Party Song

Aidy Bryant

Mikey Day

Cecily Strong

Mr. B… Will Ferrell

Chloe Fineman

[Starts with Aidy at the door talking to her kids]

Aidy: Your dad and I will be back on Sunday. Remember, no parties.

Kids: We promise!

[horn honking]

Aidy: Damn it, Ronald. I’m coming.

[Cut to Jack and Cecily]

Both: It’s on!

[Music video starts]

Cecily: Whip out the phone starts sending texts

our parents are gone you know what happens next

Jack: Having a party should be cool

[door bell ringing]

Cecily: Who’s here?

Jack: The entire school

[everybody are getting in the house]

Jack: Everybody came the jocks and the geeks

popular girls the goths and the freaks

Cecily: Class clown crushing beer

Jack: He is losing

Cecily: Nerds playing beer pong

Jack: He is losing

Cecily: The quarterback’s here that’s hella lit

glad you came through

Alex: Party’s legit!

Cecily: Stoner kids rolling up a stick as blunt

Jack: Sitting on the couch is my AP English teacher?

[Cut to AP English teacher on the couch with a drink]

Cecily: Cause we’re having a pa-a-arty

hella fun

pa-a-arty

why’d your teacher come?

pa-a-arty

it’s kind of weird right?

party at my house tonight

party popping up that’s how it goes

Jack: through Mr. B’s looking at my family photos

nursing a beer as he tours my home

Mr. B: Hey Jack, was this taken in Rome?

Jack: Yo, sis, Mr. B came

Cecily: I know he did. Why is he here? He’s got a wife and a kid

Jack: Is he creeping on girls?

Cecily: No he’s being polite.

Jack: Then why the is he here?

Cecily: Just chill, all right?

he ain’t doing no harm don’t pay him attention

Jack: It’s just weird that he’s here watching Shawshank Redemption

Mr. B.: Andy Dufresne.

Jack: Midnight comes and the party’s still packed

cute Sophomore says–

Chloe: There you are Jack,

want to chill in your room? Party’s kind of loud

Jack: Mr. B’s with the vape rats

Mr. B.: Yeah, great cloud

Chloe: Show me your room

Jack: Yo, he’s drinking a bunch

Mr. B.: The cloud smells amazing

is that captain crunch?

Cecily: Mr. B’s having the time of his life

Jack: ‘Til he gets a call, must be his wife

Cecily: He ignores the call, stares off into space

twirls his wedding ring, black look on his face

Jack: He’s going through some stuff

Cecily: Mid life crisis?

Jack: Nah! Deeper than that.

Cecily: It’s none of our business

cause we’re having a pa-a-arty

giving into me

pa-a-arty

looking at himself

pa-a-arty

who have I become?

party at my house tonight

Jack: 3 am. Night’s coming to an end

Cecily: time to say good-bye to all our friends

Alex: Party was epic

Chris: Party’s the best

Chloe: Maybe check on Mr. B though

Jack: He hasn’t left?

[Cut to Mr. B. drinking on alone.]

heading home Mr. B?

Mr. B.: Hey there Zack

God I miss high school wish I could go back

Jack: Ha-ha, that’s cool.

Cecily: Can we call you a lyft?

Mr. B.: It goes by fast, cherish it.

Jack: Well, you should probably roll if you know what I mean

Mr. B.: I’d kill my own mother for a time machine

Cecily: Okay, well–

Mr. B.: Promise me guys you’ll just be alive.

While you’re young and alive.

Jack: Right.

Mr. B.: Sleep with everyone.

You’re only young once. Make it fun. [Mr. B. opens another can]

Cecily: Oh, you’re having one more?

Mr. B.: Yeah. [finishes the drink in one shot] Great party.

Jack: Hold up, Mr. B, are you good to drive?

Mr. B.: Not even close, but I got a ride.

[Mr. B. opens the door. His wife is outside.]

Mrs. B.: It is 3 in the morning, Richard.

Mr. B.: I’m sorry.

Mrs. B.: What is going on with you lately?

Mr. B.: I don’t know, okay?

Cecily: Party at my house tonight.

Cut for Time: Harry Styles Sketch

Aidy Bryant

Cecily Strong

Kate McKinnon

English Kevin… Will Ferrell

[Starts with SNL stage]

Announcer: Last week’s episode featured host and musical guest Harry Styles. As usual, there were several sketches cut for time, including one scene that was particularly heartbreaking because only Harry Styles could have played the part. Or so we thought. Will Ferrell, always competitive, said, “If Harry Styles can do it, so can I. After all, I was doing sketch comedy when Harry was just a fetus in his mom’s butt.” Thus, the sketch was rescued and given a second life. This… is that sketch.

