Tag: Ego Nwodim

Ouija | Season 44 Episode 21

Dad… Paul Rudd

Christine… Heidi Gardner

Samantha… Cecily Strong

Ego Nwodim

Bealthor… Melissa Villaseñor

Kate McKinnon

Aidy Bryant

[Starts with a clip of a house. Girls are laughing.]

[Cut to the room where the girls are having fun and the dad enters the room]

Dad: Uh-oh. Dorky dad on the loose. You girls want some snacks? I’ve got pita chips, raisins and salt.

Christine: Okay, bye, dad.

Dad: All right, I’ll get out of your hair. Just let me know if you want any of those things.

[Dad leaves the room]

Christine: Sorry my dad. But hey, I thought of something scary we can do.

[Heidi brings ouija board to her friends]

Samantha:  Ooh, cool. Ouija board.

Ego Nwodim: Let’s get spooky.

Christine: Spirits, we call upon you to answer our questions. If you are here, give us a sign.

[Thunder sounds]

[Smoke begins to come out of nowhere]

[A demon comes out of the smoke]

Bealthor: Ha-ha-ha. [Cut to Bealthor] I am Bealthor, mistress of the nine hell. [Cut to everybody] Ha-ha-ha.

Kate McKinnon: Holy smokes, we summoned a demon.

[Cut to Bealthor]

Bealthor: Ask your question, mortals.

[Cut to the girls]

Christine: Okay. I’ll go. Demon, which one of us will get married first?

[The girls get shy]

[Cut to Bealthor]

Bealthor: Ah, the whispers of the damned flow through my head. They say Samantha shall be first to wed.

[Cut to the girls]

Aidy Bryant: Aw, Samantha!

Samantha: Demon, thank you.

Kate McKinnon: Do you know, we should celebrate, you guys.

Girls: Pizza!

Aidy Bryant: Totally.

Christine: Pizza girls, at it again.

[Cut to Bealthor]

Bealthor: I mean, I like pizza.

[Cut to the girls]

Kate McKinnon: Oh, I think we’re kind of done with Ouija stuff.

[Cut to Bealthor]

Bealthor: Oh, same here. You know what we should get on our pizza? Pineapple!

[Cut to Samantha and Ego]

Samantha: Ew, that sounds gross.

[Cut to Bealthor]

Bealthor: Oh, yeah, yeah, pineapple is so gross. I was just joking about that. Hey, let’s watch a movie. Movie girls at it again.

[Cut to Samantha and Ego]

Ego Nwodim: I don’t know, Bealthor, it’s kind of late to start a movie.

[Cut to Bealthor]

Bealthor: Oh, yeah, yeah. I was thinking that too. As soon as I said it, I was like, “It’s too late.” I’m so stupid.

[Cut to everybody]

[Dad enters the room]

Dad: Girls, [Cut to dad] why does the whole house smell like brimstone? Oh, hey, Ashley, right?

[Cut to everybody]

Christine: No, dad, this is Bealthor.

[Cut to dad]

Dad: Bealthor? Is that Greek? Mazeltov. Anyway, it turns out we ran out of pita chips. [Cut to Aidy, Samantha, Ego and dad] But wait a second, I think I do see something behind your ear. [Pulls a go-gurt from Ego’s ear as a magic] Oh, it’s a go-gurt. It’s the last one so take a squirt and pass it around. If you guys need me I’ll be downstairs, working that Swiffer.

[Dad leaves]

[Cut to the girls]

Christine: Dads.

Bealthor: Ha-ha-ha. [Cut to Bealthor] Totally. My dad is all, I’m Satan, god cast me out of heaven, what a loser.

[Cut to the girls]

Samantha: What are you even talking about?

[Cut to Bealthor]

Bealthor: My bad, sorry for being weird. I’m just really struggling with my home life right now. And I guess I’ve been feeling really ugly lately.

[Cut to the girls]

Aidy Bryant: Um, hey–

Samantha: Don’t or she’ll never leave.

[Cut to Bealthor]

Bealthor: I’m going to go to the bathroom.

[Bealthor leaves the room]

[Cut to the girls. Dad enters the room.]

Dad: Guess who ordered Thai food. So, if you guys could just throw in five bucks that would be—where’s the Goth kid?

[Cut to everybody]

[Phone rings. Bealthor is talking on the phone behind the door.]

Bealthor: Hi, Satan? Can you come pick me up? These girls are being super fake.

[Cut to dad]

Dad: I don’t believe that I’m hearing. Were you girls bullying Bealthor?

[Cut to the girls]

Christine: Dad, she’s leaving.

[Cut to dad]

Dad: I don’t want to hear it, Christine. She has horns, big whoops. Maybe her differences are what make her cool.

[Cut to everybody]

Aidy Bryant: Yeah, I guess you’re right, Mr. Sanderson.

Kate McKinnon: You’re right. We’ll be nice.

[Bealthor enters the room]

Bealthor: Hey, so my dad says that I can’t spend the night. Anyway, I’m sorry for ruining your party.

[Bealthor walks to the door]

Dad: Bealthor, wait.

[Cut to dad and Bealthor]

These girls have something they would like to say. Girls?

[Cut to everybody]

Kate McKinnon: Bealthor, we’re sorry.

Aidy Bryant: Yeah, we think it would be pretty ill if you spend the night.

[Cut to dad and Bealthor]

Bealthor: Really?

[Cut to everybody]

Everybody: Yes!

Bealthor: Yay. Hey, who wants to know how they’re going to die?

Everybody: Me!

Continuity Errors | Season 44 Episode 20

Frank Parisi… Kyle Mooney

Kenan Thompson

Belle… Ego Nwodim

Thomas… Kate McKinnon

Mikey Day

Matthew… Alex Moffat

Marriot… Cecily Strong 

Lady Grantham… Emma Thompson

Pizza guy… Chris Redd

[Start’s with a program’s intro]

[Cut to Frank in his set]


Frank Parisi: Hello. I’m Frank Parisi and welcome to Wait a Second, That Shouldn’t Be There. The show where we look at some of the biggest continuity errors in Hollywood history. You may have seen the most recent episode of Game of Thrones. Where they accidentally included a shot of [Cut to a picture of Game of Thrones’ scene] Daenery’s sitting next to a modern Starbucks cup.

[Cut to Frank]

There has been even more glaring errors over the years that somehow went unnoticed. See if you can spot anything weird in this classic scene from the 2016 remake of “Roots”.

