Tag: Leslie Jones

The Last Black Unicorn

Maureen… Aidy Bryant

Melissa Villaseñor

Beck Bennett

Black Unicorn… Tiffany Haddish

Old Black Unicorn… Leslie Jones

[Starts with a opening of the book ‘The Last Black Unicorn’]

Male voice: Once upon a time, the world was filled with magical creatures. The noblest among them were the black unicorns who possessed the ability to see through time. But now, with magic having all but left our world, only one remains.

[Cut to Maureen, Melissa and Beck looking around in the magical world]

Maureen: So, according to this map, this is the home of the last black unicorn.

Melissa: Oh, come on, Maureen. No one believes in unicorns anymore.

Beck: Yeah, Maureen, don’t be so naive.

[Black Unicorn runs out making horse noises]

Beck: Whoa! She is real!

Maureen: I told you.

Black Unicorn: I’m the last black unicorn. And with my magical horn, I can unveil the mysteries of the future.

Melissa: Whoa. You can see the future?

Black Unicorn: Hmm. [horse noises]

Beck: Mrs. Black Unicorn, I got to know. Will me and my girl stay together forever? [referring to Beck and Melissa]

Black Unicorn: Hmm, yes. I can see that the two of you will marry and live a long and happy life together.

Beck: Heck, yeah, babe. I friggin love you.

Maureen: Wow, what about me? Will I ever find true love?

Black Unicorn: Umm. Yes. I see you marrying the love of your life many years from now.

Maureen: Yes! I knew it.

Black Unicorn: I see you walking down the aisle. Your mother is crying. Your father is beaming. And all five of your children are there with their five different fathers.

Maureen: Wait. I’m sorry. I have five kids before I’m even married?

Black Unicorn: Yeah, girl. I mean, when you get to college, you start throwing down.

Maureen: Oh, really?

Black Unicorn: Yeah, girl. For few years, you are just conceiving and birthing and back to back and back to back. I mean, if you ain’t getting it in, you getting it out, if you know what I mean.

Beck: Oh, gross.

Maureen: Well, what about dads? Are they at least good fathers?

Black Unicorn: Oh, absolutely they are not. One of them is actually a red headed white guy with dread locks that look like Cheetos.

Maureen: God! That sounds terrible.

Melissa: Well, what about us? Will we ever have kids?

Black Unicorn: Um, yes. In your future, I see two wonderful children. Your daughter is a talented musician and your son is a gifted painter. [To Maureen] And your son, well, he also is involved with paint. Um-hmm.

Maureen: Well, how so?

Black Unicorn: He’s huffing it.

Maureen: So my son does drugs?

Black Unicorn: Yes. But on the bright side, your daughter sells drugs.

Maureen: Oh my god! Do all my kids have drug problems?

Black Unicorn: No. Actually one of your sons is sober. But he is like, the worst.

Maureen: How?

Black Unicorn: Well, he is just always mad. He’s like that really angry white kid you graduate with who joins the army and you are like, “Good luck, army.”

Beck: Man, your son sucks.

[Another black unicorn walks out]

Old Black Unicorn: Whoa, whoa. Now, why are you telling this little girl all these horrible things?

Beck: Hey, I thought you said you were the last black unicorn.

Black Unicorn: Well, she’s older than me.

Old Black Unicorn: Little girl, look, life is always going to have it’s struggles. But I can see there is still plenty of good in your future.

Maureen: Like, what kind of good?

Old Black Unicorn: Well, for example, I see you living in a beautiful apartment.

Black Unicorn: Yeah, because your house gets foreclosed on.

Old Black Unicorn: Okay, yeah. But you also get to travel the country.

Black Unicorn: On the run from FBI with your drug lord daughter.

Maureen: You know, I don’t really need to hear anymore.

Old Black Unicorn: Wait, wait. hang on. What if I told you that in the end of you retire to a secluded island?

Black Unicorn: Yeah, rikers.

Maureen: My life sucks.

Old Black Unicorn: Look, life is what you make it. If you say it sucks, it will.

Maureen: Okay. So, what you’re saying is that if I’m just true to myself, I might be able to escape my terrible destiny?

Old Black Unicorn: Oh, no. All that stuff is still going to happen. You just need to stop whining about it.

Black Unicorn: Yeah. And I didn’t even told you half the stuff. How much time you got? [horse noises]

Message from the DNC

Nancy Pelosi, Hillary Clinton… Kate McKinnon

Chuck Schumer… Alex Moffat

Diane Feinstein… Cecily Strong

Tim Kaine… Mikey Day

Donna Brazile… Leslie Jones

Joe Biden… Jason Sudeikis

Bernie Sanders… Larry David

[Starts with a message video]

Male voice: And now a message from the democratic national committee.

[Cut to Nancy Pelosi in her set]

Nancy Pelosi: This Tuesday, American went to the poll.

[Cut to Chuck Schumer]

Chuck Schumer: And they told president Trump, “We don’t like what you’re doing at all, sir.”

[Cut to Diane Feinstein]

Diane Feinstein: And now, one thing is clear. We’re back, baby.

[Cut to Nancy Pelosi]

Nancy Pelosi: The dems are back.

[Cut to Tim Kaine]

Tim Kaine: [in foreign language.] We’re back!

[Cut to Chuck Schumer and Diane Feinstein]

Chuck Schumer and Diane Feinstein: You love us again.

Chuck Schumer: And we haven’t felt this confident since the day before Trump won.

[Cut to Nancy Pelosi]

Nancy Pelosi: You love our fresh new ideas delivered by fresh new faces like me, Nancy Pelosi.

[Cut to Diane Feinstein]

Diane Feinstein: And me, Diane Feinstein.

[Cut to Chuck Schumer]

Chuck Schumer: And me, Chuck Schumer.

[Cut to Tim Kaine]

Tim Kaine: [in foreign language] I’m Tim Kaine.

[Cut to Donna Brazile]

Donna Brazile: And I’m team player, Donna Brazile.

[Cut to Nancy Pelosi]

Nancy Pelosi: And we also have some great new leaders waiting in the wings like hot young thing, Elizabeth Warren. And also, that’s right.

[Cut to Joe Biden]

Joe Biden: It’s Biden Time.

[Cut to Bernie Sanders]

Bernie Sanders: And I’m still around too.

[Cut to Nancy Pelosi and Diane Feinstein]

Diane Feinstein: And together, we are going to end the spirit of divisiveness in this country by focusing on how we won the governor’s faces in two of the 10 states we care about.

