Category: 2000

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 30: Episode 15


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Air Date:

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Special Guests:

Cameos:


March 17th, 2001

Julia Stiles

Aerosmith

None

David Copperfield
Martha Stewart LivingSummary: Martha Stewart (Ana Gasteyer) presents her tips for surviving St. Patrick’s Day.

Recurring Characters: Martha Stewart.

Transcript

Montage

Julia Stiles’ MonologueSummary: Tracy Morgan hits on Julia Stiles after finding out she danced with a black guy in “Save The Last Dance.”

Bio: Prior to her starring role in “Save The Last Dance”, actress Julia Stiles (1981-) played a teen seductress opposite Alec Baldwin in the Hollywood satire, “State and Main.”

Transcript

HomocilSummary: The pill parents take to relieve the stress of having a gay child in their household.

Note: Repeat from 02/17/01.

Wake Up, WakefieldSummary: Classmate Samantha (Julia Stiles) tells Megan (Maya Rudolph) about the school’s upcoming production of “Hair.”

Recurring Characters: Megan, Sheldon, Mr. Banglion, Randy Goldman.

Transcript

Jackie Gives AttitudeSummary: At the post office, rude Jackie (Maya Rudolph) gets a taste of her own medicine from an irate customer (Julia Stiles).

Recurring Characters: Jackie.

Aerosmith performs “Jaded”Also Appeared: 89m, 93c, 96p.

Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina FeySummary: Arnold Schwarzenegger (Darrell Hammond) comments on his campaign for Governor of California. Jimmy and Tina learn that illusionist David Copperfield controls the cue cards.

Suel Forrester Directs A MovieSummary: No one can understand mumbly director Suel Forrestor’s (Chirs Kattan) orders.

Recurring Characters: Suel Forrestor.

BeppiSummary: Foreign sisters (Rachel Dratch, Julia Stiles) clean up an office after business hours.

“The Doberman!”Summary: Adam McKay film focuses on a man (Will Ferrell) being attacked by a doberman.

Apollo Theater Amateur NightSummary: A white girl (Julia Stiles) is only able to find success at the Apollo Theater when she partners with a black man (Jerry Minor).

Willy Sluggs Eye PoppersSummary: The magic of Willy Sluggs (Jerry Minor) is not really all that amazing.

Aerosmith performs “Big Ten Inch Record”

Der Lacheln BeherrschtSummary: The German kids’ show proves to be too upsetting for its young target audience.

Transcript

Van Morrison St. Patrick’s Day MessageSummary: Van Morrison (Jimmy Fallon) drinks Guinness while singing.

Goodnights

SNL Transcripts

Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:
May 5th, 2001

Pierce Brosnan

Destiny’s Child

Julia Stiles

A Message From the President of the United States

Bush (Will Ferrell) reprimands daughter Jenna (Julia Stiles) for drinking.

Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush.

Pierce Brosnan’s Monologue

Sean Connery (Darrell Hammond) offers advice to latest Bond successor Brosnan.

Recurring Characters: Sean Connery.

Homocil

(Repeat) See 02/17/01.

Just Funnin’

Former Gemini’s Twin members (Destiny’s Child) have formed their own group.

Recurring Characters: Britannica, Jeanette.

The Weakest Link

Anne Robinson’s (Rachel Dratch) sour behavior is backgrounded.

Jeffrey’s

More customer bullying from Jeffrey’s clerks (Jimmy Fallon, Brosnan).

Recurring Characters: Clerk, Boss.

Destiny’s Child performs “Survivor”

Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina Fey

Tracy Morgan wants to be black spy – Lamont Bond.

Angry Boss

Mr. Tarkanian (Will Ferrell) is biggest bully in the office.

The West Wing

As written while Aaron Sorkin was high on ‘shrooms.

“Five Finger Discount”, Film by Adam McKay

Destiny’s Child performs “Emotion”

Bravery & Unity

Old jokes are recycled into History Channel retrospective.

Casino Daycare

Parents needn’t worry about their kids as they gamble it all away in Las Vegas.

