Gemma Sleigh Ride | Season 44 Episode Episode 8

Gene… Kenan Thompson

Leslie Jones

Kyle Mooney

Jason Momoa

Gemma… Cecily Strong

Sleigh man… Mikey Day

[Starts with a sign board ‘Free Winter Sleigh Ride’]

Leslie Jones: This is so romantic. [Cut to Sleigh on the snow. There’s Sleigh man, Leslie and Gene] What a great idea, Gene. A winter sleigh ride. [Cut to Leslie and Gene] It would be a great place to propose to somebody.

Gene: Oh, well. You’re hilarious. That’s why I’m really starting to like you.

Leslie Jones: Well, I love you, and I’m ready.

Speaker 3: [Cut to Sleigh on the snow.] Oh, honey, look, this sleigh has a room.

Kyle Mooney: After you, my lady, please.

Jason Momoa: [Jason and Cecily comes in] Oh, my god! Gene, are you jerking me [Cut to Jason and Cecily] off right now? Is that you?

Leslie Jones: [Cut to Leslie and Gene] Who is that Gene?

Gene: I have no idea.

Jason Momoa: [Cut to Jason and Cecily] Baby, look that’s Gene. Man, I’m blown seeing you! Come on, get out of here! [Jason pulls other passengers out]

Kyle Mooney: Excuse me, we waited an hour in line. You’re a jerk, sir!

Speaker 3: Wow, I wish that was the first time that happened. [Jason and Cecily gets in the sleigh]

Gemma: Hi, I’m Gemma. Nice to meet you. Happy Christmas and all that.

Jason Momoa: Hey, don’t talk like that when I’m wearing these jeans, they’re too tight for that accent. You know what I’m saying Gene? [Cut to Leslie and Gene] Sleigh man, let’s go!

Sleigh Man: [Cut to everybody] Yup.

Gemma: Wee!

Gene: I’m sorry, who are you?

Gemma: I’m Gemma, I’m British. [Cut to Gemma and Jason] I got a brand new vagina today.

Leslie Jones: [Cut to Leslie and Gene] What? You got a new vagina today?

Gemma: [Cut to Gemma and Jason] Well, we did it in Thailand, flew in this morning. Whatever the time difference is, I guess I got it tomorrow.

Jason Momoa: Merry Christmas to me, Today or tomorrow. Right, Gene! We’re gonna rock! Thank you, Thailand.

Gemma: Don’t make me laugh, it will come loose.

Gene: [Cut to Leslie and Gene] I’m sorry, I’m going to say it again, how in the world do I know you?

Jason Momoa: [Cut to Gemma and Jason] Dude, it’s your boy. I carried you down from that zip line after you got too scared to go, remember that?

Gene: [Cut to Leslie and Gene] I wasn’t scared.

Jason Momoa: [Cut to Gemma and Jason] Well, you were crying and you were hanging on my back like a little koala.

Leslie Jones: [Cut to Leslie and Gene] That sounds so cute, Gene. I’d carry you like a koala if you wanted.

Gene: Oh, That’s nice.

Gemma: [Cut to Gemma and Jason] It’s nice to actually love your brother.

Leslie Jones: [Cut to Leslie and Gene] What? You think he’s my brother?

Gemma: [Cut to Gemma and Jason] Isn’t it sweet, babe?

Jason Momoa: Oh, my lord. That accent, that little tiny hand on my shoulder. Oh man. I’m going to take that blanket of yours because I’m building a Christmas tree over here. You know what I’m talking about? Your sister knows what I’m talking about.

Leslie Jones: [Cut to Leslie and Gene] I’m not his sister. I’m his fiancée.

Gene: No.

Leslie Jones: Well, practically speaking.

Gene: Let’s take it day by day.

Leslie Jones: You better not be wasting my time.

Gemma: [Cut to Gemma and Jason] You got to think about yourself first, you know. Your brother don’t own you. Just remember that. Girl power.

Jason Momoa: Speaking of girl power, my girl gives me that kind of power. [Cut to everybody. Jason starts to rock the sleigh] When the sleigh’s rocking don’t you come knocking. Am I right, Gene? Am I right?

Sleigh Man: Sir, please stop rocking the sleigh, it’s not safe and you’re spooking the horse, sir!

Gemma: Hey, don’t you look into my eyes. Don’t even look you look at my girl.

Sleigh Man: I’m actually asexual. Not that anyone ever cares or asks.

Gemma: Babe, I love your anger.

Jason Momoa: Oh my god, I almost forgot the best part. My girl’s a singer.

Gene: [Cut to Leslie and Gene] What?

Gemma: [Cut to Gemma and Jason] He said I’m a singer!

Jason Momoa: Gene, you and your sister’s ears are about to climax together. Her new Christmas album. It is dope, it’s all about hope. Do it, baby?

Gemma: [Gene starts to sing] Lights flashing, beat sounding us…[Jason starts dancing rocking the sleigh again] that’s when you see him… dancing in the corner… and now it’s knocking in the corner

Sleigh Man: Sir, you have to stop rocking the sleigh. The horses are being lifted off the ground. The hooves are in mid air.