[Cut to a scene from Roots]

Kenan Thompson: You have to understand, Belle, this is just the way things are.

Belle: But it’s not how things have to be. We can change the present. And the future.

[Cut to Kenan. There’s a box of White Castle Crave case behind him]
Kenan Thompson: Girl, that kind of thinking is going to get you killed, Belle. You’ve got to let go of them silly dreams.

[Cut to Belle. She is holding a ‘Big Gulo’ smoothie cup in her hand.]

Belle: If we don’t have dreams, then we have nothing. You were the one that taught me that. [Belle slurps the smoothie]

[Cut to Frank]

Frank Parisi: Did you notice the Slurpee? Somehow the editor did not. And somehow, no one caught these little booboos in 1998. “Shakespeare in love” either.

[Cut to a scene from Shakespeare in love]

Thomas: Well, there’s something I need you to know. Something I’ve kept from you.

[Cut to Mikey. Mikey takes Sun chips out and eats eats.]
Mikey Day: What is it, Thomas?

[Cut to Thomas]

Thomas: I’m actually not who I say I am. Would you like to see the real me? [Thomas turns around and opens his shirt]

[Cut to Mikey]

Mikey Day: My stars. Thomas is a girl. Me thinks I have an idea for a new play. [Mikey opens his MacBook]

[Cut to Frank]

Frank Parisi: You might ask how did they miss all those errors? Well, keep in mind, everyone was distracted because just off camera, Harvey Weinstein was masturbating into a plant. Check out this subtle screw-up from season two of ‘Downton Abbey’.

[Cut to a scene from Downton Abbey]

Matthew: Marriot, I want to stay by your side but the great war is upon us.

[Cut to Marriot. She is wearing a dinner napkin.]

Marriot: We’re all at war, Matthew. Not just the men fighting in the trenches.

[Cut to Matthew. He is wearing ‘2017’ goggles.]

Matthew: But I love you, Mary. Don’t you understand? [A woman clears her throat] Oh, lady Grantham, we didn’t hear you come in.

[Cut to lady Grantham. She is wearing a beats headphone.]
Lady Grantham: Yes. I can be very quiet. Unlike most people in this house.

[Cut to Matthew]

Matthew: People forgive me, my lady. Is there anything we can help you with?

[Cut to lady Grantham. She is also wearing a soda hat now.]

Lady Grantham: Well, in order to help you’d have to have a modicum of skill, wouldn’t one?

[Pizza delivery guy walks in]

Pizza guy: I’ve got a large mushroom pie for a name Maggie Smith.

Lady Grantham: Just call me Mags. I have a coupon.

Pizza guy: Oh, I’m sorry. That promotion is over. [Pizza guy leaves with the pie]

Lady Grantham: Son of a bitch.

[Cut to Frank]

Frank Parisi: I think that pizza guy’s a star. Let’s take a break. When we come back, we’ll look at famous scene from Jurassic Park. There’s something you might have missed. Welcome to Jurassic Park.

Family Feud Cold Open | Season 44 Episode 19

Steve Harvey… Kenan Thompson

Thor… Alex Moffat

Thanos… Beck Bennett

Okoye… Ego Nwodim

Groot… Leslie Jones

Brienne… Kate McKinnon

Tormund Giantsbane… Mikey Day

Melisandre… Cecily Strong

Bran… Kyle Mooney

[Starts with C-SPAN show intro]

Narrator: You’re watching C-SPAN. Normally we would have shown you footage from Attorney General William Barr’s congressional testimony but Barr decided not to show up. And then the democrats chose to do some light prop comedy with a bucket of chicken. The whole thing was so depressing that we’d rather focus on the two things all American’s can get behind. ‘Game Of Thrones’ and ‘Avengers’.

[Cut to Family Feud set]

Announcer: It’s Family Feud and here’s your host, Steve Harvey.

[Steve walks in the set]

Steve Harvey: Yes, indeed. All right. Welcome to Celebrity Family Feud. I am Steve of house mustache. Today we got ‘The Avengers’ versus ‘Game Of Thrones’. All right. Let’s start with the Avengers because this show is just like their movies. We’re gonna open with 45 minute of introductions. All right. First of, the sexiest man in the Renaissance fair, its Thor.

[Cut to Thor]

Thor: Good day, Steve. It’s good to be handsome. I’m a god and I’m from space.

[Cut to Steve]

Steve Harvey: Oh, you’re a scientologist? Okay, next, we got swole grimace is Thanos.

[Cut to Thanos]

Thanos: Yes. I want my big fancy glove. [Shows his gauntlet] Does it make me look pretty?

[Cut to Steve]

Steve Harvey: I don’t want to burst your bubble but I saw that thing on QVC. All right. Next, she a warrior from Wakanda. It’s okay-doky.

[Cut to Okoye]

Okoye: My name is Okoye. It is truly an honor to be here fighting an epic battle that is the feud of families.

[Cut to Steve]

Steve Harvey: Mm, mm, mm. Bald is beautiful. Girl, you make a good dog want to break it’s chain. All right. finally, who we got down there on the end there?

[Cut to Groot]

Groot: Bitch, I’m Groot.

[Cut to Steve]

Steve Harvey: I feel like you can look at that poster and just know that’s wrong. All right, let’s go to the Game of Thrones side. I got to be honest, I didn’t see the last episode. I mean, I watched it but I couldn’t see it. You know it’s dark when you can’t even see the white people. All right. First up, lady Brienne of Tarth.

[Cut to Brienne]

Brienne: Actually, sir Brienne. I don’t if you saw, but I was recently knighted. Not that I care but it was like the highest honor of my life. I even allowed myself to smile.[Brienne smiles]

[Tormund Giantsbane joins Brienne]

Tormund Giantbane: Isn’t she a snack.

[Cut to Steve]

Steve Harvey: Oh, damn. Who are you?

[Cut to Tormund Giantsbane]

Tormund Giantsbane: I’m Tormund Giantsbane. I killed a giant, crawled into bed with his wife and drank her milk. She thought I was a baby. Ha-ha-ha.

[Cut to Steve]

Steve Harvey: Okay, playa. I like the big girls too. All right. Next, we got a thousand year old witch, Melisandre.

[Cut top Melisandre]

Melisandre: Hello, Steve. This show is dark and full of terrors.

[Cut to Steve]

Steve Harvey: You sound like my agent. Are you really a thousand years old? How come you look so good?

