Dick Cheney’s Snowglobe Cheney (Darrell Hammond) reflects whole shaking snowglobe. Snowglobed Horatio Sanz, Jimmy Fallon, Chris Kattan, Tracy Morgan Christmas ditty. Recurring Characters: Dick Cheney.
Tales of Valour Monster (Black) prefers slutty girl over virgin (Amy Poehler) sacrifice.
Love-ahs Lovers Roger (Will Ferrell) and Virginia (Rachel Dratch) vacation at ski lodge. Recurring Characters: Roger Klarvin, Virginia Klarvin.
Friends Promo Sibling romance explored on the next episode of “Friends”.
Now That’s What Actors Call Singing!: Volume 1 Celebrities sing awful versions of well-known pop tunes on new album.
Bass-Off Rivaling guitarists (Black, Will Ferrell) compete in a Bass-Off.
Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina Fey Jimmy Fallon has an Opinion on.. Amelie (Chris Kattan) visits the desk without saying a word. Tenacious D (Black, Kyle Gass) sing about the Hornet’s Nest.
The Strokes perform “Last Night”
America Undercover White trash couple (Chris Kattan, Amy Poehler) face argument over extramarital affair.
Newscaster Party David Letterman (Jeff Richards) appears at Ted Koppel’s (Darrell Hammond) party. Recurring Characters: Dan Rather, Tom Brokaw, Ted Koppel, Helen Thomas, Starr Jones, David Letterman.
Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina Fey Chris Kattan gives a Terrible Re-Enactment of John McEnroe firing. Jon Stewart jumps in when Jimmy Fallon is incapacitated. Drunk Girl gives tips for a safe Spring Break. Recurring Characters: Drunk Girl.
India.Arie performs “Video”
BET Jazz: Jazzvisions Spoon instrumentalist Lonny Bartz (Stewart) discusses his music career.
We Were Soldiers That Knew What Women Want Mel Gibson (Stewart) movie combo poorly addresses two subjects.
India.Arie performs “Ready For Love”
My Big Thick Novel Author debates whether or not he should jump from party.
Saturday Night Live Transcripts Season 27: Episode 6 ]]>
Air Date: Host: Musical Guest: Special Guests: Cameos:
November 17th, 2001 Billy Bob Thornton Creed None Steve Higgins Ashton Kutcher Donald Rumsfeld Press BriefingSummary: Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld (Darrell Hammond) takes questions from the press corps. Recurring Characters: Donald Rumsfeld. Transcript
Montage
Billy Bob Thornton’s MonologueSummary: Billy Bob Thornton endures questions from audience members imitating his character from “Sling Blade.” Transcript
Gay ThanksgivingSummary: The flamboyant antics of a gay Indian (Billy Bob Thornton) ruin the first Thanksgiving for the Pilgrims. Transcript
EPT Home Pregnancy TestSummary: Strangers (Seth Meyers, Amy Poehler) check to see if they’re pregnant. Note: Repeat from 11/03/01.
Nick Burns, Your Company Computer GuySummary: Nick Burns’ (Jimmy Fallon) dad (Billy Bob Thornton) helps him insult the office flunkies when their father-son lunch is interrupted. Recurring Characters: Nick Burns. Transcript
Brian Fellow’s Safari PlanetSummary: More animal mayhem and stupidity with Brian Fellow (Tracy Morgan). Recurring Characters: Brian Fellow. Transcript
Inside the Actor’s StudioSummary: Following an excruciating interview session, Billy Bob Thornton conducts a personal manhunt of James Lipton (Will Ferrell). Recurring Characters: James Lipton. Transcript
Martha Stewart LivingSummary: Martha Stewart (Ana Gasteyer) offers patriotic Thanksgiving tips to her viewers. Recurring Characters: Martha Stewart. Transcript
War PartySummary: Partygoers celebrate the latest U.S. victory in Afghanistan. Transcript
Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina FeySummary: Harry Potter (Rachel Dratch) is exhausted during his movie press junket. Recurring Characters: Harry Potter. Transcript
Creed performs “My Sacrifice”
Fenced-In AreaSummary: A complacent farmer (Billy Bob Thornton) hasn’t decided on what to do with the fenced-in-area of his yard. Transcript
Creed performs “Bullets”
My Big Thick NovelSummary: Author Jack Handey expresses his irk with hooligans and shenanigans. Transcript
Air Date: Host: Musical Guest: Special Guests: May 11th, 2002 Kirsten Dunst Eminem None
Eminem, “Without Me”
White House Cabinet Meeting President George W. Bush (Will Ferrell) fakes political knowledge with Cabinet. Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Condoleeza Rice.
Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina Fey The Hilton Sisters (Dunst, Maya Rudolph) make a surprise visit. Chris Kattan’s Terrible Re-Enactment of Queen Elizabeth streaker. Chris Parnell raps about pretend girlfriend Dunst.
Court TV Anna Kournikova (Dunst) Penthouse lawsuit turns into “Laugh-In”-style gogo.
Wake Up Wakefield The show goes on location for slumber party at Jenna’s (Dunst) house. Recurring Characters: Megan, Sheldon, Randy Goldman.
The DeMarco Family Kyle (Chris Kattan), Sean (Chris Parnell), Tamara Demarco (Dunst) dance for Eminem. Recurring Characters: Kyle DeMarco, Sean DeMarco.
My Big Thick Novel Author explains to young daughter what to do with old horses.
Kylie Minogue performs “Can’t Get You Out Of My Head”.
Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina Fey Dame Maggie Smith (McKellen) reems Oscar nominees, kisses Jimmy Fallon. Paula Jones (Rachel Dratch) regrets boxing match with Tonya Harding (Amy Poehler). Jimmy Fallon’s Scottish joke magically summons Louie Anderson (Jeff Richards). Recurring Characters: Paula Jones, Tonya Harding.
The Ferey Muhtar Talk Show Turkish talk show bombs except for Darrell Hammond’s loose fake moustache. Recurring Characters: Ferey Muhtar, Tariq Uzekiel.
One-Man Show Edmund McGrave (McKellen) presents the life and times of Charles Dickens via wigs.
Kylie Minogue performs “In Your Eyes”.
Kevin and Richie’s Comic Book Zone Kevin (Seth Meyers) and Richie (Horatio Sanz) share a love for comic books.
The Cardinals The Pope (Baldwin) requests that priests keep privates to themselves.
Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina Fey Ally McBeal (Rachel Dratch) objects to concellation of her show. Tobey Maguire (Seth Meyers) is non-energetic choice for Spiderman role. Tina Fey’s daughter Savannah (Amy Poehler) is embarrassed by Mom’s work. Recurring Characters: Ally McBeal.
P.O.D. performs “Youth of the Nation”
Love-ahs Surprise birthday party for Roger Clarvin (Will Ferrell). Recurring Characters: Roger Clarvin, Virginia Clarvin.
Saturday Night Live Transcripts Season 27: Episode 2 ]]>
Air Date: Host: Musical Guest: Special Guests: Cameos:
October 6th, 2001 Seann William Scott Sum41 None Chevy ChaseA Message From the President of the United StatesSummary: Regarding the 9/11 attacks, President George W. Bush (Will Ferrell) advises Osama bin Laden: “You screwed up big time.” Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush. Transcript
MontageNote: Ben Stiller was originally scheduled months in advance to host this episode, but his publicists tried to get Marci Klein to move him up to the season premiere so he could promote an earlier release for “Zoolander.” Presuming Stiller was trying to cancel his hosting gig because he didn’t think he could be funny so soon after the 9/11 attacks, Klein disinvited him altogether. Note: Seann William Scott was originally scheduled to host the next episode.
