Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.
MICHAEL CHE: A new report from the UN shows that last year Columbia saw a record level of cocaine production. The previous record for cocaine production was held by Bobby Brown’s sneeze.
COLIN JOST: The Philadelphia flyers are being mocked online for their new team mascot which is a 7 foot tall fuzzy creature named Gritty with a long orange beard, googly eyes, and I assume a dime bag of mostly stems. And this is an interesting fact, Gritty is actually the first mascot made from the crayon drawings of a 5 year old who saw his parents murdered.
MICHAEL CHE: Hey, Hey, Hey. Bill Cosby was sentenced to three to ten years in prison. You know what really bothers me about Bill Cosby, if I can be serious. He made a show called ‘The Cosby Show’ and it was about a guy named Cliff Huxtable. Isn’t that weird?
COLIN JOST: A woman in Chicago was scammed out of more than 11,000 dollars by a Bruce Springsteen impersonator she met online. Now these scams can be tricky. But one way to tell that someone is not the real Bruce Springsteen is that he asked to borrow 11,000 dollars.
MICHAEL CHE: I mean Frasier is about Frasier Roseanne is about Roseanne. Seinfeld is about Seinfeld. What if I told you Everybody Loves Raymond was about a guy named Cliff Huxtable? Am I the only one bothered by this? Alright. Fine. Take the rapist’s side.
Dunkin Donuts…
COLIN JOST: ..is not a sponsor anymore.
MICHAEL CHE: Dunkin’ Donuts announced that it will change its name to just Dunkin’. The other half of its name had to be amputated due to diabetes.
BECK BENNETT: That was the Oh?
Researchers in Hong Kong reported the first ever case of a human contracting Rat Hepatitis. Worst, now that guy has to call and inform every rat that he has ever slept with.
[ Adam Driver walks out onto the stage in front of the SNL band to speak to the audience. Adam waves to the audience and signals for them to stop cheering. ]
Adam Driver: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I am Adam, designated driver, and this is the season premiere of Saturday Night Live. Which is exciting. This is exciting. Which is exciting, which is exciting. But, the only thing about hosting the first show back is all anyone in the cast wants to do is talk about their summers. Which is fine. It’s fine. This is all fine. Honestly, it’s just about me. I’m terrible at small talk.
[ Aidy Bryant walks onto stage. ]
AIDY BRYANT: Okay my dude. Hi!
Adam Driver: Okay it’s happening.
AIDY BRYANT: How was your summer?
Adam Driver: It was, uh, it was good. You know. I worked a little and traveled a little. And uh…how was your summer?
AIDY BRYANT: Oh, you know, it was good. Yeah. I worked a little. I traveled a little. Chilled with some…
[ Adam stands there looking contemplative. He nods his head as his voiceover explains what he is thinking. Aidy continues to speak about her summer, but her voice is silenced. ]
Adam Driver voiceover: Oh my God, is this really happening? Is she really describing her whole summer? Of course she worked a little and traveled a little. That’s what every friggin’ idiot does. Oh no she paused. Quick laugh and smile a little.
[ Adam speaks out loud again. ]
Adam Driver: Yeah. [ Adam forces an uncomfortable laugh. ]
AIDY BRYANT: Anyway we are so happy to have you back.
Adam Driver: Oh, and I am great [ Adam stutters. ] for to be back.
AIDY BRYANT: Okay, you hang in there man. [ Aidy walks off stage. ]
Adam Driver: Okay so anyway, on huge spoiler about Star Wars…
[ Beck Bennett walks onto the stage. ]
BECK BENNETT: Ohh, what’s up my man? How was your summer?
Adam Driver: It was good. [ Adam stutters. ] How was your summer?
BECK BENNETT: Oh, it was pretty good. I worked a little; I traveled a little.
[ Adam looks annoyed and begins to think again. ]
Adam Driver Voiceover: You know what Beck… [ Bleep ] you! Are you really doing this dude?
BECK BENNETT: And, uh, I got married this summer. So I’m a big boy now. Yeah. Thank you. Adam, do you know how it feels to be a big boy?
Adam Driver: Well I’m also married, and I was a Marine.
BECK BENNETT: Oh okay, wow. You win! [ Beck turns away from Adam and walks off the stage. ]
[Kenan Thompson walks onto the stage. ]
KENAN THOMPSON: Adam what’s up man? Welcome back, man! How was your summer?
Adam Driver: Yes it was so so so so so so so so fun. And you?
KENAN THOMPSON: Well you know..I worked a little, and I traveled a little. Work hard, play hard. Am I right? [ Kenan laughs. ]
[ Adam looks displeased and begins to think again. ]
Adam Driver Voiceover: Don’t hit Kenan. Whatever you do, don’t hit Kenan. You worked so hard on your anger issues. Don’t blow it on live TV.
KENAN THOMPSON: Man, it is a funny story.
Adam Driver: That’s so funny, yes! Ha ha ha!
[ Kenan looks frightened and begins to think. ]
KENAN THOMPSON Voiceover: Yo, is Adam Driver going to hit me? I mean it really looks like he’s about to go all Kylo Ren on my ass.
[ Cut to Adam Driver looking fierce. Star Wars like music begins to play. Cut back to Kenan looking frightened. ]
KENAN THOMPSON: Okay, anyway, um. Break a leg tonight.
Adam Driver: Where was I? So, Ewoks are real, and I’ll tell you where to find them. You take a plane to Traverse City, Michigan…
[ Pete Davidson walks onto the stage. ]
PETE DAVIDSON: Yo! What up Adam? So, how was your summer man? Did you work a little or travel a little by chance?
Adam Driver: I did Pete. How was your summer?
PETE DAVIDSON: Oh you don’t want to hear about my summer.
Adam Driver: No actually, you’re the one person whose summer I want to hear about.
[ Pete smiles at the camera and winks, and then he walks off the stage. ]
Adam Driver: We got a great show for you tonight! We’re going to work a little, travel a little. Kanye frickin’ West is here! So stick around. Oh, and hey kids, why not smoke a cigarette during the commercial break. Because we’re back!
[ Cut to Kyle sitting facing the camera and speaking out loud. ]
Kyle Mooney: It’s my sixth season. Sometimes I still feel like people don’t know who I am.
[ Cut to closing sequence of a previous SNL episode. Camera darkens out the hosts in the foreground and brightens a small Kyle clapping from behind mixed in with the rest of the cast. ]
Kyle Mooney voiceover: At the end of last year I thought maybe…
[ Cut back to Kyle facing the camera. ]
Kyle Mooney: …it’s finally happening. But then, this summer happened..
[ Cut to Joe Fryer on NBC News. ]
Joe Fryer: SNL’s Pete Davidson has confirmed [ Cut to Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande posing for photos at the VMA’s. ] that he and singer, Ariana Grande, are engaged.
[ Cut to Carson Daly on the Today Show. ]
Carson Daly: Ariana and Pete’s announcement of their engagement…
[ Cut to three Instagram photos of Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande. ]
Female Voiceover: They’re engaged!
[ Cut to Pete Davidson coming out of an elevator as Kyle Mooney approaches from the hallway to the right. ]
PETE DAVIDSON: Ah, L-Dog, this year’s gonna be lit.
Lorne Michaels: Get in here, brother. [ Lorne and Pete hug. ]
PETE DAVIDSON: Love you man.
