Blue Bunny

Mikey Day

Ego Nwodim

Jacob… Jacob Thompson

Lisa… Melissa Villaseñor

Bobby… Heidi Gardner

Benedict Cumberbatch

[Starts with Ego and Mikey starting the focus group conversation.]

Ego: Okay cutie pies, we’re ready to get started.

Mikey: Well, it’ll be a little more flirtatious of an intro than we need but it’s all good. Hi gang. Thanks for coming out to this focus group.

Ego: We are from Blue Bunny ice cream and we’ve got some new products that we’d love your feedback on.

Keman: Like bomb pops?

Ego:  No, sir. No bomb pops today.

Lisa: Oh, I love bomb pops

Mikey: Again no B pops, but I do think you’ll find our other treats, the ice cream of the crop.

Ben: No offense, but I signed up to try ice cream. Not to hear jokes about it. Can we get to taste it?

Mikey: Okay, I’m sorry.

Bobby: Hey, those two are just trying to do their jobs. They gotta tell a joke or two, let them. It’s their dance, not yours.

Ego: Oh, I’m sorry. Do you two know each other?

Ben: No, ma’am. Just here to try some ice cream, get my check and be on my way.

Bobby: Same here. Same here. Came in a stranger, I’ll leave one as well.

Mikey: Okay, very fun. Well, the first flavor we’re going to try today is peanut brittle pie ice cream. [Ego passes ice cream to the others] So give those a try. And Jacob, how about you go first? What do you think?

Jacob: Oh wow, this delicious.

Ego: Great. Okay, what about you Lisa?

Lisa: Tastes a little wet but yummy.

Ego: Noted at. Bobby what do you think?

Bobby: You know what this tastes like? You remember when you were a kid and you’d be out playing in all the dirty buckets like a hog? And Pappy’d call you to wash up because nana spent the last three hours churning? That woman would churn till she whipped. The blood from her palms, legs in the caramel ribbons of the ice cream. This is that. This tastes like that.

Ego: Okay, thank you. Very descriptive.

Ben: You’re trying to make a grown man weak, miss?

Bobby: No, I’m just eating ice cream, sir.

Ego: Okay, what about you mutton? What do you think of the peanut brittle pie?

Ben: How do I say this? Remember when you’d be down by the pond all day with your hands cut? Trying to catch just one stupid little tadpole? It mean nothing today but back then, hell, that tad was king crab. And then Scooter’s mama, the one with a pretty teeth and eyes like butter, would invite you inside for a whole bowl rocky road. Didn’t matter the flavor though. It was just beautiful mature woman had opened her door to you, arms wide, bosom heavy. This is that. This tastes like that.

Mikey: Okay, so it tastes like Scooter’s mama. Writing that down?

Bobby: You’re seeing things, haven’t you?

Ben: Hah! Only ice cream, miss.

Jacob: Hey, I just taste ice cream. Am I doing this wrong?

Mikey: No. Yeah, guys, we’re not really looking to taste memories of the dustbowl here.

Bobby: Your ice cream carries a weight to it, sir.

Ben: She’s right, I can taste generations of women in it.

Mikey: Okay, I will not be writing that down.

Ego: How about this one? Galactic mint frost. [Ego passes another ice cream to all] Why don’t you guys give that one a taste?

Mikey:  Yeah, Bobby? You tasting that fresh mint in there?

Bobby: No. Taste more like wind. But like the wind when you hadn’t quite reached five feet tall. When back then would knock you right into the neighbor. The one that had lost his wife and daughter in the hospital fire. And in your eyes, he saw em’ both. So you’d sit with him on his porch, watch the world go by. Right as the sun went down, he’d hand you a bowl of cream. Just vanilla, though. He kept it simple since the girls has died. This is that. This tastes like that.

Ego: Got it. So it tastes like a widower in pain.

Ben: Who hurt you?

Ego: Why? You’re looking to save someone tonight?

Ben: Maybe.

Ego: Eat your ice cream.

Mikey: I’m sorry, what is happening?

Ben: I know what I taste?

Ego: Yes≤ but in, like, six words this time.

