Michael Longfellow[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]
Colin Jost: Euphoria star Sidney Sweeney received backlash when Instagram photos from a family event suggested her parents might be Trump supporters. Here to comment is one of our new cast members, Michael Longfellow.[Michael Longfellow slides in] [cheers and applause]
Michael Longfellow: Hey. Hello. Thank you. Thank you. Hey, Colin.
Colin Jost: Hey, Michael. So, what do you think of Sidney Sweeney getting all this backlash for having conservative parents?
Michael Longfellow: Well, my family’s from Arizona. So if you can get in trouble for what your parents think, it’s been a good run.
Colin Jost: They’re conservative.
Michael Longfellow: Well, my dad’s anti COVID vaccine. He doesn’t really believe in the virus. Which is crazy because every anti vaccine article he sends me because my computer Colin Jost0 of them.
Colin Jost: Do you read any of the article?
Michael Longfellow: I try, but there’s so much Simpsons porn on the side.
Colin Jost: That’s tough. That’s tough. You don’t feel the need then to like distance yourself from your dad?
Michael Longfellow: For being anti Vax? No. You shouldn’t cut anti Vax people out of your life. They could be dead tomorrow. Spend time with them. Call them. Getting the will.
Colin Jost: Right. But the Sydney Sweeney thing wasn’t just about the vaccine. It was also her family with Trump supporters. Right?
Michael Longfellow: Well, Colin, I don’t want to shock you. But my dad doesn’t hate that guy.
Colin Jost: Really?
Michael Longfellow: No, he’s not one of those anti Vax Arizona, liberals you’re always waiting by. You got to stand up to your parents. When I found out my dad was voting for Trump, I sat him down and I told him, “Hey, you keep going down this path. I might have to pay for my own car insurance next year.” Then he told me how much it was. And I said, “Well, I didn’t know that when I said that. So, I’m sorry.”
Colin Jost: And what about the rest of your family?
Michael Longfellow: Do you consider step mom’s family?
Colin Jost: Yeah, I think so.
Michael Longfellow: Ah, shoot! Listen, family dynamics are complicated. You get it? I imagine a lot of people in your family are Republican.
Colin Jost: Well, no, no, not really.
Michael Longfellow: oh, just you?
Colin Jost: I don’t know. I’m saying I’m more of like Bill Maher liberal.
Michael Longfellow: Right? A Republican. Listen, just to make it super clear, I’m very liberal. I’m not a Republican. I mean, unless I get boarding group A at the airport, then I’ll be one for like four minutes, but that’s it. Usually I’m like anarchy, chaos, burn the system to the ground. But if I’m in boarding group A, I am like “Well, order must prevail. I mean, we have a society after all. Don’t touch me. Get off me.” That’s how rich people say Get off me. They will say like one and a half times. “Get your hands off— I said Get your hands off me!”
Colin Jost: Michael Longfellow, everyone.
Michael Longfellow: Thanks, Colin.