Lorne Michaels: Love you, too.
KYLE MOONEY: Hey Lorne.
Lorne Michaels: Oh hey, Hey Kevin. [ Lorne Michaels walks past Kyle and down the hall. ]
[ Cut back to Kyle Mooney speaking to the camera. ]
KYLE MOONEY: I feel like this year I gotta make a statement.
[ Cut to Kyle looking in the mirror]
KYLE MOONEY Voiceover: So I’m gonna change things up a bit.
Female Hairdresser: Okay you sure you want to this? [ The hairdresser walks over and wraps a haircutting cape around Kyle. ]
KYLE MOONEY: Yeah.
Female Hairdresser: Here we go. [ The hairdresser turns on an electric razor and approaches Kyle’s hairline. ]
[Cut to black screen. ]
Female Producer Voice: Kyle to the floor please. Kyle.
[ Cut to SNL set. Beck Bennett and Alex Moffat are standing on set as Kyle Mooney approaches them now with short blonde hair like Pete Davidson’s. Kyle is also wearing clothes like Pete’s. ]
BECK BENNETT: Kyle?
KYLE MOONEY: Haha, what up.
BECK BENNETT: Why you so late man?
KYLE MOONEY: Why does it matter bro? I was just doing my thing. [ Kyle brings a rolled joint to his mouth and inhales. He then exhales onto Beck who backs away and swats the smoke from his face. ]
BECK BENNETT: Stop that dude. What are you…why are you smoking?
KYLE MOONEY: By the way that shirt’s pretty lit.
BECK BENNETT: Lit?
[ Cut to the ‘new’ Kyle speaking to the camera. ]
KYLE MOONEY: I love this bro. People are finally starting to take me seriously. Now all I need is a hot celebrity girlfriend. And that’s fine by me.
[ Cut to Kyle walking into the meeting room of SNL writers. ]
KYLE MOONEY: Writers! If you guys are going to write me into your sketches. Y’all got to write my girlfriend into them, too. Come on in here baby. Y’all know my girl..Wendy Williams.
[Wendy Williams walks in carrying a picnic basket. ]
Wendy Williams: Hi everyone. Hi honey.
[ Kyle opens the picnic basket, and baby pig pops its head out. ]
KYLE MOONEY: We adopted a pig. Swag! [ Kyle makes a pumping motion with his fist, and Wendy William kisses him on the cheek. ]
[ Cut to the elevators where Kenan Thompson is waiting for an elevator. Kyle and singer, Kid Cudi, come out of an elevator laughing. Pete Davidson walks up to them. ]
PETE DAVIDSON: Yo, Cudi, I hit you earlier to hang out. How come you didn’t hit me back?
Kid Cudi: Oh, I guess, uh, I was just busy.
KYLE MOONEY: Yeah, yeah, busy. [ Kyle laughs and wraps one arm around Kid Cudi’s shoulders. ]
PETE DAVIDSON: Yo Kyle.
KYLE MOONEY: What’s up?
PETE DAVIDSON: Why are you stealing my look and my friends? Don’t you know I have, like, mental problems?
[ Kyle pulls out a bottle of pills and shakes them at Pete. ]
KYLE MOONEY: Me too. [ Pete knocks the bottle of pills out of Kyle’s hand. Pete and Kyle start getting ready to fight. ] You wanna come at me, bro? [Kenan Thompson steps in breaks them apart.] You wanna come at me?
PETE DAVIDSON: Yeah!
KENAN THOMPSON: Chill. Chill! Y’all wanna settle this..do it the ‘Saturday Night Live’ way. Cool?
PETE DAVIDSON: Cool.
KYLE MOONEY: Cool.
[ Cut to a Romanesque set where the SNL cast members are dressed in medieval costumes. Pete and Kyle are in the middle of their circle in battle outfits getting ready to fight. ]
[ Cut to Chris Redd drinking from an old mug. ]
[ Cut to Beck Bennett observing the room. ]
[ Cut to Heidi Gardner eating a banana then tossing the peel. ]
[ Cut to Pete licking his lips and standing across from Kyle surrounded by the other cast members. ]
Aidy Bryant: Gentleman choose wisely. [ Aidy presents a choice of weapons. Pete chooses the sword. Kyle chooses the ball and chain. Pete and Kyle begin to circle around each other. ]
[ Cut to Adam Driver standing from the balcony overlooking the scene. ]
Adam Driver: Guys, guys, guys, guys. As host of this show, I think I have to ask you to not do this. [ Adam is shot with an arrow into his leg. ] Jesus!
[ Cut to Beck holding a bow after he shot the arrow. ]
BECK BENNETT: You don’t belong here.
[ Cut to Adam Driver limping off the balcony with the arrow stuck in his leg. ]
[ Cut to Melissa Villaseñor. ]
MELISSA VILLASEÑOR: Now, fight! [ Melissa hits a gong with a mallett. ]
[ Cut to Kyle and Pete circling each other holding their weapons. ]
KYLE MOONEY: I’m going to enjoy this.
[ Pete lowers his sword. ]
PETE DAVIDSON: Why are we doing this man? I don’t want to fight you.
KYLE MOONEY: Really?
PETE DAVIDSON: Yeah, man. We’re friends.
[ Kyle sighs with relief. Then Pete thrusts his sword into Kyle’s chest. ]
[ Cut to Heidi looking shocked. ]
[ Cut to Chris looking shocked. ]
[ Cut to Pete releasing his sword and Kyle stumbling backwards. Kyle slips on the banana peel that Heidi had thrown aside earlier. ]
[ Cut to Pete smirking. ]
[ Cut to Kyle sitting up holding the banana peel with the sword still in his chest. Kyle laughs. ]
[ Cut to Beck Bennett laughing. ]
[ Cut to Aidy and Melissa laughing. ]
[ Cut to Pete hesitating a smile then giving in to laughter as he looks around the room. ]
[ Cut to Kyle continuing to laugh. ]
[ Cut to Pete mockingly imitating Kyle slipping on the banana peel. The rest of the cast continues to laugh in the background. ]
[ Cut to Pete and Kyle facing the camera and talking. Kyle is back in his regular haircut and clothes. ]
PETE DAVIDSON: Well, um, it looks like we’re friends again.
KYLE MOONEY: Yeah. And I guess I learned that it doesn’t matter what you look like or how popular you are. It’s just about having fun.
PETE DAVIDSON: Yeah. Hey, what’s that? [ Pete points to nothing on Kyle’s chest. Kyle looks down at his finger, and Pete flicks him on the nose. Kyle flinches. Pete laughs. Kyle begins to cough and spit up blood, and his chest wound opens up and begins to bleed. ]
KYLE MOONEY: Doctor says I’m going to die a little later.
[ Fortnite Loading screen with loading bar filling in and theme music playing… ]
[ Cut to Fortnite Map with a blimp flying towards the map. ]
DoomSnake: Let’s play some Fortnite squad. This is DoomSnake. [ Cut to DoomSnake in his room with headphones and game controller ] Who we got on the squad? FlowBoy, you got a mic?
[ Cut to FlowBoy in his room with headphones and game controller. ]
FlowBoy: Yeah, what up? Let’s get that Victory Royale.