SNL Transcripts

Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:
December 9th, 2000

Val Kilmer

U2

None

U2, “Elevation”

A Message From the Vice-President of the United States

Al Gore (Darrell Hammond) continues to gripe about losing the Electoral Vote.

Recurring Characters: Al Gore.

Val Kilmer’s Monologue

Clarence (Darrell Hammond) shows Kilmer effects of show if he didn’t host.

Wade Blasingame: Attorney-At-Law

Blasingame (Will Ferrell) is in favor of suing dogs.

Behind The Music: Rock & Roll Heaven

In Heaven, Jim Morrison (Kilmer) forms The Great Frog Society.

Recurring Characters: Jesus.

Palm Beach

Soap opera setting examines the vote confusion in Palm Beach, Florida.

Recurring Characters: George W. Bush, Al Gore, Katherine Harris.

Veronica & Co.

Runway model Veronica (Molly Shannon) hosts talk show.

Recurring Characters: Veronica.

U2 performs “Beautiful Day”

Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina Fey

Jimmy Fallon says “I Have An Opinion” about voter confusion.

Jesse Jackson (Darrell Hammond) & Al Sharpton (Jerry Minor) on voter confusion.

Recurring Characters: Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton.

Iceman: The Later Years

Years later, Iceman (Kilmer) is still living in the past.

Seasons Greetings From “Saturday Night Live”

Horatio Sanz, Jimmy Fallon, Chris Kattan, Tracy Morgan perform Christmas ditty.

U2 performs “Elevation”

Margaret Healey

Margaret (Molly Shannon) does strange voices for blind date (Kilmer).

Recurring Characters: Margaret Healey.

Burt Bacharach

Bacharach (Kilmer) raves about Tyson Brothers (Will Ferrell, Chris Parnell).

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 26: Episode 16


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Air Date:

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Bit Players:


April 7th, 2001

Alec Baldwin

Coldplay

None

Kid Rock

David Spade

None
A Message From the President of the United StatesSummary: President George W. Bush (Will Ferrell) delivers a list of his orders to China.

Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush.

Transcript

Montage

Alec Baldwin’s MonologueSummary: Bill Clinton (Darrell Hammond) gives now-single Alec Baldwin some pointers on meeting women.

Recurring Characters: Bill Clinton.

Reliable InvestmentsSummary: While advising an investor (Ana Gasteyer) on recent Wall Street woes, a broker (Alec Baldwin) jumps to his death.

Transcript

Delicious DishSummary: Pete Schweddy (Alec Baldwin) discusses his new ball park weiner business with Margaret Jo McCullen (Ana Gasteyer) and new co-anchor Lynn Bershad (Rachel Dratch).

Recurring Characters: Margaret Jo McCullen, Pete Schweddy.

Transcript

Tough GuySummary: Sgt. Jack Wilcox (Alec Baldwin) lets his fellow soldiers knows that he’s ready to take on the Chinese single-handedly.

Transcript

Inside the Actors StudioSummary: Charles Nelson Reilly (Alec Baldwin) receives the royal treatment from James Lipton (Will Ferrell).

Recurring Characters: James Lipton.

Transcript

Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina FeySummary: Tracy Morgan discusses what happened with Daryl Strawberry. Jimmy Fallon delivers “I Have An Opinion” International. Tina Fey delivers a rant against Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends. Kid Rock and David Spade present the latest Hollywood Minute news.

Transcript

Coldplay performs “Yellow”

Red Ships of SpainSummary: Robert Goulet (Will Ferrell) and his brothers Wes (Chris Parnell) and Ken (Alec Baldwin) star together in a new musical.

Recurring Characters: Robert Goulet.

Transcript

The Bush Tax CutSummary: Tom Daschle (Chris Kattan) and Richard Gephardt (Darrell Hammond) ruin a press conference while discussing the Bush tax cut.

Recurring Characters: Richard Gephardt.

Lasting ImpressionsSummary: Artists Tony Villone (Alec Baldwin) and Ricky (Jimmy Fallon) show how to add a touch of class to photos by painting them inside of a brandy snifter.