Seann William Scott’s MonologueSummary: Seann William Scott presents footage of semen scenes in classic Hollywood films his ancestors starred in. Transcript
Law & Order: Parking Violations UnitSummary: The latest incarnation of “Law & Order” focuses on some of the lesser crimes of the suburban area. Transcript
Jeffrey’sSummary: More customer insults from the stuck-up clothing emporium clerks (Jimmy Fallon, Seann William Scott). Recurring Characters: Clerk, Burly Customer, Supervisor. Transcript
Emmy Awards Pre-ShowSummary: Joan Rivers (Ana Gasteyer) speaks out at the dressed-down festivities. Recurring Characters: Steve Kmetko, Joan Rivers, Calista Flockhart, Della Reese, Garry Shandling, Camryn Manheim, Walter Cronkite. Note: This sketch appeared as the cold opening in dress rehearsal. Transcript
Jarret’s RoomSummary: Jarret (Jimmy Fallon) and Gobi (Horatio Sanz) return for a new semester of college hijinks by showing off some bad yearbook photos. Recurring Characters: Jarret, Gobi, Jeff, DJ Jonathan Feinstein. Transcript
Sum41 performs “Fat Lip”
Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina FeySummary: Tina Fey delivers a Visceral Editorial about Israel. Tracy Morgan says that he’s in favor of racial profiling. Tina Fey is attacked by the infamous Land Shark (Chevy Chase). Recurring Characters: Land Shark. Transcript
Patriotic ShortsSummary: Office workers are allowed to wear flag-themed clothing as a display of patriotism, but Dale McGrew (Will Ferrell) takes it too far when he shows up wearing a tiny pair of flag speedos. Recurring Characters: Vasquez Gomez-Vasquez. Transcript
The How Do You Say? Ah Yes, ShowSummary: Antonio Banderas (Chris Kattan) tries to use his wily charms on Paula Zahn (Amy Poehler). Recurring Characters: Antonio Banderas, Senor Guadalupe Ramirez, Paula Zahn. Note: This sketch was last from last week’s dress rehearsal with Reese Witherspoon playing Paula Zahn. Transcript
My Big Thick NovelSummary: Jack Handey reads from a chapter in which his character is hit with a blowdart. Transcript
Sum41 performs “In Too Deep”
The Approval CenterSummary: Deadbeats are approved for anything and everything, without even fully understanding the circumstances. Transcript
My Girlfriend the Porn StarSummary: Sara (Amy Poehler) comes clean to her boyfriend (Seann William Scott) and admits that she makes porn movies for a living. Transcript
Saturday Night Live Transcripts Season 27: Episode 8 ]]>
Air Date: Host: Musical Guest: Special Guests: Cameos:
December 8th, 2001 Hugh Jackman Mick Jagger None None White House MeetingSummary: Al Gore (Darrell Hammond) phones the White House during a crucial meeting. Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush, Vice-President Dick Cheney, Al Gore, Donald Rumsfeld. Transcript
Montage
Hugh Jackman’s MonologueSummary: Hugh Jackman sings “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas.” Transcript
Loose BearSummary: Loose Bear scares the crap out of you when you’re constipated. Transcript
Jarret’s RoomSummary: Jarret (Jimmy Fallon) and Gobey (Horatio Sanz) crack up over their suitemate’s (Jeff Richards) embarrassing home videos. Recurring Characters: Jarret, Gobey, D.J. Jonathan Feinstein. Transcript
The Robert Goulet All-Holiday SpecialRecurring Characters: Robert Goulet. Transcript
Family Christmas PortraitSummary: Messed-up photographers (Hugh Jackman, Seth Meyers) wreck havoc for a family posing for a portrait at Sear’s.
Mick Jagger performs “God Give Me Everything I Want”Also Appeared: 92l
Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina FeySummary: Chris Kattan’s gives a Terrible Re-Enactment of Geraldo Rivera’s fall in Afghanistan. Drunk Girl (Jeff Richards) hits on Jimmy Fallon during her commentary. Recurring Characters: Drunk Girl. Transcript
Hello, DollySummary: More grotesque – yet, cute – dolls are put on display. Recurring Characters: Deanna Nolen Gray.
Mick Jagger’s Dressing RoomSummary: Mick Jagger talks to his reflection (Jimmy Fallon) in his dressing room mirror. Transcript
Superman’s Fortress of SolitudeSummary: Superman’s (Hugh Jackman) parents (Will Ferrell, Maya Rudolph) make awkward small talk with their son. Recurring Characters: Superman. Transcript
Mick Jagger performs “Vision Of Paradise”
The Donatella Versace ShowSummary: Donatella Versace (Maya Rudolph) interviews fashion experts. Recurring Characters: Donatella Versace.
The Christmas KangarooSummary: Hugh Jackman recalls his dad (Will Ferrell) fighting with the Christmas Kangaroo, and subsequently getting anal-raped. Transcript
Goodnights
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Dress Rehearsal Cuts Little SleuthsSummary: Little sleuths Bookie Newton (Seth Meyers) and kid sister Sam (Amy Poehler) help early 1900’s British detective Alistair Chesterfield (Hugh Jackman) deduce who killed Lady Worthington. Recurring Characters: Bookie Newton, Sam. Note: This sketch appears as a bonus feature on SNL’s Best of Amy Poehler DVD. Transcript
Air Date:
The Strokes, “Last Night”
India.Arie, “Video”
Donald Rumsfeld Press BriefingSummary: Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld (Darrell Hammond) takes questions from the press corps.
Eminem, “Without Me”
Kylie Minogue, “Can’t Get You Out Of My Head”
P.O.D., “Youth of the Nation”
DVD.