DoomSnake: Hell yeah! A’ight, who else is on the squad? Um, William McTavish, 1972. You there?
[ Cut to William McTavish in his room with headphones and game controller. ]
William McTavish: Oh yeah, yes, hi there. This is William McTavish. FYI, never played this game before. My 11-year-old son Miles loves it, and I want to learn how to play so that Fortnite can be a fun bonding activity that we do together.
[ Cut to DoomSnake. ]
Doomsnake: Dope. Well, it’s pretty easy, you just run around and try to kill the other squad. There’s like dances you can do and stuff; it’s fun.
[ Cut to William McTavish. ]
William McTavish: Oh excellent. My son plays with his step-father, Rick. And I’d like to be better than Rick as soon as possible.
[Cut to DoomSnake. ]
DoomSnake: Cool. Here we go.
[ Cut to Fortnite gameplay. The three players, DoomSnake, FlowBoy, and William McTavish appear in video chat boxes on the left and their three Fortnite characters portrayed by other cast members to the right. The characters are standing in their idle position. There is a female with pink hair holding a gun, a blonde guy with a giant pickaxe, and a man with long black hair holding a large gun. ]
William McTavish: Okay which character am I controlling?
[ The blonde guy holding a large pickaxe runs forward and squats. He reruns some more and squats. He looks from side to side. The other two characters continue to sway in their idle standing position. ]
DoomSnake: You’re the blonde guy.
William McTavish: Okay, I got it. I’m the blonde man.
[ The blonde guy continues to squat and run in place. ] Oh, he looks very outdoorsy.
[ Cut to Doomsnake. ]
DoomSnake: Yeah, I guess. Alright, let’s loot up and go over to Tilted. And Mr. McTavish, holler if you need any help.
[ Cut to William McTavish. ]
William McTavish: I need help.
[ Cut to Fortnite gameplay with 3 video chats along the side. The Blonde guy is running into a brick wall. ] What am I doing?
DoomSnake: You’re running at a wall.
FlowBoy: Hey! Turn around sir. Come over to us.
[ Cut to William McTavish. ]
William McTavish: Alright gentlemen, here I come.
[ Cut to Fortnite gameplay with 3 video chats along the side. The female with the pink hair and the male with long black hair continue to stand idle. The blonde guy crosses in front of them walking backward then turns around and goes back the other way walking backward. ]
DoomSnake: Sir, just so you know, you can walk forward dude.
William McTavish: Okay, one thing at a time boys.
[ Cut to William McTavish. ] Okay, what do I do now?
[Cut to DoomSnake. ]
DoomSnake: Step 1, like, stop doing that.
[ Cut to Fortnite gameplay with 3 video chats along the side. The blonde guy is running into the man with long black hair. The man with long black hair and the girl with pink hair continue to stand idle. ]
William McTavish: Well, there’s somebody directly in front of me.
FlowBoy: Yeah, that’s me.
[ Cut to DoomSnake. ]
DoomSnake: Yeah instead of that, go over to that loot chest and open it up. There’s guns inside.
[ Cut to William McTavish. ]
William McTavish: Hold on there are guns in this game?! My ex-wife and Rick should have asked me before letting Miles play this, right?
[ Cut to DoomSnake ]
DoomSnake: I don’t know. Sir, I’m only 15. I shouldn’t be weighing in on your marital situation. But, uh, maybe open up that loot chest.
[ Cut to William McTavish ]
William McTavish: All right, got it.
[ Cut to Fortnite gameplay with 3 video chats along the side. The blonde guy is jumping up and down while the other two characters continue to stand idle. ] Am I doing it?
DoomSnake: No you’re jumping! Push Y!
William McTavish: Oh okay, I got it now.
FlowBoy: No you don’t Mr McTavish. Look at your guy. [The blonde guy starts running in a circle. ] He’s running in a tight circle. Just push Y!
[ Cut to William McTavish. ]
William McTavish: Okay hold on. Let me just figure it out. Okay, there, there. Got it.
[ Cut to Fortnite gameplay with 3 video chats along the side. The blonde guy is running into a brick wall again. ]
FlowBoy: No! You’re back at the wall again. Why you like the wall so much?
[ Cut to DoomSnake. ]
DoomSnake: Sir, just go over to the chest and press the Y button on your controller. Please!
[ Cut to William McTavish ]
William McTavish: Okay, one moment. I did it! I have a firearm.
[ Cut to DoomSnake.]
DoomSnake: Good, cause I see another squad heading our way right now.
[ Cut to FlowBoy. ]
FlowBoy: Yo, Mr. McTavish, when they roll up just aim and shoot.
[ Cut to William McTavish. ]
William McTavish: Alright, let’s do it. Let’s get a Fortnite.
[ Cut to Fortnite gameplay with the 3 video chats along the side. The blonde guy starts dancing by shaking his hips back and forth and moving his arms, like the Twist and the other 2 characters continue to stand idle. William McTavish lets out a laugh. ]
William McTavish: What’s my guy doing?
DoomSnake: That’s an emote. It’s one of those dances you can do. But now is not the time.
[ The blonde guy continues to dance but with more gusto. ]
William McTavish: Oh, that’s a riot. Look at that!
FlowBoy: Yo, they’re here. Stop dancing.
[ 2 more fortnite characters portrayed by other cast members enter the gameplay. They act like they are shooting the other 2 characters who now defend themselves. The blonde guy continues to dance in the foreground. ]
DoomSnake: Mr. McTavish, help us, dude. Shoot those guys!
William McTavish: My guy’s a good dancer.
[ The blonde guy continues dancing. The 2 new characters kill DoomSnake’s and FlowBoy’s characters, and they fall to the ground. ]
DoomSnake: Oh, damn it, dude!
[ Cut to FlowBoy. ]
FlowBoy: And we’re all dead. Alright. We didn’t even get one kill.
DoomSnake: We can’t go out like that. You guys wanna squad up and play again?
[ Cut to William McTavish. ]
William McTavish: Ah, alright. One quick game. But then I got to get back to rehab. So let’s go, squad!
[ Cut to Fortnite loading screen which then appears to be what the television screen looks like when it is shut off. ]
COLIN JOST: And now here to talk about how he spent his summer is Pete Davidson.
PETE DAVIDSON: Hello.
COLIN JOST: Hi.
PETE DAVIDSON: Hi Colin. So my summer, yeah, do we need to explain? Or can I just like… [ Pete motions forward with his hand ] get into it?
COLIN JOST: Yeah, I think we can just get into it. Well, you got engaged to Ariana Grande.
PETE DAVIDSON: Yeah I did. Yeah. Thank you! I did. I got engaged, and no one could believe it. I couldn’t believe it. And, uh, I get it. She’s the number one pop star in the world, and I’m that guy from SNL that everyone thinks is in desperate need of more blood.
COLIN JOST: Well congratulations, I know it’s been kinda crazy.
PETE DAVIDSON: Yeah. Do you remember when that whole city pretended that kid was Batman because he was sick. That’s what this feels like.
COLIN JOST: And have you been enjoying all the attention?
PETE DAVIDSON: I hate it. It’s Awful. I’m so scared. Yo, I got death threats. Yeah, yeah..it’s Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, and Pete Davidson are all people that have gotten death threats. And I like assumed that I would find out about it like they do in movies. Like the governments in your living room with like headsets and there are detectives with suits. And they’re like, ‘Sir we have a situation’. That’s not how I found out. I was leaving my building, and my doorman said, ‘Yo man! Somebody tryin’ to kill you’.