Nancy Pelosi: And we learned our lesson from the election. We can’t just appeal to coastal elites. We need mouth breathers from Wisconsin.

Diane Feinstein: And window lickers from Ohio as well.

Nancy Pelosi: And we know what Americans really care about is jobs.

Diane Feinstein: Jobs, like smuggling immigrants across the border.

Nancy Pelosi: And converting confederate monuments into statues of prominent lesbian poets.

[Cut to Bernie Sanders]

Bernie Sanders: And we’re going to lace into people if they don’t say what’s politically correct. Like these comics out there who think it’s okay to make jokes about concentration camps. That guy should rot in he..

[Cut to Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer and Diane Feinstein]

Chuck Schumer: The dems are back, and we don’t stop now because we need another path for our country.

Diane Feinstein: Another vision for America.

[Cut to Hillary Clinton]

Hillary Clinton: Another chance for me, Hillary Rodham Clinton. Just one more chance, and maybe more more chance after that. Ha-ha-ha-ha.

[Cut to Donna Brazile]

Donna Brazile: I thought she was dead.

[Cut to Chuck Schumer and Diane Feinstein]

Chuck Schumer: We need bold leadership.

Diane Feinstein: And new blood.

[Cut to ‘Not Hillary’. She is Hillary Clinton wearing a fake mustache.]

Not Hillary: I think the Hillary idea could still work.

[Cut to Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, Diane Feinstein and Tim Kaine]

Chuck Schumer: This is our time.

Diane Feinstein: Our time.

Tim Kaine: Yo soy, Tim Kaine.

Nancy Pelosi: And just wait till Bernie transfers his millennial voters over to new leader.

[Cut to Bernie Sanders]

Bernie Sanders: No. If you like it, you should have put a ring on it. Pass!

[Cut to Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, Diane Feinstein and Tim Kaine]

Diane Feinstein: So, watch out, America.

[Cut to Hillary Clinton]

Hillary Clinton: Because the dems are back.

[Cut to Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, Diane Feinstein and Tim Kaine]

Diane Feinstein: We’re back.

[Cut to Bernie Sanders]

Bernie Sanders: We’re back, baby.

[Cut to Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, Diane Feinstein and Tim Kaine]

Tim Kaine: Wi ado, senor, Trump.

All: Because the dems are back.

[Donna Brazile walks in]

Donna Brazile: I will destroy all of this.

Male voice: This ad was paid for by Mark Cuban for republican president.

Get Woke with Tamika

Tamika… Leslie Jones

Megan Grey… Aidy Bryant

Bianca Twerks… Tiffany Haddish

[Starts with Tamika sitting on a TV show set]

Male voice: And now it’s time to Get Woke With Tamika. With your host, Tamika.

Tamika: Hello and welcome to Get Woke With Tamika. I’m your host, Tamika. And y’all about to get woke… with Tamika. I’m Tamika. First topic, discrimination. It’s wrong. Decond topic, progress. It’s right. Third topic, ‘House of cards.’ I liked it. And that was the topics.

Okay, let’s bring out our first guest. My producers tell me that she’s an author and an activist. Please welcome Megan Gray.

[Megan Grey walks in]

[cheers and applause]

Megan Grey: Thank you so much for having me, Tamika.

Tamika: Now, my producers tell me that you are here to promote white woman’s protest? What’s that about?

Megan Grey: Well, actually, it’s just a women’s rights protest.

Tamika: So, you’re protesting black women’s rights too?

Megan Grey: No, we’re not protesting women’s rights at all. We’re protesting for women’s rights.

Tamika: Okay, coz I was about to say, “Take that nonsense to another show coz that’s not woke.”

Megan Grey: the protest is just an opportunity for all women to unite and be strong together.

Tamika: Oh. Then just say that. That’s very woke. Why you messed that up? That’s why I got so mad.

Megan Grey: Oh. I’m sorry. I guess I got a little nervous. It’s a scary time for women in this country.

Tamika: Scary? Shoot. Maybe for you but Tamika is not scared of anything except for god and fried fish that still got the head and the eyes in it. Don’t look at me while I’m eating you, fish!

Megan Grey: Okay. Again, I wasn’t implying that you would ever–

Tamika: Let’s just move on to our sponsors, okay, coz you frustrating me. Today, “Get Woke With Tamika” is brought to you by Breitbart news. Your one stop shop for all news. Breitbart news, we’re great!

Megan Grey: Is this show seriously sponsored by Breitbart?

Tamika: Yes. They like that I’m not afraid to hit both sides. Let’s bring out the second guest. This girl– [her earring falls] Oh, producers. [she puts it back on] Let’s bring our second guest. This girl needs no introduction, please welcome her. Oh, my producers are telling me that she actually does in fact need an introduction. She has the butt that I’m currently working towards. Please, welcome Instagram model Bianca Twerks.

[Bianca Twerks walks in]

Bianca Twerks: Hey, everybody.

Megan Grey: Should I get another chair or just–

Tamika: Let me check with my producers. Um, we gonna need another chair. So, you don’t have any more chairs? Well, if she stands then for the rest of the show? Okay, I’ll ask her. Um, Megan, do you mind standing up for the rest of the show?

Megan Grey: [looking around] Um, I guess not.

Tamika: She says she don’t mind. Okay. That makes sense. Okay. I’ll tell her. [to Megan Grey] Megan, we just want you to leave.

Megan Grey: What? Okay.

[Megan Grey leaves]

Tamika: And while she’s doing that, let’s thank another one of our sponsors. “Get Woke With Tamika” is also brought to you by Russia. Your one stop shop for news. Russia, we’ll keep the light on for you.

Now, Bianca, when did you decide to become an Instagram butt model?

Bianca Twerks: Um, I’m not a model anymore. I review movies. I changed my name to Bianca’s reviews.

Tamika: Well, you just wasting your butt.

Bianca Twerks: The first movie I’ll reviewing is “Geostorm.”

Tamika: “Geostorm?” That car sucks! I used to drive one until my current husband cut the brakes.

Bianca Twerks: It’s not about the car. It’s about climate control and man-made hurricanes. You know that can really happen, right?

Tamika: No, it can’t. Everybody knows that hurricanes is just god yelling at his wife. I can’t take all these Hollywood lies. The last movie I liked was “Moonlight.” And I loved it coz it was so woke.