[Cut top Melisandre]

Melisandre: [Looks sideways] Maybe it’s magic. [Melisandre smiles][Bumper sound “maybe it’s Maybelline” plays]

[Cut to Steve]

Steve Harvey: No, it’s definitely magic. Girl, you take that necklace off or you’re gonna turn into old lady. But I know how it is. I take off this shirt and I just pummel out into a poop emoji. And finally, every family got that weird brother. This is Bran.

[Cut to Bran]

Bran Stark: Hello, Steve. I have to go now. [Bran starts to use his warg power]

[Cut to Steve]

Steve Harvey: Woo, somebody got that good weed. All right. Let’s get two players up here. Let’s play the feud.

[Cut to everybody getting ready for the game]

[Brienne and Thos walks to the stage with Steve]

Brienne: Greetings.

Thor: Tarth, good on ya.

Steve Harvey: All right. Top six answers on the board. After ten years, both your franchises are coming to an end. Name something you might put on your bucket list. [Breinne presses the button] Brienne?

Brienne: I don’t need a lot, I’m a low maintenance girl. Armour, short hair– I don’t know. [Cut to Brienne] Jamie Lannister, one night, three hands, no rules. [Brienne smiles]

[Cut to Brienne, Steve and Thor]

Steve Harvey: Okay. Trying to creep with your freakin’ friends.

[Cut to the game screen. ‘Wrong answer’ buzzer plays.]

Okay, not up there. [Cut to Brienne, Steve and Thor] Over to Thor. What’s on your bucket list. Playboy?

[Cut to Thor]

Thor: I must reforge the rainbow bridge, the shining city of Valhalla.

[Cut to Brienne, Steve and Thor]

Steve Harvey: Okay. Show me some kind of white nonsense.

[Cut to the game screen. ‘Right answer’ ring plays.]

Okay, all right.

[Steve walks to team Avengers]

Team Avengers, you’re on the board. Let’s go over to Thanos. What’s on your bucket list?

[Cut to Thanos]

Thanos: I’ve already collected all the infinity stones. So I guess all that’s left is get off the HGH.

[Cut to Steve, Thor and Thanos]

Steve Harvey: I knew there was something going on. You got that Berry Bond’s chin. Show me too old to be that jacked.

[Cut to the game screen. ‘Wrong answer’ buzzer plays.]

Oh, it’s not there. [Cut to Steve, Thor and Thanos] All right. Let’s go over Okra. What’s on your bucket list?

Okoye: Steve, [Cut to Okoye] it’s Okoye. I am a Dora Milaje warrior. But just one day I would like to put on a pair of sweatpants, eat a cheesy gordita crunch and watch eight hours of Lindsay Lohan’s ‘Beach Club’.

[Cut to Steve, Thor, Thanos and Okoye]

Steve Harvey: Okay, then. Show me how Okra got her groove back.

[Cut to the game screen. ‘Wrong answer’ buzzer plays.]

Oh, it’s not that either. [Cut to Steve, Thor, Thanos and Okoye] All right. One strike left. Let’s go over here to the giving tree or whoever this is. Give me something on your bucket list.

[Cut to Groot[

Groot: Bitch, I’m Groot.

[Cut to Steve, Thor, Thanos, Okoye and Groot]

Steve Harvey: Just cause you say it don’t make it true. Show me middle aged lady in a Halloween costume.

[Cut to the game screen. ‘Wrong answer’ buzzer plays.]

Oh, man, that’s three. [Steve Harvey walks to team Game of Thrones] All right, Game of Thrones. Your chance to steal. What’s on your bucket list? Give me some answers.

[Cut to Steve and team Game of Thrones]

Bran Stark: Move my face.

Melisandre: See my old boobies.

Tormund Giantsbane: Big girl.

Steve Harvey: All right. Brienne, what’s it gonna be, player?

[Cut to Brienne]

Brienne: They’re all noble answers but none are invincible. I do fear that the feud is lost.

[Arya Stark joins]

Arya Stark: Not today. It’s I, Arya Stark.

[Cut to Brienne, Arya and Steve]

Steve Harvey: Right on time again. What’s on your bucket list?

Arya Stark: Well, Steve, [Cut to Brienne and Arya] as the battle approaches and you stand to an endless night, there is but one thing a girl must do.

[Cut to Brienne, Arya and Steve]

Steve Harvey: Oh, say no more. I saw what you did in that episode. Show me, getting that booty.

[Cut to the game screen. ‘Right answer’ ring plays.]

Oh, number one answer, [Cut to Steve] all right. Let’s take a break. Stay tuned for a post credit scene where me and Black Panther sings the songs of Jodeci.

[Everybody joins]

Everybody: And live from New York, it’s Saturday Night.

Fashion Coward – SNL | Season 44 Episode 8

Heidi Gardner

Ego Nwodim

Emma Stone

Aidy Bryant

Kate McKinnon

[Starts with a clip of exclusive fashion commercial]

Heidi Gardner: I let my look do the talking.

Ego Nwodim: My body is my canvas, and my clothes is my paint.

Narrator: When it comes to fashion, there’s no risk you won’t take. Well, congrats on being hot, but this ain’t for you. [Cut to a simple clothing store] Introducing fashion coward, the only stor for people who hate shopping and feel lost and scared, with clothes that suggest the general idea of a person. So many shirts are almost normal, but then they go like this. [Kate wearing a simle shirt with a knot at the bottom] We keep it safe with things like brown sweater, navy shirt, pants for the legs and one black dress that says keep it moving.

[Cut to Ego Nwodim from exclusive fashion commercial]

Ego Nwodim: My style tells a story.

[Cut to Emma in the simple clothing store]

Emma Stone: Same. My story is I’m a stranger to myself.

Aidy Bryant: I go in cruises with my parents.

Kate McKinnon: Ideal juror.

Narrator: Can’t decide between buttons and no buttons? We split the diff with a whole lot of this. [Cut to clips of shirts with half trail buttons] That’s a half trail of buttons that say – Bail! Bail, bail, bail. And you got to try on our big gray zip-up sweatshirt [Cut to clips of oversized hoodies] that doubles as a real life invisibility cloak. Try it on in our coward proof fitting room. As a child, you were humiliated in a Kohl’s fitting room where your mother said something so harmful, is seared off the top layer of your brain. You’re safe here with things like far mirrors.

[Cut to Kate checking her clothes on a mirror that’s pretty far]

Kate McKinnon: That’ll do.

Narrator: If an item of clothing makes you ask, am I this person?

