenan Thompson moves towards the party button and presses it. The button then works. Ted Cruz is disappointed.]

Ted Cruz: Okay. [Ted Cruz jumps and tried to dab hard, but he hits his own nose.] Ouch. [Cut to Ted Cruz holding his nose]

Kenan Thompson: Ted’s nose is bleeding up here so [Cut to Ted Cruz, Awkwafina and Kenan Thompson on the stage] why don’t we just wrap this up?

Awkwafina: Give it up one more time [Cut to Ted Cruz holding his nose and waving his hand] for Ted Cruz.

Ted Cruz: [The Ted Cruz backdrop falls]Your future senator.

Sound effect: Ted Cruz!

Brett Kavanaugh Post-Game Cold Open: Season 44 Episode 2

Don Lemon…..Kenan Thompson

Dana Bash….. Heidi Gardner

Senator Mitch McConnell…..Beck Bennett

Lindsey Graham…..Kate McKinnon

Susan Collins…..Cecily Strong

Jeff Flake…..Pete Davidson

Rachel Mitchell…..Aidy Bryant

Senator Chuck Schumer…..Alex Moffatt

[News starting. Cut to Don Lemon as a news reporter.]

Don Lemon: Good evening. I am Don Lemon. We’ve all just witnessed history as Judge Brett Kavanaugh was confirmed by the Senate to become a justice of the Supreme Court. There have been protests in Washington and several cry breaks here at CNN. It’s a somber day for many Americans. We now go live to Dana Bash who is with Senate Republicans.

Dana Bash: [Cut to Dana Bash as a news reporter with Senate Republicans.] Don, I’m here in the GOP locker room where the mood is nothing short of euphoric.

John Kennedy: Whoo! We’re going to Kavanaugh this tonight. Let’s Ralph till we Moo!

Dana Bash: Thank you, Senator Kennedy.

Don Lemon: [Cut to split screen display with Don Lemon at left and Dana Bash at right.] Quite the display Dana.

Dana Bash: That’s right Don. There are a lot of pacemakers being put to the test tonight. [Cut to Dana] And I see Mitch McConnell here. Mitch, how are you feeling?

Mitch McConnell: Oh, oh, that was awesome! Whoo!

Dana Bash: Do you feel like this is a win you can be proud of?

Mitch McConnell: Oh, hell yeah Dana! Republicans read the mood of the country, and we could tell the people really wanted Kavanaugh. Everyone’s pumped from white men over 60 to white men over 70. We did it. We got the PJ and Squee.

Dana Bash: Put this victory in context.

Mitch McConnell: Oh, it’s up there with Vietnam for sure. I mean this is historic.

John Kennedy: Uh, winning!

Dana Bash: And um, Lindsey- Lindsey Graham. Do you have a moment?

Lindsey Graham: All righ- Woo! How amazing is this, huh? We- we made a lot of women real worried today but I’m not getting pregnant, so I don’t care. Um, here. Take a- take a Kavanaugh world champion hat.

Dana Bash: Um, yeah, no! I’m not wearing that. Um, oh Lindsey, walk us through the final confirmation.

Lindsey Graham: Well, oh man! Well for a while we thought it was going to be tied and we were going to have to go with our closer mock pants. He was going to jog in to Metallica’s Enter the Sadman and start throwing votes at 100mph. But thank the male lord that was not necessary. Helped a lot. The democrat Joe Manchin scored in his own goal. That was dope. And well, we couldn’t have done it without Susan Collins. Susan, get over here.

Susan Collins: Do I attack again?

Lindsey Graham: No girl, no! No! But seriously, this was all Susan.

Susan Collins: Oh, please. The last thing I wanted was to make this about me. That’s why I told everyone to tune in at 3 PM so I could tell all my female supporters, “Psyche!”

Dana Bash: And you don’t think that Brett Kavanaugh did anything wrong?

Susan Collins: Listen, I think it’s important to believe women until it’s time to stop. But I also believe that you know, I’m a guy’s gal, okay? I can party with the big dogs and “Whoo!” You know? We’re going to have fun tonight.

John Kennedy: Whoo! That’s our girl. Our one girl.