Gemma: Hey, just like real reindeer do, right? They got their hooves up in the air, don’t they? ♪ POP, POP, POP, POP, POP, POP, POP

Gene: [Cut to Leslie and Gene] Alright, I can’t take anymore! Should we jump?

Jason Momoa: [Cut to Gemma and Jason] Yeah, let’s do it buddy. Gene, come on, let’s get ready. [Cut to everybody] Gene’s sister, let’s do it! One, two, sixty. [Jason jumps] WOO!

Gemma: Oh, he’s such a nug.

Gene: Can you sing me a song? Of course!

Leslie Jones and Gene: ♪We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas

Gemma: I know this song.

Leslie Jones and Gene and Gemma: And a Happy New Year.

Day of the Dorks | Season 44 Episode 8

Trip… Mikey Day

Beef… Jason Momoa

… Beck Bennett

… Kenan Thopmson

… Alex Moffat

… Chris Redd

Finnegan…Kyle Mooney

[Starts with an intro]

Narrator: You’re watching TVS. And now back to the 1985 campus comedy “Day Of The Dorks”.

[Cut to six students in a well furnished room]

Trip: I’ve had it with these dorks! First they ruin our homecoming party with their dump pranks and now they’re beating us in the Greek Week Olympiad! [Cut to Trip] We’re Sigma Theta. We can’t lose to a bunch of dorks!

Beef:  [Cut to Beef] I hate dorks.

Trip: [Cut to Trip] We all do, Beef. That’s why we need to get rid of them once and for all.

Beck: [Cut to Beck] No one makes fools of Sigma Theta, especially not a bunch of dorks.

Beef: [Cut to Beef]Dorks!

Beck: They win one more event [Cut to Chris, Alex, Beck and Kenan] at Greek Week, they’ll get to move in to our frat house.

Kenan: [Kenan stands] Man, this house belongs to us. Not those dang dorks!

Beef: [Cut to Beef breaking the chair out of anger] Dorks.

Trip: [Cut to everybody] Yeah! All right! Yeah! Also, take it easy on our furniture, [Cut to Trip] Beef. Alright, we have to pay for that stuff man. Good news, gentlemen, is that I have a way to stop the dorks.

Beef: [Cut to Beef] Kill the dorks.

Trip: [Cut to Trip] Not that, Beef. But I do think I have a way to kill their pathetic excuse for a frat.

Beef: [Cut to Beef] With a knife?

Trip: [Cut to Trip] All right. Stop with that stuff, please, Beef. It’s freaking me out. Now, what does the dean hate most?

Beef: [Cut to Beef, acting happy] Dorks!

Trip: [Cut to Trip] No, cheating. And what happens to a frat caught cheating during Greek Week?

Beef: [Cut to Beef] They die!

Beck: [Cut to Beck] Beef, please listen. alright? Trip is hatching a plan.

Kenan: [Cut to Alex and Kenan] Trip, the dorks won’t cheat, man. Not only are dorks fair, they’re clever. And they know it.

Alex: Just thinking of the smug faces on those dorks. Oh, god!

Beef: [Cut to Beef] Dork faces! [Beef gets angry, screams, runs to the foosball and breaks it] [Cut to everybody]

Trip: Beef, man! Why did you do that? [Cut to Beef and Trip] That was a gift from the alumni!

Beef: Because Beef hates dorks!

Kenan: [Cut to Kenan] We know but we all really liked and use that foosball table a lot.

Beck: Beef, we love how much you hate dorks. And we all admire your passion [Cut to everybody] but wrecking stuff we use doesn’t help.

Chris: Yeah, maybe grab a pen and jot down notes on like, what you’re going to do to help to get rid of these dorks. That would help a lot.

Beef: Beef can’t write.

Kenan: [Cut to Kenan] Oh, Beef, really? You have been in college for eight years, man. How do you not know how to write?

Beef: [Cut to Beef and Trip] Because of dorks.

Kenan: [Cut to Kenan] I don’t know Beef. I feel like that’s on you, man.

Beck: [Beck goes to Beef, tells him to go outside. Beef goes outside] Alright, make them drink from the hose. Right? I’ll tell you about the plan after. I love Beef, but what’s his deal? Have any of you ever met his parents? How is he paying for an Ivy League School?

Trip: I don’t know. What matters right now is getting rid of the dorks. [Trip walks towards the other door] Now, as you all know, my father has a great deal of money. [Beef is drinking water from the pipe outside the window, looking inside] And every dork has his price. Guys, meet Finnegan. [Finnegan comes inside the room] My dork on the inside.

Finnegan: Gentlemen, as a dork myself, I can tell you— [Looks at Beef outside the window] I’m sorry, is he okay?

Beef: [Beef is angry looking at Finnegan] Dork!

Trip: Yeah, he’s fine, [Trip closes the curtains to the window] he’s fine. Alright, Finnegan, please continue.

Finnegan: Okay. Well, [Cut to Finnegan] if there’s one thing we dorks love more than computers, it’s girls. If you jocks can help me get a girlfriend—[Beef breaks the wall and pulls Finnegan out through the wall]

Beef: Dorks! Dorks!

[Playing outro]