Bianca Twerks: Oh, I loved “Moonlight” too. The story of a young black man exploring his homosexuality in the inner city.

Tamika: His what?

Bianca Twerks: Homosexuality. The main character was gay, girl.

Tamika: What the hell was you watching? “Moonlinght” is a movie about a group of black people in tuxedos taking trophies away from a group of white people in tuxedos. It was hilarious.

Bianca Twerks: Oh, no. You are talking about the Oscars. I’m talking about the actual movie.

Tamika: I want to argue with you about this but I’m getting frustrated again. That’s all the time we have. Tune in next week. [listening to the producer] What? We can’t end the show yet? Well, how long does a talk show usually– How long have be ween going? Four minutes? What am I supposed to do? Can’t we just roll the credits to fill in time? Okay, okay. Cool.

Male voice: “Get Woke With Tamika” was written, produced and created by Tamika.

Tamika: [talking to her producer] So, how long was that? Oh, no!

Beck and Kyle

Beck Bennett

Kyle Mooney

Leslie Jones

Colin Jost

Lorne Michael

Tiffany Haddish

[Starts with Beck Bennett walking in streets]

Beck Bennett narrating: You know, working at SNL can be tough. It’s a lot of pressure, late nights. It’s stressful. But I guess that’s why it was so special I got hired with my best friend.

[Cut to pictures of Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney when they were young.]

Kyle and I met our freshman year in college. We did shows. We made videos. We lived together.

[Cut to videos of them in college years]

It’s been an amazing friendship. I just wish it was still like that.

[Cut to Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney working in SNL studio]

Beck Bennett: hey, bud. Do you want to grab a drink after this?

Kyle Mooney: Oh, I can’t. You know..

Beck Bennett: Yeah, no worries. It’s all good.

Beck Bennett narrating: You know, here at the show, we’ve always stuck together. But things change.

[Cut to Beck Bennett going through the script]

Beck Bennett: Oh, Kyle, what if you played the waiter? [Kyle Mooney doesn’t respond. Beck Bennett turns around. Kyle Mooney is making out with Leslie Jones.]

Leslie Jones: No, he should play the sheriff because he run this town.

Kyle Mooney: Yeah, B, is it cool if I’m a Sheriff?

Beck Bennett: Sure. I’ll just restructure the whole thing.

Kyle Mooney narrating: Of course, Back and I are still close. It’s just Leslie and I have such a deep connection. I mean, we’ve raised a child together.

[Cut to Kyle Mooney and Leslie dropping off their child to college]

Kyle Mooney: Alright but, it looks like you’re all set for college.

[Their child is an adult wearing a wig.]

Child: I love you mom and dad.

Leslie Jones: Oh, we love you too, baby.

Kyle Mooney: Good luck, out there. We did good, baby.

Leslie Jones: Yes, we did.

Kyle Mooney: I love you.

Beck Bennett narrating: I want Kyle to be in a happy relationship. It’s just, I miss him.

[Cut to Kyle Mooney and Leslie being playful during work.]

Kyle Mooney: Stop, baby, what are you dong?

[Beck Bennett is looking at them from far. Colin Jost comes to Beck Bennett.]

Colin Jost: You know, it doesn’t have to be like this, right?

Beck Bennett: What do you mean?

Colin Jost: Ice rink. Midnight. Be there.

[Colin Jost walks out]

[Cut to Beck Bennett and Colin Jost meeting at ice rink]

Beck Bennett: WTF, Jost?

Colin Jost: It’s simple. You want your friend back. I want my girl.

Beck Bennett: What are you suggesting?

Colin Jost: The masquerade ball is tomorrow night. It’s the perfect opportunity for us to both get what we desire.

Beck Bennett: I’m listening.

[Colin Jost starts whispering in Beck Bennett’s ear.]

Beck Bennett narrating: I’m just sorry it had to come to this.

[Cut to Kyle Mooney. He sees a note with his name on it. He reads it.]

[Cut to Leslie Jones. She sees a note with her name on it. She reads it.]

Kyle Mooney: Dearest Kyle…

Kyle Mooney and Leslie Jones: … you have made my life so grand. I’ll be waiting for you…

Kyle Mooney: …with a white rose…

Leslie Jones: …with a red rose in my hand.

Kyle Mooney and Leslie Jones: Meet me at the ball. Love, your best friend.

Leslie Jones: Aw, Kyle.

Kyle Mooney: Aw, Leslie.

Kyle Mooney narrating: This is so something Leslie would do. Tomorrow’s going to be unforgettable.

[Cut to masquerade ball]

Lorne Michael: The masquerade ball is always my favorite time of year. The cast gets to let loose and there is always a random hook up.

Aidy Bryant: Let’s get weird.

[Cut to Leslie Jones looking around for Kyle Mooney]

[Cut to Colin Jost waving at Leslie Jones. Colin Jost is wearing a wig and a mask, and has a red rose to make himself look like Kyle Mooney.]

Leslie Jones: Kyle!

[Cut to Kyle Mooney looking around for Leslie Jones. There is Beck Bennett dressed as a woman holding a white rose an wearing a mask.]

Kyle Mooney: White rose. Leslie. [Kyle Mooney walks near Beck Bennett dressed as Leslie Jones] Leslie, you look beautiful.

[Cut to Leslie Jones dancing with Colin Jost dressed as Kyle Mooney]

Leslie Jones: YOu’re getting so strong. I like it.

Colin Jost: Hmm, well, I’m Kyle.

[Cut to Kyle Mooney and Beck Bennett dressed as Leslie Jones]

Kyle Mooney: Leslie, I want to see your face.

[Cut to Leslie Jones dancing with Colin Jost dressed as Kyle Mooney]

Leslie Jones: You know what? Take off that mask. I wanna kiss my man.

[Cut to Kyle Mooney and Beck Bennett dressed as Leslie Jones. Beck Bennett opens the mask.]

Kyle Mooney: Beck?

Beck Bennett: It was the only way to get through to you. I miss you man.

Kyle Mooney: Wait a sec.

[Kyle Mooney looks around.]

[Cut to Leslie Jones and Colin Jost dressed as Kyle Mooney. Colin Jost wakes the mask off.]

Leslie Jones: Colin?

Colin Jost: Do I still get that kiss?

Kyle Mooney: You asshole!

[Kyle Mooney runs and beats Colin Jost up.]

Beck Bennett: Kyle, stop! Give your knuckles a rest.