Susan Collins: Yeah. Also now we’re going to party like it’s 2021, Susan Rice takes my seat.

Dana Bash: And Senator Jeff Flake was also reportedly on the fence until yesterday. Senator Flake?

Jeff Flake: Oh hey, yeah! Obviously, I was really sad about the whole process as you could tell from my resting bitch face. And I really considered all the testimony because this was such a–

Lindsey Graham: Got you! Oops!

Jeff Flake: You stinker!

Mitch McConnell: We all know who .you are. Flake the snake! You were never voting, no.

Jeff Flake: Okay. You got me. I stink.

Lindsey Graham: Seriously, this one is about the fans. They’ve been there for us all week cheering and screaming outside of our offices.

Dana Bash: I’m sorry. You think those were fans?

Lindsey Graham: Oh yeah, for sure. And I know that they agree with us because they’re shouting out me too.

Dana Bash: Okay. And I see that the Arizona prosecutor they hired is here as well.

Rachel Mitchell: Yeah. I sure am. I sure am. What’s up women? I hope I did you proud. I think I helped.

Dana Bash: And what’s next for you Rachel?

Rachel Mitchell: Oh well, I’m flying South West Airlines back to Arizona like a freaking champ.

Don Lemon: [Cut to split screen display with Don Lemon at left and Dana Bash at right.] Dana, I hate to interrupt you.

Dana Bash: No, please do. I need a break from this.

Don Lemon: Okay, well then let’s throw it over to Kate Bennett [Cut to split screen display with Don Lemon at left and Kate Bennett at right.] who’s with the losing team Chuck Schumer.

Kate Bennett: Senator Schumer, [Cut to Kate Bennett interviewing Chuck Schumer.] what went wrong?

Chuck Schumer: Well, my doctor thinks it might be Sciatica.

Kate Bennett: No, I mean with the Kavanaugh vote?

Chuck Schumer: Oh, right. Yes, well the Dems lost in other one. Yes. This is what we do now. Um, look, we thought this time would be better than Anita hill hearing because Dr. Ford was white.  Um, but then it turned out Brett Kavanaugh was white too and you know, we were completely blind-sighted by that.

Kate Bennett: Understood. And I see Senator Joe Manson, the one Democrat yes vote is heading this way right now.

Chuck Schumer: Hey Joe, listen, no hard feelings.

Joe Manson: Nut job. Oh!

Kate Bennett: Dana, back to you.

Dana Bash: [Cut to Dana Bash and Senate Republicans celebrating behind her.] Okay. Very cool chill energy here. Several of the senators also appear to be wearing goggles.

Mitch McConnell: That’s right. These are for the Miller High Life, the champagne of beers.

Lindsey Graham: To celebrate Brett Kavanaugh, the naughty life of judges. All right, now listen everyone, let’s keep this corny male energy going to the mid-term.

All: And live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!

Movie Talkback: Season 44 Episode 3

Andrew Phillips…..Seth Meyers

Malcolm Seats…..Kenan Thompson

Audience 1…..Aidy Bryant

Audience 2…..Kate McKinnon

Audience 3…..Beck Bennett

Audience 4…..Heidi Gardner

Audience 5…..Kyle Mooney

Audience 6…..Leslie Jones

Audience 7…..Cecily Strong

[ Image of an IFC movie theatre with the title: ‘Special Screening: South of Mason’. ]

[ Cut to a curtain closing in front of a movie screen. Andrew Phillip and Malcolm Seats sitting in front of the curtain. ]

Malcolm: Alright, thank you, everyone. I am Malcolm Seats, the head of programming here at IFC cinemas. And I hope you all enjoy tonight’s special screening of South of Mason. Please welcome the director, Mr. Andrew Phillips.

Andrew: Thank you all so much for being here. [ Cut to the audience in the movie theatre. Everyone is clapping and smiling. ] This movie [ cut back to Andrew and Malcolm. ] means everything to me. And if it doesn’t win some awards, well that’s gonna hurt.

Malcolm: Well, I know our audience is brimming with questions. So, let’s get right to it.

Audience 1: Yeah, hi, I have a question. [ Cut to Audience member approaching the microphone. ] Any reason the father was played by a man?

