Deep Quote Game

Chris Redd

Kyle Mooney

Louis… Danel Craig

Lisa… Kate McKinnon

Duff… Heidi Gardner

Ego Nwodim

Melissa Villaseñor

[Starts with a group of colleagues playing board games in home.]

Chris: One more settlement and boom! That’s seven points victory. Marcus?

Kyle: Oh, man! Come on!

Louis: And here I am thinking we’re gonna have a nice pleasant game night with my wife’s work colleagues. And what? It’s a blood bath.

Lisa: Well, I hate to break it to you guys but I think we’re out of game.

Meli: It’s late. We should probably get going anyway.

Duff: Or we could quote?

Lisa: What’s that?

Duff: Um, we could quote? Like, say lines from movies and guess them?

Lisa: Oh. Oh. Okay. Is that a game that you like, Duff?

Duff: Yeah. Yeah. It really is.

Kyle: Actually, I just called a Lyft home. So…

Duff: Oh, then um… cancel it coz looks like we’re gonna quote.

Ego: Um, okay. Umm… I can start. “You’re a wizard, Harry.”

All: Harry Potter.

Duff: —and the sorcerer’s stone.

Louis: Oh. She’s right. Duff gets the point.

Duff: Yeah, cool. And now, I get to go coz I got that one. Okay. “I need two new suits off the rack. One light and one dark.”

Ego: No clue.

Louis: On, no, no, no. I know this one. This is… Aviator.

Duff: Oh, dammit! That was too easy.

Chris: Easy? That sounded vague as hell.

Duff: [looking at Louis deeply] Wow. You know your quote.

Louis: Yeah, I actually do.

Duff: Hah! Big D energy over there.

Louis: Yeah, that too.

Lisa: Louis, what was that?

Louis: It’s my turn. Here we go. “Thanks for walking in and now if you’ll excuse me, I’m not feeling so well.”

Duff: As good as it gets.

Louis: Oh!

Ego: What?

Kyle: You’re killing me.

Louis: How were you able to do that?

Duff: What? Do you quote?

Louis: Yeah.

Duff: Um, I don’t know. Probably coz I spend a lot of time watching movies all the time.

Louis: Hah. So, you’re a little quote queen?

Duff: I mean, if you’d say that. What– What are you? A flick daddy?

Louis: Only the biggest flick daddy you’ll ever meet in your whole life.

Lisa: Louise? Pal, you have a job.

Louis: No, I don’t. I’ve got fired six months ago.

[Louis turns towards Duff]

Lisa: Excuse me?

Louis: You’re very serious. [looks away] Who’s up?

Chris: Yeah. Maybe let’s stick to like, more well known quotes.

Duff: Sorry, but there’s no rule against deep movie.

Louis: No, she’s right. You know, it’s not a game if you don’t deep quote.

Lisa: Louis, deep quote?

Louis: Yeah, bud. Deep quote.

Lisa: The ‘bud’ thing gotta stop right now.

Duff: Alright. Okay, okay. My turn. Guess I’ll pick an easy one. Okay. “Hey, hi, I didn’t know you were here.”

Louis: Got it. No, no. Someone else go. Someone else go.

Kyle: Duff, it’s not a ton of identifying information in there.

Ego: Yeah, girl. What are you quoting?

Louis: Guys, it’s easy. Failure to Launch. Keep up, you morons.

Chris: Hey, I don’t like that.

Meli: Hey, Duff, maybe let’s play this another time.

Duff: What? No. We’re tied 2-2. I’m not about to lay down and let Lisa’s hot husband rail me.

Lisa: My husband?

Ego: Rail you?

Duff: Okay, okay, okay. Come on, quote off. You and me.

Louis: Alright. Let’s go, little girl.

Duff: Okay. “What made you pick me?”

Louis: Captain Phillips.

Duff: Ugh! Dammit. Go.

Louis: Only buddy goodie. “What are we supposed to do?”

Duff: Captain Phillips. Oh! Trying to trick me. Okay.

Louis: Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Duff: Okay. Here’s another one. “It’s okay.”

Louis: Captain Phillips. You sneaky bitch!

[Duff and Louis are giggling]

Ego: Stop quoting Captain Phillips.

Louis: Okay, okay, okay. Here we go. “Go-do-un-bujah.”

Duff: “Go-do-un-bujah.” They are rich. parasite!

Meli: Parasite?

Chris: So, now you y’all know Korean? That’s stupid.

Duff: Okay, okay. Final round. No words, act out only.

Louis: Alright. Easy. I’ll start.

[Louis just raises his hands]

Duff: Up In the Air.

Louis: Ah!

Duff: Got it.

All: Up In the Air?

Duff: Okay, okay. My turn.

[Duff just coughs. Now, Duff and Louis are standing facing each other.]

Louis: Oh, Philadelphia! Get out!

Duff: Alright. Okay. You’re up.

Louis: Okay, okay. I got it.

[Louis kisses Duff]

All: No! No! No!

Duff: The notebook.

Louis: Ah!

Duff: I knew it was Gosling from your tongue.

[Lisa stands]

Lisa: Alright. Enough of this. Get out of my house.