Aidy Bryant: Maybe for like a rooftop party?

Narrator: It will immediately burst into flames. [The dress burns itself] Decisions are hard. That’s why if you take more than seconds to decide if you want something, the fitting room emits a mercy gas that knocks you out. [Kate faints] Then you’re carried home by a big strong man who shops for you. [Big strong man carrying Kate on his shoulder and choosing clothes for her] And we don’t sell swimsuits. You know why. [Cut to Kate, Aidy and Emma. They are very happy] Fashion coward.

Dorm Room Posters – SNL | Season 44 Episode 8

Pete Davidson

Percocet… Mikey Day

Black Puma… Kenan Thompson

Jaguar… Ego Nwodim

Krissy Knox… Emma Stone

Mad Dog Dugan… Beck Bennett

Brandy Knox… Emma Stone

[Starts with Pete stressing over his essay in his room. He has few posters on his wall.]

Pete: This is impossible. I can’t write a six page essay about the revolutionary war. But if I don’t pass this class, I’m going to get kicked out of the school. Wish history weren’t so boring.

[Percocet from one of his posters calls Pete out]

Percocet: Yo, wake up, homey.

Pete: What the— Wow, Percocet? How are you talking? You’re a poster.

Percocet: Yah, coz you dreaming brah. [Cut to Percocet] But you also tripping saying no one cares about history. Yo, you know my song, atomic ass. The part that’s like, “Baby, put the ass on me, drop it like a Nagasaki“, that’s a historical reference, brah.

[Cut to Percocet and Pete]

Pete: Whoa, my favorite rapper, like, cares about history.

[Cut to Black Puma and Jaguar talking from the poster]

Black Puma: So do your favorite superheroes.

[Cut to Pete]

Pete: Black Puma and Jaguar. You care about history too?

[Cut to Black Puma and Jaguar]

Jaguar: Oh, yes. History is very important.

Black Puma: As I say in our blockbuster movie, to know the past is to see the future.

[Cut to Pete]

Pete: Are you guys saying that like history actually matters?

[Cut to Pete and Krissy Knox. Krissy Knox is talking from the poster]

Krissy Knox: Hell yeah.

Pete: Oh, Krissy Knox. You’re one of maxim magazines 50 hottest girls from rural areas. You like history as well?

[Cut to Krissy Knox]

Krissy Knox: Yeah.

[Cut to Mad Dog Dugan talking from the poster]

Mad Dog Dugan: And so does WME superstar Mad Dog Dugan. My whole story line for wrestle fest 17 came straight from the Iliad.

[Cut to Pete]

Pete: Wow, so history, like, influences wrestling.

[Cut to Percocet]

Percocet: Um-hmm. And music.

[Cut to Black Puma and Jaguar]

Black Puma: And movies.

[Cut to Krissy Knox]

Krissy Knox: And my long fat garden hose that I’m drinking from like a dumb, silly doggy.

[Cut to Black Puma and Jaguar]

Black Puma: Hey, Krissy, please. Less about your hose and more about history. This boy must pass his class.

[Cut to Pete]

Pete: Yeah, for real. When I read about the American Revolution, I get so bored. How am I supposed to write an essay I care nothing about?

[Cut to Mad Dog Dugan]

Mad Dog Dugan: It’s all in how you look at it, brother. For instance, when my former tag team partner, Peter Party Hardy, betrayed me at super slam nine. That’s exactly what Benedict Arnold did to George Washington.

[Cut to Krissy Knox]

Krissy Knox: Or when I bent down and picked up this wet, squeaky garden hose and drank from it with my dirty, thirsty mouth, that’s math.

[Cut to Percocet, Pete and Krissy Knox]

Percocet: Yo, it’s not math. It’s history.

Krissy Knox: Right. And history is just yesterday’s tomorrow.

Pete: Isn’t that just today?

Krissy Knox: Oh, hell yeah.

[Cut to Black Puma and Jaguar]

Black Puma: Krissy, no more of this.

Jaguar: Brother, let me go over there, slap this foolish girl.

Black Puma: No, no, sister. That is not the way of the Puma. Krissy, do not lead his mind down the porno path. Do you have anything in mind that can help this boy pass his class?

[Cut to Krissy Knox]

Krissy Knox: Look at my dumb old belly button.

[Cut to Percocet, Pete and Krissy Knox]

Pete: Yeah, I like it.

Percocet: Knock that noise off, yo.

[Cut to Black Puma and Jaguar]

Black Puma: Young man, just take that poster down. You will never learn with her around.

[Cut to Pete and Krissy Knox]

Pete: Yeah, you’re right. Sorry, Krissy, but I need to focus on this paper.

[Pete walks to Krissy Knox poster and tears it down. There’s another picture of a girl that looks just like her]

[Cut to Mad Dog Dugan]

Mad Dog Dugan: What the hell? You have another poster of this Knox lady?

[Cut to Pete standing in front of that poster]

Pete: Oh no, that’s Brandy Knox. Krissy’s Twin sister. I don’t like her as much. [Pete takes his seat]  Anyway, we got to talk about this essay. Like what am I going to write about?

[Cut to Percocet]

Percocet: All right, so check it, yo. You got to find the reasons why American Revolution happened. You feel me? Yo, you heard my song, Bitch Na featuring Dj Fat Ass, right? It’s like the colonists with Britain. The war was them saying, “Bitch, nah, that ass ain’t worth it”.

[Cut to Pete]

Pete: Oh, I get it because Americans wanted to control their own destiny.

[Cut to Brandy and Pete. Brandy is dancing with a burger on one hand and beer on the other]

Brandy Knox: Hell yeah.

[Cut to Mad Dog Dugan]

Mad Dog Dugan: Perfect. Anyway, that’s your thesis broheim.

[Cut to Pete]

Pete: What’s a thesis?

[Cut to Brandy]

Brandy Knox: Thesis. This is my fat greasy burger. And this is my hugs, stupid beer. Thesis.

[Cut to Black Puma and Jaguar]

Jaguar: Shut up about your stupid burger and your beer. We are close.

Black Puma: Boy, listen to me. That thesis is your opening argument.

[Cut to Brandy and Pete]

Pete: Okay. That’s like one sentence. What’s the rest?

Brandy Knox: What’s more?

[Cut to Mad Dog Dugan]

Mad Dog Dugan: Oh, my god. The rest of the essay is proving your thesis. That’s the body.