Ben: Fine. Remember 4th of July.

Mikey: Okay, please stop.

Ben: The air was so thick with smoke, you could barely find your little brother’s hand. Daddy let you both stay out late as long as you kept your little brother close. Never did find him. Walked home alone, went straight to the icebox, scooped out some chocolate chip. Nothing too fancy on the night brother disappeared. This is that. This tastes like that.

Bobby: Dammit! I can’t take your pain away, but I can sure give it a bed to rest in. Let let me nap with your hurt.

Ben: You want a nap with my hurt

Bobby: I said as much. Let me nap with your hurt.

Ben: Go saying something like that and you might just end up taking a nap with my hurt.

Mikey: All right. Well, thanks for coming out everybody.

[Ben and Bobby walk up to and hold each other]

Ben: Hear me now. I will always come for you.

Bobby: What took you so long?

[Cut to their picture holding each other]

Male voice: Blue bunny ice cream, let me nap with your hurt.

 

Cupid Shuffle

Daniel… John Mulaney

Lisa… Ego Nwodim

DJ… Kenan Thompson

Tanitra… Punkie Johnson

[Daniel and Lisa walk in the door to Robinson family reunion]

Daniel: Oh gosh, should we have brought food? I don’t know how these things work.

Lisa: Oh, honey, it’s your first reunion. It’s fine. My family loves you.

Daniel: Really? They love that you’re married to the guy who was LL Bean’s customer of the year?

Lisa: Yes! Yes Just be yourself.

DJ: Alright, alright, alright. Hello everybody. I just want to welcome y’all to the Robinson family reunion. Yes, indeed. We’re gonna have a good time. We’re gonna have a good time. I want everybody to get on out here. Now, it’s time for the cupid shuffle y’all.

[Everyon’es wearing same blue t-shirts while Daniel and Lisa aren’t]

Lisa: Wow. Everyone’s wearing T shirts. Did you know about this?

[when Lisa looks at Daniel, he has already worn the t-shirt.]

Daniel: Yeah. They didn’t send you one in the mail?

DJ: Common, y’all.

[singing] It don’t matter if you’re young or old
We’re gonna show you how it goes
to the right, to the right, to the right, to the right

to the left, to the left, to the left, to the left
now, walk it by yourself, yeah, walk it by yourself

Daniel: How many members of your family are here. I feel like they’re all staring at me.

Lisa: Oh my god. They’re not. I promise.

DJ:To the right, to the right, to the right, to the right
to the left, to the left, to the left, to the left
Jordan dunk, Jordan dunk, Jordan dunk, Jordan dunk
Now push it like LeBron, yeah, push it like LeBron

Lisa: Okay, you know, I’m not really sure I know this version of the cupid shuffle.

Daniel: Oh, this here, this is the Atlanta two piece and a biscuit remix.

DJ: Something stink, something stink, something stink, something stink
fold your tuppleware, yeah, fold your tuppleware

Lisa: You know, it’s crazy to think I used to take baths with all these people.

Tanitra: Oh, Daniel, you’re here!

Daniel: Oh, Tanitra. Hey, yeah, this is my wife Lisa.

Tanitra: Oh, hey Lisa. I think we cousins girl, but me and Daniel, we old friends.

Daniel: That’s right. We used to play all day as kids. We just had to be home when the street lights came on. That it. How’s that hotel you’re staying in.

Tanitra: It’s pretty nice, but they didn’t give us no washcloth.

Daniel: What? Who showers without a washcloth?

Tanitra: I know. They super nasty. Alright, Daniel. We still going to Essence Fest this year, right?

Daniel: Oh yeah, I reserved a seat for a live taping of Ayala fix my life.

Tanitra: Alright, then. I’mma holla at ya’ll, alright? I got to make sure they don’t stay close.

Daniel: Yeah, you can’t let that good air out now.

Lisa: Wait. You’re going to Essence Fest?

Daniel: Yeah, I got you a ticket too.