Transcript

Coldplay performs “Don’t Panic”

Goodnights

Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Terrence MaddoxSummary: Terrence Maddox (Will Ferrell) and fellow vagrant Sebastian Clay (Alec Baldwin) compete to be the subjects of a Black & White photograpy class.

Recurring Characters: Terrance Maddox.

Transcript

SNL Transcripts

| Time Warner Cable |Cable TV Providers |Charter Cable

Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:
November 11th, 2000

Calista Flockhart

Ricky Martin

None

Ricky Martin, “She Bangs”

The Presidential Couple

George W. Bush (Will Ferrell) & Al Gore (Darrell Hammond) share the presidency.

Recurring Characters: George W. Bush, Al Gore.

Calista Flockhart’s Monologue

Flockhart tackles issues with Ally McBeal (Rachel Dratch).

Cracklin’ Oat Flakes

Now laced with ecstasy!

The Culps

Marty & Bobbie perform a political medley at a Democratic rally.

Recurring Characters: Marty Culp, Bobbie Mohan-Culp.

Nick Burns, Your Company Computer Guy

Nick (Jimmy Fallon) receives first kiss from fellow techie Rhonda (Flockhart).

Recurring Characters: Nick Burns.

A Message From the Vice-President of the United States

Al Gore (Darrell Hammond) opposes Electoral Vote because he won the Popular Vote.

Ricky Martin performs “She Bangs”

Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina Fey

Bill Clinton (Darrell Hammond talks about the electon mishaps.

Janet Reno (Will Ferrell) declares martial law.

Chris Kattan gives a terrible re-enactment of the Queen Mother’s injury.

“Charlie’s Angels” (Maya Rudolph, Rachel Dratch, Flockhart) fawn for Jimmy Fallon.

Recurring Characters: President Bill Clinton, Janet Reno.

The Crocodile Hunter

Steve Irwin (Chris Kattan) endures more grotesque animal bites.

Ricky Martin performs “Loaded”

Barflies

Barflies (Flockhart, Rachel Dratch) make unflattering commentary about patrons.

Dan Rather

Rather (Darrell Hammond) adapts election slang for NBA game reports.

SNL Transcripts

Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:
February 24th, 2001

Katie Holmes

Dave Matthews Band

None

Dave Matthews Band, “I Did It”

The Clinton Gang

Bill Clinton (Darrell Hammond) acknowledges public love for his wrongdoing.

Recurring Characters: Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton.

Katie Holmes’ Monologue

Tap dance showdown with Will Ferrell.

“Dawson’s Creek”

Joey (Holmes) falls for new student Mr. Peepers (Chris Kattan).

Recurring Characters: Mr. Peepers.

KXLA Special Report

Tom Green (Jimmy Fallon) and Drew Barrymore’s (Holmes) house is on fire.

TV Funhouse

The Backstreet Boys as crime fighters.

Love-ahs

Professor Roger (Will Ferrell) & lover Virginia (Rachel Dratch) entertain.

Recurring Characters: Roger, Virginia.

Dave Matthews Band performs “I Did It”

Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina Fey

Elton John (Horatio Sanz) & Eminem (Chris Parnell) gay kiss at Grammy’s.

Jarrett’s Room

Daniel (Chris Parnell) steals Jarret’s (Jimmy Fallon) love interest (Holmes).

Recurring Characters: Jarret, Goby, Daniel.

Tough As Nails

Director (Chris Parnell) wants multiple takes on crotch-grabbing scene.

Dave Matthews Band performs “The Space Between”

Passive-Aggressive Pam

It’s hard to interpret communication with Pam (Ana Gasteyer) involved.

Singles Cruise

Cowboy (Chris Parnell) and redhead (Maya Rudolph) meet at the last minute.

SNL Transcripts

Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:
December 16th, 2000

Lucy Liu

Jay-Z

None

Jay-Z, “I Just Wanna Love U”

Chi-Chi’s

Al Gore (Darrell Hammond) & George W. Bush (Will Ferrell) meet for lunch.

Recurring Characters: Al Gore, George W. Bush.

Lucy Liu’s Monologue

Liu enjoyed a week full of Asian stereotypes from the crew.

priceline.com

William Shatner (Darrell Hammond) affected by stock plunge.