[Cut to Brandy]

Brandy Knox: Yeah, my body is going to feel nasty after I scarf that fat, mushy, stinky burger and wash it down with this frosty dumb ass beer.

[Cut to Percocet and Pete]

Percocet: Stop, y’all. This kid’s going to fail.

Pete: Not a chance. My days are getting ’F’s are in the past.

[Cut to everybody]

Percocet: Oh, in the past. Yo, I think you mean those days are history.

[Cut to Pete]

Pete: Well, thanks everyone, now I’m going to wake up and write an A+ history paper.

[Cut to Brandy]

Brandy Knox: Oh yeah!

[Cut to an essay graded F with “See me” written on it]

Royal Baby Video – SNL | Season 44 Episode 8

Prince Harry… Mikey Day

Prince Charles… Beck Bennett

Prince William… Alex Moffat

Kate Middleton… Cecily Strong

21 Savage… Chris Redd

James Corden… Aidy Bryant

Tinsley Granger… Emma Stone

Ringo Starr… Pete Davidson

Charlie… Kenan Thompson

Ego Nwodim

Queen Elizabeth… Kate McKinnon

[Starts with a clip of The Duke and Duchess’ Estate]

[Cut to Prince Harry vlogging in a his baby shower]

Prince Harry: What’s up? It’s your boy Prince Harry, a.k.a. the Ginger of Windsor, a.k.a. Redhead Redemption 2. I am making this video for you, my future child, to watch when you’re older. We’re going to do a private birth for you, keeping it low-key. But we are having a big baby shower, and I wanted you to come out and see all the people who came to celebrate you. So come on, let’s take a lap. Come on. [Prince Harry walks to his dad Prince Charles] Oh, here we go. Come on. Your grandpa, Prince Charles, right? Say hello, Dad.

Prince Charles: Hello.

Prince Harry: Do you want to say anything to your future grandchild?

Prince Charles: Yes, hello.

Prince Harry: All right. Well said, dad. The people’s prince. [Prince Harry walks away] All right. Who else have we got? Oh, no, there’s James Corden. He’s been at a ten since he got here. [James Corden is dancing and singing] Yeah, yeah. Don’t let him see the camera. He’ll be on us all night, all right? We’re going to meet my brother, your uncle William. Now, I told him it was an ‘80s costume party. He bought it. Ladies and gentlemen, Freddie Mercury. [Prince William is dressed up like Freddie Mercury] Freddie Mercury. You did it. You brought a mic stand.

Prince William: Yes. Don’t I look a pratt. Good evening, my brother. What a fool?

Prince Harry: Oh, he’s mad. Luckily anger is like your hair. Easy come—easy go.

Prince William: Bravo.

Prince Harry: So you brought a gift there.

Prince William: I did, yes. [Prince William shows a baby clothes] A hilarious onesie.  “Keep calm and change my nappy.”

[Kate Middleton joins them]

Kate Middleton: All right. William, darling, tell him about the other gift.

Prince William: Oh, right. Also we bought the baby a house.

Prince Harry: Oh, you shouldn’t have.

Prince William: I’ll go get the keys. He’s going to love it. It’s huge.

[Prince William leaves]

Prince Harry: Here she is, your aunt Kate Middleton. The papers keep saying she’s feuding with your mum, but that’s not true.

Kate Middleton: No, we’re not feuding. Why? Why would we? Because I follow all the strict rules and she doesn’t, and people love her for it? I love that. Excuse me.

[Kate Middleton leaves]

Prince Harry: All right. Look who it is fresh off being deported from the US, [Prince Harry runs into 21 Savage] 21 Savage. How different is England from Atlanta, mate?

21 Savage: A lot.

Prince Harry: All right. Still pretty cool though, right?

21 Savage: Nah.

[21 Savage leaves]

Prince Harry: All right. It will grow on you, mate. Oh, James Corden, James Corden. Duck, duck.

[Prince Harry and camera man are hiding. James Corden is looking for them.]

James Corden: Oh, I saw a camera somewhere.

Prince Harry: Picked up the scent. [James Corden is gone] All right. Come on, come on. All right. Look who it is. [Prince Harry runs into Tinsley Granger. She is having champagne. She is a bit drunk] It’s one of my ex-girlfriends, excellent. Ms. Tinsley Granger Gash. Hi Tins. You want to say something to my future child?

Tinsley Granger: Oh! [Tinsley Granger speaks very close to the camera] Hello, little baby. Hello lonely tiny baby.

Prince Harry: A little close, Tins. [Prince Harry pulls Tinsley backwards]

Tinsley Granger: Your dad broke up with me on Whatsapp.

Prince Harry: Okay. So how have you been, Tins?

Tinsley Granger: Splendid, Harry. Splendid. I’m so busy and happy. I’m glad we didn’t make it, Harry. I don’t want to be a duchess and live in a huge house for free. Hi, little baby.

Prince Harry: Maybe ease off the champagne a little bit there.

Tinsley Granger: Kiss me on the mouth, Harry. I’m joking. Do it, though. I’m joking. I’m dating someone anyway. He was in ‘Harry Potter’.

Prince Harry: Oh, who did he play?

Tinsley Granger: Hagrid.

Prince Harry: I’m sorry, what?

Tinsley Granger: [In loud voice] Hagrid.

Prince Harry: Oh, Hagrid, awesome. He’s great. All right, fantastic. Better be off. Thank you Tins.

Tinsley Granger: Bye little baby.

[Prince Harry walks away from Tinsley Granger]

Prince Harry: Stop talking to my future child. Beatle alert, Ringo Starr.

[Ringo Starr passes by the camera]

Ringo Starr: Peace and love.

Prince Harry: All right. I kind of wish it was Paul, but anyway, let’s keep moving. Looking for James Corden. Do not see him, so come on.

[Prince Harry runs into Charlie]

Charlie: Hey, hey, hey, Harry, my man. How is it going? Nice to finally meet you. I’m Charlie. I’m a friend of Meghan’s mom.

Prince Harry: All right. Hey, anything to say to my future child?

Charlie: Oh, sure, sure. How is it going there? There’s a chance that you’re going to come out with usual mama’s skin on the bottom and your daddy’s bright red hair on the top. Yeah, that’s right. You might be black ginger. That’s right. And that’s amazing. You’re going to be like a unicorn. It’s going to be you and Blake Griffin. All right. Stay in school and study hard. Actually, that won’t matter for you. You’re rich and famous. You already hit the lottery. All right. I’ll see you later, kid. Charlie out.