Andrew: I guess because the character was a father.

Audience 1: Yeah, and I noticed, you’re also not a woman. Interesting.

Andrew: I’m sorry I don’t know how to answer that.

Audience 1: Hmm, why don’t you give me one good reason you’re not Latino? Twitter’s gonna love that. Anyway, perfect movie. And congrats on everything.

Malcolm: Apologies, Mr. Phillips. People really feel empowered when they get in front of a mic. Yes, next.

[ Cut to the second audience member at the microphone. ]

Audience 2: Yes, excuse me, why did you do the names?

Andrew: The names?

Malcolm: I think she’s talking about the credits.

Audience 2: Yes, the list of names at the end. That made me weep. Is that a list of the dead?

Andrew: No. That’s just the cast and crew.

Audience 2: And uh, they are dead?

Andrew: Dead? No.

Audience 2: So they will never die?

Andrew: What? No.

Audience 2: A beautiful film. Very sad. Very sexy. For this experience, I will sit on you.

Andrew: Oh, please don’t.

Malcolm: You sure?

Andrew: Yeah, I’m sure.

Malcolm: Alright then. Next question. And please be respectful of Mr. Phillips time.

Andrew: That’s okay, this is my only thing tonight. Do you have a question, sir?

[ Cut to the third audience member at the microphone. ]

Audience 3: Yes. What does your father think of the film?

Andrew: I don’t know. I actually never met my father.

Audience 3: Well, now you have.

Andrew: Oh my God. Dad?

Malcolm: No. That is Maurice. And he works concessions weekday mornings. Get out of here Maurice.

Audience 3: I’m proud of you, son!

Malcolm: You don’t have kids, Maurice.

[ Cut to the fourth audience member at the microphone. She is holding an old-fashioned suitcase. ]

Audience 4: [ She speaks high pitched with a slight southern belle accent. ] Pardon me. Pardon me. I just got off the train, and I’m so lost and scared. I ain’t never been to New York before. [ She breaks character and speaks normally. ] Hi, Adele Dazeem. Actress, and when I get too old, writer. Mr. Philips, I’d love to be involved in your next project.

Andrew: Great, I’m working on a play.

Audience 4: Oh, pass. [ She walks off. ]

Andrew: Yes, hi, do you have a question?

[ Cut to the fifth audience member at the microphone. ]

Audience 5: Yeah, umm. Why wasn’t there any hip-hop in the movie?

Andrew: Because it takes place during World War Two.

Audience 5: Okay, because I was thinking something like um.. [ He begins to rap. ] Growing up. Showing up to nothing. Wishing daddy would say something but not one thing that I ask.

Malcolm: Ooh. Nope. Moving on!

Andrew: Hey, is it always like this?

Malcolm: Well, believe it or not, yes. We give away the tickets on a public bus.

[ Cut to the 6th audience member at the microphone. ]

Audience 6: I have a question. Is there a reception after this?

Andrew: Yes.

Audience 6: And how long should that last?

Andrew: Hour tops.

Audience 6: Okay, okay. I see. Now, if you live 20 minutes from here, what time would you make it home?

Andrew: 20 minutes from here? I don’t know. 11, 11:30?

Audience 6: Hmmm. So tell me why this man right here thinks it’s okay to roll up in my house at 3 am? Smelling like corn liquor because he said he had a reception at work.

Malcolm: I will see you at home, Rhonda.

Audience 6: If you have a home to come to. [ She walks off, and the seventh audience member walks up to the microphone holding a small dog in a carrying pouch. ]

Audience 7: Umm, excuse me. I like the movie, but my daughter disagrees. [ She points to her dog. ]

Malcolm: That’s a dog ma’am, and you can’t have that in here.

Audience 7: Well, what am I supposed to do?! Leave her at home? She’ll commit suicide!

Malcolm: And that’s all the time we have for today.

Andrew: Oh wow.

Malcolm: Thank you, Mr. Phillips, for being here.

[ Audience member 6 walks over to Malcolm. ]

Audience 6: We go home now?!

Malcolm: Yes, okay. Let’s go.

[ Cut to image of outside the theatre front. ]