Ron… Bowen Yang
James Austin Martin
Michael B. Jordan
Marcello Hernandez[Starts with a number of adult males in a confidence seminar]
Andrew: Say it again.
Ron: I’m strong. I’m desirable. People want to have sex with me.
Andrew: Now roar like a lion.
Andrew: Wow. Give it up for Ron everybody. Yes, I have chills. See? That’s what male charisma training is all about. Confidence. You see, I used to be a lot like you guys. Awkward, hated my body, walked around like this. But then I developed my social Mastery program. And now look at me. I stand like an alpha. I’ve got the scarf. I effing made it.[everybody claps]
You. You’ve taken my class before, yes?
Devon: Yes, sir. Three times. Yeah. And I have an update. Actually, I got a girlfriend now.
Andrew: Hell, yes. What was your approach?
Devon: Well, she’s not a girlfriend. You know, she’s actually like a barista. So.
Andrew: Oh. But hey, introduce yourself, right?
Devon: No, sir.
Andrew: So you saw girl at a coffee shop? Cool round of applause for him. That’s not nothing, folks. That’s not nothing. Yes, a question in the back.[Michael is there carrying a jar of water]
Michael: Yeah. Where do you want this water delivery?
Andrew: I don’t know. Dude, do I look like I work for the hotel?[everybody laughing]
Michael: Oh, okay. My apologies. [he’s looking for a place to put it]
Andrew: You, question?
James: Yeah. I’m pretty lonely. I have a job. I feel like I’m doing everything right. I just get nervous that women are going to make fun of me if I approach them.
Andrew: Mm-hmm. And what do you do for work?
James: I critique female stand ups on YouTube.
Andrew: Sure, sure. Look, after one session here, nothing will rattle you. Okay? Watch this. Anybody out there? Anybody. Say the meanest thing you can think of me? Anybody?
Michael: [sitting quietly at the back] Forehead.
Andrew: Sorry, what does that even mean?
Andrew: Okay, sure. It’s just funny because I don’t like to have weird forehead.
Michael: Ha-ha-ha. Just keep talking, goofy.
Andrew: I’m not goofy. I’m actually regular. All right? Listen, when you approach a lady what you want to do is you want to take an alpha body stance. Broad shoulders.
Michael: Hmm, broad forehead.
Andrew: Sir! Sir, I’m fine if you stay. Just don’t interrupt me, please.
Michael: No, I might. I might.
Andrew: Okay, look, no matter what a lady throws at you, and they can say some pretty random stuff. Just roll with it. I’ll show you any volunteer. [Michael and James stand up] Oh, I think you stood up first, sir? [pointing at James]
Michael: Bro, if you’re cool with it, you know what I’m saying, you don’t mind if I do this, right?
Michael: Yeah. Yeah. See, Dexter’s Lab was cool with it. Go ahead, goofy.
Andrew: Not goofy. All right. I’m going to do what I call a basic opening. Hey, Goddess, what’s your name?
Michael: You a bitch.
Andrew: Hey. Hey. Just do the exercise. What’s your name?
Michael: Forehead Jackson.
Andrew: It’s not. Please sit down here.
Michael: Um, nah. I’m good here.
Andrew: That’s fine. Any final questions?
Mike: Yeah, I was wondering if you have any tips on coping with having a big old forehead?
Michael: I don’t have a big old forehead, okay? Not like you, dude. I’m cool. Got the scarf, the rings. You know, I’m in charge like immediately.
Michael: You got to Jimmy Neutron head, bro.
Marcello: He kinda does.
Andrew: No. No, my head’s regular. Not Jimmy Neutron.
James: Yeah, it’s like if Jimmy Neutron if he did street magic, that’s you.
Andrew: No, it’s not. Dammit.
Michael: Actually, actually, look. Y’all want to go get a burger? I feel like I could teach you some things.[everyone agrees]
Andrew: Where are you guys going? I want to come too.