[Beck Bennett starts hitting Colin Jost. Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney look at each other, smile, and start hitting Colin Jost again.]

[Tiffany Haddish walks in]

Tiffany: Everybody, hold up. [to Beck Bennett] You have to put your shoulder into it. [opens her wig and gives it to Beck Bennett] Hold my hair. [Tiffany starts hitting Colin Jost]

[Lorne Michael walks in]

Lorne Michael: Tiffany, no! You’ve got a big show tomorrow night. Let me help.

[Lorne Michael starts hitting Colin Jost]

[Cut to Beck Bennett, Kyle Mooney and Leslie Jones sitting on a couch]

Beck Bennett: I guess we got a little carried away.

Kyle Mooney: But we talked it out and everything’s cool.

Leslie Jones: And… [Leslie Jones pulls Colin Jost. His falls is all bruised.] Colin decided not to press charges. Ain’t that right, Colin?

Colin Jost: Yes.

Weekend Update- Leslie Jones on Baseball

Colin Jost

Leslie Jones

George Springer

Jose Altuve

Alex Bregman

[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]

Colin Jost: This week, the Houston Astros won the world series in an epic matchup with the Dodgers. Here to talk about it is new baseball fan, Leslie Jones.

[Leslie Jones slides in]

[cheers and applause]

Leslie Jones: What’s up, Colin?

Colin Jost: How’s it going, Leslie? I didn’t know you were such a big Yankees fan.

Leslie Jones: Yes, I am, you bountiful snowman. For all the wrong reasons. [Cut to Leslie Jones] Okay? I love to see those fine men in their tight little pin stripe pants. You should hear me at the game. Hey, Gary Sanchez, when you going to come hit this [pointing at herself] out the park? Hey, Gregorius, you can round my bases any time because you are greg-gorgeous. I am a die hard fan, Colin. Look at this pic of me at this game. [Cut to a picture of an on-going baseball game] yeah. There is Gary Sanchez at bat, and there is me looking at that ass. [Cut to Leslie Jones] Call me, Gary. That net can’t keep us apart. not for long.

[Cut to Leslie Jones and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: Well, you must have been pretty upset then when Yankees lost in the ALCS to the Astros.

Leslie Jones: Urgh! Colin! We was so close. One game away from the world series. Colin, have you ever gotten so close to something only to have it taken from you?

Colin Jost: Um, I don’t know.

Leslie Jones: Yeah, that’s coz you white. You get every damn thing. [Cut to Leslie Jones] But I was mad as hell. Okay? That little Altuve hit all those home runs against us. The bat is bigger than him. And the MVP George Springer, he is Panamian and Puerto Rico. His name is George Springer. Come on, man! That’s the name of a goofy mattress salesman.

[George Springer, Jose Altuve and Alex Bregman walk in from the behind]

[Cheers and applause]

George Springer: Excuse me, how is that? What was that? Y’all let me know.

Colin Jost: George Springer, Jose Altuve and Alex Bregman.

Leslie Jones: Whooo! Class the pearl.

George Springer: Well, since we already know that you don’t actually watch baseball, we would really like to give you a gift today.

Leslie Jones: Umm, okay. You can give me anything you want.

Alex Bregman: This is an Astros swag so you can hop on the bang wagon too.

[Alex Bregman gives Leslie Jones Astros jersey.]

Leslie Jones: Oh, whatever. Oh, this is so–

Jose Altuve: [passing Leslie Jones a baseball] How do you like it?

Leslie Jones: Oh, I like balls. [George Springer gives Leslie Jones a baseball cap] I love it. I love it.

Colin Jost: Yeah. It’s funny coz actually Leslie was–

Leslie Jones: [yelling] Shut up, Colin. I know what I said, but these men are fine as hell. I take it all back. Oh, congratulations, you guys. I loved watching you all win.

[cheers and applause]

I thought it was so sweet that Correa proposed to his girlfriend after the game. I mean, it’s so romantic. [looks at Jose Altuve] It looks like this dude is on one knee right now.

George Springer: It’s not Jose’s fault he’s short.

Leslie Jones: Oh, that’s okay. Come here, baby, let me tell you something. [Leslie Jones takes a seat and Jose Altuve sits on Leslie Jones’s laps.] Yeah! Whoo! Now, this is not something I usually say at all, I mean never, but good things do come in small packages.

Colin Jost: Leslie Jones and world champions Houston Astros. For Weekend Update, I’m Colin jost.

Michael Che: I’m Michael Che. Good night.

The Price Is Right Celebrity Edition

Drew… Beck Bennett

Lil’ Wayne… Chris Redd

Ramal… Kenan Thompson

Tilda Swinton… Kate McKinnon

Marcia… Leslie Jones

Chris Hemsworth… Alex Moffat

Amanda… Miley Cyrus

Bernie Sanders… Larry David

Derek… Pete Davidson

Ariana Grande… Melissa Villaseñor

Tony Bennett… Alec Baldwin

Sofia Vergara… Cecily Strong

[Starts with ‘the Price is Right’ intro]

[Cut to Drew]

Drew: Welcome back to the ‘Price is Right’. The favorite show of people who are in between jobs. Hang in there. I’m your host, Drew Carey. It’s celebrity week. Hollywood’s biggest stars are playing alongside contestants from our studio audience. Starting with Lil Wayne and Ramal.

[Cut to Lil’ Wayne and Ramal]

Lil’ Wayne: Bitches love lil’ Weezy. And Lil’ Weezy loves moolah, baby!

Ramal: Yeah. And Ramal Johnson also loves moolah, baby.

[Cut to Drew]

Drew: Tilda Swinton and Marsha.

[Cut to Tilda Swinton and Marcia]

Tilda Swinton: I’ve been watching ‘the Price is Right’ since I was a little girl growing up on the planet Krypto.

Marcia: Um, yeah. I’m going to need another famous person.

[Cut to Drew]

Drew: Ah! No tradesies. Next up from the new ‘Thor’ movie, Chris Hemsworth and Amanda.

[Cut to Chris Hemsworth and Amanda]

Chris Hemsworth: Yeah, good day. I’m Chris and I walked here. I like to walk, yeah? Get the blood pumping. yeah. Back home, I walk from Mumumaloo over to Katoomba up to the Hawke’s Bay river and that was all before I had me morning Salmon. First question, yes.

Amanda: You’re really cute.

Chris Hemsworth: Yeah. Sorry, love. I’m married.