[Charlie leaves]

Prince Harry: All right, that was fun. Let’s go look at your gifts. [Prince Harry opens the door and goes inside the room full of gifts] Look at all these gifts. We’re going to donate most of these. [Prince Harry runs into Ego Nwodim] Oh, I’m sorry.

Ego Nwodim: Sorry. I’m Meghan’s cousin. I needed a breather. It’s real British in there. There was a guy wearing a tux eating a sandwich that was just mayonnaise. That’s maximum British.

Prince Harry: It is, yeah.

Ego Nwodim: Anyway, I’ll get out of here.

[Ego Nwodim leaves]

Prince Harry: Yeah, it’s fine. It’s fine. Sorry. All right. We’re going to donate –

[Sound coming from the pile of gifts]

Queen Elizabeth: Help me.

Prince Harry: Oh, someone’s trapped under the gifts. [Prince Harry finds Queen Elizabeth on the floor] Oh, my god, it’s grandma. Grandma, you’re on the floor. What’s going on?

[Prince Charles comes in]

Prince Charles: What happened? Am I king?

Prince Harry: No. Dad, she’s fine.

Prince Charles: Oh, well, good. [Prince Charles leaves]

Prince Harry: Grandma, what happened?

Queen Elizabeth: I was snooping trying to see what the Clooneys got you when an avalanche of boxes hit me.

Prince Harry: Be careful. You want to say hello to your future grandchild?

Queen Elizabeth: Well, hello. Welcome to the family. I already love you with all my heart.

Prince Harry: Oh, grandma.

Queen Elizabeth: Even though you’re half American, which means you’re half traitor.

[Queen Elizabeth leaves]

Prince Harry: All right. Thank you, gran. All right. Last stop, [Prince Harry walks to another door] your mom was taking a little nap in here. So let’s see if she’s awake. She’s absolutely gorgeous. Let’s go see your mom, come on. [ Prince Harry opens the door] Meghan love, are you—[James Corden shows up inside the door]

James Corden: Ha-ha.

Prince Harry: Oh no. James Corden

James Corden: I knew it.

Prince Harry:James Corden. Cut it! Cut it!

[The video cuts]

Ladies Room – SNL | Season 44 Episode 8

Cecily Strong

Leslie Jones

Emma Stone

Kenan Thompson

Beck Bennett

Ego Nwodim

Melissa Villaseñor

[Starts with people dancing in a room. The music is playing.]

Ego Nwodim: Oh-oh.

Cecily Strong: I had to leave my one bedroom, two bath rental to come to this?

Leslie Jones: Sorry, girl, but you had to get here.

Emma Stone: Yeah, girl. These women have their hands all over your man.

Cecily Strong: Ooh, I cannot hear this today. This makes me much, much, crazy insane. And girlfriend, you know I’m already most of the way there.

Emma Stone: Yeah, girl. Didn’t your psychiatrist say he wouldn’t take your money anymore?

Cecily Strong: Listen girls, I’m not going to stoop to the level of a J-A-W. Jackass woman. Because things might get crazilus.

Leslie Jones: Crazilus? Did you mean to say that?

Cecily Strong: No. Let’s go somewhere where we can talk in private.

[Cecily, Emma and Leslie start dancing and moving]

Everybody: I’m gonna meet you in the ladies room

Emma Stone: You do not need this.

Everybody: We’ll be back real soon

Emma Stone: He owes you everything.

Everybody: I’m gonna meet you in the ladies room

Emma Stone: He was gay before he met you.

Everybody: We’ll be back pretty soon

Emma Stone: He has his green card because of you.

[A band comes in the room]

Everybody: Oh, oh, oh, oh

Emma Stone: It’s your brother and his electric dancing chair.

Everybody: I don’t know but I think there’s something up with your man
Something up with your man
cause he’s out there bragging that he just bought a purple Trans-Am.
That’s his mama’s car.

I’m going to meet you in the ladies room.

Cecily Strong: These women just keep pushing me.

Everybody: We’ll be back real soon

Emma Stone: But you’re mad at him too, right?

Everybody: I’m going to meet you in the ladies room

Cecily Strong: No, just those nasty, nasty women

Everybody: We’ll be back real soon.

Leslie Jones: I think your anger is misplaced

Everybody: I’m gonna meet you in the ladies room

We’ll be back real soon.

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan Thompson: Hey! Hey! [Music stops] What the hell is going on in here?

[Cut to Beck]

Beck Bennett: We’re all dancing in the ladies room.

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan Thompson: Shut up.

[Cut to Emma]

Emma Stone: Her man has been giving her headaches, so we’re discussing it in the ladies room.

[Cut to Cecily]

Cecily Strong: But I’m not mad at him. Just those CHWs, those chicken-headed women.

[Cut to the women]

Ego Nwodim: So get out of here, sir. This is a ladies restroom.

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan Thompson: This is not a restroom.

[Cut to the women]

Melissa Villaseñor: Yes, it is. It’s the ladies room at club Vortex.

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan Thompson: No, it is not. This is a fitting room at Limited Express.

[Cut to the women]

Emma Stone: Then why did I go to the bathroom in there?

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan Thompson: Why did you what? [Kenan runs to the door and looks in there] Oh, my – this is a mess all over this room. Didn’t you see there wasn’t no toilet in there? Huh? This is a fitting room. There is so much mess. How many of y’all went?

[Cut to the women. They all raise their hands.]

Leslie Jones: I went five times because I drank two boxes of wine.

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan Thompson: What is wrong with you people? This is Limited Express. Why don’t you know that?

[Cut to the women]

Cecily Strong: Since when it is a Limited Express and not club Vortex anymore?

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan Thompson: Since Christmas. It was in the paper. They got shut down for serving tainted burger meat.

[Cut to the women]

Emma Stone: Who keeps up with all that?

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan Thompson: There wasn’t no toilet in the room.

[Cut to Beck]

Beck Bennett: I wondered why I was going in front of a three-way mirror. What kind of ladies room is that?

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan Thompson: Again, this is not a ladies room. And what is your deal anyway, man? You’re not even a lady.

[Cut to Beck]

Beck Bennett: No. I’m eye candy. Plus this is my chair that I own.

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan Thompson: Get out before I call the police. Man, I got to clean this whole thing up before 6 AM.

[Cut to everybody] [Music starts playing, everyone is leaving while dancing]

Everybody: We’re gonna meet you in the ladies room.

Kenan Thompson: You are kidding me. Every single stall?

Everybody: We’ll be back real soon.