Total Request Live

Gemini’s Twin (Maya Rudolph, Ana Gasteyer) show off new member (Lui).

Recurring Characters: Britannica, Jeanette.

Celebrity Jeopardy

Connery (Darrell Hammond), Catherine Zeta-Jones (Lui), Robin Williams (Jimmy Fallon).

Recurring Characters: Alex Trebek, Sean Connery.

Pretty Living

Joyologist Helen Madden (Molly Shannon) shows off new girlfriend.

Recurring Characters: Helen Madden.

Jarrett’s Room

Jarrett (Jimmy Fallon) & Goby (Horatio Sanz) host live webcast from dorm room.

Recurring Characters: Jarrett, Goby, Daniel.

Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina Fey

James Madison’s (Rachel Dratch) commentary is sidetracked by modern marvels.

Baby New Year’s (Chris Kattan) diaper is changed.

Jimmy Fallon sings pop-inspired songs about Christmas presents.

Jay-Z performs “I Just Wanna Love U”

Christmas Ornaments

Angel (Molly Shannon) and others long to be put on the family Christmas tree.

Murder In The Make-Believe Ballroom

Robert Goulet releases new rap album with Jay-Z.

Happy Holidays From “Weekend Update”

Tina Fey & Jimmy Fallon’s holidays wishes are interrupted by street urchin.

Jay-Z performs “Is That Yo Bitch”

Seasons Greetings From “Saturday Night Live”

Horatio Sanz, Jimmy Fallon, Chris Kattan, Tracy Morgan re-perform Christmas ditty.

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 26: Episode 16

00p: Alec Baldwin / Coldplay

Inside the Actor’s Studio

James Lipton…..Will Ferrell
Charles Nelson Reilly…..Alec Baldwin

James Lipton: On the thirteenth of January.. nineteen hundred and thirty one.. right here in New York City.. magic happened. An artist was born that would rival Leonardo da Vinci.. or Michelangelo. But his tools would not be pen, nor brush, nor chisel, nor palette. His tools would be his comically over-sized glasses.. and his soul. So please.. welcome.. the greatest performer ever to have graced this Earth, Charles Nelson Reilly.

[ Charles Nelson Reilly enters, strikes a few flamboyant poses for the audience, and sits down while laughing and grabbing his glasses ]

James Lipton: If you ever want to see acting at its finest.. acting that will make you re-examine your life.. acting that will make you see the world for the first time. Watch the 1969 television series, Love American Style. Specifically the episode entitled, “Love and the Laughing Lovers.” It is a delight. [ James Lipton and Charles Nelson Reilly share a laugh ] Tell us about it.

Charles Nelson Reilly: Well, you know it was fantastic. It was a summer full of fashion, fun and frivolity. I learned a lot. One time, Gary Neworth, the director, said to me, “Charles, why don’t you grab your glasses between your thumb and forefinger and pretend you’re twisting them!” [ demonstrates while cracking up ] And I was never the same.

James Lipton: Nor, indeed, was the world.. nor history.. nor anything that the human eye has ever captured. When one thinks of CNR, one’s mind goes right to Match Game. That show was delightful. No. No. It was brilliant. No, no, no, no. There is no word to describe its perfection, so I am forced to make one up. And I’m going to do so right now. Scrumtrilescent.

Charles Nelson Reilly: Oh my, that’s a good word.

James Lipton: Yes it is. Match Game was absolutely scrumtrilescent.

Charles Nelson Reilly: You know, once we were taping Match Game ’75, Nipsey Russell, Brett Summers and I, and we were hanging out at Gene Rayburn’s house, and Nipsey says, “Charles, where does the joy come from?” And I said, “It comes from my blank and it blanks from my blank!” [ laughs uproariously ] And Betty White laughed so hard, her boob fell out!

James Lipton: Unbelievable. You are a modern master. Already a huge success on Broadway, you easily crossed over into film. In 1984, you portrayed Don Don Canneloni.. in Cannonball Run 2. A performance so scrumtrilescent, I can barely move. [ sits rigid for ten seconds ] Then in 1985, you played the hardest role of your life.. yourself.. in Joan Rivers and Friends Salute Heidi Abromowitz.