Amanda: Do you have a brother?

[Cut to Drew]

Drew: And Bernie Sanders and Derek.

[Cut to Bernie Sanders and Derek

Bernie Sanders: Thank you. It’s good to be here. [cheers and applause] But I just wanna say this show is a travesty. Consumerism disguised as entertainment. That being said, I do need a new dinette set.

Derek: Are you okay?

Bernie Sanders: Better than ever. We’re gonna win this thing the Bernie way. Which means if I lose, I’ll being everyone else down with me.

Derek: Whoo! Bernie’s back!

[Cut to Drew]

Drew: Alright. The winner of this round will join Ariana Grande and the legendary Tony Bennett who are standing by at the wheel.

[Cut to Tony Bennett and Ariana Grande]

Ariana Grande: I’m excited to spin that wheel with you, Tony.

Tony Bennett: What?

Ariana Grande: We’re gonna spin the wheel.

Tony Bennett: Yeah, my grandfather worked in steel, too.

Ariana Grande: No. The wheel.

Tony Bennett: Wheel! That’s right. Just like the tiny little wheels of cheese you eat because you’re a mouse. Speaking of wheels, are your intestines spinning out of control? If so, reach fo some Imodium AD. [Tony Bennett shows a box of Imodium AD] AD stands for Anti-dump. Give it a chance before you fill your pants. Reach for Imodium AD. It will keep your colon sighter than a Scotsman’s coin purse. Back to you, Bob Barker.

[Cut to Drew]

Drew: It’s Drew. It’s been Drew for 10 years. Okay. Alright, now, let’s start the bidding on a Samsung high efficiency washing machine. Our guest announcer Sofia Vergara will explain the features.

[Cut to Sofia Vergara standing with a brand new washing machine]

Sofia Vergara: Yes, thank you, Drew. This appliance, a big capacity and fast spin. Like a cat in a tornado. I love the image I create with my own words.

[Cut to Drew]

Drew: Thank you, Sofia. And what movie are you here to promote?

[Cut to Sofia Vergara]

Sofia Vergara: Pepsi! [holding a Pepsi can]

[Cut to Drew]

Drew: Alright. Lil’ Wayne an Ramal, your bid.

[Cut to Lil’ Wayne and Ramal]

Ramal: Oh, man. I could really use a new washing machine.

Lil’ Wayne: We bid $92,000.

Ramal: Wait man. That’s a little high.

Lil’ Wayne: I’m a little high. Here, have some, it’s basically poison. [passing Ramal his cup of drink]

[Ramal takes a sip]

Ramal: Damn! $92,000!

[Cut to Drew]

Drew: Okay. Put $92,000 on the board. Tilda Swinton and Marcia, your bid.

[Cut to Tilda Swinton and Marcia]

Tilda Swinton: Oh, I’m alright. I don’t need another tiny spaceship. Mine is working fine.

Marcia: What is this little dutch boy talking about? This is a washing machine.

Tilda Swinton: Oh, a washing machine. Of course. I bid David Bowie’s soul. Wink, wink. [whispering] I have it.

Marcia: Someone call 911. That is a pistachio loose from the nut house.

[Cut to Drew]

Drew: Okay. Let’s put David Bowie’s soul on the board. Next, we have Chris Hemsworth and Amanda. What’s your bid?

[Cut to Chris Hemsworth and Amanda]

Chris Hemsworth: Um, I would like to phone a friend, mate.

[Cut to Drew]

Drew: As I have already told you multiple times back stage, that’s not a thing you can do on this show.

[Cut to Chris Hemsworth and Amanda. Liam Hemsworth is with them.]

Chris Hemsworth: Yeah, too late. I already did it to my brother.

Liam: I ran here as soon as you called, mate.

[Cut to Drew]

Drew: Alright, how much do you think the washer costs?

[Cut to Chris Hemsworth, Amanda and Liam Hemsworth]

Chris Hemsworth: Well, in the outback mate, we don’t really use money. We rely on a complex bartering system.

Amanda: Oh, no. That ain’t good.

Liam Hemsworth: We bit 150 crocodile teeth. Boom! Ha-ha.

Chris Hemsworth: Love it.

[Cut to Drew]

Drew: Put that on the board if you can. And finally, Derek and Bernie Sanders.

[Cut to Bernie Sanders and Derek]

Bernie Sanders: I’ll tell you what I think, Drew.

Derek: Already a bad start.

Bernie Sanders: The real problem in this country is American consumerism. Who needs a washer? When I need to wash that one suit I own, I just wait until it rains. I stand outside for DrewMarcia minutes. And then I jog behind a bus until the exhaust dries me off.

Derek: Okay, cool. But I need this money.

Bernie Sanders: Oh, you need money. I’ll tell you how to get money. Here’s what you do. When you go to a gas station and you see the ‘Take a penny, leave a penny’, you always take a penny. That’s how I bought my first house. Our bid is eight cents, Drew. And that’s a generous price.

[Cut to Drew]

Drew: The actual price is $600.

[winner music playing. The camera zooms to Bernie Sanders and Derek]

Bernie Sanders and Derek, you’re the only team that didn’t over-bid or bid in non-currency. So you are our winner. [Cut to Drew] When we come back, you will have a chance to play plinko. Sofia, tell them how it works.

[Cut to Sofia Vergara standing in front of the game board.]

Sofia Vergara: It’s Plinko.

[Cut to Drew]

Drew: Thanks Sofia. I love the way she moves.

[Tony Bennett walks in]

Tony Bennett: And speaking of moves, are your pipes clogged up worse than a Porta Potty at Lollapalooza?

Drew: Please don’t do this.

Tony Bennett: Then reach for Dulcolax. [showing a box of Dulcolax] You drop one of these plinko chips into your tum tum and 10 minutes later, your sphincter starts paying out like a slot machine. We are talking the loosest slots in Carson city.

Drew: Alright, we’ll be right back.

Tony Bennett: [singing] Dulcolax, we’ll blow up your hole.

Drew: With more of the Price is Right.

Office Halloween Party

Sarah… Aidy Bryant

Leslie Jones

Ray Shawn… Kenan Thompson

Kyle Mooney

Cecily Strong

Greg… Beck Bennett

Charles… Kumail Nanjiani

Melissa Villaseñor

[Starts with people dancing in office Halloween party. They are all wearing different costumes and are dancing to the music.]