Kenan Thompson: No, you won’t. You are banned.

Leslie Jones: I have to pee before I leave.

New Video Game

Pete Davidson

Alex Moffat

Knox… Ego Nwodim

Damian… Kit Harrington

Ethan… Mikey Day

Zombie… Chris Redd

[Starts with Pete Davidson going to play a VR video game in a video game store]

Pete Davidson: Dude, you’re going to love this game. Are the graphics as insane as everybody says they are?

Alex Moffat: Are you kidding me? “Earth War 3” It makes “Earth War 2” look like a Mario game. And in VR, forget about it.

Pete Davidson: Dope. Let’s smoke some zombies. [Cut to Video game] Yo, it’s like I’m actually there.

Alex Moffat: Right?

[Damian looks at the player]

Damian: Hey, you must be the new special division agent. I’m Damien. I run the safe house where you can upgrade gear and check progress. But first, find the weapons room.

[Cut to Pete and Alex]

Pete Davidson: Oh, wow. All right. I’m going to get the biggest gun they have.

Alex Moffat: Do it, dude.

[Cut to video game. Player walks to Ethan.]

Ethan: Hey, agent. I’m Ethan. I run the safe house with Damien. This is your mission hub. Or it will be once I get it up and running.

[Cut to Pete Davidson]

Pete Davidson: Uh, cool. Not here to talk. [Cut to Pete and Alex] Where are the guns at?

[Cut to video game. Player is looking for a gun, but runs into Damian.]

Damian: Hey, it’s me, Damien. I saw you talking to Ethan. I heard him say we run the safe house together. We don’t. I run it. He helps.

[Cut to Pete Davidson]

Pete Davidson: All right.

[Cut to video game. Damian is talking to the Player.]

Damian: Ethan’s nice but his ideas aren’t great. Like his mission hub.

[Cut to Pete and Alex]

Pete Davidson: I just want to shoot zombies but these helper guys keep bending my ear.

Alex Moffat: Oh, NPCs? If you don’t want to talk to them, just hit ‘B’, dude!

[Cut to video game. Damian is talking to the Player.]

Damian: Hey, I heard something weird about Ethan.

[Cut to Pete and Alex]

Pete Davidson: Skip.

[Cut to video game. Damian is talking to the Player.]

Damian: I get it. You’re a busy man. Now go kick some ass.

[Ethan calls the player]

Ethan: Agent, there’s a zombie horde in sector 3. Come with me to gear up.

[Cut to Pete]

Pete Davidson: Finally. Thank you.

[Cut to video game. Ethan takes Player to a room.]

Ethan: Hey, I lied about the whole zombie horde thing so we can talk alone.

Pete Davidson: No!

Ethan: Is Damien like, mad at me? I think he’s jealous of the mission hub because it was my idea. Or it’s something else. What do you think?

[Three options appear in the game]

[Cut to Pete and Alex]

Pete Davidson: Shut up.

[Cut to video game. Ethan is talking to the Player.]

[Pete presses skip button]

Ethan: Oh, I understand. You don’t have time to talk but let me guess, you have time to talk to Damien. This place is so toxic.

[Ethan leaves the room]

Pete Davidson: Are you kidding me?

[Damian enters the room]

Damian: Oh, my god. What wasn’t all that about?

[Cut to Pete]

Pete Davidson: Can I kill these guys?

[Pete starts hitting Damian]

[Cut to video game. Player is hitting Damian.]

Damian: Watch it. Ouch. Be careful. Wa- Wa- Watch it.

Pete Davidson: Skip.

Damian: I get it, you’re a busy man. Go kick some ass.

[Cut to Pete]

Pete Davidson: Guns, now please!

[Cut to video game. Player gets out of the room and runs into Knox.]

Knox: Agent. There you are. I’m Knox, section commander. I’ll cut to the chase. What’s going on with Ethan and Damien? Get real with the bitch.

[Cut to Pete]

Pete Davidson: No!

[Cut to video game. Knox is talking to the player.]

Knox: We’ll talk later. Anyway, the weapons storage room is that way. Good luck.

[Cut to Pete and Alex]

Pete Davidson: Oh, my god, finally!

[Cut to video game. Player walks to the weapons storage but runs into Ethan and Damian.]

Ethan: Hey, agent. Damien and I are hashing some stuff out.

Pete Davidson: No!

Damian: Yeah, we’re going to need a minute alone.

[Ethan closes the door]

Video Game Announcer: Storage room locked.

[Cut to Pete and Alex]

Pete Davidson: Are you kidding me?

[Cut to video game. Ethan and Damian are talking.]

Ethan: Any idea that’s not yours.

Damian: I mean, every time now, Ethan, for god’s sake.

[Cut to Pete and Alex]

Pete Davidson: Screw it, I’m going out without a gun.

Alex: Yeah!

[Cut to video game. Player opens the lab door.]

Video Game Announcer: Lab door open.

[Player walks outside the lab. A zombie confronts him.]

Zombie: Rawr! What’s the deal with Ethan and Damien?

[Cut to Pete and Alex]

Pete Davidson: No!

[Cut to video game]

Video Game Announcer: Game over!

Bachelorette Party | Season 44 Episode 17

Ego Nwodim

Erin… Cecily Strong

Aidy Bryant

Brian… Kit Harrington

Leslie Jones

Melissa Villaseñor

Mary… Kate McKinnon

[Starts with a group of ladies having a bachelorette party]

Ego Nwodim: Okay, I would like to propose a toast to Erin and Brian.

Everybody: To Erin and Brian.

Erin: Thank you girls so much for throwing me this bachelorette party, it’s so nice having all my girls on one room, my high school friends and my real friends.

Aidy Bryant: What?

[The door knocks]

Ego Nwodim: Who could that be, a surprise visitor?

Erin: Oh, my god, you guys, I said no strippers.

Ego Nwodim: Okay, I think you’re going to like this one.

[Ego Nwodim goes to get the door]

Brian: Hello, ladies.

[Cut to the ladies]

Erin: Brian, what are you doing here?

[Cut to Ego and Brian]

Brian: Tonight, I’m not just your fiancé. I’m the entertainment.

[Cut to the ladies]

Leslie Jones: Wait, you fiancé is going to strip for you? That’s actually really sweet.

Melissa Villaseñor: And hot. I’ve been thinking I might want to see Brian’s body.

[Cut to Brian]

Brian: Hit it. [Music starts playing] Ladies, prepare yourselves for burlesque!