COLIN JOST: And now if you don’t mind me asking..Can I ask, what is the prenup situation?
PETE DAVIDSON: Well obviously I wanted one. You know so God forbid, God forbid we split up, and she takes half my sneakers. No look, I am totally comfortable being with a successful woman. It’s dope. I live at her place, you know. She pays like 60 grand for rent, and all I have to do is like stock the fridge. [ Pete pauses ] Yeah.
COLIN JOST: Well the man doesn’t always have to be the breadwinner in the relationship.
PETE DAVIDSON: God damn right, Colin! He does not. Uh, last night I switched her birth control with Tic Tacs. No, I believe in us and all. But you know, I just want to like make sure. [ Pete pauses ] That she can’t go anywhere.
COLIN JOST: Well she put a song on her new album, and it was called Pete Davidson.
PETE DAVIDSON: I know.
COLIN JOST: That sounds like a very amazing thing to do.
PETE DAVIDSON: Sick.
COLIN JOST: Yeah, and like what have you done for her?
PETE DAVIDSON: Uh, I mentioned the fridge thing. Um, I also love her very much.
COLIN JOST: That’s great.
PETE DAVIDSON: You know I don’t even get royalties for that Pete Davidson song. You know that, like if we break up, and we won’t. We will. But we won’t. No, I’m kidding. But like in 10 years, God forbid that ever happened, there will be song called Pete Davidson like playing in speakers at Kmart, and I’ll be working there.
COLIN JOST: Pete Davidson everyone. [ Colin points at Pete ] For the Weekend Update I’m Colin Jost.
[ Camera pans out to show Michael Che sitting with Colin and Pete ]
Stars. My rating is. Three point I guess I do make the drivers wait a lot.
Replied Merton’s stars. What does he say. I wonder would my rating is. Three point nine.
Why did he think KeithL.K. I got to get my rating up to at least four. I’m gonna need a five star five star right. You can do this.
Okay let’s try to form a connection. How can something original thoughtful something no one else would ask So how are you the jam. Nailed it. Good question. I’ve been driving about day six months. Now you ask him a question. Something pleasant the Monk competition.
Religion are you. I’m not really that religious.
I put on some music. Sure. What would he like.
Is this what he thinks I like. Yeah I love this style of music but I don’t know where I can put on something else. I think what would he like to hear. What about some Russian Trads music.
Any reasons for thinking this is the music he likes. I do like Russian trance. You can do these Petro’s 5star star write them use the means you augment your.
Grade although these off brand Russian Mantz. Just take them into moist hills.
Cuba GoodingJr.
It’s really good man. Thanks man. He totally saw that guy freaking out. Think you need to get this five star rating. Farzat little shoulder massage is Lazic is nice. Oh my god.
Oh you should talk to him. Yeah. Nice. Yeah.
He’s all about pressure point. But.
Even doing this whole horse and pony show to impress each other it’s these ratings driving crazy like episodes of Black Mirror or something man you watch black mirror to see my favorite show.
Oh that’s absurd was you know hero.
Well this is me. Ryback Katchi brother. Goldwin Fairchild’s.
Saturday Night Live Transcripts Special: Saturday Night Live in the ’80s: Lost and Found
1981-82 opening montage
Announcer: And now, from New York, the most dangerous city in America, it’s “Saturday Night Live.” Starring Robin Duke, Christine Ebersole, Mary Gross, Tim Kazurinsky….Tony Rosato, Brian Doyle-Murray — Bob Tischler V/O: The new cast included some seasoned comedy players. Dick Ebersol V/O: And they were largely choices influenced by John and Danny. Bob Tischler V/O: They’d done a lot of comedy. They’d done a lot of sketch comedy. They were NOT intimidated by the process. Mr. & Mrs. T’s Bloody Mary Mix: 10/02/82
Mrs. T: Shut up, old man, shut up! Never canned ’em to the death! I canned the man! But I pity him first! Spray-On Laetril: 10/17/81
All: [ singing ] “The Pump!” Sarcastic Nun: 11/12/83
Father Alexander: You do want to serve God, don’t you?
Nun: Oh, no. I’m a nun. I want to worship Satan and dance naked at a black mass. The Whiners’ Anniversary: 04/10/82
Maitre’D: Your name is, Sir, please?
Doug & Wendy: Doug and Wendy Whinerrrr! Marvin the Iguana: 10/23/82
Marvin the Iguana: This is exciting. This place brings out the animal in me.
Mary Gross: I’m sorry to say this, but I thought the show was a sinking ship.
Tim Kazurinsky: I didn’t care what a poo the show was in. I just thought, I’m gonna go around and plug up the leaks. I want this thing to stay afloat until I get a house. I Married A Monkey: 04/11/81
Tim: Don’t you see what I’m trying to do here? I am trying to save a marriage! I’m trying to save a family.
Mary Gross: I think we were very lucky to come in in 1981. Because the cast that came in, in 1980, had to take a lot of abuse from the critics because they were following those five golden years.
Barry Blaustein: Now it’s accepted that you replace the cast of “Saturday Night Live,” and new people go on. At that time, people questioned whether the show should even continue after the original cast.
Robin Duke: There was not a feeling that this was – this was gonna be great. You know, that we were going to save the show, I guess! [ laughs ] Goodnights: 10/10/81
Susan St. James: “Saturday Night” is back! Good night, everybody! [ Cheers and applause ]
Joe Piscopo: At that point, we went from lackadaisical and cocky to “We’ve got something here. Don’t screw this up, now.”
Andy Breckman: Ebersol was smart enough to know what he didn’t know. He was the only guy in the business I ever heard turn to somebody else and say, “Is that funny? I just don’t know.” Like, he would just admit, “I don’t know.”
Neil Levy V/O: The difference was, there was hip people walking around who knew comedy and had some history.
Dick Ebersol: Lorne said to me, “You know who you should really consider as your right arm in all this, is Michael.”
Lorne Michaels: I said to Dick, at least it will send the right signals.
Tim Kazurinsky: Michael O’Donoghue, the Dark Prince. Oh, my God! George Thoroughgood & The Destroyers perform “Bad to The Bone”: 10/02/82
George Thoroughgood: [ singing ]
“Now on the day I was born
The nurses all gathered ’round
And they gazed in wide wonder
At the joy they had found.
The head nurse spoke up
Said, “Leave this one alone.”
She could tell right away
That I was bad to the bone.
Bad to the bone
B-b-bad b-b-bad b-b-bad.” ??? V/O: Dick and Michael were at odds from the beginning of day one.
Dick Ebersol: The first fight we had was over billing. Because he wanted to be called “Reich Marshall.”
24:08The Fiesta Cheese Platter: 02/19/83
Marvin the Iguana: [ on the phone ] Oh, no! No. Room Service? Yeah, we’d like to cancel the “Bavarian Pork Surprise.” [ a German marching band suddenly bursts into the room ] Cancel the “Bavarian Pork Surprise!” No!
??? V/O: Just delighted in being outrageous and upsetting people as much as he possibly could.