[the music ends and they stop dancing]

Sarah: We just did the entire ‘Thriller’ dance.

Leslie: That was hot. Let’s do it again.

Ray Shawn: Alright. Who wants some non-alcoholic punch?

Kyle: Why do you have to call it non-alcoholic punch every time?

Ray Shawn: Coz I don’t want people to get excited about nothing.

Kyle: Ah! Cool point, Ray Shawn.

[phone ringing]

Cecily: Oh, I got it. [speaking on the phone] Hello. You guys, it’s Gregg. [Cut to split screen with Greg and Cecily] Hey, how’s the conference going, boss?

Greg: Very useful. I’m excited to share the info. Hey, could you put everyone on phone? I want to talk to the gang.

[Cut to everyone in the office party]

Cecily: Oh, yeah. [to everyone] Greg wants me to put him on phone.

Leslie: Of course he does. He loves a party.

Cecily: Okay, Greg, you’re on.

Greg: Hey, everyone. It’s Greg. Sorry, I had to miss the party.

Charles: How’s Miami?

Greg: How was that?

Charles: Miami, how is it?

Greg: Is this Charles?

Charles: No. This is Groot. [he is wearing Groot costume]

[everyone laughing]

Greg: I’m sorry, who did you say it was?

Charles: I am groot.

Greg: Who? Mr. who? I’m having a hard time hearing.

Cecily: Get closer to the speaker. He will love that you said you are Groot.

Charles: I am Groot. I am Groot. You know? The tree guy?

Greg: Oh, I see. Am, listen guys, I’m just getting some lab results back here.

Kyle: TMI, Greg!

Greg: What was that?

Kyle: Sorry, Greg, go ahead.

[Cut to Greg]

Greg: Yeah. This is very uncomfortable and I hate doing this over the phone, but I was told I need to relay this information asap.

[Cut to everybody in the office listening silently]

[Cut to Greg]

Did I lose you? Is everyone still there?

[Cut to everybody in the office]

Leslie: Yeah. Go ahead, Greg.

Greg: Yeah. It seems I somehow got hepatitis A and because I made that Halloween cake for you guys–

Melissa: Uh-huh.

Greg: Well, um, I didn’t know this, but apparently you can get it from someone making your food. So, I hope you didn’t eat the Halloween cake I made you.

Ray Shawn: Oh, Greg! That cake is gone.

Charles: Yeah, Greg. I think we all ate the cake.

Greg: I’m sorry, what was that?

Ray Shawn: The cake you’re talking about, Greg, we all had a piece.

Greg: Okay. So everyone had a piece of the cake I made?

Charles: Yeah, Greg. But I thought this kind of thing only happen to people with dirty kitchens.

Ray Shawn: Or people who, like, don’t wash their hands after they go to the bathroom and then make a cake.

Greg: Yeah. Well, those are a couple of possibilities. What is important is that you all have the information now.

Sarah: Actually, Greg, i didn’t have any of the cake. Does that mean that I’m okay?

Greg: Was that Yolanda?

Sarah: No. It’s Sarah.

Greg: Oh, Sarah. How areyou.

Sarah: Worried, Greg.

Greg: What was that?

Sarah: Well, I’m concerned. I didn’t eat any of the cake. Am I okay?

Greg: Oh, good! But unfortunately, I drank from your water bottle.

Sarah: Why, Greg?

Greg: Well, you said it was one of those fancy ones that kept drinks cold for seven hours. So, I wanted to see.

Sarah: Oh, Greg. What an inconvenience for me and my family.

Greg: Ah, I’m sorry, Sarah. Sorry everyone. But we can’t point fingers, right? The only productive thing to do now is to go to your GP and get the lab work done. But let’s try not to all go on the same day. Also, going forward, please wash your hands before handling food, okay?

Leslie: [sarcastically] Oh, thanks, Greg! For the hot tip.

Greg: Well, enjoy the rest of the party. I sure wish I could be there.

Charles: Okay, Greg. Well, you have certainly given us a lot to think about. And ultimately, we are glad you called. I’d like to think that this has brought us closer together as a company.

Greg: Alright, everybody. I really have to go.

Cecily: Okay. Bye, Greg. We will get tsted as you recommend and circle back with the results.

Greg: Yeah. That’s perfect.

[Cecily hangs up the phone]

Melissa: So, guys, should we do the ‘Thriller’ dance again?

[Ray Shawn is still eating the cake]

Kyle: [looking at Ray Shawn] What are you doing, man?

Ray Shawn: What? It’s a good cake!

Hotel Check In

Beck Bennett

Mikey Day

Kumail Nanjiani

Chris Redd

Leslie Jones

[Starts with Beck showing Mr. Adams around]

Beck: Here we are, Mr. Adams. We figured you would like to spend your first night seaside at something a little more nicer than a Motel 6.

Mr. Adams: Yeah. This is– wow. I can’t thank you enough, sir. Not just for this, but for everything you guys did to get me out of North Korea.

Beck: Just doing our job. And the next time you wanna make a documentary, try Paris. I hear they’re a little more welcoming to Americans with cameras. But not much. Now, get some rest and enjoy the hotel. The US government is picking up the tab. Welcome home.

Mr. Adams: Thank you so much, sir.

[Mr. Adams walks to the reception]

Kumail: Hello, welcome to Chatsworth Marriott experience. May I have the last name on the reservation, please?

Mr. Adams: Yeah. Adams.

[Kumail looks into computer]

Kumail: Can you spell that for me?

Mr. Adams: Um, sure. A–

Kumail: Found it. I see your room and incidentals have been taken care of. And since this is your first time staying with us, I would love to tell you about some of our amenities such as the Stargazer lounge.

Mr. Adams: Oh. You know what, man, I’m good. I just want to get into my room and relax.

Kumail: Wonderful. And where are you traveling in from?

Mr. Adams: Um, North Korea.

Kumail: Fantastic. Just give me a moment while I pull up your room.

[Chris and Leslie walk in]

Chris: Hey man, sorry to interrupt. Could you get us some towels sent to room? It’s room 904.

Leslie: Can you also send up a boyfriend who doesn’t flirt with other girls to room 904?

Chris: Ha-ha-ha. Perfect. Another night of screaming. All the time.

[Chris and Leslie leave]

Kumail: Okay. So we have you in room 905. And while I print your key, I would love to tell you about some of our amenities such as the Stargazer lounge.

Mr. Adams: Again, man, I’m not interested, man.