DJ: Call the cops, call the cops, call the cops, call the cops
Yeah, it’s gonna be a while, yeah, it’s gonna be a while,
Playing spades, playing spades, playing spades, playing spades
Yeah, how many books you got, yeah, how many books you got

Lisa: Wait, you brought cards?

Daniel: Yeah. Lisa, common. It’s a family reunion.

Uncle Bonk: Oh, there he is. I heard you was here, Daniel.

Daniel: Oh-oh! Now it’s a party.

Lisa: Wait, you know my uncle Bonk?

Daniel: Well, sure. But I know him as Mr. Robinson. How’s your knee doing sir?

Uncle Bonk: All better. I put a little robitussin on it

Daniel: Works every time. It’s good to see you here. I wasn’t sure if that COVID would keep you away.

Uncle Bonk: Well, I got vaccinated but don’t tell nobody.

Daniel: Yeah, I hear you. I got vaxed too, but it would break my mamma’s heart if she knew I took her government needles.

Uncle Bonk: I hear that. Oh-oh! I gotta go, Daniel. They got me watching my little nephew, always acting up.

Daniel: That child’s promise he’s got no home training.

Uncle Bonk: Yeah. And he needs to stay out of grown folks’ business before he get whipped!

Lisa: See Daniel? I told you everybody loves you.

Daniel: Oh! I only know like Lisa0 or 30 people here, top.

DJ: To the right, to the right, to the right, to the right
to the left, to the left, to the left, to the left
gonna fight, gonna fight, gonna fight, gonna fight
now, rub some vasseline, yeah, rub some vasseline

Alright, great job, everybody. And now, it is time for the Soul Train line.

Daniel: Oh my god. No, no, no. I didn’t know this was happening.

Lisa: Listen honey, you do not have to do it.

Daniel: No. I wouldn’t. I don’t think that’d be appropriate unless–

[Daniel immediately starts dancing]

DJ: Now, walk it by yourself, now walk it by yourself

Deep Quote Game

Chris Redd

Kyle Mooney

Louis… Danel Craig

Lisa… Kate McKinnon

Duff… Heidi Gardner

Ego Nwodim

Melissa Villaseñor

[Starts with a group of colleagues playing board games in home.]

Chris: One more settlement and boom! That’s seven points victory. Marcus?

Kyle: Oh, man! Come on!

Louis: And here I am thinking we’re gonna have a nice pleasant game night with my wife’s work colleagues. And what? It’s a blood bath.

Lisa: Well, I hate to break it to you guys but I think we’re out of game.

Meli: It’s late. We should probably get going anyway.

Duff: Or we could quote?

Lisa: What’s that?

Duff: Um, we could quote? Like, say lines from movies and guess them?

Lisa: Oh. Oh. Okay. Is that a game that you like, Duff?

Duff: Yeah. Yeah. It really is.

Kyle: Actually, I just called a Lyft home. So…

Duff: Oh, then um… cancel it coz looks like we’re gonna quote.

Ego: Um, okay. Umm… I can start. “You’re a wizard, Harry.”

All: Harry Potter.

Duff: —and the sorcerer’s stone.

Louis: Oh. She’s right. Duff gets the point.

Duff: Yeah, cool. And now, I get to go coz I got that one. Okay. “I need two new suits off the rack. One light and one dark.”

Ego: No clue.

Louis: On, no, no, no. I know this one. This is… Aviator.

Duff: Oh, dammit! That was too easy.

Chris: Easy? That sounded vague as hell.

Duff: [looking at Louis deeply] Wow. You know your quote.

Louis: Yeah, I actually do.

Duff: Hah! Big D energy over there.

Louis: Yeah, that too.

Lisa: Louis, what was that?

Louis: It’s my turn. Here we go. “Thanks for walking in and now if you’ll excuse me, I’m not feeling so well.”

Duff: As good as it gets.

Louis: Oh!

Ego: What?

Kyle: You’re killing me.

Louis: How were you able to do that?

Duff: What? Do you quote?

Louis: Yeah.

Duff: Um, I don’t know. Probably coz I spend a lot of time watching movies all the time.

Louis: Hah. So, you’re a little quote queen?