Tim Kazurinsky: It was nuts. When I showed up to work, Michael said, “Viking death! We’re going to take this ship down.”
??? V/O: And he just wanted to make it as outrageous as possible while it was going down. The Bizarro World: 02/20/82
Narrator: [ a cubed Earth spins in space ] Somewhere in space, there exists a parallel universe. Where our earthly events are duplicated. But they are duplicated backwards, for it is a reflection. Our Earth is a sphere, so the parallel Earth is, of course, a cube. This is “The Bizarro World.” But even in this strange world, there is one place so bizarre, it scares even them — [ dissolve to: ] The headquarters of “Bizarro Broadcasting Company!”
[ dissolve to interior, Network President’s office, as Secretary enters ]
Secretary: Mr. President, man is here for job interview.
Network President: We too busy. Send him in! [ Writer enters ] Good-bye, good-bye.
Writer: Me want to work for “Bizarro Network.”
Network President: Ever write a script?
Writer: No.
Network President: Ever direct a show?
Writer: No.
Network President: Know anything at all about television?
Writer: No.
Network President: Congratulations!
??? V/O: Dick Ebersol’s most amazing talent is he’s able to deal with the network. And he kept the network away from the show.
Bob Tischler: I don’t remember ever, ever having any network interference at all. You know, except for things that we couldn’t do because of censorship. The Bulge: 10/06/84
[ Jim Belushi in barroom men’s room, watching as Gary Kroeger stuffs toilet paper in his pants ]
[ Jim Belushi follows suit, and endlessly stuffs toilet paper in his own pants ]
Jim Belushi: We had a film piece. Sasaying, “you can’t do that! That’s a penis!” Ebersol went and fought for that piece. And this is the way he negotiated — “Okay, as long as it’s not smooth.” The Bulge: 10/06/84
[ Jim Belushi emerges from the men’s room with 6-foot padding in his pants ]
Jim Belushi V/O: So we had this 6-foot thing with all these bumps on it. It looked grosser than it would smooth. Ebersol had a way with the network. Lone Justice performs “Shelter”: 12/20/86
Lone Justice: [ singing ]
“Let me be your shelter
Shelter from the storm outside.
Let me be your shelter
Shelter From the endless tide.” Dick Ebersol: The cast benefited on a number of levels from Eddie’s emerging stardom. I think Eddie and Joe Piscopo saved the show. I think that’s fair to say. Because the network was seriously thinking about giving it the ax. Back | Next: Eddie Murphy Emerges
Steve Martin: My old King Tut costume.. I remember this. This was back when the show meant something.. Back when I used to care..
Molly Shannon: It was just at a point in my life where I felt like nothing could stop me. I was just determined to make it work. Because I knew how lucky I was, you know, to, to have gotten there. Not Gonna Phone It In Tonight: 12/14/91
[ Steve Martin and the cast dance past Lorne Michaels, who’s recieving a pedicure ]
Lorne Michaels: Steve, what’s going on?
Steve Martin: We’re going to do our best tonight, Lorne!
Lorne Michaels: What? Steve, the show’s on automatic pilot. I don’t even come in until Saturday.
Steve Martin: Lorne, don’t you see? That’s not the way it was in the 70’s. Back in the 70’s, people cared. They believed in something! Now it’s the 80’s, and everything’s yuppie, yuppie, yuppie.. spend, spend, spend!
Lorne Michaels: Steve, it’s the 90’s.
Steve Martin: Whatever. The point is:
“I’ve always wanted to see How good I could be. I just want to know.”
Lorne Michaels: “Then go, Steve, go And do a great sho-o-o-o-o-o-o-owwwwww!!”
Steve Martin: Thank you, Lorne! I never felt so alive! Mike Myers: I got a call and was, you know: “Hi, it’s Lorne Michaels.” And I was, like, I thought it was my brother, Paul — he was really good at impressions! And, he said, you know, “Would you like to be on the show?” And I said, “Yes. Please.”Not Gonna Phone It In Tonight: 12/14/91
Steve Martin: “But 20% won’t do tonight!”
Mike Myers: [ stepping out ] “Mr. Martin, I’ll do it for you tonight!”
Julia Sweeney: [ steps out as Pat, but strips herself of the characterand costume ] “Gonna do something different tonight. Something says not to just do Pat tonight!” Chris Kattan: I said, “Yeah.” I said, “When do I go in and start?” He said it’d be next week, like, literally. I said, “Wow! But, do I, you know –?” It was, literally, like, “Pack your bags.” It’s like Jerry the mouse, in “Tom & Jerry.” Like: [ imitates instrumentation from “Tom & Jerry” cartoons ] Not Gonna Phone It In Tonight: 12/14/91
Tim Meadows: “I don’t have any lines. I’m not in the show. But something tells me that if I were I’d be raring to go-o-o-o-o!”
Chris Farley: “Not gonna get liquored up tonight! I’m not gonna have a drink tonight! I’m not gonna drink ’til “Update” is through. That’s a promise to you, the viewer!” Tim Meadows: You know, I’m sure, like everyone says, I felt like I had snuck one by them, like they were gonna go, “What is he doing here?” Not Gonna Phone It In Tonight: 12/14/91
Phil Hartman: [ steps out, holding up a wig and piece of make-up ] “I hide behind these wigs and this make-up But tonight I’m gonna let myself shine through. Yes, they’re gonna see the real Phil Hartman tonight!”
Steve Martin: I wouldn’t do that, Phil.
Phil Hartman: Okay. Will Ferrell: Lorne, being obviously sarcastic, but really funny, was, like, “No pressure, but the whole show’s riding on your shoulders.” [ laughs ] Not Gonna Phone It In Tonight: 12/14/91
Cast: “We’re gonna learn our lines, do our parts well Then we’ll go back to coasting But not while Steve’s host ‘Cause.. we’re.. Not gonna phone it in tonight. Not gonna sleepwalk through tonight!”
Steve Martin: “I made it happen!”
Cast: “Steve made it happen!”
Steve Martin: “Now it’s in sight!”
Cast: “Now it’s in sight!”
Steve Martin: “Live, from New York –” [ stuck ] Line? [ Cue Card Man points to “It’s New York!” on cue card ] “It’s Saturday Niiiiiiiiiiight!!!!!” The Sinatra Group: 01/19/91
Frank Sinatra: Let’s start with the chick. What gives, cue ball? I’m looking at you, I’m thinking: fourteen in the side pocket!
Sinead O’Connor: I can’t believe you’re talking about my hair, with all the bloody starvation and suffering in the world right now.
Frank Sinatra: [ mimes a sad, whiny violin solo ] Come on! Swing, baby, you’re platinum! Al Franken: “SNL” came into the 90’s in a really strong way.
Alec Baldwin: They had a great cast. A great cast.
Tina Fey: Maybe the best cast EVER, top to bottom.
Chris Rock: It was the Yankees. I mean, we were.. good.
Mike Myers: And the writing was so good. All the writers were great: Smigel, The Turners, Jack Handey, Conan. You know, I was just, like — it’s an embarrassment of riches.
Al Franken V/O: It’s a — a confident and happy a show as I’ve been on. R.E.M. & Kate Pierson perform “Shiny Happy People”: 04/13/91
R.E.M. & Kate Pierson: [ singing ] “Shiny happy people holding hands. (Shiny happy people holding hands) Shiny happy people laughing.”