Kumail: Of course. More time to enjoy our spa, indulge, which was featured in Latitudes. That’s Southwest Airlines inflight magazine.

Mr. Adams: No. Thank you.

Kumail: Are you sure? Your reservation comes with a complimentary spa service. I could book you a hot stone massage for tomorrow.

Mr. Adams: Well, that actually sounds nice.

Kumail: Fantastic. And I see we have an appointment. You’re in luck. And done. Hot stone massage tomorrow with Carly at 5:15 AM.

Mr. Adams: Oh, that’s too early. Cancel that please.

Kumail: My apologies, but cancellations must be made 24 hours in advance. Is there anything else I can help you with, sir?

Mr. Adams: Yeah, man. I want to check into my room.

Kumail: Ha-ha. Of course. And while I finish your reservation, canI offer you a complimentary glass of champagne?

Mr. Adams: Yes, please.

Kumail: Excellent, that will be available in the Stargazer lounge.

Mr. Adams: You keep pushing the Stargazer lounge. I’m not going there, man.

Kumail: Of course. However, you didn’t hear this from me, but the Stargazer’s headline act this evening is the Danny band. They were featured in Latitude magasine.

Mr. Adams: Okay. I don’t know what the Danny band is. I don’t read Latitude’s magazine. I just want you to show me to my room, man.

Kumail: Of course. [Kumail hands over a paper] Here’s a map of the property. We are here on that x that I have just drawn for you. This is Indulge, our spa which was featured in Latitudes magazine.

Mr. Adams: I don’t care. I don’t care.

Kumail: Okay. The escalator here will bring you to the Mezzanine where you will find the Stargazer lounge.

Mr. Adams: No, my room. My room.

Kumail: Of course. The lobby elevator which is right here will take you to your room as well as the bar entrance to the Stargazer lounge.

Mr. Adams: Oh, my god! [Mr. Adams punches Kumail] I’m so sorry.

Kumail: Perfectly alright, sir. Happens all the time. [Kumail hands in Mr. Adams his key] Here’s your key. Your room 905.

Mr. Adams: Excellent. Thank you.

Kumail: Is there anything else I can help you with while you wait for your room to be cleaned? Check in starts in four hours.

Mr. Adams: What? What am I supposed to do for four hours?

Kumail: Might I suggest, you visit the Stargazer–

Mr. Adams: Right! The Stargazer lounge and listen to Danny band. Can’t wait. [Mr. Adams enters the elevator. There’s the Danny Band poster and the singer is Kumail.]

Film Panel

Karen Domineau… Aidy Bryant

Viola Davis… Leslie Jones

Marion Cotillard… Cecily Strong

Debette Goldry… Kate McKinnon

[Starts with New York Film Festival intro video]

[Cut to the set]

Karen Domineau: Hello and welcome to the 2017 New York Film Festival actress round table. Tonight, our topic is sexual harassment in Hollywood. First, we have Oscar winning actress and Harvard’s 2017 artist of the year, Viola Davis.

[Cut to Viola Davis]

Viola Davis: Happy to be here. Well, not happy, but you know, I’m here.

[Cut to Karen Domineau]

Karen Domineau: Next, another Oscar winner, Marion Cotillard.

[Cut to Marion Cotillard]

Marion Cotillard: I’m tiny, French and pissed off.

[Cut to Karen Domineau]

Karen Domineau: And joining us again is Hollywood legend, and winner of the Humphrey Bogard good sport award, the incomparable Debette Goldry.

[Cut to Debette Goldry]

Debette Goldry: Oh, wow! What a beautiful hospital this is.

[Cut to everybody]

Karen Domineau: Well, let’s begin with the elephant in the room. In light of the news about Harvey Weinstein, have you ever experienced sexual harassment in Hollywood?

Marion Cotillard: Of course, yes.

Viola Davis: Yes, absolutely.

Debette Goldry: Oh, have I ever been sexually harassed, good Friday, where do you want me to start? A woman being harassed is Hollywood, right? Everything old is new again. Producers are abusing starlets. There is Nazis marching in the street. And suddenly, nude pantyhose are on trend. I have never felt more at home. When’s polio coming back? That’s going to be fun.

Karen Domineau: Now, just hours ago, it was announced that Weinstein was kicked out of the Motion Picture Academy. Did any of you have personal run-ins with Weinstein or other producers?

Marion Cotillard: Um, one time, a producer asked me if I was comfortable with nudity. But it turns out he meant his own.

Viola Davis: One time, a producer asked me for a massage. When I refused he threw 10 or 12 phones at me. Then I realized he was trying to knock my shirt off.

Debette Goldry: I actually did have one meeting with Harvey, okay? I was invited to his hotel room. And when I arrived, he was naked hanging upside down from at that monkey bar. He tried to trick me into thinking his genitals were actually his face. It almost worked. The resemblance is uncanny.

Karen Domineau: Why is it that you think this keeps happening?

Viola Davis: The problem is the culture. There’s no accountability.

Marion Cotillard: Yes. I think men either don’t see it, or they choose not to see it.

Debette Goldry: Yeah. Of course, men cover up for other men. It’s a real you scratch my back, I’ll keep mum about the girl you drowned at your pool party situation.

Karen Domineau: Now, many actresses have commented that there is a whisper system to warn each other about potentially threatening men. Does that ring true to you?

Marion Cotillard: Yes, it’s horrible, but yes it’s true.

Debette Goldry: Yeah, yeah. Back then, we had a secret code among us actresses to warn each other about creeps. The code was ‘Her raped me’. That way, if any men were listening, they would tune us right out. Easy peasy.

Karen Domineau: Did you ever feel like you could go to your male co-stars for help?

Debette Goldry: Hmm. Well, you know, I remember I was doing two days of voiceover work on Alfred Hitchcock’s, “The Birds.” Because originally, the birds were going to be funny and talk. Anyway, Hitchcock comes in the booth, puts his whole fist in my mouth. In his defense, I was very blonde at the time. So, I turned to Rod Taylor. I was like, “Help me out.” And he shook his head and he was like if I can’t save Tippi Head Ron from having her head attacked by real birds, I’m sure as hell not saving you.

Karen Domineau: What do you think keeps women from speaking up?

Viola Davis: Women who speak up get called crazy. It seems like more people believe the moon landing was fake than believe woman.