Charles Nelson Reilly: My Joanie.

James Lipton: Yes. What was it like to play Charles Nelson Reilly?

Charles Nelson Reilly: Sad, fun, tragic, happy, glorious, sticky, horrible, neat and a little gassy.

James Lipton: You are a blinding brilliant light from heaven. Now there is one important role we have yet to discuss.. and that is the voice of King Llort.. in the 1993 animated feature A Troll in Central Park. If you haven’t seen A Troll in Central Park.. you must. It is like looking into the face of God and seeing Him smiling back and saying, “You are my most wondrous creation.” May I speak with King Llort?

Charles Nelson Reilly: Oh!

James Lipton: Is King Llort there?

Charles Nelson Reilly: Oh, of course! [ grabs two cards from Lipton’s monumental stack and holds them to his head like giant ears ] Well, hello James Lipton! I’m King Llort! There’s a troll in Central Park. I’m King Llort! [ replaces cards ]

James Lipton: [ laughing ] I am born anew in your genius. We will conclude our evening.. as we conclude each of our evenings.. with a questionnaire invented by the great Bernard Pivot of apostrophe [ jibberish French ]. What is your favorite word?

Charles Nelson Reilly: [ laughs and twists his glasses ]

James Lipton: What is your least favorite word?

Charles Nelson Reilly: [ emits a prolonged nasal sound of disgust ]

James Lipton: Well played. And finally.. if heaven exists.. what would you like to hear God say when you arrive?

Charles Nelson Reilly: Hmm.

James Lipton: Charles Nelson Reilly.. I am not alone in thinking that you make Gandhi look like a child pornographer. For Inside the Actor’s Studio.. I’m James Lipton.

Submitted by: Cash Car Star

SNL Transcripts

Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina Fey

…..Jimmy Fallon
…..Tina Fey
…..Lou Reed

Announcer: From Studio 8H in Rockefeller Center, this is “Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina Fey.”

Jimmy Fallon: I’m Jimmy Fallon.

Tina Fey: I’m Tina Fey. And here are tonight’s top stories.

In an interview with CNN this week, Dick Cheney said he may need more heart surgery. Cheney says his doctors have advised him to cut out all red meat, avoid stress, and drop the extra 175 pounds that have been weighing him down.
[ show picture of President George W. Bush ]

Officials say that a number of London’s historic buildings are being severely eroded by people urinating on them. Meanwhile, experts have determined that Manhatten was once the size of South America.

Massachusetts governor Jane Swift is making history as the first governor to be pregnant while in office. Swift said she’s extremely excited, happy, sad, nauseous, angry, depressed, and happy again.

Millionaire space tourist Dennis Tito returned to Earth Wednesday after a week in space with Russian cosmonauts. For his $20 million, Tito got to make history, take the ride of a lifetime, and learn the Russian phrase for “Don’t touch that, idiot!”

Toymakers Mattel announced this week that they are releasing a Cher doll. The doll is 8″ tall, fully poseable, and made of the same sturdy plastic used to make Cher.

A bill to allow pet ferrets in New York City was passed by the City Council Wednesday, and now must be approved by Mayor Rudy Guiliani – or, as he is known in the ferret world: Our Fearless Leader.

Research is being conducted on the world’s first contraceptive patch for women. The patch is approximatly 3″ in diameter, and reads, “Get Off Me!”

Jimmy Fallon: Recently, an e-mail message has been spread claiming that one of the legendary leaders of the punk movement, and lead singer of the Velvet Underground, Lou Reed, is dead. Here to put an end to any confusion, is Lou Reed. Lou, thanks for coming..

Lou Reed: Uh, what’s your name – Vance?

Jimmy Fallon: It’s Jimmy, actually. Do you have any idea how this Internet rumor got started?

Lou Reed: Well, I’m dead, I haven’t been around..

Jimmy Fallon: Right. Now, are you sure that you’re dead?

Lou Reed: [ feels his face ] I’m positive. I haven’t been this dead in a while.