Fred Wolf: The ratings were high because, uh — “Wayne’s World” was out there, and the “Church Ladys” were going on, and there was a BIG collection of really charismatic people on cast and as featured players.
Kevin Nealon: We started off in the 80’s with, I think, maybe, eight people in the cast. And, uh — and then it, uh, stretched to about eighteen by the early 90’s.
Lorne Michaels: I neverwanted to be in that position again, of, uh — of having to replace everybody at the same time. And, so, we began to, sort of, bring people in as featured players.
Michael Shoemaker: So, it was: Schneider, Spade, Rock and Farley, Julia, Sandler, Meadows. It’s a full cast, added to what was already a full cast. Steve Martin’s Monologue: 12/14/91
Steve Martin: I love being back here on the show, with a cast I love so much.. the regulars.. Kevin, Dana, Phil.. uh.. Victoria.. and the newer cast members.. Ramone.. Tina.. Frosty.. and Spunky.
Steve Koren: It was a little crowded. You start writing sketches, you know, involving, you know, Army units — [ laughs ] parades.
[ image: Subliminal Military Briefing (02/16/91) ]
[ image: 17th Annual Star Trek Convention (03/14/92) ] Tim Meadows: I think part of it was.. new people coming in to a situation where there had been a lot of veterans. Dick Clark’s Receptionist: 02/22/92
Receptionist: And you are..?
Jesus: I am the Lord. I have come to get on the airwaves that Richard Clark controls, so that I may tell the world that I have come back, as I promised.
Receptionist: Okay, now.. did you have an appointment, orrr..?
Jesus: But, my son, don’t you know Me from the Bible?
Receptionist: I’m not a big reader. I tell you, if you could just have a seat. David Spade: Even Lorne said, “Everyone’s gonna tell you you should be on the show more. Everyone’s gonna tell you you’re the funniest one on the show. [ a beat ] You’re not.” [ laughs ] And I go, “Ahhhh, ohh.”
Dana Carvey: So, one week — [ laughs ] you’re in the show, and then your well-meaning friends will call you next week, when you’re not on the show: “Yuo got SCREWED, man!! What are they putting THAT on for?! Man, they’re screwing you.” You know — and, you’ve got to really resist that. Dysfunctional Family Feud: 10/26/91
Announcer: Let’s start the “Dysfunctional Family Feud”!
Tim Meadows V/O: And, so, I think, there’s a sort of competition that the show naturally builds. Dysfunctional Family Feud: 10/26/91
William Thorton: I’m gonna go out on my own, Ray, and say, “I bet you think you’re smarter than me now.”
Chip Thorton: [ complaining ] Oh, Daaad..
William Thorton: Do you have a problem with that?
Chip Thorton: No, sir.. good answer, sir.. Julia Sweeney: I look at these reality shows now — like, “Project Runway”, or something — [ laughs ] and I think, “Yeah!” I mean, they — that creating competition DOES make people creative.
Michael Shoemaker: When you have a lot of people, the trick is getting on. So, you have to sell what they’re buying. So, topical was always preferred. A Message From the President of the United States: 12/15/90
President George Bush: None of us want war in that whole area out over there. But as commander-in- chief. I am ever cognizant of my authority to launch a full-scale orgy of death there in the desert sands. Probably won’t, but then again, I might.
Dana Carvey: A lot of sketches are just at the right time in the right place. I think that’s one of the sustaining elements of the show. It’s a cathartic release. You know, the idea of, like, this is what the country’s thinking. But we don’t know we’re thinking it ’til now we see it presented. [ smiles ] Gee, I’m sounding pretty smart!
[ image: Godfather Bush (01/12/91) Dave Matthews Band performs “So Much To Say”: 04/20/96
Dave Matthews Band: [ singing ] So much to say, so much to say, so much to say, so much to say So much to say, so much to say, so much to say, so much to say.”
Sarah Silverman: It informs your life so much growing up. People get their news from it! [ laughs ] You know, kids definitely get the news from it!
[ image: Mobile Uplink Unit, Weekend Update (01/19/91) ] Pumping Up With Hans & Franz: 03/23/91
Franz: Listen! Hear me now and believe me later — we are TIRED of waiting for the allies to start the ground war! So it’s time for us to begin —
Together: Operation [ they clap ] Muscle Storm!! Weekend Update with Dennis Miller
Dennis Miller: How can we be that afraid of a man who sits like this?
Al Franken: It’s half the reason to do a live show, is that you can comment on what happened that week. Mr. Subliminal: 12/08/90
Mr. Subliminal: What should the U.S. do about Saddam Hussein? (Lobotomy) What strategy has been the congressional-approved economic sanction? (Waste of time) Because, obviously, nobody wants war. (Republicans) According to President Bush — According to President Bush, nothing is more important than human lives. (Oil) But I think, to avoid war — to avoid war, we need to give Hussein a face-saving way to Kuwait. (Body bag) And I have to say — Lorne Michaels: If you’re not about what people are thinking that week, then I don’t think that you have any relevance.
Colin Quinn: Like, I remember sitting there on Saurday night, eight o’clock, and Lorne would call you into the office and go: “This just happened.” You know? “THey just had this invasion here.” Or, whatever. Adn you’re trying to get it in — either in the Cold Opening, or an Update. Adn that really keeps it.. LIVE! Because it’s right up to that time it goes on the air. Wayne’s World: 01/19/91
Wayne & Garth: [ singing ] “Wayne’s World! Special Report! Party Time! Excellent!”
Mike Myers: When the Gulf War broke out, I was doing a “Wayne’s World” cold opening, and.. we had to rewrite it.. thirty-three seconds before we went to air, because.. there was the possibility of massive casualties — nobody knew what it was gonna be. And so we just tried to approach it humbly, and go, “We’re just two kids, watching it on TV like everybody’s watching it on TV.” Wayne’s World: 01/19/91
Wayne: The first time I heard the word “Scud”, I thought it was like, you know, when you see, like, a really pretty chick walking down the street, you know, about 30 feet away, and you go, “Hello! Babe alert!” Right? But when you get closer, you go, “Oh, my God! She’s a scud!” Coming up Next: The Debates.
 Saturday Night Live Transcripts  Special: Saturday Night Live in the ’90s: Pop Culture Nation
Dana Carvey: I’m on the telephone — to Jon Lovitz — in L.A. — uh — call-waiting — “Uh.. hello?” And it’s just like this: “This is the White House, Operator Number One. Hold for the President.” So I go back to jon Lovitz, I go, “Jon, I got a bigger name on the phone.” He goes, “Who is it?” I go, “Well, it’s the President calling.” “Oh, I see. So I’m not your friend any more?” So, anyway — so then, Goerge Bush, Sr. — with an H — gets on the phone: “Love to have you come out.” So, uh — long story short, I go out there, and there’s the President, the First Lady, and he goes, “Why don’t you do that impression that you do, with me, right here, right now? Love to hear it!” And, I’m like, “God, it’s not very good!” “DO IT!” No, no! [ chuckles ] Darrell Hammond: It’s difficult to comprehend that, first of all, these people know your name; and, secondly, that they want you to ocme hang out with them. You know, like, I’ve been in the Oval Office. It’s bizarre. It’s just larger than life.