Debette Goldry: Well, Violin Daveed, I’d hate to break it to you but the moon landing was faked. I was in the cast. I was Buzz Aldrin standing. We had the same waist size. That was a fun set.

Karen Domineau: Is it reassuring that men are starting to speak out in support of their female co-stars?

Marion Cotillard: Yes, you know, but I hate this, “Oh, I’m upset because I’m a father of a daughter.” You know what? You should be upset because you’re a human being.

Debette Goldry: Yeah. You’re right, Macaroni Capa Cabana. Having a lady in the family doesn’t make you some kind of a hero. I mean, even Hitler had a sister. Her name was Paula Hitler. Shy girl. She got outshone at home. I have a daughter too. At least that’s what the nuns told me before they snatched her away. Gosh, those nuns are fast.

Karen Domineau: And where do we go from here?

Debette Goldry: May I speak. Violence against women, it didn’t just happen. This is everywhere. Dammit! It’s about time we take it seriously. My Pandora’s box is open now. And Pandora’s pissed. Who’s with me?

[no one raises their hand]

No. I’m asking, who are these people? [pointing at Viola Davis and Marion Cotillard] I blacked out. Are these the angels? Is it my time?

Karen Domineau: Well, that’s all the time we have for today.

Debette Goldry: I’ve been to the moon, you know?

Themyscira

Wonder Woman… Gal Gadot

Leslie Jones

Mother… Cecily Strong

Dre… Kate McKinnon

Megan… Aidy Bryant

[Starts with warriors training]

[Cut to Wonder Woman and Leslie sparring]

Leslie: Your power grows each day.

Wonder Woman: I was born to fight and save the world from Ares.

Leslie: And you will.

[Mother walks in]

Mother: Diana! We have spoken about this. I do not wish you to fight.

Wonder Woman: I must be prepared, mother. For Themyscira is a sanctuary of sisterhood. We must know how to protect ourselves.

All: Here, here.

[Dre and Megan sail in on a boat]

Dre: Hello. Hello? Oh, man.

Megan: Oh, wow. Permission to dock, ladies?

Dre: Yeah. Permission to dock. Hey.

[Dre and Megan get out of the boat and walk to Wonder Woman]

Megan: Yeah. We’ve been floating out there watching you guys kick ass.

Dre: And I was like, “Megan, paddle that way.” Yeah.

Wonder Woman: How did you find Themyscira?

Dre: Well, we went out on our schooner. We got caught in some kind of vortex.

Megan: Yeah. We’ve been paddling out there for weeks looking for some signs of life.

Dre: We were thinking we’re never going to get home so we started looking for more of our kind.

Megan: Yeah. And it looks like we found a whole island of us.

Wonder Woman: Well, welcome.

Dre: Thank you. Nice to meet you. I guess I’ll cut to the chase. Show a hands, who else here is a les?

[the warriors don’t raise their hands]

Is it everyone or do we have a couple of allies.

Megan: Yeah. Okay, so, it’s Megan and Dre. Who else? We got two. We’d love to see that [pointing at Wonder Woman’s hand] hand go up, Diane.

Wonder Woman: I’m not sure I understand.

Dre: Okay. We’re on it. So far for hands, we got Megan, we got Dre. Got to be more. This is outrageous.

Megan: Yeah. Maybe somebody in the back? you with the frosted tips?

Dre: Okay. So, nobody.

Megan: Nobody but the three of us. [hand gesture including Wonder Woman with them]

Wonder Woman: Oh, I didn’t raise my hand.

Megan: Okay, this is a huge letdown for us.

Dre: Again, just coz the whole thing seemed super gay.

Wonder Woman: You should be a couple.

Leslie: Yeah, y’all cute together.

Dre: Okay, we tried.

Megan: We tried.

Dre: It’s a no.

Megan: It’s a no.

Dre: It was not a fit.

Megan: Yeah. Yeah. We spent about half an hour working very hard on each other. And then I finally said, “Are you as miserable as I am?”

Dre: And I nodded.

Wonder Woman: I’m sorry. You are taking this wrong way.

Heidi: Diana is right.

[Melissa is playing with Heidi’s hair]

Melissa: Your hair smells like jasmine.

[Heidi and Melissa giggles with each other flirting]

Megan: Okay.

Dre: That burns.

Megan: Yeah.

Dre: I mean, what is that? That’s such a waste.

Megan: yeah. And that so easily could transition into such a cool night.

Wonder Woman: I mean I love all my sisters. But when I look at their bodies, all I see is strength and power.

Dre: Yeah, yeah. So, we see the same thing, but we see it on top of us squirming around, followed by a long discussion about our anxieties and our aging parents.

Megan: Yes.

[Melissa and Heidi are laughing]

Heidi: I vested you again.

Melissa: Your thighs are too too strong.

Megan: Okay. It’s like we are in a porn, but the plumber is just genuinely there to fix the pipes.

Dre: Dammit! Dammit! No one’s wrong here. It’s just– it’s just unfortunate.

[Wonder Woman puts her hands on each of Dre and Megan’s shoulders]

Wonder Woman: Will it help for me to comfort you? For we are all sisters. Lay your heads on my tits. [Wonder Woman puts Dre and Megan’s heads on her breasts.]

Megan: Okay. Do you see why this sucks for us?

Dre: See, this makes it so much worse. Water, water everywhere. Do you understand?

Megan: Yeah.

Wonder Woman: No, I really want to understand. I do. I know. Maybe I should just try and kiss one of you and see if I feel something.

Megan: Okay. I don’t want to play this game. I get too emotionally involved.

Dre: We’re not guinea pigs. We’re not here for you to experiment on. Unless you feel strongly about it.

Megan: Yeah. I mean, you are an amazon and you could overpower us.

Dre: Right. Right. It’s useless for us to try to fight you. So I guess just pick one of us. I’ll do it.

Wonder Woman: Very well.

Dre: Alright. Alright.

[Megan is biting her fingers.]

[Wonder Woman kisses Dre. The kiss looks very intimate]

[cheers and applause]

Wonder Woman: I’m sorry, I feel nothing.

Megan: Okay. And I felt nothing watching.

Dre: Nope. Me neither. Zero. I felt zero from that. So, now we know. Good. Get in the boat. This is too sad.

Megan: Yeah. Okay. Where are we going?

Dre: Away from here.

Megan: Okay. Okay.

[Cut to a cartoon map. A boat reaches an island called Lesbo’s.]

Female voice: Land ho! Just be cool. Ladies, ahoy!