Jimmy Fallon: Could you have been mistaken, maybe?

Lou Reed: No, I’m positive. I’m dead.

Jimmy Fallon: Well, you’re a good man, Lou.. I just wish I could have told you that when you were alive..

Lou Reed: Maybe you could e-mail me.

Jimmy Fallon: Thank you. Lou Reed, everybody, the late Lou Reed.

Research by their Royal School of Vetinary Studies show that dogs often get sick and many may be allergic to their owners. However, my research suggests that dogs are often sick because they stay up way too late playing Poker.
[ show picture of “Dogs Playing Poker” print ]

The Florida Legislature this week approved a $32 million program to modernize the state’s voting equipment. Florida Governor Jeb Bush said the new machines are “so accurate and easy to use, there is no way I’m getting re-eelected.”

An Arizona company is selling a scratch-and-sniff test to screen Alzheimer’s Disease. Apparently, if you scratch the panel but then forget to sniff, you’ve got Alzheimer’s.

Cliff Hilgas, the creator of Cliff Notes, died Saturday at his home in Liincoln, Nebraska at the age of 83. Services will be held Sunday from 2:00 to 2:05.

Jimmy Fallon: With “Weekend Update”, I’m Jimmy Fallon.

Tina Fey: And I’m Tina Fey. Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 26: Episode 11


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:


February 10th, 2001

Jennifer Lopez

Jennifer Lopez

None

Lorne Michaels

Tom Hanks

Andy Murphy
Jennifer’s BootySummary: Will Ferrell gushes over Jennifer Lopez’s booty, while Tracy Morgan plots to take over his impression of President George W. Bush.

MontageNote: In spite of an XFL game running late on NBC, “Saturday Night Live” began their studio performance promptly at their usual time, though it didn’t go on the air (as a tape-delay) for another 45 minutes.

Jennifer Lopez’s MonologueSummary: Jennifer Lopez tries to disclaim her diva image as hair and make-up people swarm her on stage.

Transcript

Cracklin’ Oat FlakesSummary: Now laced with ecstasy!

Note: Repeat from 11/11/00.

J Lo vs. MangoSummary: Jennifer Lopez battles Mango (Chris Kattan) for the proper Diva title.

Recurring Characters: Mango, Celine Dion, Diana Ross, Aretha Franklin, Shania Twain.

Transcript

MTV CribsSummary: Gemini’s Twin members Jonette (Ana Gasteyer), Britanica (Maya Rudolph) and new girl Lady Speedstick (Jennifer Lopez) show off their new tiny apartment.

Recurring Characters: Jonette, Britanica.

Transcript

TV FunhouseSummary: Rob Smigel presents “Ray of Light”, his Disney-themed spin on the Ray Lewis scandal.

Transcript

Jennifer Lopez performs “Play”Also Performed: 99k.

Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina FeySummary: Wilson the Volleyball (Will Ferrell) talks mean-spiritedly about Tom Hanks. Third-grader Rasheed Jenkins (Jerry Minor) nervously discusses Black History Month.

Transcript

Fly Girls ReunionSummary: The less-famous Fly Girls, Yonette (Jerry Minor), Spicy (Rachel Dratch), and Deronica (Tracy Morgan), reunite with former member Jennifer Lopez.

Music From The Motion Picture ValentineSummary: Strangely named bands dominate the film’s soundtrack.

Transcript

Jennifer Lopez performs “Love Don’t Cost A Thing”

Good Morning BronxRecurring Characters: Dominican Lou.

The Baby & The German Intellectual

Jeannie DarcySummary: Hack comic Jeannie Darcy’s (Molly Shannon) stand-up routine isn’t well-received at a nursing home.

Recurring Characters: Jeannie Darcy.

Transcript

Wade BlasingameSummary: Attorney Wade Blasingame (Will Ferrell) is in favor of suing dogs for being themselves.

Note: Repeat from 12/09/00.

News From the FrontSummary: Lana Thornberry (Jennifer Lopez) sings unpatriotic music to military soldiers during World War II.

Recurring Characters: Bob Hope.

Goodnights

SNL Transcripts