Ana Gasteyer: You know, I was a childhood friend of Amy Carter’s. I grew up in Washington, D.C. And I have a vivid memory of President Carter sitting in the White House living room, watching the impression of himself, and laughing hysterically. And being so aware of “SNL” as, like, this piece of cultural reflection. Like, nobody did that before then.”
[ image: Ask President Carter (03/12/77) ] Blues Traveler performs “Hook”: 09/30/95
Blues Traveler: [ singing ] “Because the hook brings you back I ain’t tellin’ you no lie The hook brings you back On that you can rely.”
Steve Koren: I would have to say, the greatest political, sort of, writers that I knew at the time was Al Franken and Jim Downey. And you had these two guys who had written some of the original sketches. So, you really had quite a.. brain trust there ready to write.
Jim Downey: I love it when thesubject matter is politics, and it’s just funny, silly.. an archaic kind of, uh — indiscriminately mean! Clarence Thomas Hearings: 10/12/91
Sen. Joseph Biden: [Judge Thomas], you did ask Ms. Hill out on a date?
Judge Clarence Thomas: Uh.. yes, I did.
Sen. Joseph Biden: Did you just go right up and ask her? Or did you have one of her friends tell her that you thought she was cute?
Judge Clarence Thomas: I just walked right up and asked her.
[ the committee whisper amongst themselves ]
Sen. Edward Kennedy: Were you, uh, drunk at the time? Michael Shoemaker: I remember Al and Jim, like, as they would look at casts: “He can play a senator. He can play a senator. Sandler? Not so much.” [ laughs ] It’s okay!
[ image: Clarence Thomas Hearings (10/12/91): Chris Farley as Sen. Howell Heflin. ] The McLaughlin Group: 03/21/92
Announcer: From the nation’s capital, “The McLaughlin Group.”
Ana Gasteyer: It’s the responsibility of the show to be clever about what’s happening in society, whatever that may be. If it’s boring, our job is to make it interesting!
Colin Quinn: Just to take a C-SPAN thing, and actually make it a recurring sketch, was pretty amazing. The McLaughlin Group: 03/21/92
John McLaughlin: Issue Two!! On a scale of 1 to 10 — 1 being pathetically inadequate, and 10 being painfully inept — how would you rate the Buchanan campaign? Jack Germond-nobody!
Jack Germond: I’d say.. about a 5.
John McLaughlin: WROOONNGG!! Morton Salt — when it rains, it pours!
Morton Kondracke: I’d give it an 8.
John McLaughlin: WROOONNGG!! Patty “Rebuke”-chanan!
Pat Buchanan: Well, John, the campaign isn’t actually over —
John McLaughlin: WROOOOONNNGGG!! It was over weeks ago, you just haven’t been not-i-fied! Colin Quinn: To this day, I watch “The McLaughlin Group” because of the original “SNL” sketches. Debate ’92: 10/10/92
Announcer: “Debate ’92: The Challenge to Avoid Saying Something Stupid.” Al Franken: And, at a certain point, the debate became a tradition.
Jim Downey: The election stuff is – is a godsend. Especially if a lot of people are running. Debate ’92: 10/10/92
Jane Pauley: Now, let’s meet the candidates. Gentlemen?
[ the three candidates enter the arena and stand behind their respective podiums ]
Kevin Nealon: I remember our ratings were particularly high during the election years. People really starting tuning in, and they liked seeing spoofs of different politicians. Debate ’92: 10/10/92
Sam Donaldson: Governor Clinton, let’s be frank. You’re running forpresident, yet [ jump edit ] the main streets of your capital city, Little Rock, aresomething out of L’il Abner, with buxom underage girls in cutoff denimsprancing around in front of Jethro and Billy Bob, while corncob-pipe-smoking,shotgun-toting grannies fire indiscriminantly at runaway hogs.
Bill Clinton: I’m sorry, Sam, do you have a question?
[ jump edit ]
Ross Perot: Why are we talking about Arkansas? Hell,everybody knows that all they got down there is a bunch of ignorant inbredcrackerheads! Peckerwoods, catch me? Now, can we talk about the deficit?While we’ve been jabbering, our deficit has increased by half a milliondollars. That’s enough to buy a still and a new outhouse for every familyin Little Rock!
Bill Clinton: Will you shut up!
Ross Perot: Hold it there, cracker boy, I’m not finished!
George Bush: Now, you see that right there? You see that? It kind of makes you wonder whether these men have the temperament to be president. Would you tell Prime MinisterMajor to shut up? Would you call Boris Yeltsin a “Crackerhead”? Rob Smigel: By the time the election is coming close, we’ve established which performer is — [ laughs ] playing which character! And then, it’s almost like, you know, an election between those two actors. Because, whoever wins is going to have a gig for the next four years, if he wants it. Clinton at McDonald’s: 12/05/92
Bill Clinton: Alright, boys, let’s stop in here for a second. I’m a little parched from the fog.
Secret Service Agent #1: Sir, we’ve only been jogging for three blocks. Besides, Mrs. Clinton asked us not to let you in any more fast food places.
Bill Clinton: Well, I just want to mingle with the American people, talk with some real folks — and maybe get a Diet Coke, or something.
Secret Service Agent #1: Fine. But please don’t tell Mrs. Clinton.
Bill Clinton: Jim, let me tell you something — there’s gonna be a whole BUNCH of things we don’t tell Mrs. Clinton! Lorne Michaels: In the history of the show, I think Democrats are much more surprised when they’re in any way, uh, attacked — or, what they think was an attack — by show business people. I think Republicans aren’t — [ shakes his head ] don’t seem — [ chuckles ] Wait a minute! — To be surprised by it! A Message From the Former President of the United States: 10/22/94
Announcer: The following is a message from the Former President of the United States.
George Bush: Good evening, my fellow Americans. This is George Bush. I was your president from 1989 to 1993. And, during that time, “Saturday Night Live” made fun of me on a fairly regular basis. Do I have any hard feelings about that? Yes, I do. But I’ll have my revenge, when the time is right. Not now — wouldn’t be prudent at this juncture. But revenge will be mine. Coming up Next: Season ’92-’93
Wayne: Hello! Fleetwood Mac? Hello, it’s the 90’s! Here’s a quarter — buy a clue! Tom Davis: That had to be one of the best years for Lorne, because his first son was born, and “Wayne’s World” was the #1 movie. Aerosmith performs “Sweet Emotion”: 10/09/93
Dana Carvey: It’s shocking that it became as big as it did. I-I mean, I just didn’t know. I don’t think Mike did, either. Mike Myers: It was very, very flattering to, uh — you know, think of something in the bath on Sunday, write it up on Tuesday, and then, it’d be somebody saying the words back to you on the following Monday. Uh — it’s a real mind blower. Michael Shoemaker: “Wayne’s World” really raised the profile of the show, and the ratings were crazy. Lorne Michaels: It brought another audience to the show. And, ultimately, uh, Mike and Dana and others had movie careers. Tim Meadows: Coming in the wake of “Wayne’s World”, I think everybody felt that it was their job to get a new character. The Richmeister: 01/19/91
[ Sting enters the copy room ]
Sting: Hey, Richard.
