Calvin Klein Ad part 1

Justin Bieber… Kate McKinnon

Model… Cecily Strong

[Starts with a model in her set not knowing what to do.] [Justin Bieber wearing his undergarments silently walks to her and scares her.] [drums rolling] [Justin Bieber is flexing his Calvin Klein underwear, his muscles and his tattoos.]

Justin Bieber: Are my muscles cute?

[the model shakes her head no] [Justin Bieber plays basketball with the model but she doesn’t want to play] [Justin Bieber is riding a scooter]

Justin Bieber: Yo! All this underwear is making me tired.

My Calvins, close from my big wiener.

[Ends with outro that says “#mycalvins Calvin Klein Jeans”] [Cut to Justin Bieber dribbling the ball, and then touching the models thighs.]

Bushwick, Brooklyn 2015

Jay Pharoah

Kevin Hart

Marques

Kenan Thompson

[Strats with a video clip of streets of Bushwick, Brooklyn] [Cut to three black young men at the hood.]

Jay: Yo! Who dat? Who dat?

Kevin: Wait! Who?

[Cut to Marques cycling] [Cut to Jay, Kevin and Kenan]

Kenan: Man, it’s just Marques, man!

Kevin: Yo! Wad up, Marques?

Kenan: Wad up, Kes?

Jay: Yo, it’s getting crazy out here.

Kevin: I told you I ran in the Ray today, right?

Kenan: Is that right?

Kevin: Yeah!

Kenan: What happened?

Kevin: So, I’m walking down Bushwick, right? I’m on my way to Martha’s

Jay: Your baby mother?

Kevin: Na, na, na. that new mayonnaise spot.

[Cut to Kevin walking into Martha’s Mayonnaise store.]

Jay: Yo, I heard about that.

[Cut to Kevin]

Kevin: I read about it on donut food blog. It said that the garlic truffle was a must try, so I said, “Alright, let me try.”

[Cut to Jay, Kevin and Kenan]

Kenan: Didn’t I show a movie spin class to Bushwick?

Kevin: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Jay: Yeah! I was there last week.

[Cut to Kevin on gym cycle between two other ladies using gym cycles. Kevin is using cellphone.]

I texted you but you an’t text me back.

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan: I was caught up. I had brunch with Carol.

[Cut to Kevin]

Kevin: Wait, what Carol? Carol from project?

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan: Na, na, na. Carol DeTec that I nanny for.

[Cut to Jay, Kevin and Kenan]

Kevin: Oh, okay.

Kenan: Her kids went away on ski trip, you know what I’m saying? So, we just had a day together. Telling why and whatever. Had that brunch, went to shopping, got gelato.

Kevin: Let me tell you something. You be needing that bro. You know what I’m saying? The time, that ‘you time’.

Kenan: So, anyway, you seen Ray, then what happened?

Kevin: Oh, right. So, I’m with my bitches, right?

[Cut to Jay]

Jay: Come on, man! You ain’t got no bitches.

[Cut to Kevin and Kenan]

Kenan: Play you out, man.

Kevin: Why you tryina’ play me like I ain’t got like, 10  bitches man? My dog walking business is bubbling!

[Cut to Kevin walking the dogs.]

Kenan: Everybody in the hood know about your passion for K9.

[Cut to Jay, Kevin and Kenan]

Kevin: Ay!

Kenan: Streets is talking, fam! That’s why you getting that bread right now.

Kevin: Let me tell you something. It ain’t even about that bread, bro. Man, I got love for them dogs. Love. I’d die for mine. [cut to Kevin] I knitted the sweaters for Christmas. [Cut to Kevin holding two dogs wearing Christmas red sweater and he is wearing the same sweater too.]

Kenan: That’s adorable.

Kevin: We all got matching sweaters man.

[cut to Jay]

Jay: I mean, that’s real talk, man! Coz it’s like, you know, when you doing something you love, you don’t even got the work no more. It’s not work no more.

[Cut to Kevin]

Kevin: Heard that.

Jay: That’s how I feel about my parties.

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan: Ayo! How was that last party?

[Cut to Jay, Kevin and Kenan]

Jay: Oh, that last party was off the table, man.

[Cut to Jay in painting class drinking wine.]

It was drinking wine. Painting the landscapes. Various food, you know what I’m saying?

[Cut to Jay, Kevin and Kenan]

Kevin: You have any Cheeses though?

Jay: Do we have Cheeses. You asking if we have any chee– [Cut to Jay] What else are you gonna compare with, air?

Kevin: You’re right.

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan: Who went to it though?

[Cut to Jay]

Jay: Yo! The whole squad was in there. Big Tank, Sara, Smokie, Marative, D’Rock, Barbara. What’s the boy’s name?

Kevin: Bacwaf.

Jay: Bacwaf.

[Cut to Jay, Kevin and Kenan]

Even Brit was there.

[Cut to Brit playing guitar and singing]

Brit: [singing] I’m in love with the Coco.

[Cut to Jay]

Jay: Yeah, listen. We was turned up.

[Cut to Jay, Kevin and Kenan]

Kevin: Yo man, I missed that B.

Jay: Well, I sent you an Evite and everything. You ain’t even respond.

[cut to Kevin and Kenan]

Kenan: [laughing] Yo! This dude said Evite like it’s twothousandthree or something.

Kevin: [laughing] Yo!

[Cut to Jay, Kevin and Kenan]

So, stupid, yo! You sound stupid.

Jay: Okay.

Kevin: You a sad music. Here comes the sad man.

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan: Word! You acting like somebody put gluten in your muffin or something.

[Cut to Jay]

Jay: Whatever, man!

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan: Anyway! Back to the damn story.

[Cut to Jay, Kevin and Kenan]

Kevin: Right. Right, right, right.

Kenan: We don’t bush away. You see Ray, and?

Kevin: I shot him.

[Cut to Kevin shooting somebody with his gun.] [Cut to Jay, Kevin and Kenan]

Jay: In front of the bitches and everything?

Kevin: Yeah!

[Cut to Kevin with the dogs holding a gun. Then he turns back and walks away with his dogs.] [Cut to Jay, Kevin and Kenan]

Kenan: How was the mayonnaise?

Kevin: I didn’t get the mayonnaise. They trying to charge $8 for that shit.

Kenan: For mayonnaise?

Kevin: For mayonnaise. $8 for the mayonnaise.

Kenan: Come on, man!

[Kevin looks at someone.]

Kevin: Yo! Who dat? Who dat?

Kenan: Oh, that’s just Carama and his life partner. Wad up Caray?

Kevin: Wad up Magel?

Jay: It’s getting crazy out here.

[police siren]

Kevin: Yo, yo! Five, five, five.

[Jay, Kevin and Kenan split and walk in different directions.