Duff: I mean, if you’d say that. What– What are you? A flick daddy?

Louis: Only the biggest flick daddy you’ll ever meet in your whole life.

Lisa: Louise? Pal, you have a job.

Louis: No, I don’t. I’ve got fired six months ago.

[Louis turns towards Duff]

Lisa: Excuse me?

Louis: You’re very serious. [looks away] Who’s up?

Chris: Yeah. Maybe let’s stick to like, more well known quotes.

Duff: Sorry, but there’s no rule against deep movie.

Louis: No, she’s right. You know, it’s not a game if you don’t deep quote.

Lisa: Louis, deep quote?

Louis: Yeah, bud. Deep quote.

Lisa: The ‘bud’ thing gotta stop right now.

Duff: Alright. Okay, okay. My turn. Guess I’ll pick an easy one. Okay. “Hey, hi, I didn’t know you were here.”

Louis: Got it. No, no. Someone else go. Someone else go.

Kyle: Duff, it’s not a ton of identifying information in there.

Ego: Yeah, girl. What are you quoting?

Louis: Guys, it’s easy. Failure to Launch. Keep up, you morons.

Chris: Hey, I don’t like that.

Meli: Hey, Duff, maybe let’s play this another time.

Duff: What? No. We’re tied 2-2. I’m not about to lay down and let Lisa’s hot husband rail me.

Lisa: My husband?

Ego: Rail you?

Duff: Okay, okay, okay. Come on, quote off. You and me.

Louis: Alright. Let’s go, little girl.

Duff: Okay. “What made you pick me?”

Louis: Captain Phillips.

Duff: Ugh! Dammit. Go.

Louis: Only buddy goodie. “What are we supposed to do?”

Duff: Captain Phillips. Oh! Trying to trick me. Okay.

Louis: Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Duff: Okay. Here’s another one. “It’s okay.”

Louis: Captain Phillips. You sneaky bitch!

[Duff and Louis are giggling]

Ego: Stop quoting Captain Phillips.

Louis: Okay, okay, okay. Here we go. “Go-do-un-bujah.”

Duff: “Go-do-un-bujah.” They are rich. parasite!

Meli: Parasite?

Chris: So, now you y’all know Korean? That’s stupid.

Duff: Okay, okay. Final round. No words, act out only.

Louis: Alright. Easy. I’ll start.

[Louis just raises his hands]

Duff: Up In the Air.

Louis: Ah!

Duff: Got it.

All: Up In the Air?

Duff: Okay, okay. My turn.

[Duff just coughs. Now, Duff and Louis are standing facing each other.]

Louis: Oh, Philadelphia! Get out!

Duff: Alright. Okay. You’re up.

Louis: Okay, okay. I got it.

[Louis kisses Duff]

All: No! No! No!

Duff: The notebook.

Louis: Ah!

Duff: I knew it was Gosling from your tongue.

[Lisa stands]

Lisa: Alright. Enough of this. Get out of my house.

Duff: [pointing at Lisa] Broke By Mountain.

Louis: Broke By Mountain.

Lisa: Get the hell out.

Cha Cha Slide | Season 44 Episode14

Daniel… John Mulaney

Dj, Marcus… Kenan Thompson

Lisa… Ego Nwodim

Jermaine… Chris Redd

[Starts with people dancing in a hall of a party] [Lisa and Daniel walk in]

Lisa: Okay. Deep breath. My cousin’s wedding is just like any other wedding, okay.

Daniel: But I’ve never met any of your family. It’s just I’m kind of nervous.

Lisa: Why? What is there to be nervous about?

Daniel: I don’t know. I’m a software engineer from Indian Apolis.

Lisa: Okay, these people don’t bite. Okay?

[Cut to the DJ]

DJ: Alright, let’s get it going, y’all. I need everybody on the dance floor. Let’s make it funky, funky, funky. [Cut to everybody, Daniel and Lisa start dancing] Everybody clap your hands. Clap, clap, clap your hands.

Daniel: It’s just – I don’t want to embarrass myself or you.

Lisa: It’s fine. Just be yourself.