Duff: [pointing at Lisa] Broke By Mountain.

Louis: Broke By Mountain.

Lisa: Get the hell out.

Cha Cha Slide | Season 44 Episode14

Daniel… John Mulaney

Dj, Marcus… Kenan Thompson

Lisa… Ego Nwodim

Jermaine… Chris Redd

[Starts with people dancing in a hall of a party] [Lisa and Daniel walk in]

Lisa: Okay. Deep breath. My cousin’s wedding is just like any other wedding, okay.

Daniel: But I’ve never met any of your family. It’s just I’m kind of nervous.

Lisa: Why? What is there to be nervous about?

Daniel: I don’t know. I’m a software engineer from Indian Apolis.

Lisa: Okay, these people don’t bite. Okay?

[Cut to the DJ]

DJ: Alright, let’s get it going, y’all. I need everybody on the dance floor. Let’s make it funky, funky, funky. [Cut to everybody, Daniel and Lisa start dancing] Everybody clap your hands. Clap, clap, clap your hands.

Daniel: It’s just – I don’t want to embarrass myself or you.

Lisa: It’s fine. Just be yourself.

DJ: Take it back now, y’all. One hop this time. Two hops this time. Right foot, let’s stomp. Left foot, let’s stomp. Cha cha now, y’all. Turn it up.

Daniel: I’m sorry to be weird. Is your mom here?

Lisa: I told you, everyone’s here.

DJ: Take it back now, y’all. One hop this time. Now shoot them dice. Turn up now y’all. Turn it up.

Lisa: Shoot them dice? Is this the radio?

Daniel: No, this is the club remix, the 12

DJ: Let’s turn them grease. Turn it one time. Cha cha, now y’all. Turn it up.

Daniel: I mean what do I even say to your mom? We have nothing to talk about.

Lisa: You’ll be great. I told you all about you.

DJ: Now pull out your church fans. [Daniel takes the church fan out of his back pocket] And wave that fan.

Lisa: Church fans? I didn’t bring a church fan.

Daniel: Oh, I have an extra. [Daniel takes another church fan out of his back pocket and gives it to Lisa]

DJ: Now, wave it all around. Now wave it all around. Cha cha now y’all. Turn it up.

Daniel: Do you know everybody here?

Lisa: No, I barely know half of these people.

Jermaine: Hey, Daniel. [Jermaine joins Daniel and Lisa]

Daniel: Oh, my god, Jermaine. What are you doing here?

Jermaine: What are you doing?

Daniel: I’m with my girlfriend.

Lisa: Hi, I’m Lisa. You two know each other?

Jermaine: Yeah, we were in the same fraternity.

Lisa: Which one was that?

[Cut to Daniel and Jermaine]

Daniel: Kappa Alpha PSI at Howard University.

Daniel and Jermaine: You know.

Daniel: And about five years ago, we went on a Tom Joyner Cruise where we saw Sinbad an Anita Baker.

Jermaine: Man, that was special right? Looks like my son’s acting up again. Put that down, boy.

Daniel: Oh-oh. Looks like somebody’s going to be on punishment.

Jermaine: You know it. [Cut to Daniel, Lisa and Jermaine] All right Daniel, good to see you. Put your pants back on, boy. [Jermaine leaves]

Lisa: See? It’s not so bad. You have a friend here.

Daniel: Yeah, one.

DJ: Two hops this time. Right foot, two stomps. Left foot, two stops. Make it hutch now y’all.

Daniel: It’s weird for me to be in a new environment.

Lisa: I know. But we all have to do it sometime.

[Ms. Staley joins Lisa and Daniel]

Ms. Staley: Hey, Daniel. I thought that was you.

Daniel: Hey, Ms. Staley. I didn’t know you were here.

Lisa: You know Daniel?

[Cut to Daniel and Ms. Staley]

Ms. Staley: Yeah, we were partners in the stage down at the church. We won $60.

Daniel: We sure did. Hey, are you still watching ‘Power’ on the Starz network?

Ms. Staley: No, child. I had to get rid of the Starz.

Daniel: Oh, it’s a damn shame how expensive these cables are these days. Hey, how’s your foot feeling?

Ms. Staley: It’s better. I got the socks and I have been soaking it every night. Thank you for asking.

Daniel: Well, I’m going to pray on it.

Ms. Staley: Well, thank you darling. You know I’m cooking greens, Sunday, stop by.

[Ms. Staley leaves]

Lisa: Oh, my god. You know my aunt better than I do.

Daniel: Oh, stop. Andrew get things, I’m corny. She’s just being nice.

DJ: Slide to the left. Slide to the right. Now Beyonce one. Now Beyonce two. All right, all right. Good job, everybody. It’s 11:01. And my break was scheduled for 11:00. I’m out of here. Peace.

Lisa: You are going to be fine, tonight.

Daniel: You think so?

Lisa: Yes, I swear. I’d love for you to meet my brother, he’s the DJ.

[Cut to the DJ]

DJ: All right. I want to thank everybody for having me. I just want to give a quick shout out to the man that produced my first mixtape. Daniel, I love you man.

[Cut to Daniel and Lisa]

Daniel: Appreciate you D’ Marcus.