Richmeister: [ looks up, smiles ] Stiiiiing! Der Stingelhoffer! Making copies! The McStingster! Stingatola! Stiiiiiiing!! [ pause ] Sting-a-ling-a-ding-ding-ding-dong! Misery II: 02/16/91
Lorne Michaels: — We have this new thing now, with this guy who says people’s names over and over. Like, he would call you “Sheriff.. the Sheriffster.. the Sheriff-rama.. as in, “The Sheriff-rama, on the phone with the Lorne-meister.” Oh, it’s the new thing, people just love it! Julia Sweeney: It brings you right into the pop-conciousness, uh — you know, the culture — to have a hit character that’s being recurred. It’s Pat: 11/16/91
Head Trainer: Okay. Age?
Pat: Thirty.
Head Trainer: Height?
Pat: 5′ 8″.
Head Trainer: Sex?
[ they exchange curious glances ]
Pat: Yes! Please! [ giggles coquettishly ] That’s my little JOKE! Paula Pell: People watch this show, they want something that feels familiar, because that’s one of those things about the show which makes you feel like you’re a part of it. Oh, you haven’t seen this! Oh, you’ve gotta watch! They do this certain thing!”
Super Fans: [ beer mugs raised ] Da Bears!! The Tonight Show: 10/27/90
Ed McMahon: You are correct, Sir! Yes! Coffee Talk: 12/12/92
Linda Richman: I’m a little verklempt! Daily Affirmation: 02/09/91
Stuart Smalley: — and that’s.. okay! Tim Meadows: The good thing about a repeating character is that people look forward to seeing it. Sprockets: 09/29/90
Dieter: Now I am as happy as a little girl! Tim Meadows: The bad thing about a repeating character — [ smiles ] is that people look forward to seeing it! [ laughs ] Barenaked Ladies performs “It’s All Been Done”: 02/06/99
Barenaked Ladies: [ singing ] “And if I put my fingers here And if I say, ‘I love you, dear’ And if I play the same three chords Will you just yawn and say:
(Whoo-hoo-hoo!) It’s all been done (whoo-hoo-hoo!) It’s all been done (whoo-hoo-hoo!) It’s all been done before!” Chris Rock: [ laughs ] It’s like, “I’m gonna do EXACTLY what Mike Myers does!” I’m Chillin’: 04/18/92
Announcer: Live, from the Marcy Projects, it’s “I’m Chillin'”!
Chris Rock: “I’m Chillin'”? He-ey — “Wayne’s World”! Hey, let’s figure out a way to do “Wayne’s World” with a black guy. Okay! I’m Chillin’: 04/18/92
Onski: I’m your host, Onski. To the highest degree. To the T-O-P. Yo! It’s all about.. muh-wee! And sittin’ by my side is my main man, my toucan Sam, my ace boon coon, my brand new tune, my Vi-dal Sas-soon, my Looney Toon, my Daniel Boone, my ancient room, my big bal-loon, my wrinkled prune, my gold doubloon, my cat in the cradle and the silver spoon, Little Boy blue and the Man in the MIS-SOON — it’s B Fats! Yo, B! Tell ’em how you feel! Sarah Silverman: I love watching friends perform together, because you can SEE it! And you can really see that with Adam and Spade and Farley and Rob Schneider, and they’re all best friends.
David Spade: The best times for me were: I shared an office with Farley.. and you had to walk through ours to get to a back office, which was Chris Rock and Sandler. So, at all times, I get to be with three of the strongest comedy people out there, aaand.. that makes everyone better because everyone’s trying to make each other laugh. Matt Foley: Motivational Speaker: 05/08/93
Matt Foley: Now, young man, what do you want to do with your life?
Brian: [ nervous ] I — actually, Matt, I kinda wanna be a writer.
Matt Foley: We-e-e-elll, la-de-freakin’-da! We’ve got ourselves a writer here! [ jumps across the room ] Hey, Dad! I can’t see real good! [ lifts his glasses off and on his face ] Is that Bill Shakespeare over there?
Dad: Well, actually, Matt — Ellen and I have encouraged Brian in his writing.
Matt Foley: Dad, I wish you could just shut your big yapper! [ stumbles back across the room ] Now, I wonder — Brian, from what I’ve heard, you’re using your paper, not for writing, but for rolling doobies!! You’re gonna be doing a lot of doobie-rolling when you’re living in a van down by the river! David Spade: We went into work, and we just got a sign and an office together. And he’d get bored and finish it and be behind me, going, “David! Turn around!” And I’m be, like, “Dude! If this is Fat Guy in Little Coat again, it’s not funny any more.” And he goes: “Nooo! I swear, it’s new!” [ laughs ] And then I’d turn around — I’ve got my Levi jacket on — Fat Guy in Little Coat! It’s fun-ny! [ whispers ] Don’t you quit on me. Rob Smigel: Farley and Sandler came in, and then Schneider and Spade as well, but, suddenly, you have these kids who were really turning things upside-down.
Fred Wolf: Those guys had this.. rock-and-roll sensibility, and it became cool. It became.. what everybody was looking for. “How can I get — how can I be a part of all this.. youth culture, and – and the pop culture?” And, “How can I know what’s going on and be hip?” And stuff like that. “I gotta watch ‘Saturday Night Live.'” Lunch Lady Land: 01/15/93
Adam Sandler: [ singing ] “Sloppy joe slop sloppy joe yeah Sloppy joe slop sloppy joe ooh-yeah
(with Chris Farley)
Sloppy joe slop sloppy joe yeah Sloppy joe slop sloppy joe -YEAH!” Norm MacDonald: When Chris and Adam were together, that was my favorite thing to watch. Because they loved each other so much, and Chris would always try to make Adam laugh — Zagat’s: 05/13/95
Beverly: [ reading ] “The City Steakhouse serves the best beef in town, their sensual setting will set the mood for any romantic rendez-vous” Oh, hear that Hank?
[ Beverly rubs Hank’s leg while giving another giant smile, Adam Sandler starts cracking up ]
Hank: Give me cancer NOW, God! Fred Wolf: When Farley’s name came up, it was unanimous agreement — he’s the funniest. And – and, in a sense, it’s probably liberating for all those guys to be able to say, “Well, yeah, HE’S the funniest!” Men’s Jazz Dancing Ensemble: 02/20/93
[ Farley spins and falls ] Chris Rock: Farley didn’t have to write. Farley pretty much had every writer – [ laughs ] on the show kind of worked for him!
Jim Downey: Physically, he was — he had no problem risking his life for comedy.
[ image: Matt Foley in Prison: 02/19/94 ] David Spade: Basically, it’s, like, “Uh, by the way, we’re gonna do that again, but don’t put your hands down. Just hit the table with your face.” “Got it!” [ makes crashing sound effect ]
Rob Smigel: And, one of the funniest things about him, that’s illustrated in the Chippendale’s sketch — that Downey wrote — was, uh, you know, to see a guy that fat be that athletic and nimble. It’s just.. breahtaking! That’s still, probably, one of the five funniest moments in the history of the show. Chippendale’s: 10/27/90
[ Farley dances alongside Patrick Swayze ] Coming up Next: The Stand Ups
Blues Traveler performs “Hook”: 09/30/95
Coming up Next: 
Aerosmith performs “Sweet Emotion”: 10/09/93
Coffee Talk: 12/12/92
Daily Affirmation: 02/09/91