DJ: Take it back now, y’all. One hop this time. Two hops this time. Right foot, let’s stomp. Left foot, let’s stomp. Cha cha now, y’all. Turn it up.

Daniel: I’m sorry to be weird. Is your mom here?

Lisa: I told you, everyone’s here.

DJ: Take it back now, y’all. One hop this time. Now shoot them dice. Turn up now y’all. Turn it up.

Lisa: Shoot them dice? Is this the radio?

Daniel: No, this is the club remix, the 12

DJ: Let’s turn them grease. Turn it one time. Cha cha, now y’all. Turn it up.

Daniel: I mean what do I even say to your mom? We have nothing to talk about.

Lisa: You’ll be great. I told you all about you.

DJ: Now pull out your church fans. [Daniel takes the church fan out of his back pocket] And wave that fan.

Lisa: Church fans? I didn’t bring a church fan.

Daniel: Oh, I have an extra. [Daniel takes another church fan out of his back pocket and gives it to Lisa]

DJ: Now, wave it all around. Now wave it all around. Cha cha now y’all. Turn it up.

Daniel: Do you know everybody here?

Lisa: No, I barely know half of these people.

Jermaine: Hey, Daniel. [Jermaine joins Daniel and Lisa]

Daniel: Oh, my god, Jermaine. What are you doing here?

Jermaine: What are you doing?

Daniel: I’m with my girlfriend.

Lisa: Hi, I’m Lisa. You two know each other?

Jermaine: Yeah, we were in the same fraternity.

Lisa: Which one was that?

[Cut to Daniel and Jermaine]

Daniel: Kappa Alpha PSI at Howard University.

Daniel and Jermaine: You know.

Daniel: And about five years ago, we went on a Tom Joyner Cruise where we saw Sinbad an Anita Baker.

Jermaine: Man, that was special right? Looks like my son’s acting up again. Put that down, boy.

Daniel: Oh-oh. Looks like somebody’s going to be on punishment.

Jermaine: You know it. [Cut to Daniel, Lisa and Jermaine] All right Daniel, good to see you. Put your pants back on, boy. [Jermaine leaves]

Lisa: See? It’s not so bad. You have a friend here.

Daniel: Yeah, one.

DJ: Two hops this time. Right foot, two stomps. Left foot, two stops. Make it hutch now y’all.

Daniel: It’s weird for me to be in a new environment.

Lisa: I know. But we all have to do it sometime.

[Ms. Staley joins Lisa and Daniel]

Ms. Staley: Hey, Daniel. I thought that was you.

Daniel: Hey, Ms. Staley. I didn’t know you were here.

Lisa: You know Daniel?

[Cut to Daniel and Ms. Staley]

Ms. Staley: Yeah, we were partners in the stage down at the church. We won $60.

Daniel: We sure did. Hey, are you still watching ‘Power’ on the Starz network?

Ms. Staley: No, child. I had to get rid of the Starz.

Daniel: Oh, it’s a damn shame how expensive these cables are these days. Hey, how’s your foot feeling?

Ms. Staley: It’s better. I got the socks and I have been soaking it every night. Thank you for asking.

Daniel: Well, I’m going to pray on it.

Ms. Staley: Well, thank you darling. You know I’m cooking greens, Sunday, stop by.

[Ms. Staley leaves]

Lisa: Oh, my god. You know my aunt better than I do.

Daniel: Oh, stop. Andrew get things, I’m corny. She’s just being nice.

DJ: Slide to the left. Slide to the right. Now Beyonce one. Now Beyonce two. All right, all right. Good job, everybody. It’s 11:01. And my break was scheduled for 11:00. I’m out of here. Peace.

Lisa: You are going to be fine, tonight.

Daniel: You think so?

Lisa: Yes, I swear. I’d love for you to meet my brother, he’s the DJ.

[Cut to the DJ]

DJ: All right. I want to thank everybody for having me. I just want to give a quick shout out to the man that produced my first mixtape. Daniel, I love you man.

[Cut to Daniel and Lisa]

Daniel: Appreciate you D’ Marcus.