Angel Reese… Punkie Johnson
Michael Che[Starts with Michael Che in his set]
Michael Che: There was controversy this week. When LSU basketball star Angel Reese refused an invitation to the White House to celebrate her team’s national championship. But now she has decided to go. So here to comment is Angel Reese.[Angel Reese slides in] [cheers and applause]
Angel Reese: Yeah, the Bayou Barbie is in the building. Louisiana, stand tall.
Michael Che: Well Angel, you had quite a week.
Angel Reese: Yeah. I got people big mad. First they were mad because I was taunting. But all I did was this. You would have thought I pulled my nipple out and flicked it on national TV. Then they were mad because I didn’t want to go to the White House. But Che, they invited Iowa.
Michael Che: But they lost.
Angel Reese: Exactly. In the history of sports, when you lose you take your ass home. But then white girls lose. And suddenly it’s all teams matter.
Michael Che: Well, I’m glad you changed your mind. That’d be pretty cool.
Angel Reese: Yeah, it’ll be cool for them. I’m a big deal now, Che. Since college players get endorsements now, ‘m about to cash in. And my brand works for anything. How this sounds, Che? “Degree deodorant. Y’all stank.”
Michael Che: It seems aggressive.
Angel Reese: Okay, how about this one? “Garden Gnomes. Man, get yo little ass out my face.”
Michael Che: That’s a commercial for Garden Gnomes?
Angel Reese: Yeah. If the money right. Now, here’s my favorite. “Big ass eyelashes. Empowering women ballers and snuffleupacus since Angel Reese97Michael Che.”
Michael Che: Well Angel, I’m glad that you’re enjoying the moment.
Angel Reese: Yeah, I am. Look, last week women’s sports was boring. Now all you’re talking about is women’s sports. All this week. Why? Because women is balling right now. Man, I dropped 15 on Iowa. I went hard in the paint. I grabbed about 10 boards without even messing up my eyelashes. The only thing I regret is not getting more buckets. I could have picked that ball up, bounced it off old girl head like I was in the A-one tour. But you know, I was already in foul trouble, so your girl had to chill. And now I’m just sitting back getting all this Baby Gap money.
Michael Che: Why are you endorsed by Baby Gap?
Angel Reese: Because all these bitches is my son.
Michael Che: Angel Reese, everybody.
Angel Reese: You can’t see me. We going back to back. Angel Reese.