[Brian opens his jacket and starts dancing slowly. He’s wearing a female stripper’s clothes.]

[Cut to Erin, Ego and Aidy]

Erin: Oh, my god!

Aidy Bryant: Wait. Is that the same thing as stripping?

[Cut to Brian]

Brian: The art of slowly wearing less is burlesque. I hope you’re ready for the ‘40s because you’re about to see some bespoke ass. [Brian slaps his own ass]

[Cut to Erin]

Erin: Brian, are you wearing heels?

[Cut to everybody]

Brian: Oh, just little ones for posture. [Cut to Brian] Now, shh and prepare to edge as you watch me take off my glove. [Brian takes off his gloves]

[Cut to Leslie and Melissa]

Leslie Jones: Did he just say edge?

Melissa Villaseñor: Faster! Show us your buddy uddy uddy.

[Cut to Brian]

Brian: Patience, ladies. Soon Eva Braun will reveal all.

[Cut to the ladies]

Ego Nwodim: And Eva Braun is—

[Cut to Brian]

Brian: My stage name.

[Cut to the ladies]

Erin: Eva Braun is Hitler’s girlfriend, right?

[Cut to everybody]

Aidy Bryant: No, wife.

Brian: I’m so naughty. See my leg, it’s covered in hair.

[Cut to Leslie and Melissa]

Melissa Villaseñor: Oh, yes. Thighs are good. Mama like.

Leslie Jones: Is it just me or—is he not really getting naked?

[Cut to Mary]

Mary: This is burlesque.

[Cut to Erin]

Erin: Oh, my god, who are you?

[Cut to Mary]

Mary: I’m Mary. I teach your husband the art of seducing. Men are not meant for the tease. But, thankfully your husband is no man.

[Cut to Erin]

Erin: Oh, thank you. I’m sorry, you’re a dance teacher?

[Cut to Mary]

Mary: Teacher, prostitute, ghost.

[Cut to everybody]

Brian: Naughty girl, looky looky and you might see my cookie cookie.

[Cut to Leslie and Melissa]

Melissa Villaseñor: Finally. I think he’s going to show us his body.

[Cut to everybody]

Brian: Very close. It’s actually a tiny fan. [Brian shows a small fan]

[Cut to Leslie and Melissa]

Leslie Jones: [Laughs] And he’s still not naked.

[Cut to everybody. Brian jumps on to the table.]

Ego Nwodim: Well, Brian, nice big panties.

Brian: Oh, thanks. I tucked.

Erin: You tucked?

[Cut to Mary]

Mary: Of course he tucked. It must be in the car seat, otherwise it flies through the window.

[Cut to everybody]

Brian: Oh, no, I felt a pop in my tuck. My tuck is popped and I ducked.

[Mary walks to Brian]

Mary: Just move often to the finale, okay? Look at down there, they are edging so hard.

[Brian jumps off the table]

Brian: This is for my wife.

[Brian opens his clothes. He’s wearing an underwear.] [Everybody cheers]

[Cut to everybody]

[Erin walks to Brian]

Erin: Oh! Brian, my goodness, that was [Cut to Erin and Brian] one of the most bizarre things I’ve ever seen. But you worked so hard on it and you did it for me. And I can’t wait to marry you.

Brian: Thank you, baby. I love you.

[Cut to Leslie and Melissa]

Melissa Villaseñor: Yeah, great job. I’m going to be thinking about that body for a long time.

[Cut to Erin and Brian]

Brian: Well, thanks sis.

[Cut to Leslie and Melissa]

Leslie Jones: That’s your sister?

Discover Card | Season 44 Episode 16

Ego Nwodim

Kenan Thompson

[Starts with Ego Nwodim and Kenan dining hall]

[Ego Nwodim is using her phone]

Ego Nwodim: Honey, we jut got an alert. There’s some weird charges on the discover card. I’ll call them.

[Cut to Kenan Thompson]

Kenan Thompson: Good luck. You’ll just be talking to a robot.

[Cut to Ego Nwodim and Kenan Thompson]

Ego Nwodim: Nope, with discover card, you get to talk to a real person who’s just like you. Hello? Is someone there?

[Cut to Another Ego Nwodim in customer service. It’s dark like in a horror movie.]

Another Ego Nwodim’s: [Speakse creepily] Discover-card.

[Cut to Ego Nwodim]

Ego Nwodim: Hey, girl. There’s some weird charges on my account. I think someone stole my identify.

[Cut to Another Ego Nwodim]

Another Ego Nwodim’s: I can help you with that.

[Cut to Ego Nwodim]

Ego Nwodim: It looks like someone used my card to buy a bunch of red jump suits, motorcycle gloves, hundreds of rabbits and some giant scissors.

[Cut to Another Ego Nwodim. She is wearing red jump suit and motorcycle gloves, is carrying a rabbit, and she has a scissors in her hand]

Another Ego Nwodim’s: [Smiling] That’s so random.

Ego Nwodim: Oh, my god. [Cut to Ego Nwodim] I say random all the time. Are you me?

[Cut to Another Ego Nwodim]

Another Ego Nwodim’s: What? A long time, there was—

[Cut to Kenan Thompson]

[Kenan Thompson whispers and reminds Ego Nwodim that they have to go to the beach]

[Cut to Ego Nwodim]

Ego Nwodim: Sorry, can we speed this up? My family and I are on vacation.

[Cut to Another Ego Nwodim]

Another Ego Nwodim’s: When you go on vacation, I sit in a cave.

[Cut to Ego Nwodim]

Ego Nwodim: That sounds bad. I would not switch places with you.

[Cut to Another Ego Nwodim]

Another Ego Nwodim’s: Be careful.

Ego Nwodim: Hello?

[Another Ego Nwodim starts acting creepy]

[Cut to Ego Nwodim]

[Talking to Kenan Thompson]

Ego Nwodim: Babe, I’m not getting anywhere with this woman.

[Cut to Ego Nwodim and Kenan Thompson]

Kenan Thompson: You know what? I got this. Give me the phone. [Cut to Kenan Thompson]

Yeah, this is discover?

[Cut to Another Kenan Thompson in red sweater in dark customer service]

Another Kenan Thompson: Hey!

[Cut to Kenan Thompson]

Kenan Thompson: That ain’t it.

[Cut to Ego Nwodim and Kenan Thompson]

[Kenan Thompson hands over the phone to Ego Nwodim]

Kenan Thompson: That’s why you handle the money.