[Cut to three girls talking in a school canteen]

Aidy: Hey, girlfriends. Did you hear about this new hottie boom-body who transferred to our school from England?

Cecily: Wow, a hot English teen? Sign me up.

Kate: Sign me up as well. If he’s half as hot and teenage as you say he is, I’m going to be sliding right off this small chair.

Aidy: Oh, trust me. He is. His body is smooth and young like a baby seal, but with abs.

Cecily: But, can he sing? I need a boy who can sing.

Kate: Yeah, and if he sings, he better dance too.

Aidy: Girlfriends, you are in luck. He sings like an angel and he dances like the devil himself.

Kate: Oh-oh! Clean up on aisle my pants.

Aidy: Shh! Girlfriends, here he comes.

[music playing] [English Kevin walks in]

English Kevin: Hello, hey. It’s me, the new kid.

[Cut to the three girls]

Cecily: Oh, my god. He’s the ultimate dream machine.

Kate: You weren’t kidding about his body.

[Cut to English Kevin]

English Kevin: Who, me? Don’t look at me. I’m shy.

[Cut to the three girls]

Aidy: I can’t believe he’s still in school and not modeling full time.

Kate: Wait, someone say something before I get pregnant just looking at him.

[Cut to everybody]

Cecily: Hey, what’s your name?

English Kevin: English Kevin. I’m from London. England that is.

Kate: I love exotic men.

Cecily: I know, his hot English accent is driving me crazy.

Aidy: Okay, quick, say, “Fancy a cup of tea my sweet.”

[Cut to English Kevin]

English Kevin: Fancy a tea of sweet you cup?

[Cut to the three girls]

Kate: Wow, sexy and smart.

[Cut to English Kevin]

English Kevin: Um, this many.

[Cut to the three girls]

Cecily: I think he means 17.

Kate: Wow, which means he’s legal. Okay, jackpot!

[Cut to English Kevin licking ice-cream]

English Kevin: Don’t look at me. Let me eat my soft, soft ice-cream.

[Cut to the three girls]

Cecily: Ooh! Ooh! That’s good.

Aidy: Yeah, very hot! And good.

Kate: Is Gwyneth Paltrow operating a website in my pants? Because they’re full of goop.

[Cut to English Kevin]

English Kevin: Oops! Did I make a little mess?

[Cut to the three girls]

Aidy: Um, and I love all his sexy tattoos. Tell us about them English Kevin.

[Cut to English Kevin]

English Kevin: This one’s a dolphin which is a friendly shark. This one’s a horse with a sword on his head. These are extinct except in my dreams. And this is a Chinese character meaning tattoo.

[Cut to the three girls]

Aidy: Wow, are we at a sea food restaurant? Because I’ve got a steamed clam.

Kate: English Kevin, will you do a cool skateboard trick for us?

[Cut to English Kevin]

English Kevin: Um, I don’t think I should because English Kevin just had knee surgery. And his kids– I mean friends are worried about him.

[Cut to the three girls]

Cecily: Ooh! Is that a text message from one of your thousands of girlfriends?

[Cut to English Kevin]

English Kevin: Nope. That’s just a reminder for English Kevin to take his lip to talk.

[Cut to the three girls]

Kate: Then, sing us a song and do us a dance.

Cecily: Yeah, we know you have something prepared.

[Cut to English Kevin]

English Kevin: Yeah, sure. I’m just having a little trouble breathing because my hip clothes are so tight. But, here it goes. Two, three, four.

[Cut to everybody] [dancing and singing horribly]

Baby you light up my world like nobody else

The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed
But when you smile at the ground it ain’t hard to tell
You don’t know, oh oh
You don’t know you’re beautiful

[English Kevin jumps and tears his pants]

Ah! My fashion jeans! Oh! F-ing S-word! You all see my D-word, and my B-spot!

[Cut to the three girls pretending they’re closing their eyes]

Aidy: Oh, but don’ worry. We won’t look.

[Cut to English Kevin]

English Kevin: Please, nobody look at my D-word. I brought it from England with me. And I call it Big-Ben.

[Cut to the three girls]

Aidy: Oh! Because it’s big like the clock tower?

[Cut to English Kevin]

English Kevin: No, because it’s pretty messed up like Ben Roethlisberger.

[Cut to the three girls]

Cecily: English Kevin, I think you’re gonna fit in just fine just around here.

[Cut to English Kevin]

English Kevin: Cheeky! But seriously, this is Will talking. I need help getting up and my thing is out.